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Didn’t we all agree that 300 kind of sucked? I was pretty sure that we all agreed that 300 kind of sucked. I know for sure that everyone agreed that Clash of the Titans sucked, and if memory serves, we all were pretty much on the same page about 10,000 B.C. sucking. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time sucked. (There is also Immortals, which isn’t even out yet and I already have a feeling it is going to suck.) Do you see where I am going with this? Let me know if you see where I am going with this. Here is where I am going with this: why are there SO MANY MOVIES LIKE THIS ALL OF A SUDDEN IF THEY ALL SUCK? It’s so weird because usually Hollywood only makes really good movies, each one more unique than the last, so this trend is just really atypical. So weird. Now, if you need me, I will be over here, at the Fandango Outlet Mall, in line for The Trip tickets.
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Sure, this movie is going to suck, but it’ll only be out for two weeks before it’s replaced by Jay The Barbarian, anyway.
By the way, if you listen closely in some of the scenes with Conan, you can hear a faint Byzantine chant that sounds vaguely like “Low Rider.” It means that Jorge Del Hispania follows close by.
Oh man, Jay Baruchel the Barbarian would rule.
Happy Birthday Teacherman!
Happy birthday, Teach!
Thanks guys!
Even if this movie is terrible, at least Janice Dickinson looks great!
Needs more governor.
Needs more James Earl Jones with flat-ironed hair.
Needs more sequel with Grace Jones with a flat top.
Needs more Tree of Woe.
Does this mean we get a Red Sonja remake? Because i have some casting ideas…
Christina Hendricks? As Red Sonja? Damn you Notsewfast! I can’t think of anything else!
Frank Lloyd Wrong Commenting Protocol crashing! ERROR! ERROR!
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ping: sendmsg: FLW is unreachable
That pen on a necklace dangling in front of a chain mail bikini? ABUUUUHHHHHHHHH-
I liked Khal Drogo better when he wasn’t trying to talk.
Tyrion Lannister is so pissed right now that he didn’t get his own movie.
I kind of liked 300. Isn’t there a somewhat large segment of people who liked it? College students maybe?
The trailer is miles above the trailers for all the other movies you mentioned, so I almost want to see this now. But then again, the gimmicky 3D reminds me that I really don’t.
Same core audience as “pro” wrestling.
I liked it too. Its stupid, but its also big, bold, sassy, and brassy. I had fun.
I loved 300. And I think Wrestling is dumb.
I also love the Conan movies. Nobody should ever re-make an Ahnold movie. Total Recall 2.0 is going to be a disaster. As will this be.
I liked sin city because of the purdy cartoons ans they cool jazz vibe, but i never really got into 300. It seems like 300 tried really hard to idolize the spartans by showing how good they were at killing, instead of focusing on the actual story. The spartans also seem kind of racist and homophobic as a way to show how “superior” they are. Again, im talking based on the cartoon and not the movie, so Im probably talking (typing?) out my ass.
“Why isn’t there better storytelling in this action film?” -MLK
the movie did have racist and homophobic elements, the latter of which seems especially anachronastic
I take that back. there was definitely a large amount of nationalism, which is tied to a certain amount of xenophobia by definition, but I haven’t watched it recently enough to say there was racism
On the topic of nationalism, one of the funniest things ever is telling Greek dudes that 300 is bullshit. The hairiest fury you ever will see.
Well, and also the movie was based on the comic book, not the actual historical event, and the point of it was to make a live-action version of what is essentially a fairy-tale style story told in comic book form, which in my opinion it was pretty successful at.
I thought the trailer to 300 was great, but the movie was terrible.
I thought the trailer to 300 was terrible, and the movie was probably terrible.
300 is like my family
Enough people liked 300 for Hollywood to think people wanted to see another 300 (get it? you get it) movies that are basically the same but don’t bother to try to be better, are therefore are worse, or at least, less interesting because they don’t feel new anymore.
OMGeorge: Hello, Fandango?
Fandango Customer Service Representative: Yes, how may I help you?
OMG: I believe your online movie ticket purchasing website isn’t working?
FCSR: How so?
OMG: Well, there isn’t an option to buy ALL the tickets. How am I supposed to buy all the tickets, Fandango if there isn’t an option?
FCSR: Well, sir, if you were to buy all the tickets, you would be keeping the rest of the American Fandangoing public from viewing such fine quality films like Conan The Barbarian.
OMG: Ma’am, don’t take that tone with me! I have rights you know! I am a CARD CARRYING member of the Regal Crown Club! That should entitle me to getting a free upgrade to a large popcorn and soda, AND the ability to buy all the tickets!
FCSR: I’m sorry, sir, there’s nothing I can do for you. But thank you for choosing to buy your tickets with Fandango.
OMG: You don’t understand!
*Fandango Customer Service Representative hangs up. OMGeorge runs to the bathtub to eat a dozen tubes of Gogurt, fighting back the tears*
Jason Momoa looks really different without his Stargate beard.
Is that the guy who plays Conan? Will Ferrell shaved the beard off, right?
At least they’re staying true to the original in that they found a Conan who is incapable of delivering lines in a compelling, understandable, non-wooden way.
I enjoyed 300 the first time I saw it, but now I find it pretty boring. If you forced Zack Snyder to shoot that film all at regular speed, it would have been over in a half hour.
Is this the same guy as in Game of Thrones?
I much prefer the spin-off, Conan The Librarian.
There sure is a lot of screaming, shouting, battle cries, and yelling in this movie.
It is Shame with LBT time! I am going to see this a billion times because Conan up there was in Stargate Atlantis, and I am duty bound to support all Stargate Alum in all their shitty, shitty career choices. See also me going to see Splice, me staying at home to watch many Syfy original movies (the most recent was I think called Ferocious Planet, but in my head it is called “John Rhys Davies Needs a New Home Sauna”), and watching any number of Syfy shows for guest star appearances.
In other words, I will be available for swirlies from 3:00-4:00, and syfy programming seems to be a bit incestuous, castingwise.
You should really get entire “The Asylum” library and watch it. Snakes on a Train happens to be my favorite.
jwormyk, my friend, you had me at Snakes on a Train.
Megapython v. Gatoroid has Debbie Gibson AND Tiffany in it.
This is exactly what Robert E. Howard had in mind, I’m sure.
I’m holding out a faint hope for Immortals. It’s directed by Tarsem Singh! You guys remember The Fall? Because, if you don’t, then you should see it. It’s so great! Probably the most visually fascinating, well-executed high-concept movie I have ever seen.
However, the reason why my hope is only faint is because the trailer did look pretty disappointing. I have a feeling that Tarsem was under a lot of pressure from the studio to make it marketable, and consequently they pushed it too far into ’300′ territory…
YES. The Fall is so gorgeous.
blergh, the trailer looked awful. I do love the fall so much, so I might be tempted to go, but really the only thing in that trailer that appealed to me was “from the director of the fall.” so, like two seconds of it.
these two seconds also looked pretty nice;
I love Tarsem. I even quite like the Cell! so maybe my opinion is invalid.
Where’s Waldo’s steed?
Damn, Conan hit that horse in THE FACE, yo.
Without a thick Austrian accent I can’t tell what this Conan is saying. Are there subtitles?
why does hollywood hate us so much? why do they want to destroy everything we’ve ever loved?
I couldn’t really see what this movie is supposed to be about because the editor spent more time FADING than showing a single image for more than a microsection. EASE UP ON THE FADE BUTTON, EDITOR.
Microsecond. I’ll show myself out.