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OK. We are almost done here. Right? Right. In the days and weeks and months and years to come there will be plenty more Osama Bin Laden details and news stories and anecdotes and parodies, but for us today let us close the book on this dude. We’ve all been so wrapped up in this story that we’ve almost lost sight of what is genuinely important: the casting of unknown child actors in the movie-adaptation of The Hunger Games! Welcome, District 6 tributes! Anyway, today let’s try and have a normal day, right? We deserve it. We earned it. Because WE killed Osama Bin Laden. Together. Like a family. Of Navy SEAL Team 6 operatives. But before we move on, let us just review how all of last night’s late night TV shows dealt with the exciting news:
Jimmy Fallon impersonated Trump responding to the news:
Jimmy Kimmel did a Weekend at Bernie’s parody:
Stephen Colbert finally got to throw his “We Got Osama” party:
The Daily Show did what The Daily Show does:
Letterman dedicated his Top 10 List to Osama Bin Laden’s “final words”:
And in non-Bin Laden news, Will Ferrell shaved Conan’s beard:
And Jay Leno told all of these jokes verbatim. That’s it. That’s all the jokes. No more jokes. BACK TO WORK!
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Since Gabe wasn’t willing to subject himself to Jay Leno’s show to actually see if his predictions came true, I hereby offer the biggest of all possible ups to MrCasual, for providing us with a transcript.
http://videogum.com/298631/predicting-tonights-terrible-jay-leno-monologue-jokes/tv/late-night/comment-page-1/#comment-8559371
Ladies and gentleman, a real American hero.
Very big ups to MrCasual indeed.
But I have to say I’m disappointed in us. How did we not see the Dick Cheney joke coming? A man was shot in the face, people!
the Jay Leno line is very “and none for Gretchen Weiners” ish
which is to say, I smiled.
You go Glen Co Co!
I’ve said all I wanted to say about this guy yesterday. He’s the worst kind of person and, quite frankly, I’m sorry that America’s collective attention is focused on him. He overstayed his welcome a long time ago.
But that’s all I’ll say about Leno. Bin Laden is pretty bad too.
Maggie Gyllenhaal is the new Wonder Woman?!!
I couldn’t tell that the “c” was a “c,” so for like two minutes I was scratching my head thinking “What the fuck is Douohey?!”
Thank you! I get it now. I would have never figured out what a Douohey is.
The REAL news is the Beardpocalypse.
Yeah, I heard about some guy that said he would grow a beard the day Osama was captured. Here’s the before and after:
Is that my elementary school gym teacher? Because it really looks like my elementary school gym teacher.
Thanks for the update! Canadians were too busy watching our election results in order to keep up with these shenanigans. I was glued to my TV for five hours last night! Good to know I didn’t miss anything too special in the jokes department.
The election results were unpleasant to watch! I’m only an ex pat in Toronto but man… while the NDP gained ground, I just don’t understand how 5000 or so people voted for the Rhinoceros Party.
Eeeek. It was quite the rollercoaster ride. Canada gets what Canada wants, and apparently Canada wants to get punched in the face by a fist made of fucking garbage. Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
While the election results are disheartening, it’s important not to lose sight of the positive: an official NDP opposition; a revolution in Quebec; a historic first seat for the Green Party; and streets that are not on fire. Chins up! Let’s keep an eye on Harper and stay active and vocal in the political landscape. Our influence does not end here.
What a twist! Who wrote this Canadian election screenplay, M. Night Shyamalan?
I can’t believe Canada voted for four more years of Conservetards…
See, but we didn’t! The PC got 39.6%, which is LESS than the combined total for the NDP and Liberals (30.6% + 18.9% = 49.5%). It is the way voting is set up in this country that screwed us all over.
I have a beard and have no plans of shaving it off any time soon, but if I were to shave it off, I would want it to be televised and done by Will Ferrell.
I wouldn’t. I don’t think he even shaves himself.
One of my grad student colleagues told us that her dad is the head of the Navy SEALs and he was in charge of the operation to assassinate Osama. I thought it was kind of neat to think that these elite military personnel have families and lives of their own. Then my colleague killed me because I knew too much.