Photos
Well, so, that happened. (Excuse me: that hannappened. LOL!) That is the thing about getting your hopes up: don’t! It’s like that old Holden Caufield quotation: “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” Except, instead of telling people anything, it’s get your hopes up for movies, and instead of you start missing everybody, it’s you are always mildly disappointed. Hanna had its moments to be sure, but it did not live up to the hype that I had created on my own in my brain for whatever reason. It looked kind of amazing, right? Was it just me? I don’t think it was just me. I know, for example, that it was also some of the people that I went to see it with this weekend. A child assassin! Snow! Eric Bana’s magical face! Some kind of mystery! Did I mention child assassin? Hanna promised us the world. What it delivered was a half-hearted, surprisingly dull action movie with way too much running and a garbage twist. Harumph.
Hanna starts in the forest where Hanna hunts caribou with her father and practices Krav Maga and then relaxes with a dog-eared copy of the Encyclopedia. Fun! Her dad is always telling her funny little things that dads tell their daughters, like, “You’re dead, I killed you,” and playing practical jokes like pointing a gun at her head while she is sleeping. Oh, dad! GET OUT OF MY CABIN! But Hanna is getting restless because she wants to hear music. So, Eric Bana orders her an iPod shuffle and they live happily ever after pulls out his secret CIA homing device and gives it to her but warns her that once they turn on the switch, she is going to have to kill Marissa Viegler or else Marissa Viegler will kill her. Oh no, why? Why is Marissa Viegler so mean to Hanna?! That will be the mystery this movie unravels. (There are other mysteries, incidentally, that the movie will NOT unravel. More on those later.)
Eric Bana shaves off his beard, strips down to his long underwear, puts his suit in a garbage bag, and jumps into the ocean. Meanwhile, Hanna is shipped to an underground base where she murders a lady pretending to be Marissa Viegler in a cheap Ricky’s wig. And thus begins the running. Like, most of the rest of the movie is just running? Cool. It is 2011, and there is nothing more exciting than someone just running so much. (Sarcasm.) Run run run. Sneak sneak sneak. Oh, also, the whole thing is supposed to be a fairy tale, which we know because they keep saying it. There are shots of a fairy tale book, and the meeting spot is Grimm’s House. At one point Hanna mentions this to her tiny friend (the best part of the movie, this little friend) and she goes “Oh, like Grimm from the fairy tales?” Yes. We all got it now!
The twist, of course, is that Hanna is actually a human clone who was designed to be a super-soldier. WAIT A SECOND. That’s actually the twist? Yes. Boo. I would actually rather there be no explanation for what is going on than THAT explanation. What a boring explanation! Like, the MOST boring. There are some fights, as there are, showdowns and stuff, and then it is finally down to Marissa Viegler and Hanna. Marissa Viegler kills Hanna and the movie ends. So close, Hanna. Better luck next time! SURPRISE! I AM KIDDING! At the very least, one thing is true: the movie does end.
The girl who plays Hanna, Saorise Ronan, is pretty good. Certainly much better than she was in The Lovely Bones, which may or may not actually be her fault but all the same. Eric Bana is also pretty good, although I do have a question about his character: how is it that you are able to destroy 8 trained operatives surrounding you in a circle with their guns half-drawn, but you have a hard time beating up one stupid skinhead? And I have a follow up question: if you manage to get enough of a lead on the stupid skinhead to hide behind a rusted out van and get the drop on him, how are you going to just kind of lazily tackle him and then get kicked in the ribs? REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING, ERIC BANA! I will tell you who was not good, though: Cate Blanchett. Huh?! She is a good actress. What happened here? That accent. “Cate, on this next take, could you try to sound like Foghorn Leghorn with the dedication and enthusiasm to crafting an authentic regional accent that Danny McBride and James Franco exhibit in Your Highness?” “Yes, I can. And I will.”
Some of the movie was mildly exciting, I guess, but not really. Like I said, it was mostly running. And when there were things that could have been pretty good, they kind of just let it go, kind of like how they let go worrying too much about coming up with a plot reveal that didn’t make you want to garotte yourself to death. Like, the sadistic gay German dude with the bleached hair was a pretty fun character, but you never actually saw him do anything other than whistle, and then, in response to what was at least suggested to be a relatively cruel, violent, and scary monster of a man, he was just sort of unceremoniously dispatched by Eric Bana on a swingset. Who’s afraid of the big bad SNORE!
It wasn’t that Hanna was bad, it just wasn’t much of anything at all. What a summer bummer. Oh well. These things happen. Excuse me: these things hannappen. (Every time.)
Movie Club Reading Questions: Do you guys agree or disagree with every single word I said?
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BNPG: Hanna movies
The Hannapening
The Pursuit Of Hannapyness
The Hanna That Rocks The Cradle
Hanna
Your turn!
Casablhannca
“Have you ever asked yourself Where have all the good guys and ladys gone?. Open your eyes to the possibilities and da’te sin’gles of other races, visit — Me etBl ackwhi te. C’0M —”
Date Asians? GROSS! (just kidding, please do not hannang me!)
The Hebrew Hanna
Hanna Which Way But Loose
The Hannatural
Hanma ½
The Hanna Clause
The Hannatastic Mr. Fox
Final Hannasy: The Spirits Within
The P-Hanna
The P-Hannaist
Seven Hannamurai
Hannacalypse Now
Princess Hannanoke
Hannie Hall
The Manchurian Hannadate
The Hannchurian Candidate? Am I doing this right?
The P-Hannaist, starring R. Kelly.
(Awfully sorry!)
The Hannaover
The Hannand the Rocked the Cradle.
Sorry Taco & Godsauce, completely missed yours. I need to learn to read previous posts.
Hanna Darko
Two Hanna Half Men
Four Weddings Hanna Funeral
Cat Hanna Hot Tin Roof
The HanNatural
Hannabil
Hammo
featuring a scene in which Saiorse Ronan eats raw caribou in the bathtub
fyi this comment is dedicated to Steve Winwood
I waited, but no one did it.
Hanna and Her Sisters
Hannastasia
Cool Hanna Luke
The Elephanna Man
I think you mean Juwhanna Mann. Although I can’t imagine why.
Ronan
Saoirse It Aint So
Take all of the Hanna puns I made earlier and change them to Bana puns.
Three Men Hanna Baby.
Juwuhanna Ban(a).
No thanks, I don’t want a banana.
Hanna Gets Her Groove Back
So Gabe, would you say Hanna…just missed your heart?
Logged in just to upvote this.
I liked it a lot. Sometimes, an awesome 10 minutes of a movie are enough to make it a good one. And from the point she snaps Fauxrissa’s neck to the point she escapes into the desert = awesome.
And I don’t mind admitting that the techno music helped. 30 minutes of running without techno = bad. 30 minutes of running with techno = not bad.
Must there always be a crazy reveal? Just asking…
Oh Shit. I misheard you. I thought we were supposed to go see Henna this weekend and now I have all these temporary tattoos on my hands. And I was just thinking that these things weren’t going to keep until this year’s Diwali.
OH MAN YOU BEAT ME TO THE HENNA JOKE BY FIFTEEN MINUTES.
Looks like I messed with the [Frank Lloyd] Wrong monster!!!! *gunshot*
I was under the impression the twist was that she was dead and raped the entire time. That would’ve been a heartwarming twist ending.
(By the way, that was an awesome comment last week, Facebook Connect guy.)
I recently caught up on Fringe and Cate Blanchett’s accent in this movie sounded eerily similar to Anna Torv’s imitation of Leonard Nemoy.
Speaking of accents why was Eric’s so thick when his daughter, oops spoiler alert adopted science baby, barely had one?
I don’t know I liked this movie, Saiorse was captivating, wait she’s a 16 year old girl jail me, and the cinematography was so pretty
So at what point in this movie do they explain how she became the frontperson for Bikini Kill?
When she kisses the little British Lindsay Lohan girl?
What’s Yr Take on Joe Wright?
I agree that the ending was crazy disappointing, but I definitely thought the bad accent was on purpose – Marissa put it on when she was trying to seem harmless or whatever
full disclosure though: I totally had the hots for that character and her sensible evil shoes
I agree with this. The first thing they teach you is how to use Southern charm to disarm your enemies.
i loved this movie, and should have known this post was going to be about disappointing things.
/self-flagellates
I really liked this movie too! It’s getting me prepped up for “13 Assassins.” Has anyone seen the trailer?
I liked it too, although to my surprise, the parts I enjoyed the most ended up being all of the “Hanna is disoriented by the real world’ scenes, when I was expecting to be in it for the “Hanna kills everyone” scenes. Those were good, though.
OH, you said Hanna?
’cause I went and did this this weekend:
Missed the mark in the action genre but I enjoyed the scenes where she discovers being a kid and thought that could’ve been fleshed out more (though that leaves room for a sequel). So could’ve Bana’s adventure trying to meet her and Blanchett’s backstory as to why she was weirdly evil and had a strange issue with kids. The reveal was swept under the rug though and I didn’t understand that, lots of Bourne-like potential. But we’ve got too much dumb action in the theaters, in fact one of the previews for Hanna was about Shakespeare that was ACTION PACKED.
Oh and I loved the editing. The music was a bit too much, but I guess that’s necessary when you pay The Chemical Bros to do it.
iknowright? I was totally feeling Bourne-d by this movie.
And speaking of ACTION PACKED how about Eric Bana? Huh? HUH? yeah? coming out of the ocean? that’s what I am talking about. HAWT.
Anyone See Your Highness? Wanna talk about it?
I went in expecting low brow humor (i.e. masturbation & dick jokes) and really enjoyed the movie. My friend went in expecting smart, sassy dialogue and was sorely disappointed.
One of the funnier jokes:
I saw it with supersloth… it may have been the 2-day hangover or the late hour, but I was disappointed. I expected to be in stitches and it was just… weird.
For me, the funniest thing about it was pairing up all of the cussing with the proper old timey accents. Or whatever. But, meh overall.
yeah, it was just kind of chuckles and i expected belly laughs.
also, my parents apparently saw your highness on saturday. unlike me, they expected a sword and sorcery movie starring natalie portman (she went to harvard you know)
they came away disappointed that ‘she would be in such a stupid movie’, and then both parties did everything they could not to discuss minotaur penis.
I laughed my arse off through the whole thing…but I also did not expect “smart, sassy dialogue.” I expected base, profane ass and sex jokes. And it totes delivered! Who knew Kenny Powers had it in him???
Favorite part: when OSCAR WINNER NATALIE PORTMAN said “I’ve had a fire in my beaver since that day.”
I enjoyed the movie for the most part, because it was pretty to look at and because there was a lot of cool fighting/murder scenes. But it sure was light on plot. I wasn’t really compelled to keep watching the movie because of any revelations (or lack thereof) in the plot, just hoping that Eric Bana and/or Hanna would keep beating bad dudes up. And there is no way Marrisa Viedler could outrun anyone in those shoes! How did she get away from Eric Bana? How was she only a few feet away from Hanna at the end before she circled around to get her? I did enjoy the bits of humor that were woven in though.
I was also in disbelief over the time people got to places. In addition to magic feet Viedler, how did those tiny-legged skinheads outrun Bana in those massive skull crushing boots?
I just realized that if I was sending in my own review of this movie, the subject line would read
Re: Hanna
Hanna did remind me of a conversation/spoiler I had with my dog…that I won’t post because even when I reduced it by 50% it is HUGE (ladies).
here is a link anyway! ♥
http://tinypic.com/r/ejfr5w/7
it probably would have been more suspenseful if the german assassin hadn’t been modeled after Thomas Lennon’s character from ‘Balls of Fury’
I mean, besides the killing and the fact that her best bud and her family were probably shot through the head it was really a cute movie. Like, after I saw it i thought, man, i should have brought my sister to this. I bet should would have liked it? even with the violence.
I really wanted to like this movie, especially after it was over and the total jerk behind me immediately called it “undisciplined.” Really, man? If “discipline” is fumbling with a crinkly bag of what sounds like pork rinds all movie (like you were doing), then I don’t want to be right (or whatever).
Also, Saoirse is pronounced “SEER-shuh.” Who knew?
Source Code is movie of the yeah up to april 11th for sure
doh year
I respectfully disagree, Gabe. I thought it was really good! I do kind of agree that Blanchett was a little much, but I was very entertained and satisfied by what I saw. I didn’t have very high expectations though, and I’m gathering that you did, so maybe that’s the issue. It was fun and cool and my girlfriend in particular LOVED it. She said that Hanna looked like her when she was young, so there was built in empathy on her part. My only real knock on the movie is that they didn’t fully spell out the entire plot. But honestly I had enough fun with it that by the end I didn’t really care. I was just like, “Cool!”
Ok so I know this is off topic and a couple weeks late, but I thought of this joke last night – pretend this is being posted just after Charlie Sheen’s first stage performance. Also pretend that its funny and not lame.
Why does Charlie Sheen love being heckled?
Because he really likes his booze.
Get it?
Sorry to get all criticismgum over here, but I really expected more from this movie, in that, I was hoping it would pose more ethical questions about Eric Bana’s choice to keep her isolated and deprived of a cultural upbringing, and his using her as a sort of revenge tool. Also, I don’t like that it explained away the violent females by making them either SPOILER genetically manipulated to be less compassionate or an older woman with weird child issues. Basically, I was hoping Hanna would be a captivating, slightly more sympathetic vigilante version of Anton Chigurh.
On a less boring note, was anyone else distracted from the quiet scariness of the weird German thug by his endless supply of tracksuits? ENDLESS. SUPPLY. OF. TRACKSUITS. Probably the least intimidating fashion choice.
Luckily I find tracksuits absolutely terrifying
I think he felt compelled to keep her isolated in order to protect her until she was “ready.”
I think track suits are terrifying, personally.
If we’re talking thrillers, I really think Source Code (surprisingly?) is the one to beat this year. But I liked Hanna. I think my expectations were different. For instance, I don’t believe I ever expected Hanna NOT to be some kind of government experiment in genetic enhancement. It was just kind of obvious from the get-go and so I wasn’t disappointed when that stuff was revealed. Maybe I have an impoverished imagination? So from a wide perspective this movie was never going to be a “fairy tale” in the sense that, I don’t know, a movie from the director of Amelie and Micmacs would have been. The fairy tale aspects were in the marginal details of the movie that helped give it a sense of off-ness, which is not a word, but that’s ok, let’s move on from that non-word, and who do you think you are anyway, Donald Trump, stop criticizing my writing…Anyway, I liked it!
I disagree for the most part. I walked into the theatre expecting a more than average action movie and that’s pretty much what I got.
Although, I hate to go in and expect a twist. I think those are gimmicky and lazy (looking your way M. Night) so I’m one who tries not to guess what the outcome is and I let the filmmakers unfold the story how they want. It’s like Source Code from last week. I didn’t try to figure out who the bomber was because that takes you out of the story and ruins the experience as a whole because at that point you are clearly a viewer watching a movie opposed to someone indulging in a story. And on top of that, I didn’t think it was even a twist at the end of Hanna. I thought it was more the story of a sheltered girl with a gift who was thrown into the world to try and experience new things that she didn’t have any basis of understanding. The fact that she was an aborted experiment for super soldiers is a minor detail in the entirety of the story.
So yeah, I liked it. But Eric Bana looked real dumb tackling that guy at the end. I was expected a bad-ass Ong-Bak elbow to face, but he just kind of rolled around for a few seconds. Oh well, minor annoyance.
Huh. I loved this flick. This and Source Code are the two best movies of 2011 thus far. I don’t think the super soldier thing was meant to be some mindblowing twist, I think the bigger fallout was how Hanna finding that out changed her relationship with Eric Bana.
IMO It was a fun, thought provoking action flick with a good score and a nice ensemble cast. Differen’t strokes and all, but I think Gabe’s just being a big ol’ Cynicgum.
Huh. I loved this flick. This and Source Code are the two best movies of 2011 thus far. I don’t think the super soldier thing was meant to be some mindblowing twist, I think the bigger fallout was how Hanna finding that out changed her relationship with Eric Bana.
IMO It was a fun, thought provoking action flick with a good score and a nice ensemble cast. Differen’t strokes and all, but I think Gabe’s just being a big ol’ Cynicgum.
I really enjoyed Hannah. I liked how decidedly weird it was. I will admit that at sometimes it was over stylized around the Grimms fair tales but I thought that was a lot of it’s charm. It was also the first clearly R rated PG-13 movie I’ve ever seen.
Disagree. I thought it was a pretty decent film, more original/entertaining than most of the crap that gets churned out in the action genre. The girl who played Hanna was awesome, Eric Bana was all Eric Bana-y, the little British friend was hilarious, a bunch of random soldier/agent-type dudes got beat up. It wasn’t perfect, by any means, and perhaps I went into it with lower expectations, but I was happy with it overall.
Cate Blanchett was terrible, though. Cate Blanchett + villain role + accent = garbage.
I rest my case.
You sure did get a good education at “rest your case” school. Because you just rested the hell out of it!