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Oh no, Meredith Vieira might be leaving the Today show! From the Hollywood Reporter:
Vieira, who seamlessly took the reins opposite Matt Lauer nearly five years ago, is said to be considering leaving the [Today show] when her reported $11 million annual contract expires in September. According to sources, Vieira, 57, has tired of the grueling lifestyle and would like to spend more time with her ill husband.
“There is going to be an opening; she’s done,” says one source with knowledge of the situation. Another suggests she is still making her decision but that re-upping looks unlikely.
Although NBC News executives proved adept at the host transition when 15-year veteran Katie Couric stepped down in 2006, Vieira’s departure would nonetheless create a void at the dominant morning franchise — and an opportunity for rivals to pounce. In addition to being among the longest-running programs, Today has been the top-rated morning show for nearly 800 consecutive weeks (or more than 15 years).
I really hope when they say her “ill husband” they just mean her husband is sick. No, like, siiiiiiiick. Not, like, sick. Yikes! Get well soon, Mr. Vieira! Of course, we need to prepare ourselves for ANY outcome, including the chance that Meredith Vieira might not renew her contract and a replacement will need to be found. Who should it be? Might I make a suggestion?
Admittedly, she does not have much broadcasting experience, and it might also be hard for the camera crew to keep her in frame, but I believe that Videogum’s mascot, Birdie, a one-year-old Shiba Inu, would be perfect for the job. Can you imagine her during a cooking segment? None of this pretending like you want to eat pulled pork sliders at 8 in the morning. She would definitely want to. And if the guest chef was preparing sticks, or chewed gum, or cigarette butts, or a soggy half of a tennis ball, EVEN BETTER!
Here is a sample conversation between Birdie and Al Roker:
Al Roker: And that’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods!
Birdie: Al, your persistently sunny disposition coupled with your low-grade Laffy Taffy wrapper sense of humor suggests to me that the work you have done to whitewash your soul in an attempt to appeal to as broad of an audience as possible is crippling and irreversible. I imagine you cry a lot at night?
Al Roker: Hahahha, oh, Birdie. And now, a segment about capri pants!
She is on Twitter, so she would help bring in that younger audience that the Today show has been desperately courting for years (I’m assuming, I actually kind of just made that up, but it sounds true?). Moreover, she could hold her own during any difficult interview. SIT DOWN, KANYE WEST, AND ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS! The savings in make-up and hair alone would basically pay her salary. The only reason NOT to hire her is because she’s a dog and she would ruin everything. Take a chance for once in your life, NBC!
Also acceptable: Hoda and Kathie Lee hosting all 19 hours of the Today show. Love those guys.
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I’d like to ask Mr. Viera what time it is. I bet he’d have the PERFECT answer to that question.
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It has some good things welcome to our website go shopping
This one’s easy, Gabe. Michael K. Williams.
Clearly. He’d have no issues with the re-up.
For a sec I thought you were referring to Michael K of Dlisted, who would make an amazing replacement
I thought he meant Michael K of The Life and Times of Michael K and couldn’t get over how depressing that would be.
Don’t worry, Gabe. Meredith just needs to take some time to help her husband renew his License to Ill. It’s an arduous process, as you could imagine.
Man, that’s two days in a row you and I made nearly the same jokes as each other, referencing late 80s/early 90s rap. Clearly we’re on a much higher level of consciousness than any other monsters. High five!
I think this means we’re married now.
Also, HIGH FIVE!
“You may high five the bride.” – a priest
Raddest wedding EVER. Our wedding cake will be a pie, and we’ll exchange toe rings.
How proud should I be that, before seeing the picture or reading the article, I said “BIRDIE!” to myself?
Very proud.
Before I saw the picture or read the article, I said “TYLER PERRY AS MADEA!”
Can’t win ‘em all, I suppose.
If it’s any consolation, you just won a high five from me.
It IS consolation since, as of the time that I am posting this, Superglue has left me hanging in the above thread. Glad SOMEONE has my back around here.
I’m high fiving both of you in a high fiving triangle.
Katie Couric husband died of colon cancer while she was on Today, and Meredith Vierra’s husband has multiple sclerosis. I am afraid about what would happen to Gabe if Birdie got the job. Gabe is married to Birdie, right?
Only in CT, DC, IA, MA, NH and VT, if I understand my tea-party rhetoric correctly.
Mr. Vierra has also had colon cancer twice, so yikes!
“Coming up after the break: is being cute amid piles of sheets becoming more and more cute? The answer may surprise you.”
“What fashion trend is sweeping New York and LA Fashion Week this spring? Blue harnesses! Flattering for every body type, these versatile garments are functional, comfortable and funky!”
“In our next hour, Birdie will sit down with real estate guru Barbara Corcoran to talk about the best hydrants, trees, newspaper boxes and garbage bags to piss on in NYC. “
“But first, nap.”
birdie would do better than ann
Her?
This should have ninety-billion upvotes. Perfect use of “her”. 10 pts to the competitor from Mexico (taco?).
#TEAMHAZE
Can Birdie handle terrible segues like this:
“Coming up, we have a segment that will shock most of our viewers about a midwestern woman who was held captive in her home for over a decade by an abusive husband, who chained her up in a basement and subjected her to years of physical and mental torture. She managed to escape and is here in the studio with her story.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand on a much much much lighter note, the one and only Martha Stewart is with us this morning to show us how to make her signature Brown Apple Betty.”
Poor Anne. Still not white enough to get the big girl chair.
I don’t think it’s a matter of Anne being Asian, but the fact that she’s dumber than a bag of hammers.
To wit: She called a cow a dog this morning. I shit you not.
I demand video proof!!!
(Not because I don’t believe you, but because I really want to see this. Or maybe not. In my head, she is standing in a field, talking to a cow as if it a dog, “Sit! Sit! Bosco, sit!” Turns to farmer, “How can you get this dog to herd anything if it doesn’t even know sit?”
That doesn’t make any sense, FLW. Asian people are all smart because they are all hard-working. Their veins are filled with abacus blood.
#positivestereotypes
But I hope she gets that big girl chair. She’s more of a fashionista than MV. And looks, she’s more of a looker, too.
Facebook Birdie fanpage? Facebook Birdie fanpage.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Society-of-Birdie-Fans-SOBF/185453654803019
Maybe this guy would…fit the bill?
#repeatedjokes
Birdie’s a no-go. What would happen during coverage of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show? There’s a *little* something called media impartiality, hmm?
I think she’s okay, given ALL the contestants are dogs…. riiiight?
Or has Meredith been rooting for a far more macabre conclusion for the dog show in recent years? I’m an Early Show man when it comes to dog show news.
Brian Williams and Anderson Cooper, they should just host everything actually
Maybe they had a secret child together that is now of hosting age. #ManOnManBaby
HER. DUH
Considering the creeps they allow to trash their dressing rooms, Birdie would be a classy and welcome addition. I am for it.
Whoa now, let’s not get the Today show mixed up with Good Morning America. Very important to keep each example of potential douchebaggery separately recognizable!!
Also, Willard Scott scares me, and I’m afraid of how he would treat Birdie!!
I know a guy with a few opinions, maybe he could be a good replacement:
I was literally just going to say that I wouldnt object to taking the job but then again I wasnt deemed fit to sub host a lame pop culture blog that makes fun of people on the internet all day so what do I know, maybe I am not qualified
You can’t whine unless you give your email address to the editor when he’s trying to get in touch with you, Steve!
UNSUBSCRIBE!!!!!!!!
IS THAT THE URKEL-BOT?!!?!?
They should just go ahead and make the whole thing Kathie Lee and Hoda because I love them. The thing I hate most about being a working stiff is having to miss those two.
Seeing Kathie Lee and Hoda on your screen is God’s way of telling you that there has GOT to be something you should be doing with your life at this point in the day, and if not, to reevaluate your life and find that something as soon as humanly possible.
If you still don’t get the message, you’re punished with The View.
Facebook campaign for Gabe to host the Today show?
“And later, after the break, we’re going to go over the best places to find discarded corn cobs and chicken legs on the sidewalk. The answer may surprise you.”
God I hope they pick Katie Couric. Wouldn’t that just be so awkward?!
If she’s not too busy with DWTS….
Or reporting on KassandraKavanaughWith2K’s…
Matt Lauer! No, wait, he’s already on the show. Ann Curry! No, wait. Al Roker! Shit! I got nothing.