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This week's five highest rated comments as voted on by you, the lowest rated comment as voted on by you, and the editor's choice.
'Sup, pogs!
Let's all go to the movies, and let's all see the same movie, and let's discuss it here.
Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
Wow. That really quacked me up.
Ugh.
Something something fowl play.
take a Gander at these duck impersonations
This video has helped me recover from my slight mallard-y.
How would an African America duck sound like?
African American*** dammmnn!!
Two things:
1. They could have saved a lot of time by doing all of their recruitment in nursing homes.
2. NUMBER FIVE! (Insert Short Circuit joke) But, for real, all the votes to #5.
WANTED: Voice over talent for nationally televised advertising campaign. Must be adept at comical waterfowl speech. Lack of racially insensitive, culturally insulting hateful tweets a plus. Send resume and sample quacks to The Zimmerman Agency, Madison Ave, NY, NY, 10012.
No Afflack
What the duck.
Tracy Morgan for the Aflac duck! No WAY he would ever say anything inappropriate to embarass the company!
Are they auditioning to be the next Aflac Duck, or the next Gilbert Gottfried? They seem to be confused on this point.
the last few days, you’ve been saying everything i want to say before i say it
Maybe this guy would…fit the bill?
I’d like to run your foot over with a lawnmower full of upvotes.
Chauncey for Aflac Duck! Never forget.
All four contestants put in a lot of effort :
Some of those guys are just doing straight Donald Duck impressions.
Which reminds me of a substitute teacher I had at my middle school who would do Donald Duck impressions and give us motivational speeches about the rewards of hard work and dedication, accompanied by large glossy photos of his show dogs. He was really just the ideal personality to connect with teenage kids and not generate eye rolling or sarcasm or anything.
It would go like this.
“Have I ever told you about my dogs?”
Yes. Yes you have.
He pulls out a manila envelope from behind the desk. “My wife and I have four dogs that we take to shows and compete with.”
He takes out glossy photos of several Afghan dogs. Students comment on how weird they look.
“We put a lot of hard work into these dogs. Breeding them, training them. For every show you have to spend hours combing and cleaning them.”
At this point people would begin to start anticipating and saying his lines, as we had heard them a dozen times before. He never seemed to notice. Also worth noting, he wore a full, bright blond toupee that was legendary around the school.
“Some people, though, just don’t take much pride in themselves. At these shows we see people with dogs that don’t look like they’ve been combed at all! You see, they don’t want to put in the hard work.”
Pause.
“But when you do make the effort, you will be rewarded. All that hard work pays off.”
He waits another beat. Then he goes back into the envelope to reveal a large, white, 3rd place ribbon.
Whoa, Donald Trump was a substitute teacher at your middle school?
I just can’t even believe that Bobcat Goldthwait is unavailable.
Why-a-Duck?
I’ll see myself out.
Really? No Marx brothers fans here?
Hopefully, for the sake of these folks’ friends, when they don’t get the gig, at least some of them will stop breaking out their Aflac duck impersonation at every party.
Gilbert Gottfried is somewhere crying into a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I do all my duck try-outs in front of a poster for “Carrie.”
This is almost the worst Aflac commercial ever.
America’s Next Top Aflac Duck
I don’t understand why they are even auditioning anyone else. I’ve got someone who fits the bill.
And…he’s from outer space.
Chip Zien – the voice of H to the D.
These guys are all “(very) junior editor” material for Videogum.
The guy that added in the little hands-on-hips placements was OBVIOUSLY the best.
Was James Urbaniak kidding when he tweeted about auditioning for this last week? Because I’d imagine its a nice income stream for a guy to have, and I can see him actually pulling it off.
As a nod to the original voice over artist, one of the auditioners should say, “Do you know the sound a gay guy makes when he farts? AAAFLAAAAAAC…”