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Sometimes you guys talk about taking the plunge and moving in together, but it always ends in a stalemate. Felice doesn’t want to give up her 0-square-foot “apartment,” and you don’t want to constantly feel like you are being buried alive every time you come home. One of you is going to have to give in eventually, though, because relationships are all about compromise, just like living in Manhattan is all about sacrificing everything that makes us human beings (apparently). Also, is it just me, or does it creep anyone else out when your girlfriend says that SOMETIMES she has to sit sideways on the toilet. Sometimes?! Grosssssssss. (Via WorldsBestEver.)
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Well, sometimes she stands, okay? How is that weird?
“I hate when I am staying at my girlfriend’s apartment and I get up in the middle of the night to pee and, forgetting where I am, I slam my head into the ceiling and knock myself unconscious then die. It’s totally the worst.” – Me
Your girlfriend will sublet a shoebox in Morningside Heights before she moves to fucking Jersey.
My favorite part of any Cribs episode is when the show where it’s physically impossible for the magic to happen.
well, she definitely doesn’t like being on top
Life imitating shitty YouTube sketches starring your college improv troupe.
Videogum confessions time: When I first moved to NYC, I found a guy looking for a roommate in the East Village (13th b/w 1st and 2nd, so great location). The room he was looking to rent (for $650.00 a month) was 7′ 5″ by 7′ 9″, which I believe is 58 square feet of space. Just like the woman in the video it had a lofted bed, ridiculous for an adult. I saw it and scoffed. “No adult should live like this.”
2 days later, I called the guy back up and lived in that room for two years.
Years ago when I still lived in NYC, my father and I shared an apartment on Christopher St. that was about the same size as my girlfriend’s and we did fine. So yeah, kiss my ass, my ex-girlfriend.
And it’s free! Damn, I got ripped off!
Free for the criminal…but what does it cost the taxpayers???
I remember looking at an apartment once only to find it was approximately the size of a large walk-in closet. No problem, I think. Then I don’t see a bathroom. I ask where the bathroom is. Is it communal with the other tenants, which I could live with? Nope. No bathroom. I’d be paying $700 for the luxury of living in the closet and if I wouldn’t even be able to pee. I now live in New Mexico. Kinda wish I would’ve took the apartment.
If enough of us dislike this woman based solely on this video, it isn’t an irrational dislike, right? If it still is, can we get together and make it rational?
In this video she:
1. Argues with a straight face that it’s possible to live somewhere so special that 90 square feet is totally normal and ok.
2. States that most NYers keep their laundry in the oven (!).
3. Casually mentions that she likes to go on 100 mile bike rides.
4. Casually mentions that her grandfather is a holocaust survivor.
5. Casually mentions that she has a book coming out.
6. Refers to NYC as a literal jungle.
The video’s not even that long. There is nothing irrational about disliking her.
Thank you.
Don’t forget:
1. “This is where I make my art.”
2. Yoga
3. “My friend has a bigger apartment two blocks away but we end up hanging out here more often because it’s cozier.”
4. Bananas (who are you trying to impress???)
5. “I’m also a professional organizer.”
6. “I used to have so many books.”
see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCvqIGfrADY&feature=related&t=2m45s
6a. Your sister did not give you Walden Pond, she gave you WALDEN. WHICH IS IT’S TITLE WHICH IT SAYS ON THE FRONT OF IT. Jesus Christ, this lady.
Even without the title mistake that was the worst part. Yes, paying to live in a prison and being full of yourself is exactly like living in the woods. The only thing I can imagine you and Thoreau having in common is bringing your laundry to your mothers.
New Yorklandia looks like it’s gonna be hilarious!
That apartment would be so worth it if she put a few birds on the walls.
PUT A BIRD ON IT!
Well, I posted the wrong gif!
The Hide and Seek League skit is going to be a lot shorter.
As a lifelong Brooklynite, I find the idea that Manhattan is so special that it’s worth living that way to be highly suspect and more than a little condescending.
That’s how I feel about all of New York.
Really? Oh, now it’s ON.
The entire premise of pro NY vs anti NY is ridiculous. The reality is that there is insufficient affordable housing packed onto a series of densely populated areas that have not been replanned or updated for a century or more. You don’t move to NY because it’s easy or convenient. You move to NY because you want to do something unique in art, finance, media, etc. It’s not that you can’t do those things elsewhere, but it’s absurd to deny that there is a unique critical mass for certain skill sets in the same way there is an insane amount of filmakers in LA and oil executives throughout Texas. That said, NY — like LA — is a creative pyramid scheme of sorts. To rework Steinbeck: [Eschewing the ridiculous dream of NY] never took root in America because the [ambitious and hopeful] see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed [talents of note].
I am admittedly in the pro NY camp, but I don’t really see living in NY the way you describe it.
There are lots of reasons to live in NYC which don’t involve a delusional belief in your own potential. For some of us it’s just home, and for lots of people it’s a comfortable fit. The way Ms. Cohen lives is NOT the way most New Yorkers live.
And I really don’t understand how you can say living in NYC isn’t convenient. NY is the MOST convenient! When I visit my in-laws out in western MI, we have to drive 25 minutes to get to the grocery store (which is a Walmart). Now THAT is what I call inconvenient.
I live in Brooklyn, too, and it’s not always convenient at all. Ask anyone who has ever waited for Godot (I mean the F train) after a night out or had a cabbie drive off with the door of their car open just so they wouldn’t have to take you to Brooklyn or anyone who generally lived in the ‘unimportant’ parts of NY that receive substandard care from city government or tried to get action on noise complaints or other quality of life issues (let’s face it, NY does not ‘do’ accountability). I realize I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, of course. And it’s not easy for a significant tier of wage earners or those with children. You certainly don’t have to be an artist to starve in this city. I admit that those of us who grew up in NY see it differently than those of us who are transplants. (I am in the latter — shocker!) I just think that if you move here it’s unlikely you’re looking for a nice comfy fit for your life. You’re probably moving for unique opportunities, real or imagined. I say this as someone who loves NY, even when it doesn’t love me back. Believe me, “Take me off your mailing list/For kids that think it still exists” really resonates with me.
I’m not sure if there is anything more American than “delusional belief in your own potential”
I agree completely. I’m not so much anti-NY as anti-NYers who act like it is the most glorious place in the universe to do anything at all, then take pride in complaining about the absurd misery that comes along with it, then try to also claim positive things about NY that exist everywhere else, and probably in greater quantity/quality. The person I am closest to who lives in NY is an artist, and she loves the things NY offers that, and she just laughs at the miserable, self-serious side of it it. The laughing at is key to me loving her.
The weird thing is she has a lot of stuff, and it’s nice, like she clearly has money but chooses to spend it at Whole Foods rather than not living in nightmare town
Well, she DID learn early on that you shouldn’t ACQUIRE what you can’t afford…
My girlfriend is an artist, a writer AND a professional organizer and all this is worth it for me not to be able to have sex with her in that coffin bed replica.
pff. luxury.
Shrinky dink “artist”??????
Also, if you say “this is where I do my art”, you are not an artist.
This, this is what I draw
-Nicholas Sparks, who is Felice Cohen’s boyfriend
Also, if Shrinky Dinks is an art form, then I was Roy Fucking Lichtenstein when I was six years old.
Where’s your bathroom?
Bath what?
Bathroom.
What room?
Bathroom.
What what?
“Who needs space when you are dangerously lonely?”
-this lady
I like this lady. Sure she’s weird and silly and can’t make herself dinner, but she’s figured out her own priorities and that works for her but isn’t trying to make everyone else do things her way.
A lot of people who choose to live in really small, odd places get really evangelical about how “beautiful” and “simple” and “pure” their lives are and how the rest of us are horrible people. At least she hasn’t written a manifesto
I’d rather date her than the fucking fort kids, is what I’m saying.
“…really evangelical about how “beautiful” and “simple” and “pure” their lives are and how the rest of us are horrible people.”
Not to quarrel, but isn’t being acting like that on page 1 of the Asshole Handbook?
Yes, it is. And I don’t get that vibe from her, so I don’t hate her. Perhaps I wasn’t clear!
I dunno, she seemed a little too self-serious in her silliness.
Living in New York > panic attacks, banging knees, books, food storage, sexual intercourse and etc…..
Totally logical, right?
To be honest, I’m kind of impressed.
Also, it’s not as small as I was actually expecting (even though yes, it’s obviously small as hell), is that weird? I’m not sure how small I was expecting it to be… I’ve always lived in really small houses and rooms, so maybe that’s why, but obviously nothing to that extreme. Maybe I just wasn’t expecting it to be so well organised? Or to have a window? A whole window, y’all!
I don’t know, but either way I could actually see myself functioning there. Going slightly, subtly insane as the weeks progressed, perhaps, but functioning!
“Also, it’s not as small as I was actually expecting (even though yes, it’s obviously small as hell), is that weird? I’m not sure how small I was expecting it to be…”
TWSS.
I am too. And I definitely expected it to be smaller and not have a window. Maybe I’m used to living in cities (albeit, San Francisco) where weird tiny window-less hovels are the only rooms you can afford if you want to live in a neighborhood where you (probably) won’t get mugged.
Full disclosure, my childhood bedroom when I was really little *may* have been a walk in closet. But we lived in Pacific Heights! Even at 4 I knew it was awesome!
Any serious guess on what she pays a month? “Too much” is not an exceptable guess….niether is “Not enough”.
I read $700 a month.
That is somewhat comforting. I was really expecting to hear something like $1,000.
It is a little awkward when her band, SunnO)))))), comes over to practice, but they make it work.
I finally understand why they are so angry all the time!
Well, except for that time that everyone refused to hang their cloaks in the hallway.
By hallway, do you mean kitchen, or living room?
Sidewalk.
I don’t know why I find Mans’ post so funny, but I do!
I do not find it funny so much as I find it to be a further confirmation of Mans’ crushworthiness.
Wait, no. I meant funny. [whistles, repositions telescope]
I can honestly say, if I lived in there, I WOULD FLIP THE FUCK OUT! I get stir crazy as it is and I live in a real house made for human beings. Give me three hours in that box and I would clawing at the walls and covered in honey, murmuring the names of undiscovered moons into a broken telephone.
If it ever comes to that, can you use a working phone and call me with the names of undiscovered moons? It sounds fun.
Put me on that phone tree.
That lady must REALLY not want to live in New Jersey
This is one of the several videos that I watched on Friday and was convinced at first that it was an April Fool’s joke, except by the end of the video there wasn’t really enough of a punchline for it to be an April Fool’s joke, but one of the biggest April Fool’s jokes is that you you’re not allowed to take anything seriously on April Fools Day, just in case! You don’t want to get fooled!
But seriously, she’s a professional organizer and she has to stand on a rolling computer chair to get to her wall of teetering Ikea storage crates? That has to be a joke, right?
This video reminds me of how much I want to live in Boston.
“Haha!” – Me, a person who lives in Boston.
You mean moving to Boston from NYC? I’ll switch with you! That’s how moving works, right?
And also she pays for a writer’s space downtown? What? My girlfriend doesn’t make sense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BYoPUOXhVA
Whoa!
My boyfriend is kind of awesome.
My girlfriend is insufferable, but I love her anyway I guess.
I read through all these comments and really, NO jokes about how my girlfriend likes to keep it tight?
Really? I thought I knew you people.
Well, she did say she had 8 or 9 people in there at once.
Gabe’s new Junior Editor should probably just move in with his girlfriend sooner rather than later.
I lived in a glorified basement apartment in Boston for two years that flooded every time it rained. over the course of my occupancy, it gradually went from “this is a catastrophe! call the management company immediately!” to “just don’t put anything on that side of the apartment” to “put stuff over there, but only if it isn’t worth a lot of money”. and even I realize this lady is BONKERZ. why do I always get the crazy girls?
LOL damn! You know that bitch has to be mad creative/flexible to have sex in that apt. Does she even have sex in that apt?!?!
I think the best thing about this video is that it can be viewed in 1080p. It is a good use of a few minuets to load the video. When I tried to watch it at 720p, the room just looked liked a couple of pixels.
I honestly don’t think this place is entirely unreasonable…like, still totally worthy of humans living in it. But I’d die without a kitchen of some sort.
This girl’s fort (because that’s what it is, it’s not an apartment, it’s not a studio, it’s a fort) would make 14-year-old me go bonkers. But not as bonkers as Mel Gibson’s character’s fort in Conspiracy Theory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc4iyG2Bx7k#t=3m16s
“One of the things I did was – there were these sliding doors, that, for any apartment are hard to get into. Igotridofthedoors and put up a CURTAIN!”
Thank you for making my tiny studio apartment feel palatial. I can’t close the bathroom door while I’m sitting on the toilet, but if I close it before I sit down, I have tons of room for all my knees. I am so normal, reasonable and middle-class! Who knew?
She was reaching for a jar of well-organized rubber bands, and I was just there checking the cable; I felt guilty and called the next day. That’s how she became my girlfriend.
I have lived in Manhattan since 1978 and I have never–never!–put my laundry in the oven.
That’s where the overflow books go.
Nah, I’m joking. I cook in my oven, like God intended me to. “Most New Yorkers”? Please! Where do all those people who flock to the 17 million Greenmarkets cook their produce?