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We are all too familiar with the dangers of the Internet (you might get embarrassed on Friendster or your TV show might get canceled!) but it’s still useful every now and again to take a refresher course.
REMEMBER: whenever you are going to ask a 12-year-old to meet you at East Mall over MacPaint, don’t. They might be a mustache pervert with NO SLEEVES ON THEIR SHIRT! Yikes. (Unless, of course, you yourself are a mustache pervert with NO SLEEVES ON YOUR SHIRT, in which case, good luck! And if they don’t show up, you can always have lunch at the California Pizza Kitchen. Bring a book!) This is my face all day long:
Notice how his hand has lifted off of the mouse like oh, hell no? That is my hand. It’s your acoustic guitar in the background, though. (Video via NextRound.)
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did sleeveless guy look familiar to anyone else?
Stay safe from Mr. Belvedere, you guys.
American Apparel’s CFO?
Ron Swanson?
I don’t know this “Ron Swanson” of whom you speak, but he sounds like a pretty swell guy. And his moustache appears to be far superior to the creeper in the video.
?
Oh no! That’s what I thought too….not Ron Swanson!!!
When he lifts his hand off the mouse at around 1:04 his ear shifts back like an inch and a half and I for real thought he was going to turn into a werewolf.
He just ran across a website that was full of pictures of this:
Webmaster:
Best t-shirt ever.
I can’t stop watching and laughing at this now!
At the time, the things he saw online may have made him feel uncomfortable, but clearly the young Kevin Smith was becoming influenced in ways that would shape his future for years to come.
I miss Andrew and his interruptions
Wait, guys with cutoff sweatshirts are bad news?! Somebody warn The Patriots about Bill Belichick! It’s all been a long con!
Did I just make a sports reference on Vgum? Know your audience, FLW. Know your audience.
To be fair to Bill, he usually only has them cut up to about the elbow, and actually I don’t think he even has them cut anymore. I’m fairly certain they actually make him sweatshirts like that now.
How do i reach these keeds, wait yikes
It would make sense a pervert would eat at California Pizza Kitchen, considering what they do to pizza is technically a crime.
I did what this video asked; now my parents just want to know who Steve Winwood is.
“Back in my day, we didn’t need no fancy instant messenger to talk to our friends. No! We loaded up the word processor, made up a pretend friend, typed out their responses to our questions and then made pretend dates to meet them.” — Future Grandpa in a space rocking chair.
I talked to my parents about the stuff I saw online that made me sad and uncomfortable and they told me stop stop checking the New York Times, BBC, CNN, Huffpost, The Daily Show…
The call is coming from inside the MS WORD!
I like to imagine this entire thing is just in the fevered imagination of this sleeveless pervert. He opens up a Word document and then begins CTRL+V’ing what he imagines “Lisa” would say to him.
Or, basically, what Frank Lloyd Wrong said.
I feel like I should tell you guys that I’m actually a 12-year-old girl pretending to be a fuzzy blue monster.
Transcript, presented without commentary: “I was surfing the net last night. I saw some things. Some things came up…”
“Which seat will I take”?
This could be dialogue from a modern-day Blue Velvet, no lie.
“The things I saw made me feel… I don’t know… uncomfortable, I guess.”
Oh my god SHUT UP UGH THIS MAN.*
*Always my response to Prince gifs, as long as he continues to confuse me by being, improbably, sexy.
Take the video’s advice and speak to a parent.
(note how this advice still results in the 12-year-old girl dancing with the strange man twenty years older than her. follow at your own risk)
Note also how much I hate people who dance like he does. Considering my background, I’m much more used to white douches doing it, but that doesn’t change a fucking thing.
(Except this guy.
Sports reference! And to the American not hated anymore but still dismissed, especially MLS…go me…)
Charlie Davies Stanky Leg!
How much do I love Charlie Davies even though he plays for a rival now?
So when’s the next Videogum meet-up?
April 7th. Official one in New York & satellite one in Chicago on the same date, An absolute URL: Monsters’ Ball has the info.
Yikes, this is creeping me out, and I made it. No creepos, please.
That might be my favorite gif I’ve ever seen.
Bummer. Same night as Cults/Magic Kids/Superhumanoids at the Empty Bottle.
Go to the meetup before the show. You will have time, and enjoy, I am sure.
This kid is giving me a vibe:
So it is stil ok to not watch out for windowless vehicles?
It’s OK, Tom. Videogum made me feel pretty lousy the first time it came up on my Internet. You’ll get used to it.
The opening scene stars Trudy from Community in her awkward phase and Kevin James’ favorite nephew.
Uh. Was that song at the end saying “murder one, murder two, murder three, murder four”???? Okay…
My vehicle is windowless! I must be a pervert, you guys!
…is it a bike?
“That’s just the liquor talking, Randy.”
I thought for sure that the girl who was ‘creeped out by some things’ was going to start singing her feelings at :51. The camera even panned out and everything!
“OOOOOOOOOOOOH, when people on the internet creep me OUT……I call my mom and ask her “What’s it all ABOUT??????”
Two things; I don’t think that circa the 486 era Microsoft Word ever had a “chat” function. And two; I don’t think pedophiles give a snidey “ka-huck!” after they score a target.
I think those two girls were actually chatting with Ghostwriter.
Oh man, I had forgotten sending pictures THROUGH THE MAIL. Like sexting, only through the post office.
Another thing that had slipped from the forefront of my mind that this video brought back: I lost my gay virginity to a girl I met on an AOL messageboard. Internet dating early adopter, I guess. (By the way: I did NOT ask my mom beforehand.)
*standing ovation*
I totally understand their reasoning when making the pedophile wear a sleeveless shirt. You can’t just cast a guy and say to his face “just show up dressed like you are now, you look exactly like a pedophile.” You have to at least change something, for his sake.
I too have encountered some bizarre and frightening things on the internet that made me feel lousy. I would recommend avoiding http://www.videogum.com.
What do you think the narrator is implying when he says: “when you’re online… doing what you’re supposed to do”? That downloading jpeg of Tiffany Amber Theissen in a mesh top leads to being raped? Or that 12 year olds just go looking for it? Either way, I think I’m offended.
As I’m typing this, I’m wearing only sleeves, so I’m totally safe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeMRBsO-zOQ&feature=player_embedded