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Sylvester Stallone is actually really interesting, you guys. Or, at least, he used to be interesting. Like, did you know that he was nominated for an Oscar for WRITING the original Rocky movie? Ding Dong! And for as much as it has come to encapsulate the brainless violence of 1980s action cinema, or whatever, First Blood (the original title of Rambo before it became a franchise) has a lot to say about the ravages of war and it ends with Sylvester Stallone crying. Anyway, now his blood runs 80% human-growth hormone and he’s going to make formal sweatpants without taking his sunglasses off. From the Guardian:
This autumn, Academy Award winner Sly Stallone faces his greatest challenge yet: the film legend is launching his very own clothing line. Stallone’s menswear will be based on his two most iconic characters, Rambo and Rocky, and will feature – in the words of the designer – “looks for the rebel and the gentleman”.
Haha. Uh, Sylvester Stallone is NEITHER a rebel NOR a gentleman? Like, even his public persona doesn’t actually seem to represent either of those things? Unless by “rebel” you mean “being detained by the Australian government for illegally transporting GhB”? And by gentleman you mean that he has never, to our knowledge, eaten the flesh of a human being. That kind of misguided branding is like saying that the Charlie Sheen collection (real thing!) is “looks for the healthy and the feminist.” That being said, I am sure that Sylvester Stallone’s patented Face-Holding-Up-Straps, for “the gentleman whose face is sliding off,” are going to be top of the line. Also check out the bridal tank tops.
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But will his gentlemanly fancy sweats give me mouth cancer? That’s what I want to know.
Whatever, Gabe. Stallone’s wearing just the right amount of lip stain and rouge in that picture to appease both rebellious and genteel constituents.
I love a gentleman who’s rebellious enough to rip his eyebrows straight out of his forehead!!! (into a perfect arch)
Boy, the fashion industry has really taken a nosedive since the John Galliano thing.
He couldn’t be honest in his description because “looks for the disturbed loner and the punch-drunk boxer” was already taken by Army-Navy Fashions.
Do you know one side of Sly’s face is paralysed? No, I don’t know which side either.
I’m not sure why, but this made me laugh very hard.
Look for his line of casual wear in this fall “Sly and the Stone-Washed Jeans”
Remember when he tried to rehab his image by appearing in Tango and Cash?
Stallone Menswear “For real men who hate buttoning things.”
Stallone Menswear: “You’ll love them at first blood”
hahaha…nope
Stallone Menswear: “Don’t Judge these Dredds”
Stallone Menswear: “Rhinestones don’t make you too gay.”
Stallone Menswear: “Velour sweatpants feel good on your big balls.”
All well and good but I think a fragrance called Expendable might have more market pull.
Not to be all corrections-gum over here, but wasn’t he caught trying to smuggle human growth hormone (“HGH”) not Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid (“GhB”) as Gabe noted above.
I caught that as well. He doesn’t look like he’s roofied up.
Something something Stallone something glass table.
*You know you want to Google search “stallone glass table” now, don’t you?
At one point in my life I was the kind of guy who needed to shop at Big N Tall stores, and once I bought a suit coat that was technically part of the “George Foreman Comfort Zone” line. Yes, “Comfort Zone”, as in the fictional store that Jerri Blank shops at.
You used to be tall?
Guys, I found the whole catalogue:
What about the Tango & Cash line? (only $200)
Kurt’s butt looks a little sad and embarrassed there. :3
The real question is, what is Sylvester Stallone rebelling against? Good acting? Aging gracefully?
Maybe Frank Stallone can be the spokesperson.
If we are really lucky he will somehow bring Jackie Stallone into this mess as well.
Did you know Jackie Stallone makes extra money moonlighting as Carrot Top?
She actually is a really normal person:
http://www.jacquelinestallone.com/rumps.html
True facts: Sylvester Stallone was a stone cold cutie in Rocky, but I would be a little weirded out if I saw Ryan Reynolds rocking this look on the red carpet
Agreed on looking fine in Rocky. Is it weird that I consider Rocky to be one of my favorite romantic movies?
However, with the exception of the CGI junk they’ve done to him in Green Lantern, Ryan Reynolds could literally wear a green lantern and I’d be on that. Repeat: on that.
I cry at the end of every Sly Stallone movie. I’m interesting!
RIP EG
Rocky Bal-feather-Boa
Sylvester Stallone’s Stupid Old Dumpling Face.
It is just good marketing for celebrities to branch out while their star is still on the rise.