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Glenn Beck’s contract at FOX News expires at the end of this year, and it is being widely rumored that it won’t be renewed. Awww. End of an era! This guy knows what I’m talking about. Luckily for us Beck-Heads he might start his whole own fucking network! From the New York Times:
The possibility that Glenn Beck will exit the Fox News Channel at the end of the year has prompted a big question in media circles: if he leaves, how will he bring his considerable audience with him?
Two of the options Mr. Beck has contemplated, according to people who have spoken about it with him, are a partial or wholesale takeover of a cable channel, or an expansion of his subscription video service on the Web.
Perfect. Now all we need is a name.
Here are a few suggestions:
- You MadTV
- Garbage Town
- The Uninformed Federalist Channel
- WC (White Crybaby)
- RNN (Racist Nightmare Network)
- 700 Liars Club
Get it? Glenn Beck is a terrible asshole!
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HDTV (Highly Deluded Television)
OWN (Only Whites Network)
BBC (Blackboard Communications)
Sick Sad World
Available on channel 2012.
Must Not See TV
See BS
FFFUUU (Fat Faced Federalist Understanding Uninformed Uggos)
Shadow TV (covers fear of shadowy liberals AND fear of your own shadow)
FalseTV
Forty-Eight Minutes of Anti-Intellectual Hate Word Vomit with Approximately Twelve Minutes of Gold Commercials Per Hour
It’s a little long, but what it lacks in efficiency it makes up in honesty.
Ministry of Truth Network
YES
This should have more upvotes.
LGBTV: Lovers of Glenn Beck Television
I’m honoured to give this its 69th upvote.
In other news, I’m 12.
MSLED
WPP: White People Problems
If we could tweak that to be Other Peoples Problems and then shorten it to OPP, I could be down with it.
Yeah, you know me.
The Glenn Beck Network
(I’m just going to be that guy all week long.)
ABC (Always Be Crying)
1440 Minutes Hate
A&Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
gBET
He originally wanted to go with just BET, but quickly learned of an elaborate conspiracy to both silence his truth AND allow black people on TV.
I think he’ll settle on WET.
ARP – The network for Ayn Rand fetishists
http://www.youtube.com/user/TOSHARMY
Oxyglenn
Wouldn’t Rush Limbaugh have dibs on that name?
Mad Men
Mad Man
Lifetime (of sadness)
BTV (the letters don’t stand for anything, just like owner Glenn Beck. this is his way of reaching the hip youngsters)
Farming Analogies Television
Fool Network
No. No. NOPE.
whatever it is i’d like to submit, haters gonna hate: live and beck, to the future as two potential shows on this network
also, glenn he do it? a game show where he randomly receives two scary things and a cute thing and has to link them together in 5 minutes or less on his blackboard
FUX News
Poopchannel USA
Youtube since that’s where everyones going to be watching his silly clips
Considering the demographics of the audience here, I think we might be the pot calling the kettle white.
True, but we don’t actively protest black kettles.
We are the pot calling the kettle’s wallet lacking in pictures of black people
Don’t bring people into this.
Fart Noise TV
The YOU ARE GOING TO DIE UNLESS YOU LISTEN TO ME Network
HB NO
Beck’s America for Republicans & Families: BARF
Naming a network is fun and all, but what about the shows?! 24 hours of programming! What is Beck going to put on there?
I for one nominate the Victoria Jackson News Hour. Oh God. That’d be the best. Freeverse poetry about birth certificates, hair bows, Muslims, gays, spies, handstands, Christians, and liberals.
The Nancy Grace Knows More Than You “News” Hour
Every night at midnight, they can show the film adaptation of The Fountainhead. A Rocky Horror-like subculture could grow up around it!
At least 6 hours a day of reruns of “Ghost Whisperer”
ION already beat him to it
Don’t forget the online content! Like the popular web series, Dr. Horrible’s Barf-Along Blog.
The Overton Window as a prime time drama, a daytime talk show called “Tea Time with Dick Armey”, The Joy of Chalkboarding, 24, Sarah Palin’s Alaska, a weekly movie night featuring the Left Behind series, Red Dawn, and The Christmas Cottage…
Really Smart Things Said By Underrepresented White People Being Stripped Of Their Rights
…network.
Newsweak
Fox 2: The Beckoning.
Also, Fox 2: Vitriolic Bugaloo
Fox 2: Unfair and More Unbalanced
ACB
Fox Droppings
Let’s name it this:
Dickelodeon. I know it’s too easy, but at least it’s concise.
TLC
The Lying Channel? Too Little Corroboration?
DTPTV
(Don’t Tease the Panther TV)
“But Mr. Kramer cautioned, Mr. Beck is ‘not Oprah yet.’”
Mr. for 600 alex cautioned, “Yikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikesyikes.”
Also, to the prompt, based on the preceding:
DoucheNN
CryFy
Knowing Knowledgeable Knowledge TV
Screaming Crypto Anti-Semite Anti-Muslim Lunatic Wets His Pants Regularly News
Crying On Demand
The Everything That Comes Out of My Mouth is Totally Not Insane Psycho Crazy Network
C-SCAT. Or The Scat-time Network. Or VH-Scat. Or, if I could put a finer point on it, The Eating Shit and Liking It Network.
Television for Patriots who are not Muslim, Homosexual, Communist, Barack Obama or Welsh
or TFPWANMHCBOOW for short
I either need to get new glasses, get some sleep, or both, because I read “The possibility that Glenn Beck will exit the Fox News Channel” as “The possibility that Glenn Beck will eat the Fox News Channel.” In my defense, either scenario is equally plausible.
NPR (No Literacy Required)
Cartoon Network.
ACORN (Always Crying Over Retarded Nonsense)
IAA
I’m an Asshole.
That one channel with that weird crazy guy that is kind of hard to understand because of his nonsense, but that some people like for some reason although it is really hard to identify his political or moral stances because it keeps changing and getting crazier and seems more and more to come from his head than anywhere else, but people still watch him and buy his books and support him for some reason channel.
WINNING
Oprah, billionaire extraordinaire, who has a magazine, the lady who is part of the reason for Dr Phil (yuck) Rachel Ray (yuckO) and Dr Oz*’s (yuck M.D.) success is struggling to maintain her network. What makes Glenn beck think he has the chalk/ content to maintain a 24 hour channel?
*While those people suck in varying degrees, they certainly are (begrudgingly) successful.