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It has been two years since we heard from Saturday Night Live alumnus Victoria Jackson. If you will recall the last time she blipped up, it was to spout some neo-con whatever on Fox News (the clip has since been taken down because her truth was TOO real, probably). Since then, she probably relaxed a little bit, read a couple of books, and at the very least figured out a way to back up some of her conservative rhetoric with actual facts and well-reasoned philosophical arguments that a person who might disagree with her politically could at least respect the work she was doing to state and defend her case, right?
Oh, nope, she’s just writing nutso racist-homophobic blogs about Islam and Glee (?!) on her website! Haha. Neat website! Hold on, I’ve got to make it my default homepage OK done. I’m not sure which is my favorite excerpt from this recent entry. It’s definitely either the introduction, which reads: “Frankly, I’m afraid to say anything about Muslims. Why? Because they kill people,” or this completely BONKERS claim: “The Muslims want to tear down the Statue of Liberty!” That sentence, incidentally, is just linked to a different crazy blog that says this is a real thing. It’s called logic and it is airtight.
And now, Victoria Jackson has been brought onto CNN to defend some of her more controversial views, if you can call barely stringing together three words at a time and just shrugging and looking confused a lot “defending.”
Oof. It would just be sad if it wasn’t so hateful (although it’s still kind of sad). I mean, the lady brought PROPS with her to the News Place. I do love the tried and true argument that conservative Christians need to stop being scared of standing up for what they believe in. Uh, is that a thing? Because I really get the impression that that’s almost the only thing they AREN’T afraid of. Gays, Jews, Muslims, Blacks, Women, Teenagers, the French, Sex, and Education: all terrifying. Saying whatever the fuck creepy hate speech pops into your head at any given moment: not a problem.
Oh, Victoria Jackson. You mean old coconut. Follow Chris Kattan on Twitter! (Thanks for the tip, Alex, Brittany, and D’Anne.)
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It’s like she stole Kristen Schaal’s fabulous voice via Ursula sea-witchcraft and spirited Glenn Beck’s douchebaggery.
I’m using this for everything now:
I have the most explainable boner right now
In all fairness, Victoria Jackson has been doing this voice on television for 20 years (well I mean, with decade-long gaps of unemployment?). I guess what I’m saying is that your hypothesis involves a time machine, which I am NOT ruling out.
I just assumed Kristen Schaal was an immortal goddess. Was I wrong?!?
She also has the body of a trailerpark Minnie Mouse with a dab of Courtney Love crazy eyes
Wait until she finds out there are gay Muslims, her head will explode into a yogurt cup
Muslims CAN’T be gay because they HATE gays, REMEMBER? [/victoriajacksonlogic]
But wait, ultraconservative Christians hate gays too. The enemy of my enemy is my friend?!?!
(Sorry, I should have warned you that I was going to blow your mind. You’ll need a towel now, probably).
That was some inception type shit, man. [Dead]
If you close your eyes this sounds like a Kristen Schaal bit for the Daily Show.
UGH failure. My B briadru4!!
Great minds think alike?
The Statue of Liberty was a gift to the United States FROM THE FRENCH! Put that in your clearly-already-well-used crack pipe and smoke it, Victoria Jackson.
I thought I saw this on an episode of 30 Rock, once…
http://www.mediabistro.com/tvnewser/files/original/king_2-27.bmp
COUGH
“Liz, I’m just worried that I’m going to sound like I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
Glee reaction gifs = relevant
JINX
Hey, this post isn’t about 9/11!
ILAST 4LIFE RIP NVR 4GET <3
YIKES! It’s ok it means we’re totally internet besties RIIIGHT?
Right…?
Unless she voices her outrage while performing a split and strumming a ukulele, it doesn’t count.
She only does that for cops she loves.
“Shoving the gay thing down our throats…”
Heh.
Its funny because its where sandwiches go. Heh… I get that.
“And besides shoving that gay thing down our throats, they made a mockery of Christians–again!”
“I hear that!” – Alter boy from Philadelphia
“It’s ALTAR, you idiot!” – witide’s mother
Well they really did alter those boys…
Second eye roll gif of the week. Yikes!
Remember when she used to do that bit on Weekend Update where the whole joke was that Victoria Jackson was an idiot who didn’t understand world events? At least that character wasn’t hateful, too.
Deleted Scene: “This isn’t how I remember Glee characters making out with each other in the Bible.”
I’m worried about Lucy Moran, you guys.
Another fun fact about Victoria Jackson: she once dated Weird Al Yankovic.
“Heh. She was all about My Bologna back then.” – Weird Al
Yeah, but that was before she loved Rocky Road.
probably the funnest fact
So that’s what Weird Al can do wrong
Maybe, but you wanna take any guesses as to what ended it?
probably because she got fat, she got fat, you know it you know
Steve, there should be a semicolon after the first “she got fat” and if we’re being pedantic, after the second one too.
Chris, help me out here.
It’s weird, my computer won’t seem to let me upvote this 2,000,000 times. Maybe it’s broken?
Too much love for one computer, I guess?
put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning
Is this the “Im Still Here” of our generation?
I’ve been hate-reading Victoria’s “columns” for awhile. The one from last week was pretty bonkers.
http://www.wnd.com/index.php/index.php?pageId=273409
Basically, she made friends with some people, but then later decided they were spies from the government. This is how she reacted when she realized she invited them over a meeting:
I was supposed to text “Beth” my address; instead I texted her, “You are really sweet, but since I think you’re a spy, I can’t hang out with you. It’s too weird. If you’re not a spy, sorry, you’re really sweet.” She never responded or called again.
Her archive is hillariously incoherent. There are so many loose tangents.
“Let’s put this woman on CNN and ask her about serious social issues ASAP!”
- The President of Television
“…nevermind, if her or Jerry Seinfeld ever reveal my terrible secret, I’ll be ruined! RUINED! No, I have no idea what both Victoria Jackson and Jerry Seinfeld were doing in that RAPE BASEMENT! The point is they were there and they saw shit go down, TED..you know, you were there!” -The President of Television (again)
Between her, Gallagher, and Stephen Baldwin, I think there’s some connection with converting to radical conservatism after being forgotten and left behind by Hollywood. Excuse me while I begin researching for this 300-page thesis…
Don’t forget that guy who was on that sitcom with Alan Thicke . . . I can’t remember his name.
Down the rabbit hole we go…
I like how it’s”the best movie in the Apocalyptic genre” High praise, indeed.
“Last week, I was walking to my car, leaving my grandchild’s home. The neighbors were watering their lawn. They shouted from across the street, “Someone’s been driving by your house taking pictures.”
You know, I’m pretty sure her neighbors are just messing with her
“What if they weren’t JUST spies…?”
That is awesome. If I lived next to Victoria Jackson I’d tell her there were people taking pictures of her house too. Gay people.
If Victoria Jackson, Kristen Schaal and Sarah Vowell all worked in a helium factory and there was a leak, how would they know?
There voices would reach a frequency that only dogs could hear.
Their. Shit.
Unexplained gif distraction:
Sorry, Gabe, but you cannot use HLN in the same sentence as “news” without a “not” right before it.
Any channel that contains Nancy Grace: World Expert – http://gawker.com/#!5784509/nancy-grace-just-knows-that-everyone-in-california-will-die-from-radiation – automatically loses its label as anything resembling news.
Also, this is all nullus because Victoria Jackson carries pictures of gay people in her wall-I mean has gay friends.
y u do dis Gawker?
The shitty Gawker redesign is why I migrated my internet attention to VG 4L.
Yeah with only 8 seconds left I thought she’d forgotten all about the “I have gay friends” line. But she didn’t disappoint. I
Can Victoria and Stephan Baldwin just hurry up and get married already and make crazy babies?
I would rather they got married, bought a house, locked the doors, and burned it to the ground. #nopyro
“Illogical Crazy Nobody” is just a cute little buzz word for the People With Brains Agenda.
upvotes for Jesco White!!!
Sometimes I just love wikipedia:”In 1984, Jackson married Nisan Mark Eventoff, who was a fire-eater and magician.[14] ”
[Insert Arrested Development flamer joke]
Here’s my favorite Victoria Jackson quote:
http://articles.cnn.com/2011-02-23/politics/hollywood.conservatives_1_cpac-conservative-political-action-conference-conservative-credentials/3?_s=PM:POLITICS
Jackson, who describes herself as a believer in Jesus Christ, charged that there is discrimination in Hollywood — religious discrimination.
“They just don’t dislike Christians, they hate God,” said Jackson, who later added, “You don’t know how liberal it is, even the Christians are communist.”
So, where is the discrimination?
“Do you see me on TV? No,” responded Jackson, who spent six years on SNL. “Do you see me in movies? No.”
“Psalm 35:15: But when I stumbled, they gathered in Glee.”
/
Victoria Jackson walks into bar with a large houndstooth bow planted in her mop of hair.
The bartender looks disgusted and says “Where the hell did you get that stupid, ugly thing?”
“I know, right?” laughs the bow.
is that a gideon bible? someone ask her what the bible says about stealing shit from hotel rooms.
Maybe she stole it after having very RESPECTABLE HETEROSEXUAL sex with Rocky Raccoon. Or the Pope or something.
Something else that is in the bible: “I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent.” – Timothy 2:11
Good exclusive.
Dana Carvey: “I guess Victoria can voice her opinion!”
Toonces: “Yeah, just not very well!”
Oh what a joy it must be to be her teenage daughter.
Is anyone else bummed out? Until yesterday, I had no idea that Victoria Jackson was a paranoid nutjob. She seemed so sweet and lovable on SNL and UHF.
She’s the fat female born-again version of Charlie Sheen.
except you dont want to fuck either one of them
I imagine this happened following this interview:
(Victoria Jackson’s phone rings)
Hello?
Victoria? This is your neighbor, Charles, and my partner Erik is here with me. We just want to tell you, again, that we aren’t friends. You sort of hate us, and say terrible things about us, all the time. So, to be clear, unless you meant someone else, you don’t have gay friends.
Those damn gays, descrimitating against a good christian.
I now wish I wasn’t so coherent and sane. Because apparently being crazy is now the best way to get famous on television or to become a “pundit.”
This ditzy homophobe character is the best thing Victoria’s done in years!!!
what if its all a big hoax like that jokin’ phoenix trickery?
sallywang you are KILLING IT this week
Wait, she’s an EX-gymnast?! Could have fooled me.
Proverbs 23:2 “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.”
Shouldn’t she be more worried about this since it actually pertains to her?
“Jackson’s criteria for ‘embracing Islam’ simply means the opposite of denouncing Islam. So basically if you don’t hate something then that means you love it. And probably want to gay-marry it. Very logically sound.”
http://pridesource.com/article.html?article=46145
“Jackson’s criteria for ‘embracing Islam’ simply means the opposite of denouncing Islam. So basically if you don’t hate something then that means you love it. And probably want to gay-marry it. Very logically sound.”
http://www.pridesource.com/article.html?article=46145