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Kristen Schaal could be in an advertisement for THE PHONE BOOK and I would want to buy one*! (Get it? The Phone Book is the most boring book! Your mom is in it.) Four more Kristen Schaal smartphone commercials after the jump. Wow.
Come see Kristen perform live at the Videogum 3rd-Anniversary Show on April 7! (Thanks for the tip, Octavis.)
*To be honest, I don’t actually want to buy one of these phones. I already have a phone and they look like stupid pieces of crap! But I support Kristen Schaal getting some of that sweet, sweet ANDROID CA$H. Android Cash Rules Everything Around Kristen. (A.C.R.E.A.K.)
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The phone book is free, Gabe. Frankly, it sounds like Kristen is running a long con on you. You should probably contact the authorities.
“…Get the money, dolla, dolla bill, Schaal…”
Do you come with the phone, Kristen?
“Oh, you.” -Kristen Schaal
WHY ARE THE ONLY FIVE?! GIVE ME MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Schaal got fiiiiiive on it!
You lean in and whisper something sexy in my ear like
I might go to bed now I’ve got work in the morning
I know what you’re trying to say girl
You’re trying to say oh yeah
It’s business time it’s business time*
* – In this case “business” is the business of selling smart phones
This site has gotten so commercials.
I’m so confused now Morgan Spurlock tell me what to do
See The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, in select cities April 22nd
I think Kristen has something to say about that:
see, i COULD have just waited until the Victoria Jackson post…but i didn’t know when i would get to use the gif…and i was so proud of myself..even though i can’t get rid of those damn black bars (racist!). ANYWAY, i also tweeted my gif (to you.). So, long story short: I love her, I have been watching this on a loop and you are welcome.
That first video is not a good indicator of the brilliance of the next 4. In fact, it almost made me not want to watch the next four. Way to bury the lead.
Hey, you changed the video order around. Way to go democracy! Hooray America! Midget batting lead-off!
Gah! I love Kristen Schaal because I’m a nerd. But I also love Apple because I’m a nerd. Apple! Schaal! Apple! Schaal! Apple! Schaal! Apple! Schaal! Schaaple!
Head explode!
(Yeah, I didn’t go with Scanners on this. Sue me.)
FAKE
GAY
I believe this is known to the scientific community as “Sudden Homosexual Matter Transcendence”.
I will sue you. and I will win.
“Gah! I love Kristen Schaal because I’m white. But I also love Apple because I’m white.”
Still works.
Uh, nerds do not love Apple products.
Am I the only person who doesn’t know who Kristen Schaal is? Have I been absent from this site that long? (Also, I went to google her and one of the options was “Kristen Schaal is a horse.” So, good job, world. You guys ever feel like the world is TOO COOL? The world is all like “I’m pretty into tsunamis and intolerance right now.” And you’re all like, SWWWWWWOOOOON.”)
I’m plugging the Kristen Schaal protocol into The Matrix. You should be a master at her in just a few seconds.
But he first thing that pops up is after you type her name is “Kristen Schaal hot”, so that’s something. It’s better to be objectified in a positive light than a negative one, amirite ladies?
Remember ladies; those are your only choices.
Flight of the Conchords? and she was on Madmen for like three seconds? and the Daily Show? Bob’s Burgers? She has a sexy book of sexy sex? and she is lovely in everything she does. EVERYTHING. everything. ♥
“You smell like ointment and pee!”
Also “Kristen Schaal is a Horse” is actually a thing and is actually great!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUkixWUJzPE
please let her reprise this at the videogum show. please gabe, pull some strings.
And thats how a bill becomes a law!
Kristen Schaal is an extremely funny and talented comedian.
Look who’s late to the Schaalty. #stretch
I love her. She looks like my best friend from college with those big hypnotic blue saucer eyes. Have I said this before? because I love her. I mean, whatever, i’m a big flaming nobody but that second commercial TOTALLY made me want a Ménage à schaal. LOLDOYOUGETIT? oh damn.
Kristen is “attainable” but not “the girl next door.” I’m starting to develop a crush.
What a fucking Schaal out.
Can Kristen Schaal please be my big sister? Kay cool thanks.
I would like Kristen Schaal and Zach Galiafankis and (Frances McDormand and Richard Pryor) to get married and have a baby and for me to be that baby. They would be the best parents and I would love them forever and ever and I wouldn’t put them in a nursing home at all.
Well, hello, my conjoined twin in this scenario.
You could be called Pat-Mans. I’m sure you would be so happy together! I mean, it’s be like “Stuck on You” only something i’d watch.
Patrick and I are conjoined at the joke.
We used to do a great “Chang and Eng” bit, but someone chased us out of the library
She opens that phone like a pro! Someone should pay her to do it!
Also, bleeping “YOU” in the first commercial is possibly the funniest thing I’ll see today.
Kristen Schaal’s voice rocks me to sleep at night
That first one was written by BabyFriday, right?
So… Is Kristen Schaal seeing someone romantically right now? Because if not, I’m moving to wherever she lives and proposing to her every day until she says yes. Good idea? Good idea.
I don’t want to brag, but I got to see Kristin Schaal and Kurt Braunohler at Fringe Festival in Edinburgh a couple summers ago and they were the best! Remembering them is the only thing that’s keeping me from being distraught that I can’t make the Videogum Anniversary Show..
I was actually just looking into this because playing old playstation games on my phone sounds awesome, and Kristen Schaal is certainly making this decision easier.*
*I don’t actually decide my purchases based on who tells me to buy them. Unless it’s Kristen Schaal.
“Great, I’m on YouTube. Now let’s blow some shit up.”
This grants me a disturbing glimpse at the real priorities of our society…Kristin Schaal or no, this commercial gives me the heebie-jeebies.