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If there’s one thing the world definitely needs more of, it’s compassion adults spending hours practicing and performing a 27-year-old dance routine in groups of twenty or more. It seems like a VFW hall wedding reception can’t go by these days without everyone and their grandma getting liquored up on Jesus Juice and moving their limp wrists from side-to-side. Today’s dance-off pits a new squad of firefighters against a YouTube classic. But whose Thriller dance is truly off the wall? (Oof.)
Please refresh your knowledge of the old standard:
Wow! That was great! Get busy livin’ or get busy dancin’, amirite? Now to the scoreboard:
A dance crew 1500 strong: +9
1475 dancers tragically underused: -6
Cool matching red outfits: +1
Ola Ray character played by prisoner in drag: +8
Weak cinematography: -3
Men in flip-flops: -10
Positive use of time: +9
Total: 8
And the new zombies in town:
Whoa! Those moves are on fire! Let’s see that five alarm steppin’ stacks up:
Impressive range of motion in full gear: +4
Black AND white represented, much like MJ himself: +7
Chainsaw cameo: +1
Time could be spent learning to better fight fires: -41
This guy: +92
Total: 63
I think we have a winner.
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You know, I can certainly appreciate not having anything better to do when you’re supposed to be working. Without that, I wouldn’t even know what a Videogum is. But this still seems pretty pointless. Maybe they should take all of that free time to continue the work on the calendar that the Mayans started. There’s enough of them that they could probably add 20 years or so at the end, at least!
Aren’t firefighters supposed to be kind of waiting around doing nothing while they wait for a fire to break out somewhere? I mean, I’m sure they don’t just do NOTHING nothing, but they can’t be doing anything that can’t be dropped immediately to go fight a fire. I don’t have a problem with throwing a little dancing into the mix and building camaraderie.
“Hurry Francine! The fire’s spread to the entire 2nd floor! Call 911 already!”
“I’ve TRIED! Don’t you think I’ve tried?! No one’s answering!”
While rocking with each other all night, the firefighters were unaware that a smooth criminal was setting a house on fire. A child, Ben, tragically burned to death. Fortunately, he was not my son.
Dead again. Everybody just be killin Briadru this morning.
Was Annie okay, though?
No she was not ok. She was a vegetable and I hate you.
The smooth criminal went home and took a deep look at the man in the mirror. “Why can’t you just change your ways?” he asked, before breaking down into sobs.
Smooth Criminal, it doesn’t matter if you are Black or White because You are Not Alone in this world, my friend.
“Black AND white represented, much like MJ himself: +7″
Dead. I’m dead.
Odd. You mention firefighers plus thriller, but not ghostriding?
The Thriller in Maniller
I have to give the firefighters +10 for the old timey intro, but a -5 for the non-sensical plot. What is this, the Event?
Also, I think the “guy” you gif’d is actualy a woman. SEXIST! I do, however, love the guy before that with the killer eyebrows, who’s like “yeah, I can’t really turn my head, not even gonna try. I could be at home watching reruns of Two and a Half Men right now”.
I can’t tell if it’s a woman or if it’s an extra from the movie Firefighter Boys.
Either way, the preferred term is “Firehuman”
I think it may be called a “transelemental”. I learned that from watching the Last Airbender (I did not watch the Last Airbender (I did watch the Last Airbender))
Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?
Did anyone else notice how long the shadows are? That likely means the rehearsed this ALL DAY instead of learning how to fight fires.
Don’t fall asleep with a cigarette burning the the Chattanooga area, Tennessee Monsters.
And remember to pay the $75 fire service subscription fee SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH YOU TENNESSEE FIREFIGHTERS?
Hey, that dance won’t choreograph itself! (But for real, a firefighter subscription fee? That seems so very wrong)
Sadly while all the firefighters were dancing the entire city burned down
They may be in the business of putting out fires, but they just started a fire…in my heart.
Do you mean “pants”?
Yes. Thanks for pointing out the typo.
I think we have a winner. I hope Gabe never comes back.
Say what you will, but I always felt that the guy doing Ola Ray acted the Hell out of that part.
Give that guy a Trammy® award.
Can’t beat their other epic video where the firefighters SWIM WITH SHARKS in full gear and the training chief strokes a stuffed lynx. All to the tune of Duran Duran’s “View To A Kill.”
embed fail. Link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQBZILzAUk0
I would never dress as a woman in prison. Not even for a ginchy production number. For a few cigarettes, maybe, but not a production number. Standards.