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Hello. My name is Shell and I am a civil celebrant. On behalf of Gabe and Videogum, I welcome every one of you to this celebration of the life of Zune. He was born November 4th, 2006 in Redmond, Washington and passed March 15th, 2011. It means a great deal to them that you have come to join them in the bittersweet experience of recalling his four short years on this earth. Your presence here is important, for it is the memory of the friends who stood by them during this time that will be a source of strength and consolation to them later on, during those inevitable moments of grief and emptiness.
I’d like to recite a short poem about Zune:
Zune loved
fm radio, fabric knotted headphones
trailing behind apple
hardware updates all unknowns
wifi coverage just mediocre
in every neck of the woods
so says Al Roker
some say he killed the Kin
those ads were awful
not exactly a sin
Most of us would collapse under the weight of these challenges that faced Zune. But, he was so much more than his flawed hardware conveyed. Zune accepted his challenge of competing with the iPod in the same way he did everything: by failing miserably. His smile was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud, warming all that it touches. Zune conveyed more joy, contentment and hope than anything we could have imagined possible. He came to this earth to teach each of us different lessons. Learn from him, strive to be like him. Do not let his legacy end. Talk about how his life was short, but touched many. Zune will always live on in our hearts and minds.
A special thank you to Michael, Jessica, and John for their contributions to the Videogum Zune Tip Memory Fund.
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Is it wrong that I got a little sad just now?
My poetry does that to people.
At least Nate Dogg will have something to listen to in heaven, where the wifi is impeccable. RIP.
Wait, Nate Dogg died?
Sadly, yes. He was 41.
I am going to choose to celebrate his life by remembering the time you all had me read the Wikipedia entry on “Regulate” over chat while I was in McAlister’s. Everyone in the restaurant looked at me like I was a mad man.
http://theinternettoday.net/music/rapper-nate-dogg-has-passed-away/
Nooo!! I’m so sad. Regulate In Peace, Nate Dogg…
just saw a “headline” that said “nate dogg’s body turned cold.”
i’m not sure how i feel about that.
He’s regulating with the angels now.
Oh. Sorry. :-/
a life snatched away too zune (BOOOOOOOO, GET A JOB)
Rather than flowers we will be accepting donations of Microsoft Points for the local food bank. Give what you can.
We can all agree that Microsoft Points are one of the worst things ever right?
Downer. Microsoft may be a soulless corporation, but at least they’ve always been straightforward about their evil ways, and they’ve done a lot of good for the world, too. Sad to see them losing out to the insidious, soul-tainting plague that is Apple.
I’m sure Microsoft will find a way to survive without the Zune.
WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF MICROSOFT!?
Wait, a second. Does this mean we can no longer say, “fax it to my Zune?” I for one, will continue to say it, in order to keep the memory alive!
Au Contraire (what?), I think that makes it even funnier! Though Gabe, being 67, may have a hard time moving all his music back to the Victrola ZING.
I heard that. I am trying not to falter under this blow, but it is hard.
Good night, sweet zune. May a flock of angles guide thee to thy rest.
Now cracks an acute heart. Good-night, sweet triangle;
May flocks of obtuse angles guide thee to thy rest.
Poor Gabe, all the big news always happens when people go on vacation.
That was beautiful, complete with shout out to the Kin.
you should give him a Viking funeral fit for Viking kings and their zunes.
Damn. It was Zune upside down. It said “anuz”. So much joy. Now all gone.
he he he
“It’s called a Zune and here’s the logo!”
“Great! Now, before we sink a kerjillion dollars into this, have we looked into whether someone with the most basic of Photoshop skills could turn this into the word ‘anus’?”
“Nope.”
“Great! We’ll target the ‘Zune-ami’ campaign for March 2011.”
“Hey Google Wave, HD-DVD, Dreamcast, PSP, Segway, Kin, the N-Gage, Sega Saturn, Web-TV, Windows Vista, Two-way Pagers, Car Phones. make some room in the boat, we got one more. Betamax, you good with piloting this thing.” — The Boatman on the River Styx to Tech Hell, which in my mind is played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Who thought the N-Gage was a good idea? Such a terrible Frankenstein’s monster of a gadget.
In lieu of flowers, the Microsoft family has asked that you send iPod Nanos.
My haiku ode to the Zune:
Goodbye to the Zune
Always made me feel uncool
Now I am retro
Retro is in now, right? …Right?
I just want to belong. I was never hugged as a child.
there’s an app for that
But the Discman is still alive and well, right? Asking for a friend who is so two thousand and late.
It has anti-skip technology now.
What? Discman’s are retro!
Oh, Kin. We’ll never find out if Rosa met all of her social network…
All we are is Zunes in the wind…………….
too zune.