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Rise & Grind my dolls!!!!
Hello, Monsters. My name is Joe Mande. Some of you may know me as a stand-up comedian from cable television, the author of a very cool and timeless Urban Outfitters book, or the asshole who keeps trying to get into a Twitter war with Frankie Muniz. But today, however, I will be taking one for the team Gabe and assuming the role as guest-blogger for Videogum. Needless to say, I do not take this task lightly. In my opinion, Gabe Delahaye—despite being well over 60 years old—is the best writer on the Internet and should be awarded the title of Blogger Laureate of the United States by your “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama.
There are two very important things you need to know about me. First, I’m kind of an idiot. So let’s all temper our expectations. Second, I’m mildly (mildly means completely, right?) obsessed with Black culture, so don’t be surprised if the source for all of today’s “news” comes directly from my homepage, mediatakeout.com.
My hope is that today will go smoothly without anything crazy happening. And by “crazy,” I mean I hope Charlie Sheen doesn’t die or anything like that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not care if Charlie Sheen dies. Actually, I hope Charlie Sheen dies! Fuck that dude! I just don’t want Charlie Sheen to die today. You know what I mean? I think we’d all feel better if Gabe was at the helm of Videogum when Charlie Sheen dies. (Which will be sometime next week, hopefully.)
Anyway, enough of my blathering…let’s dive into some trampoline accidents, shall we?
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Someone’s an eager beaver! Gabe doesn’t generally start for another hour and a half! Not sure anybody else out there chronically refreshes this early JUST IN CASE. So…first, I guess?
No…I…definitely don’t do that. I also don’t check my profile before I go to bed to see how my comments are doing. I never ever do that.
Before bed? I do mine first thing in the morning. Give the Australians time to weigh in.
Aww I was greatly looking forward to remembering the anniverary of Charlie Sheens death as the day Joe Mande guest blogged.. OR the anniversary of the day Joe Mande blogged as the day Charlie Sheen died.
Jeez now im hoping he doesn’t die so I don’t feel like an ass. Thanks Joe Mande for making me hope Charlie Sheen doesn’t die today.
What if Joe Mande dies today? Does that mean we get Charlie Sheen as a guest blogger?
I’m pretty sure that’s how spectral possession works.
I like to imagine that Gebe did try to get Charlie Sheen to guest blog this week, but it turned into an elaborate quest where Gabe had to fight a series of trolls, warlocks and tigers so he just gave up.
Hi Joe! Welcome to the Jungle!
We’ve got fun and games. Mostly just Monopoly and Scrabble. But we’re missing two E’s and an N.
So, really, we’ve got Moopoly and Scrabbl.
Ides of March, man. Ides of March.
e tu, R2?
WELCOME, JOE! Someone gave me your book for Christmas, it now sits in my bathroom next to a pile of my roommate’s old Motor Trend magazines. I don’t mean that in a snotty way, I do most of my reading in the bathroom.
I think I may have just found a solution to your David Foster Wallace problem.
You know what I learned from that banner pic? The only real difference between new media and old media is the use of undershirts.
Look at this fucking guest blogger, you guys!
Ok, I will show myself out. I am sorry, you guys. Really though, I am looking forward to today, Joe!
Don’t need to look forward to today, it’s already happening. You can just look at it now.
Hello Mr. Mande, I have a few questions:
1. As someone who was making fun of “hipsters” back when most of America wasn’t even aware of the term, what do you think of the recent slew of hipster related memes?
2. Since there is no real central attribute to being a hipster (such as punk music was to punks etc.) do you look at as the natural end of the cycle or are you confident that hipsters will continue as a culture in the future? Does their eclecticism in fact makes them stronger?
4. Will you be my friend?
What was question #3???????
3. Will you teach me to count?
I actually gave up Charlie Sheen for Lent, so if something happens this week I won’t know.
(PS Everyone should give up Charlie Sheen for Lent. I’ve already lost 3 pounds.)
But what does this have to do with Kentucky?
Hi Joe! I’m off to work, so you’ll see me later this evening making the 50th comment on a number of articles, long after the comment threads have lost steam!
Yes! Trampoline accidents! Joe gets it!
YEESSSSSSSS. Just saw him wearing a wonderful tuxedo with a red bow tie the other night.
Hey you were in that show with Gabe like a week ago. You were funny!
“by your “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama.”
Yeah, that was unnecessary.