Photos
Your grandma, Rosina Kovar, testified on behalf of herself and you (her grandchildren) yesterday before the Colorado Senate Judiciary concerning a civil unions ballot measure that looks like it may pass, and HO-BOY, does your grandma ever know a TON about buttholes. Like, not just the science of buttholes and how sphincter muscles work, but also the historical precedent for proper butthole usage. (She, of course, uses the technical term “anus” because she is a scholar and a gentlewoman.) It should be reiterated that she was testifying against CIVIL UNIONS, which, if I’m not mistaken, hasn’t the ship already sailed on the whole civil unions thing? Thought at the very least we had kind of put that basic yet still discriminatory step towards equal rights behind us. You hardly even hear anyone worrying that if we allow same-sex civil unions we’re going to have to start allowing human-lizard civil unions anymore.
Anyway, your grandma poops out some real gems and then rests her case after the jump:
KEEP OUT! You have to admit, the homophobe’s go-to strategy of focusing entirely on the rudimentary physics of gay sex when it comes to explaining why gay people shouldn’t be allowed to VISIT EACH OTHER IN THE HOSPITAL is always almost as hilarious as it is terrifying. I mean, I know that ultimately it is very awful and it represents a widespread methodology of backwards thought that it is going to take a couple more generations to breed out of the population and it’s one of the many things that is holding our society back in this hateful darkness of unacceptable repression (because, seriously) but also, if we can try and put SOME kind of silver lining on it, I just love the idea of how much WORK Rosina Kovar put into her testimony and how much time she has spent in her adult life imagining two men fucking. That’s hilarious! Just picturing it and getting so mad. Complaining to her husband in graphic detail. “Yes, honey.” WHY DON’T YOU DRINK SOME TEA AND PLAY MAH-JONGG AND STOP PICTURING LUBED-UP BUTTHOLES, ROSINA KOVAR?! (Thanks for the tip, Andrew.)
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“Ma’am. We are a state senate. I think we are eminently aware of the definition of assholes.”
I love when tags have multiple meanings. The lady, who is an asshole, is talking about assholes. What a world!
I would like to see this lovable old gal hosting Saturday Night Live. To Facebook!
I, for one, am way more concerned that the unwed mother rate is now at 41% whatever that means!!!
I’m also guessing that Mr. Kovar has never been allowed to “go through the back door”, if you catch my drift. (KEEP OUT!)
It means they should have had more butt sex!
“It should be reiterated that she was testifying against CIVIL UNIONS, which, if I’m not mistaken, hasn’t the ship already sailed on the whole civil unions thing? Thought at the very least we had kind of put that basic yet still discriminatory step towards equal rights behind us.”
Uhhhhh…you need to get out New York more often and head down south.
They literally have billboards about abortion. BILLBOARDS!
This explains why the economy sucks. Zygotes know nothing about business!
The worst thing about that billboard is the kid took a huge performance bonus in 2010, the same year he laid off half the workforce, including his dad, older brother and the family dog, Otis.
That’s a nice one. When I lived in North Carolina we only had a few homemade billboards(a real thing!) letting us know that abortion stops a beating heart. Here in Massachusetts*, all we have are a few determined protestors outside our clinics.
*I never got higher that a B+ in homosexuality.
There was one on my way to school [in New Jersey no less] telling passers-by that abortion stopped a beating heart, and even as a 5th-grade baby feminist I was all like :eyeroll:
I saw an ad on the bus once (Philadelphia city bus), that said that women who get abortions are more likely to develop breast cancer. Without even an asterisk to say *Correlation does not prove causation, or *We are lying! I was so annoyed by the blatant attempt to strike fear in the hearts of the uneducated I almost forgot to be annoyed by the guy playing his music too loud through his tiny earphones.
if i had a bunch of stickers that read “correlation does not equal causation” to put on things that pretend otherwise, i would exhaust the world’s supply of stickers
There’s a billboard like this near my place in Brooklyn. It’s only slightly less offensive than those subway ads with the giant bed bugs.
I was visiting my parents while in college and had reason to drive from Decatur to Hartselle, Alabama. On the highway, there was a billboard with a really bloody close up of Jesus on the cross (seriously so much blood) and it said “Don’t crucify Christ again by voting yes on Tuesday.” This was preceding a vote to decide whether or not they should be allowed to sell alcohol in the town.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
That is the most blatant emotional manipulation I’ve heard of. That’s AMAZING.
Yeah, how many states even have civil unions? Less than ten, right?
17 states (including DC) have at least some sort of civil union (or better) legislation. We’re 1/3 of the way there, folks!
And then we fight for marriage. Separate but equal? In 2011? Come on, America. We can do better.
i learned not to kick the dog when i was 3 years old, lady.
Exactly! If her kids didn’t learn compassion until “ages 5 through 12,” I’m wondering how seriously they terrorized the other kids in their class. Hmm.
Chances are, they buggered them senseless.
Ironically, Mrs. Kovar nearly caused an accident trying to enter the court’s parking lot through the exit ramp.
Who are those bro’s sitting on the floor? What kind of Mickey Mouse state senate is this?
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: I’m so glad I’m from Canada, you guys.
Anal-a-Plenty up there, huh?
KY dispensers on every corner, right?
“Gay Bars” are just called “Bars”, correct?
All schoolchildren receive a leather-bound copy of The Homosexual Agenda when they reach Grade Five.
All schoolchildren are just leather-bound when they reach grade five.
What actually happened was we all married lizards. It’s a bit weird here now, honestly.
Oh, yeah! The gay lizard marriage debate was a doozy.
It’d be fine if my lizard-husband weren’t so sleepy from October to May. I feel like I’m the only one who ever cleans up around this place, because he always has to “go do some basking with the boys down at the tanning salon.”
Do you think he’s cheating on me?
Same-sex marriage nation-wide since 2005, represent!!!! (2005 is still depressingly recent).
Grandma,
http://images2.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/3608399/YOU-EAT-DA-POO-POO.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=Pissed-off-Obama
I know you guys think I meant to post an image here, but I didn’t. That URL is intended for reading only, yes sir.
I’ve always loved the idea that homosexuality is being actively TAUGHT in our schools. If that had been the case, I know I would have enjoyed health class a lot more. “Rebekah and Eva…show the class what lesbian sex looks like.”
And not to make wide gaping holes (hyuck) in this woman’s testimony, but I’m pretty sure the latency period is exactly WHEN kids should learn about sex. If they don’t find out about it until they’re teenagers, it can interfere with their development, or at least make them a juvenile asshole like myself.
As a teacher, I know I begin every lesson with an ode to the joys of gay sex. I’m not “teaching” it, per se, but the kids get the message loud and clear.
“Kids, look at how Jim keeps calling Huck ‘honey’ in this scene. Now I’m not saying that are definitely squat humping each other, I’m just saying that they are naked on a raft together and, you know, shit happens.”
I’m also pretty sure that there is no scientific evidence backing up Freud’s psychosexual theories. So the latency period probably isn’t a good benchmark for anything.
“The latency period is bullshit. Read HoS 1. I’m dead.”~Foucault
“I’m Foucalt. I’m Mr. Cool Jacket. Look at me. I’m Foucalt.” – Foucalt
Her whole concept of sex education is pretty entertaining. “when you start teaching them, and getting them all involved in sex…” I get the feeling she’s imagining intramural sex clubs…
High school would have been so. much. better.
I had a kind of a hippie health teacher, and I actually remember writing the definition of “analingus” in my little three-ring binder. But it’s not like the teacher was for or against. We weren’t putting up poster displays like it was Martin Luther King Day. It’s just a word, with a definition.
“Ma’am, that’s very informative and all, but today’s hearing is about painting a new crosswalk at the intersection of Elm Street and 7th Avenue.”
I’ve seen this lady on SeeClickFix, hijacking issues about potholes. She’s the worst.
“Thanks for the tip, Andrew.” Ahahahahaha. Gabe, you kill me.
Looks like someone needs to borrow my copy of Anal Pleasure and Health.
The weird thing about senility is that you can tell which memories and ideas really stick with someone through their life. When everything else slips away, only the most meaningful things remain.
Burn on James Garner’s character in The Notebook!
The Notebook would have been a much better movie with buttsex.
Well, nobody ever said they WEREN’T having buttsex.
oh i think i remember buttsex in The Notebook… was that not The Notebook? hmmm.
I’m upset they’ cut out the context of her reference to Josef Stalin. I was really curious to hear what he had to say about the anal lining. I’m guessing he blamed the kulaks.
If I weren’t at a work computer right now, I’d make this my wallpaper.
She looks pretty bad in this video, but you should see the one where she’s got a tiny umbrella. Adorable!
Oh plzzz I was already informed all about the evils of the anus from this guy
Mrs. Kovar then proceeded to augment her point by trying and failing to open a door labeled “Exit Only” as she attempted to leave the premises.
I love when they try to go with science, and usually I want to point out all the gay sex animals get up to, but this time, for some reason, I want to ask her if the anus is for exiting, what’s the deal with pressure on prostrate?
The very large stick up this lady’s ass pretty much negates all her arguments…
Someone just checked one more thing off her butthole list.
Well, the mouth is definitely an entrance, so I’m assuming she’s 100% cool with all gay oral sex all the time. Also, the belly button is a cul-de-sac!
Is there any chance you picked that avatar just to post that comment? Cause that would be neat.
Not to get all #graphicgum on everyone, but she is aware that “nature” also more or less put a WALL inside the vagina, right?
“Unlike the vagina, nature put a tight sphincter at the entrance to the anus. IT’S THERE FOR A REASON.” — something that a person actually said in front of an actual state senate, for reals.
how does that explain the hymen?
A question I ask myself daily, usually apropos of nothing
An open letter to all straight people obsessing over the homosexual lifestyle:
Dear Straight People Obsessing Over the Homosexual Lifestyle,
Good news! You no longer need to spend all your time obsessing over the homosexual lifestyle, which as we all know you are doing WAYYYYY more than any gay person. Rosina Kovar of Colorado has you all covered for the foreseeable future (until she drops dead, which might be soon, but until then, you are all in the clear). She has got her PhD in Obsessing Over the Homosexual Lifestyle Science.
So go on! Start thinking about other stuff! Rosina has got your backs.
Hugs and kisses to you and the missus (unless you are a woman which in that case it is ‘mister’),
-KajusX & Chainsaws
I’m interested to see the whole thing. The quick cuts just make it seem like someone blasting a bunch of crazy from a shotgun. I really want to know the leap in logic between sphincters and the unwed mother rate and “joseph stalin said.”
She is really not going to like it when we go back in time to 2005 and figure out that Bush’s abstinence only sex ed policy led to an increase anal sex among heterosexual teenagers.
I love her science facts. She’s running in from the lab, papers fluttering, out of breath, telling some guy in a general’s uniform that the lining of the rectum is only “one cell thick!”
My grandma actually does know a lot about holes. She’s a great seamstress.
I love (hate) that this old bitch thinks she has a right to tell me what I insert or release from my orifices.
She’s stooping pretty fucking low for someone who’s about to find out fairly soon if heaven is real.
OMG This woman taught me that her papa should have used her mama’s sphincter to prevent that unwanted baby that she grew up to become. This woman is totally WACK!!! How many points to run over a grandma with the car??? hummm time for a drive!
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