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Ladies. In the most recent installment of Nerve.com’s recurring feature of having celebrities offer sex-advice to an intern who has been tasked with coming up with fake sex advice questions (because seriously, who are these people writing in to Nerve with so many genuine and serious sex questions when they don’t even know which celebrity will be answering their questions?!) the guest doctor was Topher Grace! Our baby boy is all grown up! And he offered one piece of sex wisdom (that is the name of my third album) that I think some of you are going to find very useful:
What’s the best way to pick up Topher Grace?
I was talking to a friend about this the other day, about how if a girl just goes up to a guy and shows interest, that’s enough. Some girl was saying, “What kind of game do I use?” to pick up guys. If you just come up and say hi to any guy, it’s probably a good start. That’s a good approach. In terms of me, I work so much, and you wind up going on location a lot when you’re doing films, so the real trick is to catch me at a time when I’m home in Los Angeles and not working.So find Topher Grace in a bar in L.A. and go up and say hello.
That’s all you need to do. And be female.
So there you have it, ladies. You don’t even have to neg him or bounce him to a second location! (“Hey Topher, did you see the fight outside my cousin is coming into town in five minutes so I have to go soon nice nails just kidding I’m wearing binoculars.”) Just find him and be his girlfriend. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU! Before you leave the house, I highly recommend putting on those jeans with the legs covered in “Mrs. Topher Grace” written in Sharpie. They look great. You never have been able to find another pair that fit so well.
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“Say Topher, where do you get your ideas? Also, wanna bang?”
Hammer, you just condensed a piece of fan fiction I was writing into two sentences. Bravo.
I want to wake up next that artfully raised eyebrow. Now I’m halfway there!
“What’s up with Topher Grace” just gained a whole new meaning.
“No, no, no. You’ve got it all wrong. The best way to pick up Topher is by the elastic in his underwear.” – Jocks
“Bend with knees not with back.” – Coach
Challenge accepted, Topher!….And yes, I’d hit that.
“Topher Grace remains popular in my pants.” –thisismynightmare
I knew that little fruit was a homophobe
Well, there goes my strategy of asking Topher to join in on my next Jenga tournament.
Last week, he took over Sirius’ eighties channel to promote his movie and it was INSUFFERABLE and I wanted to tell all you Monsters to share my pain, but couldn’t find an appropriate place for it. Yay for the universe, which is clearly concerned with my Topher Grace/Videogum updates. #winning
“You go to a bar and meet, but definitely not buttfuck, Topher Grace.” – your grandma
I thought the secret to picking up Topher Grace was to bend your knees.
When I first read this, I thought he was saying “Come up and say hi and you’ll wind up going on location with me” which seems way more interesting and crazy.
Topher added: “Also, when you go out be sure to keep an out for predators. The dvd came out this past October and you should all go get it.”
Videogum everywhere mission. Find and pick up and marry Topher Grace. Ladies! Don’t forget your most sparkly medalions and to ask if he flosses before or after brushing.
Fuck yes! Moving to LA tomorrow for some Grace action.
I smell a teen rom-com! I meet TG and start dating him as a joke, but end up falling for him for real by accident. Then he finds out it was a bet and is very hurt, but ultimately ends up loving me anyway.
this is a movie that i would end up watching multiple times when it’s repeated every month on tbs.
Sounds like a fun and very timely spin off of She’s All That…..working title: T’s All That?
10 Things I Hate About Topher
Win a Bet with Tad Hamilton
It’s good to know Gabe hasn’t deleted his “Topher Grace” Google alert.
Gabe doesn’t need Google alerts. His Topher sense was tingling. He just knows…HE. JUST. KNOWS.
“I seem to have lost my copy of “That 70s Show: Season 3″, could I borrow yours?”
#unnecessarytophergracepickuplines
Me: Did it hurt?
Topher: Did what hurt?
Me: When you did your own stunts on “Predators”?
This has made me laugh for a minute straight. If I ever see him, I’m using this line.
“Nice shoes, wanna…actually, why aren’t you wearing any shoes?”
His feet look weird.
Me: I hope you have some antidote.
Topher: Why?
Me: Because later on I’m gonna have Venom inside me.
gross
So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong
PRO-TIP: This trick also works on Facetaco. Laaaaadies. WINK.
What does your wife and child think of that pro-tip?
P.S.: This works on a single JD. Just sayin.
PSHHHH
Hi, Facetaco!
Hi, Just Desserts!
“You best not be putting his sour cream up in anybody else’s enchiladas!”
-Facetostada
“Cry cry food cry cry play play food play cry sleep”
-Facetaquito
Heeeey Just Desserts. Was that too much? Am I being too forward?
I keep hoping that one of these days, in a bid for credibility, much like Debbie Gibson trying to get people to call her Deborah, he decides he’s now Christopher Grace.
LA Slag: Hey Topher! I hear That 70s show remains popular in syndication. Wanna bang?
Topher: It’s Christopher, actually.
LA Slag: You didn’t answer my question Topher! Wanna bang?
Topher: (resigned sigh) Yes
Oh, he will never be Christopher. There is a very small chance that anybody will ever refer to him by any name other than “That 70s Guy.”
Already beat you to it guys.
GO TO JAIL, TOPHER!
You guys are cute. You should get civil unioned.
Greatest gif ever?
It really is. Well…. or this:
This is how I imagine my GOOL representation looks like.
This sounds like a request for a very special invite to an LA monster meet up. I’ll get the glitter and construction paper! I should just mail it to Hollywood, right? Care of Big Time?
On the real, that’s all a bitch really needs to do to get a muthafuckaz attention. Just come up and say “hello”.
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