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The 2011 Academy Awards are this Sunday! Yay! We’re all going to watch it together, right? You already entered in the Videogum Oscar Pool, right? Good. Now on to the real business: WHO ARE YOU DRINKING?! (Get it? Like “who are you wearing” but for drinks?) For the second year in a row, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has put up 10 nominees for Best Picture, which means 10 signature cocktails. Yum! Something for everyone! (Except children! Nothing for children!)
The Black Swan
2 oz Kahlua
2 oz half and half
Hangnail zest
Stir with a bloody feather.
The The Fighter
2 oz Sam Adams
1 oz Bushmill’s
6 oz sweat
Garnish with a sm-med crack rock
The Inception
48 oz Nyquill
Serve on a trans-atlantic airplane
7 more delicious recipes after the jump!
The The Kids are All Right
2 oz white wine
8 oz white guilt
Serve in the perfect glass found on a Sunday afternoon antiquing outing while reading The Atlantic or Harper’s
The The King’s Speech
4 oz champagne
Apply Anbesol thoroughly to lips and gums before drinking
The The Social Network
12 oz keg beer
A generous dash of sense of entitlement
Serve on a crew boat with a lawyer present
The 127 Hours
12 oz rain water
Stir with a severed limb, preferably an arm
Serve in a Nalgene bottle
The Toy Story 3
100 oz ADORABLE
6 AA batteries
1 brief glimpse at the yawning abyss
Serve in a sugar-rimmed sippy cup
The True Grit
3 oz corn whiskey
2 oz dust
2 oz steely resolve
Shake on horseback (horse should be exhausted from three days long ride)
The Winter’s Bone
3 oz moonshine
3 oz crystal meth
1 face tattoo
Drink while wearing a vintage sweatshirt or a squirrel-skin cap
Yum! ENJOY RESPONSIBLY!
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I’m going to be drinking a Tommy Fresh! It’s just vodka with a bunch of cinnamon in it.
After drinking the Black Swan do you make out with yourself?
The “Salt”
12 oz of salt. Stir well.
The “Tourist”
I don’t know, nobody saw The Tourist
Urophagia.org has a good one for 127 Hours
The Dogtooth
Two ounces red wine
One pint of blood
One dead cat
Serve with one of your fathers subordinates who he hired to have awkward sex with you
I thought the ‘Inception’ was a shot of vodka within a glass of whiskey within a pint of beer within a pitcher of lemonade.
Serve inside a Turducken
Where’s the “kick”?
If you wash up half-dead on a remote island somewhere, you missed it.
The Paula Deen:
12 oz gravy
2 sticks butter
4 ya’lls
Shake until endearing but also unsettling.
I’m not 21, so I will be enjoying a Never Say Never.
2 oz Justin Bieber’s Gatorade (willingly poured)
1 lock of Justin Bieber’s hair (unwillingly taken)
2 oz of Justin Bieber’s sperm (everything happens for a reason)
Stir with canadian bacon IN 3D.
Even if you are under 21, you still GO TO JAIL if you drink this.
The “Major League:” A suitcase of cocaine.
and yes, Major League is up for an Oscar.
At timrs like t
At times like this I wished I was old enough to drink.
*wish
Looks like you’re making do.
My Academy Award Best Picture Nominee Cocktail side effects:
Black Swan- Vomiting
The Fighter- Fighting
Inception- confusion
The Kids are All Right- contentedness
The King’s Speech- Slurring words
The The Social Network- contacting exes
127 Hours- injuring myself
The Toy Story 3- crying
The True Grit- wearing funny hats
The Winter’s Bone- Boning
The Chet Haze – A case of Four Loko.
mixed with Zima?
The Country Strong, via Gwyneth Paltrow:
First, make sure your personal nanny has tucked the kids safe in bed, as children should never be exposed to the sight of alcohol until they’re the proper age. In fact, if you can manage to do most of your alcoholic drinking at your summer home, or while your children are off at their yoga classes, that would be recommended.
Once the kids are safely tucked away, mix 3 oz Glen Fidditch 50 Year Old Whiskey (any old Glen Fidditch Whiskey older than 30 years will do for those on a budget) with 1 oz of your own tears. It’s important that these come from you so you can really appreciate the fruits of your own labour, and I find crying exercises really help stretch the old acting muscle (as well as some facial muscles in the process – bonus!).
Pour into a refined crystal whiskey glass and enjoy, or, if you’re like me, just waft the drink and savour its rich aroma (I find tears contain too many calories for my taste). Pat yourself on the back for a good hard day’s work.
1) Glenfiddich is one word.
2) A real snob would never drink Glenfiddich.
That is why you are the worst, Gwyneth Paltrow. You can’t even be a pretentious twat correctly.
the “Probably Forgotten By Now But I’m Streets-behind Like That Videogum Reference”: lots and lots of champagne
Just remember – you shouldn’t be driving this car.
The I’m Still Here:
1 bottle O’Douls.
That is all.
This will be me immediately following drinking these cocktails:
All of these cocktails would be improved by including a bowl of cigarette lighters on the table. It’s a conversation starter! (#ComeBackGabeandMaxAllisForgiven)
this is the silvio, named after my bro, we pound these like its freakin’ padre island ’05
2 oz ruby red grapefruit squirt
2 oz chianti
2 oz ouzo
5 rophenols
That must be the “Elizabethtown”
The “Kick-Ass”
1 part Kick
1 part Ass
Serve in a martini glass
gotta disagree with you on the fighter, gabe. like jimmy mcnulty, irish micky ward would never drink protestant whiskey!