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At first, I was going to make a lot of jokes about this, like, about how weird it is, and how stiff they all seem, and why on Earth do they think this is somehow comforting, and is there no other sentence to use in your commercial for your funeral home besides “life moves so fast”, and is she holding onto the handlebars of a bicycle in that last shot for some reason? But then I remembered that dead people are dead and couldn’t possibly care who is in charge of getting rid of their bodies, so sure, use these guys. You’re dead! Is heaven neat?! (Thanks for the tip, Michael.)
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I think I know where those dudes are gonna have their funerals, you guys.
It must be weird to be able to call someone both your daughter AND your future undertaker.
It’s these types of Mom and Pop funeral parlor that the big corporate chains are driving out of business. Support your local funeral parlor!
Yeah! The service at Stiffs N’ Stuff is always so impersonal!
Have you been watching Six Feet Under on demand or something?
“On demand?” What’s “On demand?” Was that one of those old-fangled digital thingees that our forefathers used before Amazon Prime revolutionized the manner in which we all stream high quality video entertainment?
“I’d put a stiff body inside her casket, if you know what I mean.”–Something a horrible person would say, and not at all something I’d ever think was funny.
At first, I misheard the end of the ad as ‘at Newton and on the BRIDGE’ and got this fucked up image of them just chucking bodies of bridges. But then I was all like ‘that’s ridiculous’ and I realised I was wrong.
And THAT is my heroic story.
Narm.
My wife and I decided to re-watch Six Feet Under. It is incredible how bad it is. We found ourselves saying “shut up” a lot. “Shut up, Brenda” the most
We’ll Help Your Family Carrion Without You #RejectedFuneralHomeMottos
“It’s like Red Dead Redemption. Only without the Red or Redemption”
We put the FUN back in Funeral! #RejectedFuneralHomeMottos
A tisket, a tasket, a really comfy casket!
“Cremate your mates!”
We enbalm so you don’t have to!
We do last rites right!
“Newton-Bracewell Funerals. Where Your Loss… is Our Gain. Just dial C-A-S-S-K-E-T” The extra “S” is for SAVINGS!”
Corpse-Rape free since 1993
I think it’s pretty obvious that Bob and Rick were dead the whole time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t realize I could experience rigor mortis just by watching a hot girl on tv.
I took the bicycle as a subtle reminder that you will probably be killed today in a gruesome traffic accident.
Mmmbop.
No one was hurt.
I’m glad I don’t live in Chico and the North Valley. I don’t think I can handle the fast pace with which life seems to move there.
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yikes! i was refering to thisismynightmare…
Well, they wouldn’t want to come across too full of life. That would be insensitive.
Wait, so the kid wore a graduation gown on his first day of school?
Wait, they’re from Chico?
That explains a lot.
hey man I’m from Chico and…
…
yea that all has a bit of truth.
we do have the worlds largest working wooden yoyo though, so that’s pretty cool.
I’m really upset that I know this fact:
The Girl in the commercial is on the current season of The Bachelor
I was concerned that I was the only one in this situation. Actually, no, not concerned. I love my trashy shows.
at least you’re girls (presumably). i have no excuse. or nothing good, really.
just shame….
Shawntel N is totally my favorite. So I hope that she does not get picked. THAT GUY IS THE WORST.
He is totally the worst, but so is everyone on the show. Thus, why I watch it.
Spoiler alert: she got kicked off last night. No rose for funeral girl. And I know this because my mom told me – I mean, what else are we gonna talk about? Our hopes and dreams? NOT!
You know who is also The Worst? Shawtel N.’s dad!! “Your high school teacher’s son died and you weren’t there to do the funeral. She really needed you.” Nice guilt trip Shawntel N.’s Dad! So, Sahwentel N. doesn’t ever get to go on a reality show or even a vacation because someone she might have known at some point might lose a loved one?
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down for some one to note this! There are a ton of closet Bachelor watchers in the world, so don’t feel bad. Also, in spite of being totally into enbalming, this chick seems [or - spoiler alert - seemed] like the coolest one of the bunch.
Did you see how they played another, different commercial (just as awkward as this one) before Shawntel’s hometown date? Without any context or reason, just to be jerks? And then on the date they kissed inside her family mausoleum? And then she asked him if he wanted to be buried or cremated and he said “I’ve never thought about death before”? And then she FORCED HIM TO LAY DOWN ON HER EMBALMING TABLE? And showed him all her tools and told him about how she likes draining dead people’s blood?
Yeah neither did I because I don’t watch The Bachelor. But if I did, I would cite this date as the reason that I do.
Amen.
Two thoughts:
1. Alison Bechdel did it better.
2. My cousin verrrry recently discovered that eminent domain is a thing because our great-great grandparents (that’s TWO greats, guys) are going to be moved to make way for an airport runway. And she is catching the absolute VAPORS about this, all over my facebook page. Next time she posts something angry about how she’s being oppressed because our dead ancestors we never knew are being moved, I shall refer her to this post.
i hope brad womack chooses her
She went home last night. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that she made him lay on the prep table so she could demonstrate how she embalms dead people while saying things like “aneurysm hook.”
“Dane, Bob’s son” looks like he’s just about ready for a casket himself. Lighten up, Dane. No need to be tense because you found out your Dad is bisexual (admit it – you thought the same thing!!).
I was really worried the ad would go from “Just yesterday my son was reverse-graduating from Kindergarten, and your daughter was in Little League” to “And now they’re both dead! Thank goodness we have a funeral home!”
Or, as Mr. Show would put it: “Bye, Daddy. I’m dying.”
Context! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WRmmLKhkE0
BRACEWELL? Puns? Really? Too soon.
It seems like just yesterday I wasn’t thinking about my own funeral.