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“I’m kind of old fashioned. Like, I wouldn’t mind having a wife at home whose job was just to take care of the house and the kids, and pursue whatever kind of hobbies or personal interests that caught her attention at any given time. Please understand, it’s not out of some kind of chauvinist competitive gender normative thing. It’s more, like, I like the idea of really being able to provide for my loved ones and giving them the opportunity to not have to go into some office every day, or whatever. That’s all! That being said, I’m also totally into self-actualized women who know what they want and who have deep and fulfilling lives outside of our relationship. I think that’s important! (That was kind of my point about the whole hobbies and interests stuff: you can have an important personal life without having a job, can’t you? Isn’t that kind of the dream?) So if I meet a girl who is really serious about her career who would want to pursue a future together with that same intensity but without sacrificing the life she’s built on her own, then obviously I am all for it. Oh, there is one thing, though: she has to be five-years-old. Yeah, no, sorry. What can I say?! I’m old enough now that I just know what I want. And what I want is a careerist five-year-old wife.”
-You
Awwww. IF YOU LIKE IT THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A RINGPOP ON IT. (Via EpicPonyz.)
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So, granted, the testimonials are a bit strange, but you guys have to admit it’s amazing what those doctors on Bridalplasty can do!
“But honey…I make enough money on dinosaurs for the both of us!”
Inmate #45934, a/k/a WRONG, Frank Lloyd, has requested to leave a comment on this blog in regards to this video where his 5-year-old “wife” talks about getting a job. Request denied. Sicko.
Eat, Tea Party, Nap Time.
I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to get married before I became an astronaut queen of firetrucks either.
“I guess my mom started projecting her issues onto me when I was around five.” – My girlfriend, to her psychiatrist, in 2034
BINGO!
In all honesty, I think this little girl is rad.
Rage on, kiddo. Rage on.
Future Daily Show staff writer.
More like future copywriter for Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.
More like future 16th-century Queen of England.
Future Werttrew’s son/daughter’s girlfriend.
Nah, Gabe. That’s my domestic partner.
Awe, c’mon, babe! Let me provide for you!
I’m sorry, what? Who’s that? Chris Hanson? Oh, ok.
you know what to do.
Jennifer Anniston circa 1974
She did not mention the order in which getting knocked up to be on mtv latest train wreck was on that list.
She’ll change her tune when she meets the kid raking in a $3 a week allowance and driving the “Cadillac Escalade Custom Edition” Power Wheel.
Kids’ Home Videos Get Posted under “That’s Your Girlfriend” Instead of “Kids Blank the Darndest Things” on Videogum the Darndest Thing
Doesn’t this girl realize that being married IS a job?
I don’t blame her. Household income tends to take a hit when YOUR SPOUSE IS IN JAIL.
If she isn’t singing “Come Sail Away” in a Sailor Moon costume, then that’s not my girlfriend, Gabe.
She’s the next face of the Republican party! “I will not take handouts! I don’t even accept an allowance because no parent should have to pay my way.”
She’d already have a job but she’s scared to log onto something called Monster.com.
Age is just a number, as is a prison sentence.
cue cards! acting!
I am pretty sure this is just a deleted scene from Holly Hunter’s introduction in the new special edition of Broadcast News. #CriterionCollectionJokes
Man, I am a real creepazoid. Welp, see you guys later.
Life is really going to teach this spunky young miss a thing or two in a few years. Let’s see if she’ll be able to hold her head up and talk into a video camera then!
bitches get stuff done
i think we all go to jail now?
Her mom must be a delicate flower.
Someone need a dose of Disney Princess movies. She’ll snap out of wanting a job and get back into the Prince Charming business in no time.
I agree with her priorities. A job can buy you a shit-load of Lunchables and Capri-Suns.
Someone’s been reading my diary from 3rd grade. Approve and upvote.
Sure, but you’re not getting any younger.
up vote for avatar, name, and comment! triple threat!