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You know those seemingly innocuous lines planes leave in the sky? Well, you probably thought you knew them. I mean, you’ve seen them your whole life. They were even kind of cool when you were a kid. Turns out they were fooling us all along. Trying to get us to trust them with things like sky writing marriage proposals and air and water shows, when it’s been a ploy to control the weather AND THE WORLD the whole time.
Look, this may seem like a pack of charmingly diverse crazy people walking in formation at a park just thrilled to have a legitimate (?) platform on which to share their unfounded conspiracies, but this hits kind of close to home for me! I grew up near Chicago’s Midway airport witnessing these chemtrails for 17 years! What of my health? What of the weather? I’m worried!
So I Googled (sorry, Glenn Beck!) chemtrails and autocomplete confirmed my suspicions.
THE CHEMTRAIL HEADQUARTERS MUST BE HERE! The second Google search result for chemtrails is a site published in 2002 – which is like 100 years ago in internet time. And the related searches are just eerie!
That doesn’t inspire much confidence! New World Order? Weather control? BECK?!?!? I don’t know what sylphs and haarp are, but they sound like things aliens would say. I mean… did you guys SEE The Arrival??? I’m not saying there are aliens with backwards knees terraforming – or “geoengineering” (enough with the euphemisms, CBS ATLANTA!) – the planet, but I’d just like some reassurance.
Then again, there’s a guy at the park near my house who’s got some interesting theories about pigeons – swearing at them, specifically. Until I can get my local affiliate on that story, make sure to send your chemtrail photos (and shirtless photos?) to CBS Atlanta. They’re doing the big work.
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“Being sceptical is a good thing” – Thousands of people
Nooooooo! I am a plagiarist commenter!
You guys. We are right to be worried.
I like that “Magneto” is in cursive. It’s almost as if there was a ball-bearing factory near by, he’d take the time to make little X’s and O’s.
Magneto’s signature is kind of girly. Just sayin’.
Well it IS Ian McKellen. I’ll show myself out…
Magnet
That’s YOUR news, Baby Friday and teacherman.
I’m sorry. We would love to comment on this story, but we died of chemtrails. #commentsfrom…heaven(?)
“I think being skeptical is a good thing.” – a conspiracy theorist, ironically
That explains why it’s been raining frogs
It is a good thing that I am not a senator (or a journalist), because there is no way I could address this without a) laughing, b) swearing, or c) weeping. I mean, I can believe that my all-donut diet is a healthy alternative to these “fruits and vegetables” I hear so much about, but that does not make it so. Right? I mean, it so, awesome. Donuts for all! Chemtrails for none!
I was walking past a news kiosk in the subway a couple of months ago and saw that the one of the headlines of Hip Hop magazine was “Kanye West responds to Illuminati accusations.” The next morning I missed my train. I went outside to catch a cab and I saw a plane flying overhead. Guess what? That’s right. Chem trails. Coincidence? You be the judge.
“Look, I’m not saying that Kanye West is spraying chemtrails behind government planes in order to affect the weather and support the MSM’s global warming myths. But is he? Is he an Illuminati, Al-Qaeda, Kenyan Muslim community organizer hell-bent on destroying our economy and creating weird ice storms in Atlanta? I don’t know if he is or isn’t. But you can’t look that up on google, because they don’t want you to know whether Kanye West is a secret nazi communist who is racist against white people and God-fearing Christians who live in Atlanta for its temperate winter weather and not atypical ice storms.” – Glenn Beck
“Kanye West responds to Illuminati accusations”
Do those glasses come with that haircut? Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen an instance in nature where these two things existed apart.
You put into words exactly what my brain was struggling to tell me. As soon as that guy popped up, a little bell dinged in the back of my mind.
This may be somewhat O/T, but: When are people gonna stop dressing like they’re from The X-Files/The Matrix?? Stop wearing creepy trench coats and those awful small, rectangular sunglasses.
My favorite ride at New Order World is the Bizarre Love Triangle.
You have to admit, shadowy nefarious organizations really do have the best jams.
Mans, I had True Faith that you would make a New Order joke when I saw this.
This is truly a case of Power, Corruption, and Lies!
I liked it better back when it was Joy Division World.
My favorite part of this whole discussion: the Brotherhood.
Oh man, I went on the Bizarre Love Triangle and well, my face…EVERYTHING, gone green.
“The average duration of a contrail in usually about 20 minutes, but these are lasting all day.” – a sentence uttered by THE MOST BORING PERSON IN THE WORLD.
DS3M? Where you at? I KNOW you know something about all of this!
I KNOW NOTHING
I have a genuine fascination with conspiracy theories (thanks X-Files!). Can we have a new regular column here: “That’s Your Conspiracy Theory?” Nothing brings out the best in youtube videos than a good old-fashioned paranoid dude with a camera (who may just be right?).
Do you really think the jew-controlled media would allow such a column?
I like to believe that Emilia Earhart didn’t die and lived on a remote island for a long time. but that’s as far as my conspiracy theories go.
oh, and I believe in the loch ness monster.
I really enjoy looking up conspiracy theories on wikipedia and just letting the crazy wash over me.
Thank you for giving me something to do when I drink tonight!
My 7th grade teacher was a die hard JFK assassination conspiracy theorist and she used to lecture us on this on occasion. She was a fucking awesome lady. Needless to say, I subscribe to this belief.
What color were JFK’s eyes?
Blue.
On blew here, and one blew there.
Too soon?
I’m Calling the Doctor
Oh man! You have no idea how much I love a good conspiracy theory. And no spoilers, but you will soon see what the day has in store. OR WILL YOU???
Viva Beccagum!
David Icke! Lizard People! Alien rape! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4418546593480294563#
Listen up, sheeple!
The Air Force is using the HAARP program to alter the weather with chemtrails and sylphs, thereby creating a New World Order. IT”S SO OBVIOUS IF YOU’D OPEN YOUR EYES!
ABRCHW (Always Be Referencing Can’t Hardly Wait)
Oh you guys in Atlanta must have looked at the wrong calendar, as it is NOT April 1st!
Next up there’s going to be a We Ask the Tough Questions segment on the trail of poo dogs leave behind when they do the rub my ass on the ground dance.
Also, Becca….I love Daria, which in turn, makes you AWESOME!
BREAKING CONSPIRACY NEWS
Do you think that it is a coincidence that “Gabe” is on vacation this week? And that we have guest “bloggers”? Of course not! Look at the facts.
1. On Monday, we had “This Is My Nightmare.” We all know that nightmares are subconscious states where our deepest desires are contained by x-rays. What did she post? “I’d hit that”, a post which “turned on” certain sleeper operatives.
2. On Tuesday “Brad O’Farrell” blogged at length about Natalie Portman. Consider her name: Nat A Lie Port Man. He is telling us that in a port, the thugs of the New World Order will begin their invasion of the USA and that this is NOT A LIE! The crying was because the American Dream died.
3. On Tuesday “Soft” “Gabe”, blogged about Roseanne and Dahmner. The letters in their names spell “Fog Harmed One Baste Snare”. I don’t have to tell you what that means.
4. This morning when I woke up, I had on clothes and was not covered in vomit. Yet, last night, when I passed out, I was naked and had messed myself. Who cleaned me up? WAKE UP PEOPLE!
5. Coca-Cola is talking if you listen.
Mans,
Re: Item 4.
You’re welcome.
-FLW
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that, on the aforementioned monday, commentor “Mans” reverted to his old avatar.
I have tasted the pea purée and found it salty. Perhaps I shall try the chicken.
I like that the old lady in the group thinks the government would be dumb enough to INTENTIONALLY MAKE IRREGULAR SHAPES as part of their conspiracy to slowly poison people. Because, if there’s one thing you want when you’re perpetrating a crime against your own people, it’s to be found out by fucking morons.
I just love the idea that it CAN’T be from normal planes because normal pilots wouldn’t do that….but a government conspiracy jet would? for no reason?
New World Order?
Beck?
Haarp?
You make a good point!
“Haarp” obviously means Joanna Newsom is in on this. I’m not sure about “sylphs” yet.
Or those evil Harp Twins! Y’know, because twins are scarier and conspiracy-ier.
Joanna Newsom and Beck collaborating would be crazy
May I please use Beware the Chemtrails as the name of my new band?
Carl Swenson has a very distinctive voice… Wait a minute…
http://alfredismad.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/screen-shot-2011-02-17-at-11-16-20-am.png?w=272&h=263
http://alfredismad.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/batmantrees2.jpeg?w=200&h=160
Rats. It turns out failure WAS an option.
In moving forward, any chance of you guys adding a “delete” option? I want to delete the stuff I submit at least 10% of the time…
This is what happens when you advance technology! We should always stick with the first invention and never try and alter it!
Do the questions get tougher when filtered through a ‘Tough Question’ device or do the answers get tougher to answer?
And why aren’t the reporters embarrassed to be holding a microphone that says TOUGH QUESTIONS. uggghhhh
Doesn’t this “news” segment seem like it would be coming out of Pawnee, Indiana and not Atlanta?
Coming up after Tough Questions is CBS Atlanta’s newest segment…
All I know about Sylphs is that is sounds so scary!
PS, Georgia is a scary place. Ever heard of the Georgia Guidestones?! Place is a New World Order/Illuminati/Rosecrucian nightmare land! /end crazy
Jennifer Valdez is behind it all. *Georgia News Joke*
My boyfriend’s brother is rabid about chemtrails poisoning us. On a related note, in high school he took so much acid at one time that the fire department had to be called to help him off the roof of their parents’ house.
wait wait wait wait wait.
he’s on a committee for science, but he’s like ‘I BELIEVE IN THE CREATION OF THE EARTH BY GOD’?
????
It’s called pandering. Politicians do it.
When I read “Chemtrails” I totally had something else in mind.
Now now now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Did we all see how the end of the video features a screencap of the CBS website asking to send in shirtless photos? It happens at 3:06. Which means at 3:06 Chicago time (which is the only city that goes by Illuminati (capitalized out of respect) time), dozens of shirtless NWO agents will be spraying “chemicals” quietly in the bushes of Lincoln Park. You can tell who they are by their knit caps, heavy coats, and cardboard signs warning us of this apocalypse.
Godspeed to you all.
Yeah, but how did the planes get there in the first place? You can’t explain that. How did they get there? Mars doesn’t have planes. How did they get there? You can’t explain that.
“Smoke behind an airplane. You can’t explain that!” – Glenn Beck
This guy (PRINCE) knows what they’re talking about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOGUqXRXPts
Big Boi is VERY ENTHUSIASTIC about this topic:
http://twitter.com/BigBoi/status/37006603295272960
http://twitter.com/BigBoi/status/37005902326267904
That fur hat he’s wearing? Lined with TIN FOIL!
Whoops, that’s your website CBS Atlanta:
Oh man. I went to Burning Man this year, and people there are straight crazy about HAARP & chemtrails & all sorts of other it-affects-all-of-us-in-equal-measure-with-no-observable-effects bullshit. It really took the edge off the MDMA & Sublime cover bands
Don’t worry, I called Oxford, and they’re now recalling all dictionaries with the word contrail.