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Whooops, so, someone let me be in control of a blog for a minute, and now everyone has to go to jail! Go to jail and watch THIS–the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen: Stone Phillips interviewing Jeffrey Dahmer in prison, in 1994 before he was murdered. Oof, I know. But, it’s unreal. A lot of what went down in the Jeffrey Dahmer case was lost on me when I was younger–I’m not sure if the details were kept private by the media, or by my parents, but all I knew about him was that he was a serial killer who was kind of a cannibal. But, I came across this interview on MSNBC recently, and what I learned blew my mind.
[I want to say that I DO NOT find this interview "funny," and I don't intend to make light of a truly HORRIFIC criminal and his disgusting crimes. It's just I found this interview SO fascinating, so FUCKING WEIRD AND INCREDIBLE... I just...]
His gay-ness, the fact that he had a “type” even, his methods, his fantasy life… Ugh, holy moly. He is so weirdly honest in this interview, because WHYTHEFUCKNOT–he’s in jail, on his way to the grave (whether he knew it or not). And his dad is soooo <3-breakingly naive and bland, the story just becomes a WTF sandwich with disturbingness as the mayo.
This will make a lot of people very uncomfortable, and it’s way too much video to expect anyone to watch in one blog post (Gabe D. is spinning in his vacation right now), so maybe just throw a bookmark on it in your AltaVista bookmark database, and cum back to it l8r? Now, without further ado, the feature presentation:
Ssssssssssssssssooooorrrrryyyyyyyy…
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I’m getting Dahmer Fever.
They need to release these interviews in three-dee.
That was a weird way of saying 3-D, me.
I got hungry. Should I go to jail now?
Things Lost on Gabe L When He Was Younger
(1) nuances of Roseanne
(2) what went down in the Jeffrey Dahmer case
Wait, is this where I submit to McSweeney’s Lists?
you can send it here:
ilikemcsweeneysandtrytoslipthefactthatireaditintoconversationswithfriends@mcsweeneys.net
“You are pretentious.” –Someone who chose Bob Dylan as their screen name.
i actually do this…
oh, and speaking of jeffrey dahmer and the horrible things he did and how interesting the concepts of insanity and serial killing are and how interesting they are to discuss, i read this GREAT imagined monologue on mcsweeneys.net today. it was funny!
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/monologues/4spiderman.html
What a boner killer.
Hey, Jeffrey Dahmer, why so SERIAL?
Hey, Jeffrey Dahmer, how’s that MANwich?
Jeffrey Dahmer killed 17 men and boys. The ramifications of that are difficult to digest.
Did you have more than ATE victims?
You know he ATE his victims, right?
What did Jefferey Dahmer do after he dumped his boyfriend?
So strange jokes like these existed on the playgrounds of the pre internet days. I knew this joke in elementary school but I didn’t know who Jefferey Dahmer even was. So odd.
oh, also “wiped his ass” was the horrible punchline.
That’s awful.
UPVOTE!
Yeah, at my school used to tell jokes about Saddam Hussein (“So damn insane!”) that totally escaped me. And we would sing songs about Brian Mulroney and GST. #canadagum
Perhaps, but at least he doesn’t just hunt boners for sport.
Get outta my head, Soft Gabe! Having seen this before, I agree that this is totes fascinating.
I won’t watch these today, as I am at work and do not want to cry and also have already seen it, but yeah. It is really fascinating. Back in the day, I knew he was a bad bad man for the killing, but not much else until HOLY SHIT WHAT DID I STUMBLE ACROSS ON A & E ONE NIGHT THAT IS HARDLY ARTS OR ENTERTAINMENT IN THE GENERAL SENSES OF THE WORDS.
Did they talk about the guy who ESCAPED but then the cops BROUGHT HIM BACK to Dahmer’s apartment? That’s the part of this story that freaks me out whenever I think about it.
O_o
Cute kitty gifs?
Where’s my jumping boxer gif? Oh, here it is:
The original It Gets Better campaign was so weird
Were all of those people part(s) of breakfast? Because then, yeah, he had lunch and dinner to look forward to. BETTER!
I strongly suspect that a flailing muppet gif would be highly inappropriate right now.
or perfectly acceptable and should happen!
Too perfect? Too perfect.
I am laughing so hard right now. It should be so wrong, but it feels so right!
Thanks for chopping this up into a bunch of easily digestible pieces for us.
Winnnnnnnnnnner
I’m still laughing at this five minutes later.
This is gross.
This is Michael Gross:
Stone? Stone, the camera is over here. STONE!
THANK YOU.
Look at the fucking camera, you dipshit!
In an Art class project for senior year, we were asked to draw a shoe that represented someone we admired. I put my shoe on the kitchen counter (“gross” – 35 year old me) while eating breakfast, and began drawing the shoe before I had any ideas. Then I drew the fork and spoon next to me. Then the salt and pepper shakers. The next thing I knew, I added a severed foot to the shoe, and titled it “Jeffrey Dahmer”. My art teacher gave me a C, because it was the average between an A for my artistry, and an F for being morally corrupt.
You know he painted the skulls of 3 of his victims pink. That is pretty fucking gay.
FAKE and SKULL PAINTING!
The contents of Jeffrey Dahmer’s apartment: In his bedroom “A metal filing cabinet, containing three painted skulls”
http://everything2.com/title/the+contents+of+Jeffrey+Dahmer%2527s+apartment
Also, under Miscellaneous Items they list the titles of the pornos he had. Kinda funny.
“Non-pornographic videos, including The Exorcist II, Return of the Jedi, a lecture on evolution, and an episode of The Cosby Show.”
Jeffery Dahmer’s my uncle?
Also:
“A 3/8″ drill, a 1/16″ drill bit, and a hypodermic needle – Dahmer drilled holes into several of his victim’s heads and injected acid in at attempt to create zombies.”
Science!
So I was watching these videos and feeling pretty creeped out and unnerved, then I accidentally moused over the dancing elephant ad and was greeted by a super loud blast of swing music. Suffice to say, I may have peed a little.
Man, Stone Phillips is like the slick and unsettling embodiment of the 1990s, isn’t he? Good Riddance, 1990s.
He’s a bit American Psycho/Tom Cruise, yes.
Later today:
-Teen Korner: ‘Trail of Tears’, a Broadway musical by McG
-Why Don’t You Caption It? 9/11.
-An uncomfortably in-depth review of Elie Wiesel’s ‘Night’
-OPERATION WATCH THIS: Kitten Farts (and then dies)
Tune in!
BNPG- Rape Rape Movies
As someone who has the mildly embarrassing hobby of reading lots of books about murderers, watches hours upon hours of Bill Kurtis shows, and owns bootleg copies of old episodes of “Unsolved Mysteries,” I can understand the impulse to post these videos.
I get why you guys don’t want to see it. I really do. If I was a guest blogger, I would personally not post this. But what I’m saying is, I’m with you, Soft Gabe. I’m not going to watch this, because I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen this interview several times.
Stone’s office in the beginning is terrifying. There are definitely tied up cats in that filing cabinet.
One thing that occurs to me when ever I read about or see stuff like this is this: I can remember the names and crimes of many many serial killers, but in very few instances can I remember the names of the victims, if I ever even knew them.
This seems to me to be a tragedy. The killer, no matter how punished continues on in our minds while the victims fade. I mean this not as a criticism of any of us or this post–I think it is very interesting and I was certainly that kid in the library in school looking up serial killers.
But the older I get, the more sad I feel about what seems to me to be a lingering injustice.
Sharon Tate
Soft Gabe,
Way to go, you brought murder to the blog.
Love
man uncontrollably vomiting.
Having said that, you did find a picture of this psycho killer where he looks quite handsome. Now I have a thing for cannibalistic murders. This is a weird day.
Ugh I was once having a conversation with my friends about handsome serial killers. Those guys are handsome! If I were going to be cannibalized at least I would be cannibalized by a face with perfect bone structure *I’m going to hell* *GOD JUST STRIKE ME DOWN RIGHT NOW*
Why do you guys call him Soft Gabe? From what I can tell he’s like “Go hard, son!” Gabe.
So far, we have murder/depression/sadness w/Dahmer and Roseanne – which is the same as Dahmer only swapping murder for comedy. This is like Up in the Air today….entertaining yes, but in the end, we’re probably a little depressed for going on this journey.
“Why the cannibalism?”
– Stone “Getting-To-The-Bottom-Of-Cannibalism” Phillips
I too was weirdly ignorant of the whole story until fairly recently, when I read a little bit about it. Apparently one of his victims (a teenage boy, I think), actually escaped in a drugged state and two women from Dahmer’s neighborhood called the cops, but Dahmer convinced the cops that the kid was with him (in an ok way), and they let them go. That might be WikiLies, but I think I’ve seen it reported in a few different places. If it is true…ugh! For some reason that makes it so much worse, to think that someone thought they were free, had a cop there, and still couldn’t really get away. Yikes.
If I’m totally wrong about this and freaking myself out for no reason, feel free to let me know. I mean, please, let me know.
I am sorry to inform you, but you are not incorrect.
Oh whoops, I just responded about this to littlebobbytables. But yeah, nightmare fuel.
reading this will only make you angrier:
http://thisblksistaspage.wordpress.com/2011/01/09/the-ancestors-claim-glenda-cleveland-the-woman-who-tried-to-stop-jeffrey-dahmer/
the cops who “investigated” were fired after what happened became public, they were then rehired, given back pay, and named “cops of the year” for their fight to get their jobs back.
Is this the Jeffery Dahmer of the infamous dahmer party?
dear internet: DO NOT EVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH JEFFREY DAHMER EVER.
and now you are doing it. I TOLD YOU NOT TO. you have no one to blame but yourself.
at least tell us why not?
I’m not blaming you here, but I you didn’t answer fast enough and then I did it…
some dead people. and some dead parts.
(fun story: i typo’d “partys” first instead of “parts”)
I’m not blaming you here, but I you didn’t answer fast enough and then I did it…
It puts the lotion in the basket LOL
Can’t wait for your guest blogging! I’ll gladly pay the troll toll.
WHY does j. dahmer sound just like ron swanson?
personally, I’ve always felt that young j. dahmz looks like ryan seacrest.
he had me until he shat all over evolution
18 year old girl here. Ke$ha taught me how to pronounce Dahmer and all I knew about him was that he was a cannibal because of these lyrics.
Use your finger to stir my tea
And for dessert I’ll suck your teeth
Be too sweet and you’ll be a goner
Yep! I’ll pull a Jefree Dahmer
Just incase you were curious.
Weirdest part: Stone Phillips talking to nobody (himself?) in the opening.
Favorite part: the awkward handshake, “nice to see you”, and stilted small talk before they sit down to the interview. Nice to see you, Jeffrey Dahmer. Pleasure to make your acquaintance!
oh god! I basically pictured Jeffrey Dahmer as a zombie when I was a kid. It’s maybe scarier that he’s so normalish. I was so scared of him finding me somehow back in the day… Lots of confusing and frightening trials for kids born in the 80s; OJ, Dahmer, Michael Jackson… I was perhaps most broken hearted over seeing Pee Wee arrested. Siiiigh… and so mad at Oprah for asking Michael if he was a virgin (What is a virgin, Oprah, geez… ask him about Bubbles some more! GIve. The people. What. They. WANT.)
Has anybody read the comic, “My Friend Dahmer”? It’s written by a guy (Derf) who went to highschool with Dahmer.
Jeffrey Dahmer’s dad used to substitute teach Physics classes at my high school. He was super brilliant and really nice. He never actually used his last name, just said “Mr. D.” But seriously, how dumb do you think we are? Oh, and also a girl I went to school with’s mom used to date Jeffrey Dahmer. So, really dodged a bullet there.