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So, if you’re anything like me (human, eyes-having), you probably already know about what’s in Netflix’s ‘Watch Instantly’ cave of wonders. “Look at this stuff/Isn’t it neat?/Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?/Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl/The girl who has … everything?”–You Guys. You’re probably already in the middle of watching one of the amazing television series they offer every episode of–pop in a Lunesta, throw on some American Dad! Season 4, enjoy the ride. But, shut up. In fact: throw your computer out. Because every episode of Roseanne is on there right now, unannounced (you know when something’s in your CAVEMAN (non-Instant) queue and then they’re like “becomes available on Instant on such-and-such-date? It didn’t say that about Roseanne); and even if you already know this to be true, it bears repeating–that fucking show is fucking perfect in every goddamn way, the end. For real. I grew up on this shit, it’s still re-run on TV, I always counted it among my favorites; but, what I never realized before sitting down and burning through the early seasons like someone was paying me to (no one was or is) is that most of my other favorite shows, plus most of the other shows ever made, can suck a dick when compared to Roseanne.“Chill out, Gabe, that’s rude and you don’t even mean it.”–You Guys. Yeah, maybe. But, nope. Roseanne is incredible and this is why:
1. Roseanne can’t act in the beginning, but is like a tickled schoolgirl in the presence of Laurie Metcalf’s and John Goodman’s uber-excellent skill-perfection at acting. Watching Roseanne watch them do their thang (at which they are both INCREDIBLY next-level and TV was lucky to ever have them inside it) is so lovely. She’s like an audience member who’s wandered up out of the bleachers for a better view, then has to say a HILARIOUS line on cue. The show is taped live and obviously edited, so what we’re seeing are just the best takes; but even still, Roseanne seems on the verge of laughing 80% of the time (in a great way, not annoying, swear). The kids crack her up too, as I’m sure the camera men did, and the caterers, and everyone she ever met. But, when she’s acting with Aunt Jackie or Dan, which she NODOY ALWAYS IS, you can tell she’s having the time of her fucking life, and being SCHOOLED in the process. This was lost on me as a child and teen.
2. Darlene and Becky actually LOVE each other, even though in your memories they’re always bickering in a really predictable way. I always thought Becky was a stuck-up bitch and Darlene was a smart-ass bitch and the two of them were always scheming on how to murder each other with Bart Simpson-isms. Nope, not the case, AT ALL. In fact, they’re incredibly realistic for sisters who get along but have to share a room and are at different stages of puberty. Did you know that Becky like … invites Darlene to parties with her? I didn’t! And they talk about boys? Like, both of them, to each other? They think each other is … so weird, but they’re right, and they don’t hate each other about it. Also, I had no idea that Becky and Roseanne were so tight, I always thought Becky was kind of an outcast because she was “pretty.” NOPE: Roseanne totally fosters Becky’s girly side–scrimps and saves for new dresses, helps her do her hair, is always telling her to borrow her earrings… It’s fucking adorable. Sure, Mark changes everything, but not for like 4 years. This was lost on me as a child and teen.
3. Nothing like any of this shit would every come anywhere close to a TV screen in 2011.
It’s hard, in 2011, to look back and see what Roseanne herself was, as a talent, before the series Roseanne was made, ran for 9 years (getting super weird by the end, but c’mon that’s a crazy long run), then went pretty crazy, and kind of disappeared, but is always ‘coming back,’ like even right now when she’s on every talkshow and releasing books. But, like, if you were a Hollywood exec in the ‘80’s, with a 90lbs cell phone and the first-ever roll of sushi sitting on your desk, and someone handed you a VHS of some comic named Roseanne Barr doing stand-up about ANYTHING, would you ever be like “give her a show”? Especially if your assistant came into your office in the middle of the tape to remind you that she has no experience acting, could definitely deliver one-liners but would take about 4 years to figure out the arc of a scene and how to keep a straight face in front of a live studio audience, but is also going to insist that she carry the show in every way and that it be pretty sad as opposed to funny? The answer then was yes, right now it would be NO. We still have “honest but funny shows about not-rich families in not-Coastal regions,” but it’s nothing like this. This was a gamble, a stupid one technically, and it RULED. Also lost on me as a child and teen.
4. Seasons 2 and 3 are largely written by or story edited by Joss Whedon (sorry real Gabe, when you go on vacation, the Joss Whedon silence ENDS). Ugh, you guys, who’s with me? Do I even begin? Well, everything you already know and love about Joss Whedon’s work applies to early Roseanne in spades. And, it’s no wonder that this show would fit SO WELL into his oeuvre of spectacularness. I was Joss-Whedoning-out with a friend of mine over amilliondrinks this weekend, when she brought up the excellentest point ever: what was Joss Whedon’s mom like? We know his grandfather wrote The Donna Reed Show, his father wrote Golden Girls, and he wrote Roseanne, Buffy, etc. But what about the woman who clearly influenced them all, in her way, to love and respect women as megapowerful and the best?
According to Wiki: His mother, Lee Stearns, taught history at Riverdale Country School as Lee Whedon, and was a novelist.
One more click on the Wiki brought me to a NYT profile of Joss Whedon, which explained that none of her novels were ever published, she just wrote them for fun over the summer. 
& 
but mostly .
Most Joss-Whedon-y moment of all? Darlene’s reluctant recital of her contest-winning poem about being a tomboy:
4b. Just quickly, on the topic of unexpected writers making Roseanne incredible, one of my favorite epsides so far (“PMS, I Love You”) was written by Tom Arnold and it is str8-up high art:
You guys: Tom Arnold wrote that. Yes, that Tom Arnold.
If you’re not convinced now, I don’t know what more I can say. Maybe we’re different, you and I. Good luck with that!
MAJOR THANKS FOR THE SCREENGRABS, THIRD & DELAWARE, YOU FUCKING INCREDIBLY GENIUS WEBSITE OF PURE GOLD.
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Hey John Goodman, when you brokered your original contract for Roseanne, did you happen to have a very forward-looking agent who might have included residuals from digital distribution or did it just cover home video and syndication?
nevermind.
Over the line, FLW.
You’re out of your element, Papes.
I love John Goodman, and I remember him always being one of my favorite parts of the show. I loved how Roseann skated that line between comedy and drama so well and I think John Goodman had a lot to do with that. So here’s to you John Goodman.
Love, your #1 fan,
DSN
To me, he’ll always be Congressman Glen Allen Walken, R-Missouri.
Really, there was nowhere to go but down after King Ralph.
Feels Goodman
I agree, Roseanne is the nothing of my generation.
OMG, Gabe! I love Roseanne too! It is #literally one of my favorite sitcoms….Does this mean you will be my best friend now?
Ok, like hear me out, Gabe. We can go over to each other’s house and pop popcorn and eat pizza rolls and make ice cream sundaes while we watch Roseanne. We will laugh so hard and fist bump each other whenever Mark makes a stupid comment and Roseanne calls him out. We will snarf our wine and be best buds forever. Super serial, this is a good deal, Gabe. #noweirdo
Don’t forget I will provide the snuggies!
Dammit thisismynightmare, this was pretty much going to be my proposal to SG. We’d start with Roseanne, then move into Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Can we all hang together? Whoever falls asleep first gets their bra frozen!
I prefer that we draw penises on each other’s faces with a sharpie!
I don’t know what a pizza roll is, but I can make the world’s best from-scratch macaroni and cheese, and cupcakes. Can I come?
Gabe is so speaking my secret twin language that I invented by myself, alone.
Y.E.S.
My favorite moment from Roseanne:
“Plus, we came back from vacation, and Becky was, like, this whole other person!”
Sarah Chalke is cool.
Did Scrubs ever reference that ridiculous daughter-actress-swapping thing? Scrubs was good (?), but was it THAT good?
“They say she’s the same but she’s not the same, they say she’s the same but she’s not the same, they say she’s the same but she’s not the same, they say she’s the same but she’s not the same, they say she’s the same but she’s not the same…”
She was sort of a terrible actress back then though. Anyone see Mad Love? It’s like Will & Grace if Will and Grace were lovers and boring, and Jack was a poor man’s Jack Black and not gay. And Judy Greer is the greatest no matter what she does. #delayedcommenting
Stuck Up Bitch, Smart-Ass Bitch…
You guys, Rock of Love Season 1 is also on instant, jussayin.
More like Rock of Love, Season Love, right? Guys?
And thus, the guest blogger war between Netflix and hulu plus began. Bittorrent partisans waited patiently for their chance to sort through the wreckage.
As far as depressing the hell out of me, Roseanne is the Breaking Bad of sitcoms
I noticed Rosanne on Instant, totally added it. You know what else is now on Netflix Instant that I also added?
That 70′s Show remains popular on Netflix Instant
That 70′s show is ass. That’s right, I said it. Downvote button stage right, but i stand by my statement. SO ASS!
Well, I actually just cried a little bit at “To Whom It Concerns” at my desk at work. So thanks a LOT!
I tear up every time I see that episode. I did when I was in junior high and I do to this day. Dammit, Whedon! (By dammit Whedon, I mean “I love you Whedon, please marry me.”)
YES, YES, A MILLION TIMES YES!
Oh, how i miss the days of syndicated Roseanne being on at least three times a day. I cannot think of another show that has produced as many great one-liners and quotes.
Also of note: Norm MacDonald was a writer on the show. Also also, ZOMGDOSN’FSOGIDHEFSHVFHLSH
sorry, just stroked out for a second from a surfeit of Roseanne-related happy thoughts.
Remember this hair?:
NEVER FORGET!
remember when a pre-Senate Fred Thompson replaced Booker?
you guys, can someone please come calm me down from my “zOMG, Roseanne is finally getting some love” euphoria? I’m at work and this is unseemly.
Ok Gabe, you won me. You can stay.
Roseanne is the best! People always think I’m being ironic when I say that, because all they seem to remember is that Roseanne was the punchline to all the jokes when they were eight because she was fat, and therefore what a horrible and unwatchable show? But seriously, so good.
Now you just need to write a post about Boy Meets World for my fangirl obsession to be complete.
Hell yes Boy Meets World.
remember when Adam Scott was on Boy Meets World with Blake Sennett and Ethan Suplee?
Sweet jesus. Downvotes to anything involving Ethan Suplee. He even made Butterfly Effect worse (I mean, better, but in a ‘worse’ kind of way).
Oh man, I had forgotten that! No wonder I love him so hard. He played such an integral role in my prepubescent crush-life.
And let’s not forget Jenny Lewis was in The Wizard with Ben’s brother Fred, and then Jenny and Blake formed Rilo Kiley, which I credit to the Savage Family.
Also Amy Sherman and Dan Palladino were both Producers on the show, fell in love, then Gilmore Girl’d my brains out for 7 wonderful seasons.
Also, the props guy was named F.X. Christ.
Also on Instant Netflix:
Instant Netflix is the worst for movies but has awesome TV shows.
“Instant Netflix is the worst for movies but has awesome TV shows.”
Ummmm….
Upvoteupvoteupvoteupvoteupvoteupvote
Is Pryor’s Place also on Netflix? Enquiring minds want to know.
I love Roseanne. So much. Also: any excuse to link to this:
http://thirdanddelaware.tumblr.com/
What is pure gold is my love for you, Soft Gabe, for singing The Little Mermaid in a post about Roseanne.
Also, I had no idea that Joss Whedon wrote for Roseanne, nor Norm MacDonald. That is pretty excellent to learn! I’m not a big fan of Joss Whedon’s shows he created but I love the writing and directing work he does for other projects (he wrote some of Toy Story ffs, and Toy Story is also pure gold).
Thank you for this.
Such a wonderful show, with amazing moments, multi-episode story arcs, multi-season character developments, etc.
I watched the show on its original run getting what I could out of it. Upon a second or third run through I still under appreciated the early seasons because they’re slower and smaller (no musical chairs with David, Darlene, new Becky, etc.). Then when I became a man I learned to value episodes like the one where the audience APPLAUDS because Roseanne gets a job. She then finds out she’s unqualified, yet still comes home to find a surprise congratulations party that her and Dan subsequently vacate by yelling at each other, capped by her throwing himself into his arms at the frustration of being unemployed.
I cannot think of another show that could so wonderfully capture (and build an episode around) that kind of story.
i remember writing a poem for school that completely ripped off “to whom it concerns” – it was probably one of my earliest memories of my now long history with plagarism. thanks rosanne!
also, i still can feel the scary feelings i felt when rosanne and dan would fight.
Then ends with Dan saying “we all have it tough.” How right you were Dan.
Hey! That’s Chief Webber! #greysanatomygum
Roseanne recently began airing again EVERY DAY (WEEKENDS ALSO!) on one of the new digital channels here (in Australia). Consequently, this summer (in Australia) has been WONDERFUL. I have *literally* spent my days sitting in front of it sending out thoughts like, “Roseanne should be fetishised by ’90s youth in the manner of My So-Called Life, BUT MORE BECAUSE IT IS THE MOST BESTEST AND ALSO BETTER TO REVISIT AND JUST RADICALLY BEST.” I’m so PLEASED it was Gabe Liedman who got the message.
I hope you’ve been okay with the floods and cyclones hitting Australia. Also, I am so jealous it’s summer there.
guys, I’m worried about Rosanne
Oh my God! I just upvoted like, every comment in this post, that is how much I love Roseanne. I too feel like everyone is always dogging it when it is the best!
I remember seeing the whole cast a couple of years ago on Larry King, and them saying that a show like that would not get made these days because they were poor. I think they’re right. I mean, there is an episode where the lights get turned out.
As I grew into adulthood over the past few years, watching this on DVD was so comforting. It made me feel not so alone in a world where I felt inadequate and broke all the time. No funnies here, it’s the truth.
#1. Thank you, Soft Gabe, for this wonder, thoughtful essay.
#2. Why do so many shows get wrong what Roseanne got so right? Yes, the jokes were funny and lots of shows get that part wrong. But more than anything, the Conner family came across as a completely real family. I’m sure it’s harder than I realize to construct such a realistic fictional family, but still, the success rate is very low. And it makes me a little bit sad for kids today. When I was a kid, I watched the shit out of sitcoms like Roseanne. What do kids watch these days? Skins, I guess. I dunno. Something changed. We all changed. America changed. I keep wondering what it all means.
My sister swears we weren’t allowed to watch Roseanne growing up, but since I can practically recite half of the episodes, I must have sneaked it on syndication as soon as I was old enough to be a rebellious brat. It’s such an amazing show! Not-typical looking women getting to be real and funny and smart and sexy and all sorts of other normal things! We girls of the late 80s to mid 90s were so spoiled, what with our Julia Sugarbakers and Golden Girls and Roseannes. I can’t imagine being a young girl now and not having so many “mouthy” women to idolize.
In other amazingly well-written shows that depict very real family dynamics and have great female characters news: Friday Night Lights is also streaming on Netflix instant!
I am also in love with Roseanne. My appreciation for Roseanne Barr started with the film “She-Devil” and from there, skyrocketed to the self-titled TV show. Over the summer, I had a kidney infection, and the only thing that made me feel better in those two weeks of hell was Roseanne marathons in the wee hours in the morning on TV Land. God bless you, Roseanne–you make me proud to be an American & happy to be alive for that matter.
I loved She-Devil so much as a kid! Which is kind of weird, it doesn’t seem like the most kid-appealing-to movie. A couple years ago I was at a thrift store and there was a rose pin that looked like the ones she gave her clients in that movie and I bought it even though I don’t wear pins.