Photos
Genus: Small humanoid. Sub-species of Vegans, also related to Hippies and Hipsters
Attacks: Excessive talking, razor-sharp nipples
Special Attacks: Crazy eyes
Special Qualities: Posting splits, random pec flexing, not knowing what’s going on
Abilities: Str 12 Dex 16 Con 18 Int 10 Wis 10 Cha 7
Skills: Expert smugness, Long-distance running, Fatty shaming
Feats: Mountain bench-pressing (Consult rule-book. Dungeon Master’s discretion)
Environment: Brooklyn, Denver, Portland OR, state parks
Treasure: Small fruits like dates and oranges, video recording device, jean shorts
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You accidentally left “Crazy Eyes 20″ off the list of Abilities Wert.
Also, Austin was left off the list of Environments.
Also, I think INT 10 is being a bit generous.
Dude needs a cigarette.
I cast Taco Bale at fruitarian!
It’s super-effective!
I just ran 50 miles… and I have this feeling… It’s like I’m high… or something. I can’t feel my left arm. I got this, like, pain in my chest…I’m sweating. But it’s like, cold… Weirdest thing… I can’t feel my puls–
So that’s where Chris Kattan went
You CAN have the Mango.
Guys, I’m worried about Ted Leo.
You shouldn’t show your concern. It’s better to keep those feelings bottled up in cork.
I wouldn’t worry about Ted Leo, he has a Heart of Oak.
I’m sure he has access to the appropriate prescription medications, should he need them.
Yeah WTF Ted, where’s my invite to The High Party?
That guy is on LSD: Lemons, Strawberries and Dates.
Oh wait, I just got a note. Nope, it’s actual LSD.
Lucy In The Sky With Durians?
Ewwww durians!
True story: I was raw-vegan for a little over a year. After operating at about 75% I went full on 100% all the way for four months. I admit, it was fantastic to have my allergies disappear and to not ever be sick (only one cold in over a year, a record for me). But the lifestyle was too restrictive and kinda insane. I grew tired of sounding even more like the pretentious asshole that I can be sometimes. Then, one day, I tried durian with friends and I #literally threw up in my mouth. So disgusting. Shortly thereafter, I retired from my raw-vegan lifestyle and joined the real world of fish tacos and beer. In hindsight, I’m glad I did it, because I incorporate more raw foods and vegetables into my diet now more than ever before. Sometimes it takes exploring the extremes before you find your balance.
Based on that description, it sounds like you chose “death”.
Yep, sounds like you’re our Britta, alright!
Did you just complisult me?
A wild Fruitarian attacks!
Juggalo, I choose you! Use Magnet Attack!
Juggalo misses.
#magnetshowdotheywork
Juggalo uses gay slur
it is super effective
I was trying to think of the opposite elemental type to an extreme hipster vegetarian athlete, you know, fire versus grass kinda thing, and Juggalo is what I came up with. You hit the nail on the head with the right kind of attack.
So he’s not allowed to eat plants… doesn’t mean he can’t smoke them!
It’s nice to know that I can have a burger and fries, not run fifty miles, have a better body than this guy and not be smug about it.
#explainabrag? #complisult?
This how I feel after I eat three burritos and walk 40 feet.
This guy is on to something
This is what his dreams must be like.
Freaky shit guys.
I approach the Fruitarian with extreme caution.
While still a fair distance away (about 15 feet), I call out to him. “You don’t look so good,” I say in my usual thick dwarvish brogue. “Can I be of assistance?”
I trigger a magic missile attack to go off if he comes within 2 squares of me.
Nerd.
Twat.
Ultrarunning
Mountain Bench Pressing
Competitive Creep Eyes
This guy’s like a one-man #futuresports
Yeah! He’s one of those guys whose eyes look normal from the side, then when he turns – BAM! – you got some creepy eyes up in your face.
“This is what happens when you eat a fruitarian diet for while.”
That sounds more like a warning than anything.
“This is what happens when you eat a fruitarian diet for a while.”
Yeah, that. And crippling diarrhea, I’d imagine.
Okay. I understand making the video after you run, and you’re going off at the mouth about how high you feel. It happens to all of us (no it doesn’t). But then you went home, edited this on your Windows Movie Maker, had codec trouble when you imported it, tried converting it to MP4 instead of AVI, and then added some fades with nature footage you’d taken, watched it a whole bunch of times, and you still thought this was a good idea to post on the internet.
Oh, and I would love to see your splits. Please post them.
That’s Your Party Guest
Can we all fit in the kitchen? The kitchen’s too small, right? Dammit, stupid galley kitchen. Well, I want the guac, so you guys can all take the cupboard under the stairs.
Dispatches from Planet Frui.
So vitamin deficiency is comparable to a “cracked-out” psychedelic experience. Got it.
My thoughts exactly. Dude, you are not tripping, you’re experiencing symptoms of hyperventilation and dehydration.
And so we meet the man that Werttrew’s daughter will eventually marry.
I bet he hangs tin cans.
Another graduate from the Michelle Bachman School of Looking-at-the-Camera-While-Speaking. My my, he’s going to go far.
Did he post is splits?
There can be only one fruitarian in my heart.
Keziah: We believe that fruits and vegetables have feeling so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have actually fallen off a tree or bush – that are, in fact, dead already.
William: Right. Right. Interesting stuff. So, these carrots…
Keziah: Have been murdered, yes.
William: Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly!
in other news, i am so sad on this lonely vchat. will you be my vvalentine?
He’d better get down off that mountain before dark. He’s likely to be eaten by a grue.
WHY DO WE KEEP FADING TO NATURE SHOTS?! HOW DOES THAT HAVE ANY RELEVANCE?
Since when are mushrooms considered fruits?
He seems nice.
frutarian bear mountain is the name of my band
Fruitarian to do list:
1. Eat fruit
2. Scamper up mountain
3. Kill hobo
4. Scamper down mountain
5. Repeat 5 times
6. Make video