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Oh hey, Valentine’s Day is next Monday. Great! The most wonderful day of the year! Just kidding. Although, it’s a perfectly fine day. Honestly, the only thing more obnoxious than people who go way overboard for Valentine’s Day is people who get so mad about it. We’re all adults here, let’s act like it. If you have someone to go to a nice dinner with, do that. If you don’t, watch a movie or something. The end. We all get to move forward with our lives! Besides, take it from me, no one is attracted to COMPLAINERS. That being said, I think we can all get something out of this year’s celebration by playing this stupid game and having some fun with it, you know? Lighten up! You’re fine! The name of the game is RomHorrorComs, which is almost self-explanatory, but not quite. Basically, make the name of a romantic comedy scary, or make the name of a horror movie more romantic. For examples:
- Lifeless in Seattle
- Date Night of the Living Dead
- Four Funerals and a Wedding
- When Scary Met Sally
- Must Love Saws
- Nightmarry on Elm Street
Love means never having to say I’m WINNING!
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40 Days and 40 Nightmares
Love Axe-ually
Blood Actually
Whopps! Who’s #1 plagerist? This guy right here.
Afterlife A We Know It
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days…Permanently
Death As We Know It
The Sexorcist
I think I’ve seen this on late night Cinemax.
This a real (porn) movie and it is really gross.
Ew. I can only imagine what they did with the pea soup scene. Also, bondage. This shit just writes itself!
Fever Pitch
Bride Wars
(I Just Killed Everyone At) My Best Friend’s Wedding
28 days (later)
There’s Something Spooky About Mary
There’s Something Wrong With Mary
13 Going on 30 Victims
All About Evil
What Happens in Slay-gas
(500) Days of Slaughter
You’ve Got BRAAIIIIIIIINNNNSSS
Upvoted, because I am as late on this as on Homer’s “Animal House” remake.
When Harry Ate Sally
All of the apologies to you, Ian!
When Harry Killed Sally
Beheading Sarah Marshall
The Brown* Witch Problem
*for the poop from your anal play
We have a winner! *
Bridget Jones’s Diary: the Edge of the Razor
Valentines Slay
Along Killed Polly
The Santa Claws
How to Kill a Guy in 10 Ways
Let the Right One in your vagina
50 First Rapes
Oops! My bad CoD.
I like yours better!
Peggy Sue Got Buried
The 40-year old Virgin Sacrifice
Made of Horror
Nick & Nora’s Infinite Slaylist — By the way, how cool does this movie now sound, like Natural Born Killers crossed with Williamsburg
He’s Just Not That Into You Being Alive
drop dead gorgeous
The Shining of Your Junk After Repeated Lickings Have Coated It in Glistening Saliva
I’m worried about glistening saliva, you guys.
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yeah, yikes. this didn’t really work. steve was really making me laugh a lot. i like the idea i went with, if not the execution. oops.
50 First Date Rapes (too much?)
too plagiarist commentate
Single White Female; Must Love Dogs
Couples, Retreat!
27 Bloodied Dresses
Sounds like a good period piece movie
Puns!
Valentine’s Day Massacre
Junoyourgonnadie?
I Think I Killed My Wife
Blood, Actually
Zombie’s the One
Bridget Jones’ Necronomicon
followed by
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Sanity
A Lot Like A Bloody Glove
I Was Watching You While You Were Sleeping
Kate & Leopold & Loeb
This one is freaking amazing.
He’s Not That Into You (But Would Still Like To Wear Your Skin As A Coat)
Dracula: Dead and Loving It
bridget jones’s death factory
Slay Anything
About A Boy Named John Wayne Gacy
Slay Anything
Well, I was a few minutes too late. Sorry dude.
lars and the bloodied girl
Lars Makes A Real Girl
America’s Sweethearts’ Sweet Hearts
Cannibal Holiday
I was trying to think of one for It Happened One Night but it already kinda sounds like a horror film.
Some Kind Of Bloodyfull
His Girl Fried, Eh? (nailed it)
better off dead
Rosemary’s Baby Mama
10 Things I Stabbed Repeatedly Into You
My Big Fat Greek Kill Fest
or: My Big Fat Greek Beheading (yeah, that’s way better)
So I Married an Axe Murderer
!!
Did You Hear About the Morgans? No? Well, I Tortured Them.
Splice World
#recycledjokes
Chloroform and Other Drugs
My Best Friend’s Girl Is In A Ditch Now
Sickles
Notting Kill
Vicky Christina Bacelonahhhhhhhhhh!
Hannah and Her Scissors
Annie Halloween
Love and Lots of Death
Annie Hall of Horrors
Creeper
Everything You Wanted to Know about Murder But Were Afraid To Ask
Manhacktan
Deconstructing Harry, Literally
Crimes & First Degree Murders
Cassandra’s Nightmare
You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger Who Kills You
Whatever Works
Melinda and Hellinda
My Best Friend’s Beheading
How Do You Know (If He’s Going To Kill You)
Twilight
Twifright
She’s All That was left of her
Notting Hills Have Eyes
damn! should have refreshed. sorry. I have been bested.
Screamin’ In The Rain
Flayed in Manhattan
Letters to Boo!-liet
I Love Eating You, Man
Oh, and Demon Spawn-Expectant Dads
Must Love Dog’s Blood
Failure to Lacerate
Shallow Hole
There’s Something About Bloody Mary
Beat Joe Black
Just Ghost With It
(Vampires Gonna Eat You) Before Sunrise
(Vampires Can’t Eat You) Before Sunset
Scarendipity
Notting Hills Have Eyes
The “sex friends” sub-genre entries:
No Swinging-Blades Attached
Friends with Disembowelments
Gummo
How Stella Got Her Groom Hacked
The Exorcism of Emily Roses
Sorry, Emily’s Roses
Pretty (Dead) Woman
The Royal Tenenzombies
Never Been Killed (Yet)
Sixteen Axe Handles
Susperia In Love
Necromancing the Stone. (I’m pretty sure I heard that one somewhere. I don’t take credit for it. I’m an honorable monster.)
Pretty In Blood
or maybe another john hughes? The Breakfast Clubbing