Photos
You know, one thing that I forgot to mention in the Bill O’Reilly Would Like to Know Where the Moon Came From post is that in addition to “I mean, c’mon” being a pretty flimsy argument, especially when it comes to all-encompassing theories of how the entire Universe actually operates, the other thing about his overall position that is stupid and ridiculous (not to mention offensive and disgusting) is that he’s being such a fucking liar. I mean, even if Bill O’Reilly believes (as many many do) that the Universe was created by a Higher Intelligent Being, he is not such an illiterate wormtroll as to think there is no scientific explanation for THE MOON. “Oh sure, the theory of evolution and a quantum mechanical attempt to resolve some of the loopholes in the big bang theory hold up UNTIL YOU GET TO THE WHOLE MOON THING.” Nonsense. Just lies. What a liar. I hate him. I hate lies! Let’s play a game.
- Star Wars: This dude wants to fuck his sister for awhile. In space.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Check out this extended commercial for the MTV Movie Awards!
- Sixteen Candles: One day years from now you will hear a story about how a friend-of-a-friend hired a carpenter (or maybe it was a plumber) and when the guy showed up it was the dud who played Jake Ryan!
- Can’t Hardly Wait: Big party.
- Meet The Fockers: You have at least 10 more dollars in your pocket than you deserve.
- Transformers 2: Dark Of The Moon: BIG NOISE BOOM BLOP COMPUTER FACE.
NO CHEATING! Get it? (Honesty.)
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Inception: It’s Confusing!
Inception: Super Psyche!
Also: Inception – Spend 148 minutes watching people sleep.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
There Will Be Blood: Just not until the last five minutes.
< – - – Plagerist. Whoops!
The Phantom Menace: Oh Bloody Hell
Attack of the Clones: Yes, it has only been a half hour since the movie started.
Black Swan: It’s gross!
Black Swan: A girl keeps getting interrupted while she’s trying to masturbate and goes crazy.
In her defense, that would drive me crazy too.
I could have sworn I heard this before
doug loves movies –> chris hardwick
I THOUGHT SO! great catch my man
Black Swan: Bitches be Crazy
NERDIST STEAL! BOOM
The Terminal: Hanks has a bad accent, but it’s charming.
The Blues Brothers 2000: Belushi Ain’t Gonna Walk Through That Door
Bridesmaids: Women famous for being on TV try to re-create The Hangover.
Oh, man! Werttrew! This guy… I mean. You guys. I haven’t seen this guy for years. He comes to me and buys whole life, term, uniflex, fire, theft, auto, dental, health with optional death and dismemberment plan, water damage. I tell you, this is the best day of my life.
Both of you guys; just keep doin’ what you’re doin’.
So did you ever go pro with the belly button thing?
The Green Hornet: Seth Rogan does not do his own stunts.
Eat, Pray, Love: A story about me, by me, for me.
The Fast and the Furious: Some guys have some fast cars
2 Fast 2 Furious: Some guys have some faster cars.
The Fast and the Furious – Tokyo Drift: Some Japanese guys have some fast cars
Fast and Furious: Some guys can’t come up with a new title but still have fast cars
Fast Five: *gunshot*
The Social Network: Nerds act nerdy, get rich, and fight about it.
The Social Network: Turns Out the Guy Who Created Facebook is a Major Douchebag, Or is He?
The Social Network: Yeah, he’s a douchebag. But funny!
Kill Bill: Quinten Tarintino realllllly likes Uma Thurman
Every Quentin Tarantino Movie: At some point there will be a scene focused on a woman’s foot.
Groundhog Day: You will wish this movie could really happen so many times.
2012: Our culture has a death urge.
Citizen Kane: No one knows he named his sled.
On a related note: do you guys know where the name Rosebud supposedly came from? It’s pretty hilarious.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizen_Kane#Rosebud
Also, I totally plagerized yo ass.
The Watchmen: Just read the graphic novel. You will be so much happier.
read also: V for Vendetta or anything else written by Alan Moore
Jerry Maguire: A lot of people end up settling because they are lonely.
Jerry Maguire: ahh, forget it.
The Blind SIde: This time the athletically talented black gets helped by a magical white lady.
that is also America’s Sweetheart
Swordfish: Halle Berry’s breasts are in there
Paul Blart: Mall Cop – Farts, farts, farts!!!
Blue Valentine: there’s some fellatio between two pretty people and then some other stuff.
The Brown Bunny: An X-Rated blowjob in an R-Rated movie.
(500) Days of Summer: 200 days of Summer
Big Momma’s House 3: Triple Fat Fart Fall Down Fatty Fart
Casablanca: Can an ex-girlfriend convince a bar owner to fight Nazism?
Eagle Eye: SPOILER ALERT: A computer wrote this movie.
Monster’s Ball: Not as classy as you hope it is
Monster’s Ball: No one gets lowest rated comment and gifs are allowed
The Sixth Sense: Lots of dead people and whispering, no replay value.
The Sixth Sense: Bruce Willis really does Die Hard.
Transformers: fuck your childhood
Crash: Racism.
Traffic: Drugs
Traffic: Topher Grace.
In Good Company: Topher Grace, and Peter Gabriel.
“The Gift:”
Katie Holmes’ Boobs
Boogie Nights: And his dick’s not even *that* big.
“I have an enormous penis,” – Mickey Caulfield
Life As We Know It: She’ll owe you big after seeing this. Not the “final frontier” big, but you’ll go to sleep happy.
Citizen Kane: All the money in the world won’t make you as happy as when you were a little boy with a sled.
Australia: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz mmmmoooooooooooo
Yogi Bear: You did not see this.
“There Will be Blood”
There will not be blood.
*SPOILER ALERT*
There is a good amount of blood, at the very end
If I had only read the comment near the top of this thread, I would’ve known that. I also wouldn’t be a plagerist.
Juno: being white is hard
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Indiana is now old, which we will play for laughs, but it is mostly sad. Also there is a CG prairie dog for no reason.
Snakes on a Plane: Snakes on a plane.
True grit: it’s a straight western. No really.
Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist: Teenagers are so stupid, especially when their favorite band is “get fluffy”…also, fingering.
Every Other Tom Cruise Movie:
“Pleeeeeeease Give Me An Oscar?”
Revenge of The Nerds: FULL FRONTAL NUDITY!
Revenge of the Nerds II: No nudity whatsoever, but you’ll hope to the bitter end that we remembered our roots.
Revenge of The Nerds III: Why bother?
Revenge of the Nerds: Darth Vader rape never seemed so funny?
Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love: this movie exists for some reason.
Couples Retreat: Peter Billingsly makes you want to shoot your own eyes out.
Inception: what?
Plagarist commentator sorry Godsauce
Avatar: Pocohontas, with BLUE Indians
Avatar: Fern Gully
Avatar: Dances With Wolves
Avatar: You and James Cameron are sitting in a plain white room, with a simple white coffee table between you. Eventually, he stands up and throws over the table and begins screaming, “LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT. LOOK AT ALL THIS I CREATED FOR YOU”
also,
Avatar: Never underestimate how much people like cats
Gummo: the Steve Winwood story
Kids: are really screwed up
Kids: Keep Larry Clark away from your children.
Love Actually: A bunch of lying liars.
Primer: You won’t know what the fuck is going on.
Primer: Good luck.
The Fighter: He’s a fighter, so is his brother, so are his mom and girlfriend metaphorically
Fatal Attraction: Michael Douglas has late 80′s/early 90′s sex scene with co-star (see also, every other Michael Douglas movie ever).
Lost In Translation: White People Problems in the Far East.
Bonus Footage: Racism!
Did You Hear About the Morgans?: It’s really OK if you didn’t. Better, even.
The mechanic: guns
Crash: Everyone is racist. You are racist. Go home and feel bad about it.
Crash: It’s the worst movie to ever win the Best Picture Oscar. And that’s put up against a gay cowboy movie.
I know you don’t mean this. But this is what immediately came to my mind.
Apocalypse Now: My son fucking loves cocaine.
Also, Marlon Brando.
“Walk the Line,”
Like ‘Ray,’ but for white people.
Bad Boys 2: Shit gets real.
Grownups: Adult sized people acting like little children. (and getting paid very well to do so)
Pulp Fiction: motherfucker
Pulp Fiction: LA hoods battle over Charlie Sheen’s briefcase.
The King’s Speech: See it so you can feel really classy when your co-workers asked what you did this weekend.
Spanking the Monkey: Daniel Faraday is a motherfucker.
Lady In The Water: There’s a lady in the water
The Boondock Saints: Every Douchebag’s Favorite Movie
Just signed up to say I loved this.
Twister: Twisters
Bride Wars: Only marriage can make a women feel happiness
see also: Fight Club
this was meant to be a response to Guided by Vodka, but something went very wrong somewhere
Devil: The Devil’s the old lady. Good, I just saved you 10 bucks
Tron: Nerds should never get high.
The Matrix: OK sometimes high nerds make a good movie.
The Matrix Reloaded: Nevermind.
The Matrix Revolutions: Christ, someone get that bowl away from them.
Tron Legacy: Nerds should never get high.
Speed Racer: PCP makes movies.
Enter the Void: Seeing is believing, but just so you know Gaspar Noe said that the dude is just on drugs and he doesn’t believe that’s really what happens when you die. Whoops, art.
The Matrix Reloaded: Gets a bad rap, but still a pretty bad movie. The Agent Smith fight is pretty good, right?
ENHANCE
Speed: the bus that couldn’t slow down
Speed 2: the cruise ship that wouldn’t slow down
In Bruges: In Bruges.
Phonebooth: In Phonebooth.
I was disappointed by this movie. All the ads made it seem funny and then the only humor is like “I hate Bruges” and then it gets really sad. Not a bad movie, just not the movie i was trying to watch.
Date Night: You like the Office and 30 Rock, right?
Brown Bunny: Chloe Sevigny gets a mouthful.
Scarface: Rapper’s Delight
Scarface: Birthplace of a million dumb t-shirts.
Outsourced: Somehow, this will become a TV show.
True Grit: You’ve seen this before.
Top Gun: A good movie, I’m glad there are no gay people in this movie
Seven Years in Tibet: yep
I Am Sam: Sean Penn says “derp”. Give him an Oscar.
Radio: Cuba Gooding Jr. says “derp”. Give him an Oscar.
The Other Sister: Giovanni Ribisi and Juliette Lewis say “derp”. Give them Oscars.
Tropic Thunder: Robert Downey Jr. says not to say “derp”. Give him an Oscar.
Tropic Thunder: Tom Cruise and Robert Downey Jr. have a “trying too hard” contest.
Donnie Darko: Not appropriate to talk about seriously after your 17th birthday.
Donna Darko: Donna Darko
S. Darko: Not appropriate to talk about seriously after your birth.
Donna Darko: Donna Darko
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK
Donna Darko
the Donna Darko meme has gotten to the point where I now sometimes think the film is actually called that
also, Donna Darko
Darko Milicic: Not appropriate to talk about in Detroit.
Titanic: You know.
Titanic: There is no twist ending
Wild Things: Famous people get naked and make out and have a threesome. Plus Kevin Bacon’s penis and Bill Murray.
Wild Things 2: Less famous people get naked and make out and have a threesome. No Bill Murray.
Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough: We remade Wild Things and Wild Things 2 with undiscovered actors because desperate people will do anything including get naked and make out and have a threesome.
Followed by, Wild Things: Foursome: You’ve Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me
Porky’s: High school, boobs, and a racist for some reason.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Forrest Gump but with more makeup.
Ocean’s 12: Give us money to watch rich people take a paid vacation.
“Couple’s Retreat” : Give us money to watch even less talented people take a vacation
Any Vince Vaughn Movie: Vince Vaughn is a puffy, fast-talking, weirdo.
That One, thank you. Seriously. I hate Ocean’s 12, and I think when the next round of WMOT nominations begin I have to campaign for it. Your description = dead on.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a soapbox I need to step off of…
ahem the tourist
Magnolia: A bunch of loosely connected stories, some better than others, then everyone sings and it rains frogs; A for Effort.
“I’m Still Here”
Haha! It’s all just a hoax! Did we fool you? No? Shit.
127 Hours: You’ll never guess what happens at the end!*
*LIE! You’ll totally guess and be right.
The Wire: “No, dude, you don’t UNDERSTAND! You have to watch it, it’s SO GOOD. This one time, Omar…”
To be fair, they really don’t understand.
The Smurfs: It should occupy your children long enough for you to mourn your ravished childhood.
Blade Runner: Robots are people too
The Godfather: When his dad got shot, it was time to take over the family business.
Godfather II: The family business leaves no time for laughs. You even have to shoot your stupidest brother.
Godfather III: Vatican? Opera? Getting old? Stabbed with eyeglasses? For years everyone will hate your daughter, and then she will go to Tokyo and be okay.
Virgin Suicides: Pretty white girls have problems.
Lost in Translation: Pretty white girl has problems.
Marie Antoinette: Pretty white girl has problems.
Somewhere: Pretty white dude has problems.
Rushmore: Dysfunctional children with parent issues.
The Royal Tenenbaums: Dysfunctional children with parent issues in New York.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou: Dysfunctional children with parent issues at sea.
The Darjeeling Limited: Dysfunctional children with parent issues in India.
Fantastic Mr. Fox: Dysfunctional children with parent issues but with animals.
Fargo: A really, really good movie.
The Big Lebowski: A really, really good movie.
O Brother, Where Art Thou?: A really, really good movie.
The Ladykillers: WTF?
No Country for Old Men: A really, really good movie.
Burn After Reading: A really, really good movie.
Etc.
The Crying Game: Time to question your sexuality
Poolhall Junkies: see “Rounders”
(Duh Afficianado Magazine subscriber)
Rocky: Everyone except 2 or 3 people says he will never beat the champ, and it turns out Everyone is right.
Tyler Perry presents….: “black people’s problems.”
Tyler Perry presents… “Condescending life lessons followed immediately by fart jokes.”
Cop Out:
See above.
Repo Man: Punk LA kid becomes a repo man. Oh, yeah, and there’s a dead alien in the trunk of some jagged up guy’s car.
Saw: “He wants us to cut off our feet to get out? As you wish…”
Chinatown: In Chinatown, crime solves you.