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Larry the Cable Guy has a new show coming up on the History Channel (THE HISTORY CHANNEL) called Only In America in which he travels the country having hilarious adventures with REAL PEOPLE. Obviously, since we live in a gigantic country with all different kinds of people, at least one of them will be black or Asian or Hispanic, right? Someone a little bit not-white? Jewish? (I’m willing to accept Jewish at this point with this fucking thing. Give me SOMETHING to work with. I’m being nice!) See if you can spot him or her!
Well? Answers after the jump.
Haha. Right. Cool show, History Channel. Cool America, Only in America.
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But did that guy consent??
The Cows and the Horses were black.
Oh! Those were not horses, those were mules! I work at a mule magazine, and our “rival” mule magazine had a big story about the mules that are going to be on his show.
Sorry for the double mule post today, y’all…
Only black mules can dunk!
“How’d he get in there?” -Larry the Cable Guy
” How’d he get there I mean, c’mon! ” – Bill O’Reilly
“Why don’t any non-white people want to be on my show?”
-Larry the Cable Guy
More like, Larry the RACIST Guy. Am I right? Or am I right? Or am I right?
“Perform that task until its completion!” – Larry the Hedge Fund Manager
“2100 Billable hours every fiscal year!” -Larry the Corporate Transaction Attorney
“Apply these leeches until the evil spirits are removed!” -Larry the 16th Century Doctor
Better.
OK, but the entire demographic for the History Channel is people who collect Nazi memorabilia, so.
And people who watch Ax Men (me)
Oh, because it should be ASK Men.
“And also coming soon to The History Channel: ‘Europe in the Early Renaissance: A Critical Evaluation,’ hosted by Carlos Mencia and Carrot Top.”
Hey, guys. We all came from the same hang-out spot in Africa (according to scientists cleverer than me (or so they say)).
Let’s all get along my brothers and sisters (It’s not racist to say that is it?).
I’ve been to the part of Africa where we’re all from, and it’s nice! Sunny, banana trees, lions.
Anyway, after this length of time (6,000 years, duh), I think some of us are probably just cousins at this point. (I’m trying to put some distance between Larry the Cable guy and me).
“That’s racist right there, I don’t care who you are.”
-Carry the Label guy
“That’s racist and I will not stand for such slander! You’ll be hearing from my attorney.”
-Cara the Libel Guy
Cable libel
The history channel is the one that said the Kennedys miniseries “isn’t fit for their channel’s brand” right?
Well, if the Kennedys had all been sleeveless, maybe they would’ve aired it.
ENHANCE.
Looks like you’re the racist one.
SPOILER ALERT: editor’s choice.
Well, the rest of my week is now open.
I’ve done it! I’ve caught the conscious of the king!
According to Silvio Berlesconi, they’re not black, just really tan. #twoyearslategum
Berlusconi references will never NOT have my full support.
Let’s leave Berlusconi alone, he’s suffered enough.
I especially appreciate the care taken to incorporate the bangs in the lower right
“This should cover our bases.” – the History Channel
Earlier my roommate was all like, “Oh no, we could never have a white history month,” and I was all like, “Are you really going to be THAT GUY*?”
*the guy who is racist
ENHANCE.
Looks like you’re the racist one.
I snorted.
Today on the History Channel:
Hitlerama 12PM – 1PM
Naughty Nazis 1PM – 3PM
Mussolini’s Magical Wonderland 3PM-4PM
Stalin’s Secret Ice Cream Bunker 4-5PM
Top Gear 5-6PM
Larry the Cable Guy 6-7PM
Goebbel’s Garage 7-8PM
8-9pm Romping with Rommel
9-10PM Wacky Wolff’s Pony Jamboree
10-11pm Snack Break
11pm-12mid Adolph & Eva: Unchained
This is “Only in America” Gabe, not “Only in African-America”.
I mean, c’mon.
SPOILER ALERT: honorable mention.
It seems like Gabe is in a good mood. Today is the day I ask him for that big promotion. Fingers Crossed!
Are you there Gabe? It’s me, Friday. On behalf of myself and Monsters’ Ball, I’m writing to say: stop stealing our thunder.
Thanks,
Friday
PS. See you in two days.
Wait, if he’s ON TV, then who’s hooking it up so we can see the show?
Saw Larry on Leno a couple nights ago. stopped out of curiosity just to see how bad it would be. they riffed on the mcrib. comic gold.
And then Nick Madson talked about the famous bowls
The History Channel: Proud to be (white) Americans
“Git ‘er Done” is actually an anglicized version of the German phrase “Giet Herr Dun” which roughly translates to “White Is Right.” We should have seen this coming all along.
More importantly, how come the show doesn’t feature any metro-sexuals like this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIWO5LgUZ28
“Gawsh! What a bitch!” -Lawrence the Metro Guy
When he was talking about there being nothing good on TV, I can only imagine that he kept turning to reruns of Blue Collar Comedy.
Larry the Cable Guy is only a character! This is like the Borat movie only it’s intended for people to laugh WITH them!
RIP, History Channel
Looks like it is time for a History Channel History Channel.
The idea of Larry the Cable Guy crowd surfing is definitely in my Top 10 Ultimate Nightmares.
Hahahahaha. Who was the body double they used when LTCB jumped into the crowd?
We made this for you Gabe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M4_6RAuvXg
“SPOILER ALERT: lifetime achievement award.” -Gabe
Do you think he has to eat like shit to keep his figure?
i hope this is not the last time we see the Fake Poor People tag. jk! i hope it is!
To be fair to Larry the Cable Guy, white people are going to be history soon enough