Photos
“Everyone’s got their different quirks, that’s what makes dating so much fun! It’s just so neat to meet a new person and really get to know them on an intimate level. Shut up, I don’t mean like that! I’m just saying, you can tell pretty quickly if they’re someone you actually want to spend time with, and once you jump that hurdle then what’s really fun is all the unexpected ways in which they surprise you and you learn to love them. Like, take my current boyfriend, Bob Nelson, just as an example. When we met, I knew he hated fags, obviously. That’s how he got a second date. But what I didn’t know was that he was capable of weaving these elaborate, nonsensical metaphors about how gay marriage was, like, money…I think? And how God is the National Treasury, right? And so, like, would God print gay money? Oh, it was just impossible. I mean, we’re talking real nonsense. I love it. I love him. I hope he straight marries me!”
–You
The YouTube description for this video says “You wouldn’t accept counterfeit money. You shouldn’t accept counterfeit marriage, either,” which is hilarious because yes I would. Probably. I bet I would. At the very least, I think we can agree that this whole thing is one of the most painfully inept metaphors ever made? He didn’t even rest his case! Although, to be fair to your boyfriend, Bob Nelson, I’m sure he actually does inspect every single dollar bill that passes through his hands. “You can never be too sure,” says Bob Nelson. “That is my motto: you can never be too sure, or too much of an asshole.” (Via BuzzFeed.)
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
It’s surprising that my boyfriend would be so homophobic.
Says the man with a bunch of pictures of guys in his wallet.
Clearly, he is secretly gay for money.
“I’m Mad Homo for Dead White Guys”
-Rappers, probably
Right? I can’t speak for him, but my wallet is one big lemon party.
DO NOT SEARCH
He probably hates the fact that Lincoln and Washington are basically making out in my wallet right now.
You got Lincolns and Washingtons?! YOU BALLIN’, TEACH!
His name ain’t hedgefundman.
Nightmare, you know I straight be stackin’ that GOVERNMENT CHEESE!
Teach, if there were any justice in this world your wallet would be a fucking Roman orgy of Benjamin Franklins.
Pro Tip: Don’t let your brain imagine what that would actually look like.
Jowls… jowls everywhere….
This comment has everything; a kind gesture of friendship, respect for teachers, swears, and a scarring mental image.
A penny and a quarter?
Andrew Jackson was gay?
Little known fact: “Old Hickory” was actually a bath house nickname.
Gives trail of tears a whole new meaning
“Excellent.” – Me, before turning off the video camera.
I thought people got married to get money, not be money.
In fairness to him, he takes everyone of my dollar bills to the strip joint to promote marriage to those poor strippers. We shouldn’t jump to harsh conclusions.
That $20 will get him a nice erotic massage and bump of crystal meth. But only for masturbatory purposes.
What the fuck is a counterfeit marriage? I really hope he explains himself with the sound playing.
I’d like to know how European exchange rates play into this metaphor…
What if the “author” of the “money” didn’t factor in other “countries” with their own idea of “money”?
Also gays.
“And when you hold a gay couple up to the light, they sparkle, so the metaphor really comes full circle.”
I rest my case
GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and counterfeit
thanks teach, now i need a new Dr. Pepper and a clean shirt
You’d think that clean shirts would come with a Dr. Pepper. Why shoud I have to go to one store to get shirts, and another to get Dr. Pepper?
“Excellent.”
That guy’s an idiot. God doesn’t issue money. Also, God ain’t care about marriage.
Does this make anyone else suspicious about Glenn Beck’s push for people to buy gold?
“And if you hold a gay couple up to the light, they sparkle, so the metaphor really comes full circle.”
there’s TWO of you now?
One of us is counterfeit.
Haha. Good show.
“Plagiarist.”
My bf is clearly an asshole. But, I’m still waiting ’till after valentine’s day to break up with him. (I like presents!)
“You wouldn’t be able to get change for a counterfeit bill, so then why should you get to change marriage?” — Where he was going with this, maybe, because sometimes words have different meanings in different contexts.
“Can I get change for this marriage? I need a common-law marriage and two cohabitations.”
I can no longer ignore the fact that my boyfriend is such a fag and it’s time to break up with him.
NOT YOU. And I don’t appreciate you using a photograph of our son to guilt trip me.
What I really love about my boyfriend is how kind and grandfatherly he APPEARS, and then when he opens out, he’s all “I’m an asshole I’m an asshole I’m an asshole!” Classic Bob Nelson!
Apparently I typed “out” instead of “his mouth.” Whoops! Classic Monday!
“You obviously can’t pay a hooker with counterfeit money, which proves that money is straight.”
“I bought Meth and Gay Sex Though ”
-Ted Haggard
Yes, but gay hookers accept counterfeit money. Just like they pretend not to see your counterfeit wedding ring.
No 3 dollar bills in this wallet – THAT GUY
Also, you just know he has a huge tattoo across his stomach: SMUG LIFE.
I might be at the point that I find the homophobics worse than the racists. Racists just kind of state a case and let it stand. “XXXXX are YYYYYY,” and that’s that. the homophones seem to be intent on creating a religio-scientific proof every time they want to be assholes. Let’s agree to stop using the bible to prove anything.
homophones!
“dear gays, you are the wurst”
We are all the wurst.
Gaze can’t Mary.
PREY FOR THE SOLES OF THE HOMOPHONES!!!
do not search “gay sausage” no matter how much a jpeg seems necessary here.
deer. going to sleep now.
What this post has made me realize is that there is serious dearth of “To Live and Die in L.A.” animated gifs on the Internet.
This 3 Dollar Bill Sure Caresses that 20 funny
He probably stumbled across this idea after it dawned on him that his own marriage was being trumped by the tender hearts vying for legal gay marriage. “Those damn gays, trying to be legally tender,” he thought.
sweet pun
Wow. What an amazingly compelling argument. You have COMPLETELY changed my mind about the entire gay marriage issue. That smug little smile on your face as you were so impressed by your own cleverness just sealed the deal. Bravo, sir! Bravo I say! What a magnificent intellect, what a complex, nuanced discussion of the issue, what a keen, fastidious mind you have!
What a fucking asshole.
Whoa, it’s not a smug smile. What my boyfriend lacks in upper lip, he makes up for in totally legal, not gay $20 bills.
And hot dude on dude action. I ain’t gonna lie.
I don’t know about you guys, but I got SO mad at the beginning of that video when that slut was eye-fucking him. Bitch! Hands off! That’s my man!
My favourite thing about my boyfriend is definitely his seemingly paralysed upper lip. So dreamy.
“You should probably take it to the manufacturer to make sure it’s not counterfeit”
So, basically, every time I get a new dollar bill I should then take it to the US Mint to make sure it’s real?
Also, by his logic, I should then take every married couple to a courthouse? To make sure they’re real? But also apparently God invented marriage? So I should take every couple to meet their maker? Which I can only assume means killing them.
So, according to this guy, I should be inherently distrustful of paper money and also go around killing married people. Sounds like a plan!
More like logicblog, amirite?
Indeed.
if he’s going to be concerned about things that are counterfeit, maybe dude should check out his upper lip. he thinks he has an authentic one, but that shit’s definitely not authentic.
Well in the sense that currency is whatever is agreed upon by a population to have a given, “current” value, and marriage is a social institution that has changed, not just throughout world history but also within the somewhat shorter history of our country, to reflect our evolving social mores, yes, I would say that is an apt comparison.
FIRST you get the counterfeit money, THEN you get the counterfeit marriage.
I’m thinking about sucking a dick just to spite this pompous asshole.
fake. and gay.
Bob Nelson: wanker (GBP)
Is that what boardrooms are for? Shooting hatemonger videos? I thought they were for meetings and doing work. I’m going to tell my co-workers we’re doing it wrong.