After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Ricky Gervais Graffiti Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
[Ed. note: Please see below.]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
[Ed. note: Please see below.]
This Week’s Caption Contest Winner
[Ed. note: Congratulations, the hammer is my penis. You earned it!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
[Ed. note: Good God. I'm going to try and keep this brief, but let me say this: I do genuinely apologize to anyone who was offended by the Gwyneth Paltrow upskirt post. I am sorry. Obviously, or at least I hope "obviously," that was never the intention. I know that some people were "disappointed" by a casual, throw-away, two-sentence quicklink post. Fair enough. That being said, I was also disappointed. Were I to do things over again, I am sure I could have handled that post differently, and if I knew what the reaction would be I definitely wouldn't have posted it at all. Do you want to know why? It is not because some people found it offensive. As far as that is even concerned, I'm sorry, but the important debate on identity politics is happening somewhere else. This blog and that post and even that photo and definitely that woman have nothing to do with it. No, it is because WHO CARES AND WHO NEEDS THE HEADACHE? You guys don't actually think that I care with, like, human emotions about Gwyneth Paltrow one way or the other, do you? Nothing she has done, is doing, or will ever do has any effect on my life whatsoever. But it is easy to make fun of her because she's awful. Honestly, if you knew how little I cared about most of the things that I write about on this website, your heads would fall off. From boredom. (It's never fun to see how the sausage is blogged, but I am trying to be as honest with you as I can, since many of you were TOO honest with me in the angry emails you sent to my personal email address about this stupid thing.) I am not asking for your sympathy. That would be like Gwyneth Paltrow asking for my sympathy. I know that my job is to write lazy pun-based jokes all day about Break.com trampoline farts and occasionally post videos of my cute dog. NOT SO BAD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. But I am asking you to relax and, if you can find it deep within your hearts, to give Videogum the benefit of the doubt when we do something that you don't agree with. One young woman wrote to me and claimed that Videogum had become a "misogynistic" "dumping ground for rape jokes." Seriously? Seriously, you guys? No. Nunh-unh. Posting a link to a Gwyneth Paltrow upskirt photo is definitely tasteless, no argument there, and I was pretty careless in how I did it because I was just rushing to get something up. (That is what she said. WANT TO EMAIL ME ABOUT THAT JOKE? IT'S A PUN ABOUT FUCKING.) But you know what else is tasteless: calling someone a bad mother without ever having met her or her children, but none of us seemed to have a problem doing that (or very few of us, sorry, I'm not ignoring you, stalwart Gwyenth apologists). Again, I am sorry that people were offended, but I was offended in turn. If you guys actually care about this place, which personally I think is a pretty great place, and is the same great place it always was regardless of the fact that a woman who has been photographed getting out of a limousine for 15 years just happened to do it wrong somehow, then please do your part to keep it that way by staying calm, voicing your always welcome for the most part disagreement or disapproval in reasonable and non-melodramatic tones, and keeping perspective on who we are and what we are even doing here. Thank you. And yes, yes, yes, I mad. I know.]
Photos
Great week monsters.
Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the rest of the play?
I am serious when I say this, FLW:
“You are an unstoppable good idea machine!”
“If I ever make the ball, I’ll shit myself!”
Thanks, everyone, but y’all still owe me some pants.
I guess I also have to thank Gwyneth Paltrow’s partially exposed vagina, too. This is the best thing that has come out of that whole thing I MEAN “FROM THAT.”
But really, while I personally didn’t think it was that big a deal, I respected those who did as well as Gabe for respecting those who felt it wasn’t respectful.
That’s a shitload of respect right there.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
*Maybe a little hyperbolic.
stop… pooping.
Das Racist.
The best.
Oh no! Charlie Callas died!
Didn’t he get banned from The Tonight Show for shoving Johnny Carson?
Awwwwwwwww yeah.
My first #1, and it was on the controversial post too! I feel like a million space bucks.
I hear that in the real economy, space bucks have no weight.
Get it? You get it. Cool, I can go to bed.
I was going to divorce you this weekend, but now that you’re BRLOC (Big Robot Lawyer on Campus), I change my mind.
Everything’s coming up R2, baby.
TL;DR, why was everyone crying about this guy’s upskirt video again?
And Gwyneth Paltrow remains unpopular in Gabe’s house, I think, thoughts Birdie?
I’m just glad we’re all friends again, right? (Right?)
group hug!
We all made it through the week!
I am Chang caressing Troy’s arm in this hug. CALLED IT.
Oh, we’re all friends again. Until one of you offends me deeply with some nonsensical nothing!
J’accuse!
This is seriously freaking me out right now.
Is this one moving too? When I look real hard it stops, but then when I look away and look back, it’s moving again!
I CAN STILL SEE IT WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES!
I love all of you, bitches!
Except for those of you I don’t like! LOLz! Just Joshin’, friends! Stay sweet!
It’s almost time for the weekend: Fly my pretty monster birds. Fly.
Oooh someone’s been poking around http://iwdrm.tumblr.com/
Love that site!
I’m flying to a land with BOOZE.
Me this weekend =
I’m glad you replied. I recently had a tonally similar realtime argument with someone… Similar result. It was interesting to see the same issues played out among better than average internet trolls. Good work all around, Videgorm.
“…I was in a rush to get something up. (That is what she said. WANT TO EMAIL ME ABOUT THAT JOKE? IT’S A PUN ABOUT FUCKING.)”
Nothing to add except that this made me laugh a lot.
I so badly want that to become a snowglobe. Or snowclone? Whichever it is.
“Email me about it” is the new “deal with it.”
I think I owe you a wookie life-debt now or something, Godsauce.
That was my second favorite quote. First goes to this one: “It’s never fun to see how the sausage is blogged…”
Nice work, Gabe. As usual.
Dance time!!
For a second I thought that was Andrew W.K.
Then I pictured the Andrew W.K. version of whip my hair
It’s amazing
PARTY TIP: Whip your hair
[IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/33c7wav.gif[/IMG]
Videogum has basically become Nazi Germany and is worse than the AIDS epidemic.
I feel like Mel Gibson and Jon Gosselin right now. We need a fucking benefit concert up in here for all the hurt feelings!
I’m German, so I feel right at home
Just to clarify, you used a Gwenyth Paltrow photo to get something up? Cool. Just making sure.
Gwenyth Paltrow UPSKIRT photo…
Sucks to suck, mad members of the VG community.
I would say that I completely agree with everything Gabe said above, but I’m afraid that would make him the puppet master or me a bee in a hive mind so I’ll just say…
I also agree with Gabe. I am just going to hide until this whole thing blows over:
SO MANY LOLS
So come Wednesday this little dude’s cousin will tell us all when we can remember what warm feels like, by us I mean us people in cold places
Don’t drive angry!
It’s okay Gabe. Just promise to never post anything that anyone might find distasteful ever again.
or else I’ll fucking quit
Oh, Gabe…
mmmm Alison Brie ddrrrrroooolllllll
Where have you been? I worry about you, young man.
God, I want to leave work so bad. Feels like I’ve been here forever:
at least you have this to look forward to
I’ll see your Beetlejuice gif and raise you:
So, I know I’m risking starting V for Vgum III. by back patting, but I just wanted to let all of you know that you guys are the best. You know that, right? Right. Cool. So, we’re all on the same page then. Frank Lloyd Wrong, I’ll take that scotch now.
Done. When/where?
Drunk chat?
Don’t worry, V for Vgum III is over two months off. I’ve done the math.
PT Smith, Ph.D., V-eschatology.
Ugh, why did I click on that link?!? That was a dark time, oy vey. But yes, scotch and back-pats for all. Everyone okay with Glenfiddich? My bar took a pretty serious hit this week.
I still have no idea what any of that was about.
Haters gonna Hate, and Backslappers gonna blackslap.
Now, time for a drink, friends:
I’m quitting Vgum because of what I saw on 20/20 last night
I regret that I have but one upvote to give for this Jpeg.
I would totally rifle through those arson jokes.
“Leave Gwenyth alone!!!” – no one really
I’m not really sure I have any images that would allow me to participate in this thread.
Gabe, you a bad mother.
Shut your mouth!!
wait….this isnt the end of famous vaginas on this site, is it?
not as long as Kevin Smith keeps making movies
That’s like asking Steve to stop making abortion jokes.
I hope it’s the beginning of famous peen…
I got a big peen for ya, nightmare:
OH YEAH
nailed it.
As we move from Gwyneth winning the monsters’ ball to this, the Paltrowcalypse enters its second stage.
Soon there will be nothing left of the world as we know it, save for small footprints in the ash, made from $3,600 vintage sheepskin booties.
I just wanna say… the fact that none of Steve Winwood’s AMAZING commentary from the Gwyneth snatch-shot thread didn’t make it into the Ball is a goddamned shame.
Gabe, I think in my twenty years of reading Videogum (which is weird, since this site is only almost 3 years old), that is my favorite thing that I’ve ever read that you wrote. (GRAMMAR? ????)
Also, I think that is my favorite Editor’s Choice ever. So pretty good week, I’d say, EH?
If I ever meet Gwyneth Paltrow and she is obligated to listen to the things coming out of my mouth, I’m going to spend well over an hour explaining this entire thing from the beginning. I will read comments aloud until I know she really feels what we’re feeling right now, post Gabe-scolding. If all goes well, she will write Gabe an apology letter for existing at all and creating this RIFT in the first place. “It all started on a really great blog called Videogum…” “Is that like Goop?” “Basically.”
Mubarak Orders Ministers to Resign but Backs Armed Response to Egypt Protests?
did anyone else catch the secret link in Gabe’s rant?
Yes, and well done Gabe.
Sorry gabe, but I prefer to judge you on this one post out of the thousands of posts that you’ve written.
For the record, as on the people who did not care for the post, I was not upset so much that Gabe made the post (it is his blog and in a Free Market, I am free to come and go as I please) as I was by the fact that many people who I assume I am real life friends with have mocked the fact that I could possibly be offended by the post.
I will spare you all the rest of my thoughts.
I don’t know if you were replying to me specifically Mans, or if you were just responding to me because we’ve spent time together in the log cabin that is the tinychat. Either way, this is what i think:
I was not really offended when I followed that link and I saw that in fact it was a picture of Paltrow’s vageen. I did think it was in poor taste, but I also saw where Gabe was coming from. I mean this were not some creepy paparazzi pics or stolen photos from her camera. They were in fact pubic pics taken of a person who has been trained to take pictures since she was a teenager. She’s probably been in a limo or two before. I’m not saying it was her fault if she indeed had a lapse of judgment and forgot how to exit the limo. I’m just saying, that is just a very unlikely scenario. The upskirt pics do not do anything for me, not because I’m gay–I don’t care if you call me that BTW, go right ahead, guys.it’s not an insult to me–but because i find them creepy. upstaged or not. That being said, that is not the creepiest thing Gabe has posted, yet we always find humor in other weird creepy things.
This is what I wanted to post initially:
“I can’t wait for next week’s Jeff Dunham’s sex tape.”
Instead I posted:
“I never knew why there was so much hate on Paltrow until last week. I read some of Videogum’s old posts and then I sort of got it. There is a point to be made that these getting out of a limo shots are all publicity stunts. I mean what’s the advantage of not wearing underwear to a place where you know you will be photographed? That being said, I would have loved to read some commentary on that, instead of just another linked advertisement for it. This came off very Mean Girls.
Either way, I can’t wait for next week’s Jeff Dunham’s sex tape.”
About the rape typo from earlier in the week:
I did not comment in that simply because I did not have anything to say about it. I did think that some monsters made fun of the wrong thing. Many monsters failed to make fun of the typo and instead made fun of rape in general. I don’t think anyone advocates rape who made those jokes, but I did find some jokes distasteful, so i decided to ignore the post. If I had though of something funny to say about the monsters making fun of the rapes I would have, but I just didn’t and was fine with that.
I think the bigger issue during Upskirtgate was the personal attacks. I don’t care to start attacking monsters personally because of taste. Maybe some of us have gone through stuff that we find hard to make fun of and some of us have lived a sheltered life. Our differences are no reason to turn on each other. We find stupid shit funny and that’s why we are here. Sure I love the serious stuff too (I made a freaking* blog about the blog, I should hardly be the one to tell people to take this in stride), but in the end we are just anonymous Internet commentators. I’m not going to go full-out Winwood and say that our words have no meaning at all. Only a thick headed animatronic wolf would truly believe that but, writing our personal opinion in the comments is really not going to influence anyone who doesn’t already agree with us. I joined the site because you guys were funny AND not morons like in most internet sites. I think we can certainly discuss delicate issues which we disagree on, without calling each other Nazis or Doodie-heads
*freaking: fucking ©Steve Winwood
oops i forgot to mention: I posted the long comment instead of the short one because I too take myself too seriously on this blog; is what i meant to write after that. Basically, I don’t fault anyone for taking a blog they love to heart. I just think we can all handle thing differently. Or not, who knows, I’m just another asshole on the web.
You said “pubic” instead of “public”. *snicker*
#maturity
Please don’g make a cockery of my typeeng.
SALTY GABE!!
Despite the monster’s Vagina Monologues, this week has been one of the best weeks for comments. Also, it made me a fan of Winwood. Happy weekend everyone!
Aw man, you guys! I thought I was close to my first MB appearance this week, but you all out-awesomed me. Jerks!
Have fun this weekend, stay out of trouble, behave, love you all!
I chock this week up to the Jezebel Principle, which states:
“Everything is rape, but if it is not rape, it is misogyny.”
tia for the downvotes folks
Basically “I’m not here to make friends” is what I’m saying
“I came here to watch cat videos and make rape jokes….
Looks like I’ve watched all the cat videos.” –someone. maybe. probably not.
One million upvotes, Professor.
Holy crap, when the Gwenyth Paltrow post was first posted I just skimmed it and was like “eh, ok!” and then moved on, soooooo… Woah.
After reading the entire GPP post, I have decided that we monsters have become like a group of malnourished teenagers travelling across country in a small car with no air conditioning. We need time apart.
Or at the very least, we need some pancakes and a bath.
The only way I will ever respect this site again is if Gabe posts a link to a picture of a male movie star getting out of a limousine with his ballsack hanging out of his underwears.
As a straight dude, I can say that I endorse this anyway. You know, just cuz.
Why is it that it’s incredibly hard to find an image of that, yet so easy to find countless pics of women? NO FAIR.
The ironic thing is that behind Gwyneth Paltrow’s panties lies the Reset Button.
Gabe, I’d like to thank you for your well thought out post with regard to my comment. We, as womyn, take these issues of our sexuality and how it is exploited in the mainstream media very seriously. When we see things like this, we can’t help but be reminded of our menstrual cycles and our inability to reproduce once a month. Your sensitivity to this issue is why we, as womyn, continue to visit this site.
(SUCK IT, IHOP MONKEYS. I WON!)
I love you.
Gwynyth Paltrow’s cooter sure caused a lot of fuss this week, but it looks like the Monsters learned a valuable lesson from it.
a million upvotes, would that I could!
I’m not entirely at ease, but, fuckin’, whatever.
Allow me to preface my comment by writing that I am a moron.
I haven’t been commenting here for very long, but I’ve been reading here for a long, long time. I’ve gotten a lot of great laughs from the posts, and many many more from the comments.
As on every Friday, there was a Monster’s Ball on May 7, 2010. In that week, something sad happened, something good happened, and a person in need was uplifted as a result of the Videogum community. Gabe wrote about it quite sensitively, as he has done about many meaningful VG moments in recent (or, in internet time, ancient) memory.
When I saw that week is the Gabe I choose to believe in–somebody who cares about the site and who invests in the posts he crafts, even though he protests, just now, that he doesn’t care at all. It’s hard for me to imagine a person who could create humor (the greatest and most difficult art) and community like this without caring.
Yes, Virginian. There is a Gabe.
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Yeah, I can’t imagine why someone would be upset that a stranger tried to take an upskirt picture of her while she was on the subway minding her own business, odd, selfish duck that “girl”.
Why is “girl” in quotes? Are you upset that i didn’t say woman? You’re our generation’s girl that went on and on about how someone once tried to take a photo of her panties.
I actually don’t usually concern myself with using girl v woman too much, there are times and contexts it matters and times and contexts where it doesn’t, but considering your casual dismissal of someone’s concerns and person, I thought it was telling.
We are all technojeremy.
I think if we could all end this week by getting together to silently look at each other while Jose Gonzalez’s “Heartbeats” softly plays in the background it would help everyone immensely.
Change “Jose Gonzalez” to “the Knife” and “softly” to “loudly” and “in the background” to “in a Cadillac as big as a whale” PARTY PEOPLE!
We should all go spend some time at Stereogum and realize how fortunate we really are.
What with their universal acclaim and the fact that they are both melodramatic personality dissections of 21st century egomaniacal rich dudes, is it fair to say that the “The Social Network” is the “My Dark Twisted Fantasy” of movies?
With all due respect (so much respect) to the winners, how the hell did the ‘Idi Amen’ comment under the Christian Dictator post not make it in to the Ball?
It’s the Christopher-Nolan-Oscar-nomination-for-Best-Director of this week’s videogum comments. No good reason why it shouldn’t be up in lights.
I for one love it when the circlejerk that is videogum commenters eat themselves alive over some non-issue and Gabe is forced to lay out his bullshit “this blog isn’t very important so what I post on it doesn’t really matter anyway” defense.