Photos
FUN FACT: I never even watched the original lady falling in a fountain while texting video because I saw it described exactly that way and I just used my imagination. But I will watch EVERY appearance this woman makes on the evening news. She is so serious. It’s hilarious. Darren Aronofsky should make a movie called The Fountain 2: SEXTing, that is how serious she is. Love it.
 |
 |
Dear Shopping Mall Fountain Text Lady:
Newsweak
I posted this yesterday on the other Fountain Lady thread, but here it is again. Apparently she’s in the middle of some legal troubles and has
“been out on $7,500 bail since 2009, after being charged with running up more than $5,000 in purchases on a co-worker’s credit card…. …and she’s facing about six months of house arrest and electronic monitoring.”
Electronic monitoring? Just give her a phone, she won’t even be able to find her way out the door.
She said she was texting her friend from church, but you know she was just phishing that friend for credit card information.
I know yesterday I said this:
But now I’m thinking this:
I am sure she will go away if offered a gift certificate to the mall. She look slike the type that just wants to have a “Chico’s Kind of Day” on the house.
Ugh. Shut it down, lady.
The Fountain 2: SEXTing sounds like it would be a mix between The Fountain and The Lake House. Either way FANDANGO TIME.
Plus, Mike Myers is due for another dramatic role.
She’s a man, baby!
The Fountain 2: I am Gay
I’m really hoping to get a sketch out of this at least featuring
Why are The Jam and The Sex Pistols right after another…do they not alphabetize?
Every record store in the West Village= run by cranky old man who expects you to know his idiosyncratic style of organization.
Also in the same section Bauhaus and the Cocteau Twins. Forget it Jake, it’s Bleecker Bob’s.
Bleeker Bob’s is still around? Anyone remember Generation Records?
THE Jam and THE Sex Pistols? They include “the” in the title? I don’t know, I’m grasping at vinyl straws here.
LOL @ Fred Armisen checking out Sex Pistol vinyl’s!
Bleecker Bob’s is the only place to get 60′s “stag party” records. And by get I mean marvel at antiquated analog horniness. Ew.
I heard rumors that Newt Gingrich and a Frankenstein had a baby. I always thought that was a myth until I saw this lady’s lawyer.
I saw that rumor too. I think it was in Enemies of Humanity Monthly.
The text she was responding to was probably about baptism.
She’s so full of shit. “Nobody went to my aid” (as they show the fall from a different angle). I’m sure if she was thrashing around and screaming help SOMEONE would have taken notice. But there was NO ONE within sight of her, let alone turned in surprise and rushed over. She was in no-man’s-land as far as other people’s presence is concerned.
She hopped right out, LIKE AN ADULT. WHy would she need help? Did she expect a fireman brigade with wool blankets? UGH. Just UGH.
I love how during the interview they kept playing the video clip complete with sound and people laughing. They didn’t need to play it with sound. It’s surveillance footage. Too funny.
I like how condescending she is to “the younger generation”. Also, she’s the one who decided to show her face on TV, no one was making fun of her personally until she tried to make a pity case out of this.
Why the hell did she call mall security for before the tape even leaked? And what was so “not nice” about what mall security did and what possible “drastic measures” could be taken?
I love how had it not been for her efforts alone, no one would have possibly been able to definitively link her to this except for the people she told directly about it.
I’m guessing that she called mall security because she was already wondering how she could use this to start shit. I used to work at a mall, and we had one or two people who were notorious for launching lawsuits against several different stores on super flimsy pretexts.
I like James Polyak’s answer to the question of what claims they plan to pursue. A long winded answer that can be summarised as “we’re winging it”.
Also, James Polyak’s website: http://www.polyaklawoffice.com/
Very professional. Interesting that he’s a criminal defence lawyer though.
Attention, youths! Do not text and walk. This is — shut up, this is SERIOUS, Daniel. Sit down.
Do not text and walk. The fountain could have been empty. I could have been in the hospital. The railing could have been made of knives. The fountain could have been a cliff. The video footage could have been laced with cyanide. The water could have been home to millions of piranha fish. My friend from church could have been a molester. My phone could have been a grenade. The mall could have been a bus. My security team is made of nephews. My husband is a phone. My phone is not a fountain.
We all know that she was SEXTING her pastor and doesn’t want DADDY to know!
Yes, the only reason why she didn’t notice the fountain was because she was shocked to find out Ted Haggard was leaving her for a man.
I decline to comment until her lawyer’s full investigation is complete.
I just hopes this opens the door for my grandfather’s case against this negligent trio
He had cake frosting in his hair for days. Slippery Silks my ass.
She is my shopping mall fountain lady. I’m from Wyomissing, PA and while I would love to say that we deserve a better class of attention whore, we definitely don’t.
To focus on something other than the fountain lady for a moment, it takes an impressive amount of retardedness to seriously ask someone who has fallen, “When did you realize you had fallen?”
That’s right up there with “So, you’ve been in a movie about the apocalypse… what’s your opinion about all these dead birds?”
“I didn’t ask for this.” — Mall Fountain Lady
Would it kill them to have a life guard on duty? Jesus!
She keeps saying there was “nothing to grab onto”, so the mall definitely needs to put some novelty lampposts and plastic flamingos around the fountain. Problem solved.
No no, I’m thinking more 8 ft. fence. Stay safe out there, kids!
Wet is the new traumatic.
I agree.