Wait, what? So, The LeBrons is a children’s cartoon “for everyone” (I’m sure) about the four facets of LeBron James’s personality wearing their respective outfits? “Neat!” — Kids. “Neat!” — Everyone. Does it take place in a hospital? I’m assuming it takes place in a hospital. Like, each week opens in the real world, with a live action sequence in which LeBron James is lying in his hospital bed in the psychiatric ward, drenched in sweat, his eyes squeezed tightly closed. There is screaming in the distance. It’s all very Sam Fuller’s Shock Corridor. As we pull in closer and closer on his pain-ravaged face, we slip into his cartoon mind and see “Business LeBron” (that is obviously the kids’ favorite LeBron) trying to decide in which brand of energy gum he’s going to make a 15 million dollar angel investment. Also, I am sorry to interrupt, LeBron James, but at what point exactly during the day are you an 80-year-old man in high-waisted pants? Wise. Hahaha. Right. The only thing I don’t understand, besides everything, is why LeBron James keeps talking about how excited he is about this show when it is just so clear from his face and the tone of his voice that he is over the moon. Never have I seen a human being more overcome with excitement. Dude is literally vibrating, I’m sure. If anything, he’s TOO excited?
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Justin Bieber LeBron
Magic Johnson LeBron
Steve Harvey LeBron
Steve Urkle LeBron
It’s Tuesday, LeBron. Did you bring your hat?

I’m feeling fat.
And sassy!
Oh Gabe, nerds don’t know enough about sports to make fun of them…
Wait, so which one is the King? Would that one be the same as the annoying one on Twitter?
I loved the media “shocked” reaction to his whole “The Decision” controversy this summer: “What?! He handled his FA signing with the Heat in the most obnoxious, self-aggrandizing way possible? Never would have expected that from a guy who has been calling himself King James since he was 14, was on the cover of Sports Illustrated as a junior, drove an H2 all through high school, and spent what would have been his college years becoming one of the most famous people on the face of the planet. Can’t begin to imagine how that guy would be so out of touch.”
If there’s one thing we all learned from Space Jam, it’s that Bill Murray was in that movie.
Did you know that the Space Jam website is still live? It’s like an abandoned space station floating in …ummm… space.
http://www2.warnerbros.com/spacejam/movie/jam.htm
Alright, I checked the Space Jam Pressbox link and it told me this: “No Spacejam news at the moment!” I’ll check it again tomorrow and report any new findings.
Nothin’ yet!
From the ‘Stellar Souvenirs’ section:
**
Tired of that glowing “N” up in the corner? Change it to our hypercool spinning basketball.
Unfortunately, this only works on a Macintosh running Netscape; sorry, Windows users.
**
Ya Burnt, Windows 95 users.
Under Sound Clips: “While they may not have quite the same punch as Dolby SurroundSound, these sound clips will provide you with minutes of fun!”
So, I’m going to set aside some minutes today at work for some fun.
Me: Hey sis, guess what? The Space Jam website told me I’m an inch taller than Mugsey Bogues.
Sister: Mugsey can dunk.
Me: Oh, yeah.
I would really like to hear the Warner Bros IT dept’s sudden staff meeting to discuss the mysterious surge in traffic to the Space Jam website today. Guys, we may have caused a sequel.
From “The Lineup”
“Who are the Monstars [sic], and how could they possibly make the Tazmanian Devil faint?”
You Monstars made the Tazmanian Devil faint by showing a suddent belated interest in Space Jam!
Hopefully the setting will be 3000 BC France, in LeBrons Age
More like The LebYAWNS…haha
I’m so LeBored with him.
I think we all have 4 people who control us on a daily basis. Here are mine:
Pirate FLW: Don’t know if he’s a real pirate, but he wears an eye patch, drinks rum and smells like fish, so I don’t question it
Oh Crap, there are Free Donuts in the Kitchen at Work FLW: The most powerful of the four.
Danish FLW: Really, really nice guy. He probably is also very wise, but I don’t speak Danish, so I can verify how good his advice is.
Safari FLW: Comes with pith helmet and jungle outfit. FLW Action Jeep sold separately.
Sleepy SG: Head of the household, controls nap location (anywhere) and duration (10 minutes to 4 hours)
Creepy SG: For when I creep on people
Sheepish SG: For when I am in the middle of embarrassing myself
Kremey SG: The part of me that is made up entirely of Krispy Kreme donuts
I think the moral here is that all of us are made at least partially out of donuts and that maybe I should work on having my own ideas for once.
Sleepy JOTD: Braaaaaaiiins
Angry JOTD: BRAIIIIINNNNNSSSSS!!!!
Confused JOTD: Braaaaiinnnns?
Spanish JOTD: Yo quiero braaaaaiiiiinnssssss!
I am made primarily of Minnesotan Guilt LBT, Surly LBT, Overexcited Nerd LBT, and Derp Derp LBT. Its like sugar, spice, and everything nice, except my therapist is making much more money off of it.
Hipster teach: Starts most sentences with, “Well, you probably haven’t heard them but…”
Teachermode teach: Starts most sentences with, “Actually…”
Emotional teach: Starts most sentences with “BOOOHOOOO…”
Drunk teach: Starts most sentences with “BOOOHOOOOO…”
There is but one DSN: all sexy, all the time.
Sarcastic Friday: Sounds the exact same as Normal Friday (apparently)
Demanding Friday: the one that only Lawblog can see
Spanish Friday: Solamente disponible los viernes
Drunk Friday: Is it 4 p.m. already?
Ingredients for an IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis:
-Sarcasm
-Monotone voice
-Vast knowledge of useless pop culture
-Nerds (the candy, to make a nerd!)
-A pair of sassypants
Angry Nightmare: I will cut a bitch! Don’t fuck with me!
Puppy Nightmare: I will bore you to death with details about my dogs.
Slutty Nightmare: I talk about which celebs I want to “hit” and lots of Ryan Gosling peen.
Loud Nightmare: I have voice immodulation and I can’t control the volume of my voice.
One Loud to rule them all.
My 4 personalities:
Joey Lawrence Whoa!
Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman Whoa! [pron. whoooo-aaaa]
Black Rob [like] Whoa!
Fonzie Whoa!
All I’m saying is can we expect any Krumpin up in this bitch?
Videogum sports fan over here.
Just wanted to say that LeBron James is a bigger douche than most of you non-sports folks probably even realize. He’s one of the least self-aware public figures I’ve ever seen.
So, OF COURSE he has a cartoon that’s unnecessarily complicated to explain. It’s because he has no idea that EVERYONE has different sides to their personality.
I kind of hope that from now on, you will have sports cliffs notes for the non sporty monster. It will be a public service!
The next time an athlete sends wang pics on his phone, I’ll be there.
R2D2, Esq.: Breaking wang pic news correspondent
I can see proof that he’s a douche from this video.
He didn’t even make a place in the cast for his Sprite commercial costar, the great Miles Thirst.
Photo fail. I’ll just sit in the corner now.
I’m from and live in Cleveland, but I’m not a religious sports nut. That said, it’s hard for me to tell if he’s always been a douche or he just started being a douche last July. Can anyone shed some light?
I am also from Cleveland… I don’t know… I can’t believe how many times I actually said, “If you’re awesome, you’re allowed to tattoo ‘CHOSEN ONE’ across your back and it’s not douchey!” Ugh… June 2010 me sucked…
It’s like if you were a zombie but had to wake up from being a zombie after eating human beings live… like, oh shit! Why did I do all those gross things?! Did anybody else do those things? No? Only zombies did those gross things…? Ugh… June 2010 me sucked!
I’m happy to announce “The Werts.” In this show you’ll see lots of gifs that represent the different sides of my personality. This is my “sliding down on my belly on a grassy hill” personality.
Click the subscribe button and you’ll be the first to know about my new gifs.
Do you think Wise graduated from high school?
High school diploma or no, nothing can take away from the fact that his potato chips are delicious.
His pet owl is a bit… unsettling though.
Man, I am literally chomping at the bit for the opportunity to connect with these characters.
Guys, I’m worried about LeBron. (no, I’m not)
Danny Green! #tarheelsgum
The second season takes place it Miami.
Needs a special guest star. May I suggest:
LeBron should just join ProStars.
really? he’s saying wise? not wallace? fuckin hell
I’m excited for the new animated series, The Turkoglus!
There’s athelete Hedo Turkoglu: “Ben iyiyim basketbol!”
There’s sommelier Hedo Turkgoglu: “Bu şarap beyaz balıklarla eşleştirilince lezzetli.”
There’s pilot Hedo Turkoglu: “Biz bir 15000 sayaç yüksekliğinde geziniyor olacağız.”
and of course, the wacky neighbor, dancer Hedo Turkoglu: “Hareketler benim hasta dansımda görün!”
Oh man! All the upvotes, right here. Very funny. Very researched.
“Lebron James is the Bill Cosby for the younger generations.” — Nobody
What about Gwyneth Paltrow LeBron?
Dang, the speed’s too fast. Basically, he shows the kid his clothes the throws them on the floor a couple of times.
then*
What about Leslie Hall LeBron?

Producer: “So usually for these things, we just give you a script, you read it and that’s that.”
LeBron: “Ah man, I feel like I’m just going to take the opportunity to speak from my heart.”
Producer: “OK, it’s just that it’s so much easier with a script…”
LeBron: “Action!”
One minute later…
LeBron: “OK, we cool? You got what we need?”
Producer: “Do you think we can maybe just do a take reading from a script?”
LeBron: “Ah man. You’re fired.”
Is this from Tyler Perry and on TBS*?
*Not because he’s black, but because it doesn’t look very fun. Also, because he’s black.
they should call this LEBRON IN CHARGE.
because he charges.
like all the time.
and never gets called for it.
I’m so lonely.
Sportsgum!
does he does the voice acting for a cartan all of it?
have you never seen space jam??
So it’s like Herman’s Head? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back in my time machine.