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You’ve probably already seen today’s HOT BUZZ, which is a cameraphone video of a rat running wild on a New York subway train, and eventually waking up a homeless man by JUMPING ONTO HIS SLEEPING FACE. Eeek. Today we are all school marms standing on our desks, because that shit is nasty. Here’s the thing about that video, though: the rat is just being a rat. Not much you can do about those guys. Very into being rats, always. But what’s up with THE DUDE SHOOTING THE VIDEO? Like, OK, the rat is all running around being a total rat and you’re just like “gotta get this dude, give me your phone, this is hilarious, bro” (also: NICE WATERMARK, VAN GOGH) but then the rat jumps up on the homeless dude’s face, right, and you’re like “OH SHIT, DON’T SAY ANYTHING LET’S JUST CAPTURE MOTHER NATURE AT WORK ON THIS F TRAIN,” and then the rat runs off as rats do, and you TURN BACK to the homeless guy? For what? To see if his face melted off? To see if he wants to talk to you about how the moment made him feel? To put him in a macaroni commercial? LOOKS LIKE THERE WERE TWO RATS ON THE TRAIN TODAY. Put your phone down, coward.
The only way this is acceptable is if, and this probably IS what happened, that homeless man turned out to actually be Cloverfield. (Via everywhere.)
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I’m surprised he was even able to reach his phone in time. This seems like the work of a person who primarily communicates through a bluetooth headset.
Two questions:
Can the rat cook?
Does the homeless man have a dulcet voice?
If not why am I watching this
That’s why dude turned back. To see if the homeless person had that radio voice. “Sorry, no radio voice here.” (As he puts his hand up in front of the camera)
Some people just don’t like breaking the third wall.
Relax, the rat was a producer for “Look Into the Next Top Homeless Person’s Mouth”
So…why are we assuming the guy’s homeless? Because he’s asleep on a train?
I mean, dude’s got nothing with him and his clothes aren’t particularly dirty looking or anything. There’s literally (the real literally, not the Rachel Zoe literally) nothing about this guy that says “homeless” other than sleeping on a train.
Sometimes I think people use “homeless” when they mean “sleepy.”
sleepy is a racial euphemism here, isn’t it?
Specifically avoided mentioning his race, because I didn’t want it to sound as though I was accusing anyone of being raycess.
Probably the fact that the only people willing to fall asleep on a train are:
A) Drunk out of their minds, or
B) People with absolutely no personal possessions to worry about protecting.
C) Really really tired because they just worked 12 hours and didn’t have time to eat a proper dinner.
GP knows what I’m talking about. Sometimes your schedule just gets so CA-RAZYYYY!
The best part of falling asleep on a subway on the N-train after work is that occasionally, I’ll wake up in Coney Island. Then dinnertime become Nathan’s Hot Dog time.
FUN FACETACO FACT: I used to sleep on the train so frequently that they stopped asking to see my ticket and started waking me up when we were at my stop.
FURTHER FUN FACETACO FACT: I once fell asleep on the wrong train, and when I didn’t have a ticket, they put me in train jail for several hours.
Fact: I am always so scared I am going to fall asleep on the D and end up at 205th in the Bronx. Like, recurring stress dream scared.
D) lots of people all the time
I mean, who hasn’t gotten drunk and pased out only to wake up in coney island covered in their own vomit at 7:00 in the morning while a bunch of people going to work are staring at you like you’re disgusting? This could have been me!
Man I love a good public transportation nap. There are three tricks: 1. COVER YOUR FACE–if no one can see your eyes, they may suspect you’re sleeping, but they can’t prove it; 2. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT; 3. CLUTCH YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS TIGHTLY TO YOUR CHEST. You don’t get the deepest sleep but if you’re so tired you’re passing out in public, even a little naplet is valuable.
E) Me, even if I’m not particularly tired. (The motion calms me.)
I was just thinking that myself, and remembering how I dressed on the subway, and suddenly realized why I use to wake up all the time with a sandwich in my lap. Which I guess is better than a rat.
Yeah, I’m going to vote not homeless. All my #nycgum buddies also not picking up any of the normal signs? I mean, I know he’s sitting in the “homeless seat” (Y’all know what I mean), but I think he’s just sleepy.
Right, I assumed homeless because he was in that seat, his legs were kind of spread in that ‘I didn’t just doze off’ way and the jacket is a certain style that with the hood pulled up + the salt and pepper beard, it all comes together to feel very homeless, though of course that isn’t conclusive proof in any way.
and of course, while avoiding using his race as a legitimate reason to add to the ‘homelessness’ assumption (because it is, of course, NOT a legitimate reason) I will admit that a certain part of my brain makes that connection and probably added to the assumption for me.
I think We all Just Assumed Homeless Because Gabe Said it was a Homeless Dude.
From a video, I don’t get any homeless vs. homeful vibe. The real test would be olfactory. But, the fact that some dude is chilling in the opposite seat when the car is over half empty is indicative. (Either that the man whose home situation are discussing on the internet smells fine, thanks, OR that the bro with the phone camera STINKS.)
I obviously did not read your comment before posting my own. Good form, robolawyer.
My thoughts exactly, so his jacket may be dirty, but he’s in dress pants. The usual homeless men I see are often missing their pants.
If you see something, say something. Or don’t. But definitely put it on youtube.
I totally plagerized this sentiment, and a full fifteen minutes after you posted it, no less. Looks like I’m the rat now, dog.
Give the rat a break; he was just looking for the Secret of the Ooze.
He learned the “jumping on a guy’s face” move from his master Yoshi.
Hell no! Giving a rat a break is even worse than giving a mouse a cookie!
Weird, someone gave that book to my daughter for Christmas and I read it for the first time about two days ago. Now it’s all giving cookies to mice everywhere I turn (I suspect).
Those camera phones are a “plague”.
Watching this, I get the same feeling when I realize that I’m the only person not perpetually pointing a camera at the band during a great set. There’s a fucking rat jumping on a sleeping person! Just put the camera down and enjoy the experience!
Well done, you.
I’m always baffled by the people taking cell phone video of a band’s ENTIRE SET. Do these people go home and actually watch an hour of shaky cell phone footage shot from 300 feet away??
YouTube hits are FUCKING IMPORTANT.
I myself dream of the day when everyone gets tired of the million-cell-phones in a concert crowd thing, and leaves them at home. Personally, it isn’t as much the annoyance that these people can’t just ‘enjoy the moment’ (though that is a part of it) but more that, much like in movie theaters, those open phones are very bright and become distracting when you are trying to solely focus on the band you came to see and not a bunch of glowy lights hovering in your peripheral vision.
I had to watch the Pixies play Doolittle start to finish off of the girl standing in front of me’s iPhone. I felt even worse for the boyfriend, who was doing the obligatory “boyfriend concert stance” behind her and had the phone literally in his face the entire night.
I was once elbowed in the eye by a person standing in front of me using his little digital camera to record the entire set. Broke my glasses and gave me my first and so far only shiner. (The reason my eye was in elbowable range is that I had looked down to txt someone about how much fun I was having at the show. So it goes.)
i have started dreaming of the day when i go to a play or a wedding or a FUNERAL and hear at the beginning “please put your cellphones on silent”
1. someone has DIED. they are never coming back and this is your last chance to say goodbye. that being said, please turn down your lady gaga ring tone until after the ceremony.
2. we are no longer at the point where “turn OFF your cellphones” is a reasonable request. we are so addicted to them that people must ask them to simply turn them on silent, because turning them off is absolutely out of the question. much less, oh, i don’t know, LEAVE YOUR PHONE IN THE CAR IF THERE IS GOING TO BE A DEAD BODY IN THE ROOM
apologies for the vitriol, but i recently went to a funeral where not only was this request made, but a cellphone WENT OFF DURING THE FUNERAL
*and don’t hear
Not even Gabe can make me watch a video of a rat jumping on someone’s face. That’s just not going to happen. I’m assuming the world will go on spinning if I don’t watch this, because I’m not going to watch it.
I hope you know I am now totally blaming you for the upcoming apocalypse. Thanks, superglue.
but it’s worse if you don’t watch. your imagination fills in all the gory details. seriously, it’s much cuter than i thought it would be. the lil guy just wants a hug.
You wish that rat almost went home with you, scumbag.
“I keep Kraft cheese in my coat, you know rats want it.” -sleeping guy
The best part about the watermark is that it’s not like this video is interesting at all beyond the fact that he was in the right place at the right time, so I really have negative motivation to see any of his other videos ( I would say zero motivation, but that’s true for most videos I enjoy even on youtube regardless, so this is now negative).
She’s All Rat starring Rathiel Lay Cook and Ratthew Lillard?
and Frattie Prince Jr.
Isn’t he married to Sarat Michelle Gellar??
Rat Thing You Do! starring Tom Everatt Scott and Cheese Zahn
Analyze Rat starring Ratert DeNiro and Billy Crystail.
GUYS, we’re on HuffPo today! Muahahaha, the takeover has begun
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/13/twitter-palin-movies_n_808590.html#s223362&title=Michael_K
And here, from yesterday:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/t/just-a-quick-demo-of-the-_25293083235057664.html
Honestly, that rat rode a homeless man to work that day, so I don’t blame him for trying the same gag on the way home.
I love how, AS THE RAT IS MEANDERING OVER HOMELESS GUY’S FACE, the subway announcer is all, “If you see a suspicious package or activity, don’t keep it to yourself!”
Rat + Face = Suspicious activity in my book.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the next Brooklyn-bound rat is now arriving up your pant leg. Please be patient.
The rat lives in a gentrified sewer
“Please vomit away from the Rodent Tail, especially when rats are entering or leaving your mouth.”
Despite this, the F train (and its buddy the L) is so nice. A/C and I are having some relationship issues.
“i can give you five reasons why i should kick your ass- but i’m not going to do that. trying to turn over a new leaf. new year’s resolutions and all.”
I didnt know the F-train went to NIMH
Shh, it’s a secret.
Are we definitely sure it’s the F train or was Gabe just kidding about that? I take it everyday day and I don’t want to be anywhere near that. Gross. Homeless people.
According to the POST, it was the 4-train, so who knows…
The F train isn’t that nice! 2,3,4,5 or 6, I thiink.
That nice??? It has rats!
Yeah, but the rats are friendly, not all trying to take your wallet or bite your eyelids, like those damn F train rats.
Yeah, but the rats are friendly, not all trying to take your wallet or bite your eyelids, like those damn F train rats.
Not an F Train. Needs more graffiti and those orange and yellow seats.
Nope, lots of F trains are the shiny blue well-lit cars. If this is the F, it’s just one more reason for me to hate it. Ick, you guys, I’m worried about the F.
Oh man, they’ve actually started upgrading them? When I had to ride them they were always like Abe Vigoda’s age.
Everyone is calling that guy homeless… Is it because he was asleep on the train? Wearing a winter coat? Shirt untucked? I think there’s some ominous racial coding on here.
“All sleeping black people are homeless, clearly.” — Everybody
Or Videos described in the intro as being comprised of a homeless man accosted by a rat tend to invoke thoughts of homeless man when we see said video of the rat attacking a man who may or may not be homeless.
Fuck all of you, seriously. RELAX FUCKERS ITS THE INTERNETS
Haha, what?
All we have to go on are the snakes on the wall; if we’re told he’s homeless, he’s homeless.
F the homeless guy, my pet rat is missing!
Somewhere in Brooklyn, the Gregory Brothers are scratching their heads, trying to figure out how they’ll auto-tune this.
So true. So rat. I think they’re technically allowed to write a song from the perspective of one of the characters, like in auto-tune the news, so maybe we’re about to get “Headin’ home from the rat-race, on a sleeping man’s face” on our memek11 radar.
They missed a golden opportunity to shatter youtube records by not interviewing the homeless guy afterwards and discovering he has the ability to do something that normal people can do.
Homeless man doesn’t even look homeless. Looks like a typical New Yorker to me.
Whoopps didn’t read the earlier posts like that haha.
Was Gabe’s New Year’s Resolution to be more indignant and an asshole in an effort to make everyone else in the world an asshole, because he believes there aren’t enough of those already? Given his description I imagined this video to have a sad, hungry looking homeless man passed out while a rat stayed on his face for a solid minute and no one did anything, rather than for a rat to quickly dart across a random napping man’s face, when no one had time to do anything and the person filming, like half the current population would, was already following the rat around.
Hey, I’m black, and I thought this dude was homeless, too. But as a black person, I gotta let you guys know that I always feel like white people assume I’m homeless just because I’m black and I walk around in a heavy-ass winter coat. But the reality is, I’m not homeless and I wear the coat because I hate the fricking cold!
I assume all rats are homeless; I guess that makes me…four years old.
Yuck!! I feel like vomiting seeing this rat in the subway….
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