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BAD MOM ALERT! (Via TheNoProblem.)
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“Ugh. Looks like my puppet’s malfunctioning. Sorry guys.” -Bad mom
“That’s what I’m talking about!” -Snooki
“You’re never too young to awkwardly thrust your tiny body around a stage while wearing triangle boob things.” -Mom Snooki
Ok. I’ll just click play and… oh hey, my IT guy is here. As well as some folks from where? The FBI? No wait! It’s not what you think… 1d02h: %QUICC_ETHER-1-LOSTCARR: Unit 0, lost carrier. Transceiver problem?
I knew it! FLW is a Cyborg!
“I know now why you cry, but it is something I can never do.” – Frank Lloyd Wrong, 2008-2011
Also terrible crowd alert? For cheering at a 4 year old stripping?
I think the “Terrible Crowd Alert” pretty much applies to ALL audiences who attend child beauty pageants.
Monsters, why don’t you all have seat over there…
What is with me and posting giant pictures lately?! I am so sorry, you guys! Chris Hansen did not look that big when I googled him!
TWSS.
“She didn’t look that young when I was googling her.”
- the crowd at whatever the fuck this is
I wouldn’t worry about. We’re actually gonna need a bigger Chris Hansen…
Seriously though, we’re all going to jail.
We deserve it. Everyone in the world (including whomever may be in orbit) deserve to go to jail, by virtue of the fact that this video exists.
Casting blame on us for the isolated actions of one deranged mom is inappropriate and unacceptable. I refuse to accept this blood libel.
What, was the Kiddie Costume Boutique all out of Betty Page corsets?
Where’s the part where she gets stigmata? BAD [Attention to Detail] MOM ALERT!
Why is she a bad mom? For allowing her daughter to wear SENSIBLE SHOES? Shame on all of you.
yadda yadda yadda…it was the worst bachelor party ever.
You have my upvote and bail money.
I just signed up to upvote this. See you in jail!
Did you guy ever watch any of those pageant reality shows they had on TV? Some of the most awful parenting.
My thoughts exactly!
little girl, i just want you to hear it from me:
you ARE beautiful, no matter what they say!
p.s. run!
You’re going to La Isla Bonita, since that’s where the jail is located
You think this is bad, wait until you see her Wendy O. Williams act following intermission.
No fair. I didn’t get my first training cone bra until I was 10.
… the aristocats!
that was actually supposed to be the ‘aristocrats’, but i know better than to fuck with serendipity.
So that’s what everybody wants to be a cat is all about
BAD YOUTUBE COMMENTER ALERT:
Tymliko: People need to get over it. This has been going on for decades, if not centuries.
HAHAHAAAABAAARRRRFFFFF.
Huckabeast, what is wrong with you?! Reading YouTube comments?! You could have been killed! Reckless.
Gladiators WERE basically grown-up child strippers, duh.
A more appropriate outfit for a child.
Um, we all know the most appropriate outfit for a child…
(Way beyond) Borderline (Creepy)
Vogueross
Ray of Fright
Alan Arkin can’t die enough!
I was trying to find that Butthole Surfer’s music video that tackled this issue way back in the mid-90s, then I came across the meta trainwreck:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeGBFgNxewc
WARNING, do not watch if you are having a pleasant day.
oh my god, that was horrifying!
Thank god the cameraman didn’t film the followup Annie Sprinkle portion of the pageant!
That’s nothing, you should see the child pageant costume that flame glove guy made!
[footage not found]
The “Living Doll” title tells you everything you need to know. Hint: your daughter is not a living doll, she is a living person who is in the process of emotional development and you are messing her up with this shit.
Please, you guys. Just be glad it wasn’t “Like a Virgin.”
Or “Justify My Love”
This kid was on “Toddlers & Tiaras” last week, I saw the clip of it on “The Soup” (which is not to say I am above watchiing T&T, I’m not).
This poor child is actually two and yes I realize whether she’s 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 etc, it’s still heinous. This is the T&T footage of Mia, complete with Mom howling “yeah Mia, work it!” (and a scary pagent dad):
http://www.etonline.com/tv/106205_Tears_Tantrums_and_a_Mini_Madonna_in_Toddlers_Tiaras/index.html
Maybe 2 is too young to look bangin.
I went to a good friend’s wedding once and her family are mainly (I say this with love in my heart) super trashy morons. Well, her 8-year-old niece hit the dance floor — and to this day I occasionally ask after her family, “And how’s your stripper niece?” Because of all the crotch-thrusting and hip-swaying and ass-slapping and as-if-seductive lip-pursing that child did. I was like “Oy.” Then her mom (age 23; it’s child #3) got out there and danced alongside her, and watching both of them cut that randy rug together, pelvis to pelvis like Girls Cocaine Night Out, I was like “Oh.”
Update: Niece is 15 now and on the pill. Have at her, boys!
This just makes me sad, for a number of reasons.
1. she starts all innocent and cute in her angel costume and it seems like it might be wholesome four year old fun until BAM time for naughty four year old fun
2. The crowd cheers hysterically when she disrobes
3. The mother (I am assuming it’s the mother?) shows her daughter to press her chest together
4. The crowd finds this to be the best part of the show
5. SOMEONE ACTUALLY MAKES SLUTTY LINGERIE FOR TODDLER AGE GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!
All of that, except…she’s two. Don’t you miss the sensible days when you thought she was a mature, responsible four year-old in charge of her own destiny?
Yeah, the real problem is that she’s too young to, like, walk in a straight line. What is all that weird kicking at the air about?
Aside from the performance issues, I think this was actually funny and not disturbing at all. What, you think the gold dress and tights and fake triangular robot boobies are actually, like, sexual, on a little kid? The fuck is wrong with you people? I say nice halloween costume, mom.
Give me this over the mini-debutantes in Otto’s video any day. THAT’S the creepy stuff.
Just when I was thinking, “why not Lucky Star?” this video was all BAM! LUCKY STAR!
bad dad alert?
BAD DAD ALERT!
i was waiting for mom of the year to work the routine toward this for a big finale..
Shake it, sh-sh shake it, sh-sh shake, sh-sh shake it like a shaken baby syndrom! Get it? Because she’s a baby and that’s another thing her mom probably did!
“It would have been cool if she whipped her hair back and forth at all.” –Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Baby’s First Existential Crisis.