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For a long time, I have compared the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time to the myth of Sisyphus, who was condemned to forever push the same boulder up the same mountain, only to have it roll back down to the bottom after each arrival at the summit. But that metaphor is incorrect. For one thing, as the philosopher Camus pointed out, this myth represents the absurdity of life, and as such, we “must imagine Sisyphus as happy,” because he has been stripped of hope and is entirely aware of his horrible fate, and it is in this awareness that he can find some solace that his position is no better and no worse than anyone else’s. You can see where this just falls apart for me. No, the Hunt for the Worst Movie of all Time is more like the myth of Prometheus, who was tied to a boulder (always with the boulders, huh, myth-heads?) for all of eternity as eagles ate his liver. Every time the eagles finished, his liver would grow back, and those eagles would just eat that new liver all over again. Ouch! One does not have to imagine Prometheus as happy, because he was not. He had a raw deal. (NOTE TO SELF: don’t steal fire from Zeus. Just get some matches from a restaurant or something. Ding dong. I’m an idiot!)
Guys, meet my newest liver:
Lovely Bones
The Quiet
Eat, Pray, Love
Splice
I’m Still Here
Remember Me
The Bucket List
Garden State
Enjoy, BLASTED EAGLES!
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LIVER! I hardly KNOW her!
LIVER ALONE! – Matthew Lillard in Scream #myfavoriteliverjoke
One thing you can say about those eagles: they really deliver
i cannot believe this did not get more upvotes.
Aww, no Synecdoche, New York?
no one should have to watch that movie, so bad it wouldnt even be worth making fun about
Why do you hate God’s precious gift, Phillip Seymour Hoffman?
shoulda been called Snoresville with the tag line zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
my comments awaiting moderation so allow me to rephrase:
they shoulda named this movie SNORESville with the tag line [multiple "z" letters indicating snoring]
I can understand why people like this movie (read: IT’S ARTSY), but I couldn’t watch it after the first 45 minutes because I was too depressed. It was just… very uncomfortable to watch.
Really? Roger Ebert’s best film of the decade and it stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman?
I haven’t seen it, but those two guys are the best.
AND it was written and directed by Charlie Kaufman?! Tell me it’s on Netflix.
No.
I love that movie so much!
I thought I made a damn good case for Synecdoche, New York. Oh well… there’s always the next round.
Guys, we’re talking Worst Movie of ALL TIME. Not Most Thematically Unsuccessful Movie. (Also, I love Synecdoche, New York but would never willfully recommend it to anybody)
all i remember from that movie is the little girl saying “Mom! Is there something wrong with my poop?” laughs and laughs forever . bc poop.
That there would be good enough for me, strangely enough. LOLs forever, I guess.
I hope someone will be with me to collect the single tear I shed whilst reading the WMOAT for Garden State.
If you mean a tear of joy then I will be there with you. Since I have joined this website I have been calling for Garden State to get the WMOAT treatment and now that it’s finally here I’m left giddy with anticipation.
Yay! Bring on the Garden HATE.
I am TBS® Very Happy. about it being here mostly because I suggested it.
Hard Gabe read my post! And he agreed that it isn’t all every teenage emo hairdresser from 2003 said it’s cracked up to be! These sentences make almost TOO much sense!
-Medium Viscosity Gabe
Good to see the return of The Worst Movie Of All Time (Provided It Was Released After 2007)
yeah, these are some hip terrible choices
Next up on the chopping block: This Thing
Ishtar has an extremely funny first half. That said, how amazing are those serious “ACTOR!” headshots on that poster, which is apparently for the stage version of Joe the Camel: The Movie.
Stay strong Gabe, you can get through this and you will be stronger for it! Well, not really, but at least you know more about shitty movies. Same dif.
Over the weekend, I realized that I have never nominated Twilight. That movies is totes the worst. We need to get it in the next round, you guys.
uhuh – kids movie
Plus, no A-list or B-list stars (well, at least not before the Twilight movies, debatable at present date)
According to IMDB, Peter Facinelli is in Twilight. He’s sort of B-listy, right?
There must be a way to make this happen.
Gabe has previously reviewed both Twilight:Eclipse and New Moon, albeit not for WMOAT.
http://videogum.com/101261/twilight_a_primer_for_adults/top-stories/
http://videogum.com/102321/the_videogum_movie_club_twilig/franchises/the-videogum-movie-club/
I’d think with each movie you might hope, you might suspect there’s a chance it won’t be all bad. That at the right moment you will look into the movie’s eyes and see a beautiful, yearning soul there. But then, every time, nope, pretty much totally horrific.
#mythologyjustgetsit
Greek porn has always been really weird.
If by “weird” you mean “HOOOOOT”
and by “HOOOOOT” you mean “HOOOOONK”
I don’t see what owls have to do with this.
Hootie? Hoo!
i want to watch THIS movie
PrometheYUM!
Is that the prequel to the swan princess?
It’s weird that Kanye West is remaking Black Swan so soon.
Even though I am up on my Greek mythology, I am still fascinated by the fact that somebody spent several months of their life painting a lady being fucked by a swan. What do you tell your friends when they ask you what you’re doing these days?
However you phrase it, for the rest of your life you’re going to be hearing, “Great, just keep fucking that swan.”
The Prometheus analogy also kinda falls apart because he was eventually rescued by Hercules. And I don’t see a Hercules in your future, Gabe.
No. There is another.
Wow, Birdie’s really gotten big!
I just noticed they have the same head tilt.
I see a Hercules in Gabe’s future…he’ll likely be played by Nicholas Cage.
Or, in the God of War series, he’s ultimately murdered for the sake of Kratos’ meaningless advancement.
I may be wrong, but I think all I comment about is video games. That’s an awful commentary on my priorities.
Very psyched indeed to see my precious The Quiet on there. Might have to rent it again and refresh but I am dreading having to see Tony Sopranos wife naked again shudder
Oh, STOP. You totally enjoyed that part.
After watching “I’m still here” I found it very hard to believe that this was just a hoax. Joaquin Phoenix if he is acting had a hell of a performance. The whole thing seemed intensely sad especially the struggle of someone who wishes to show art though a medium that he clearly fails to grasp.
The movie itself was terrible trying to cause you to feel sympathy for this person who was the cause of his own troubles. During the whole movie Joaquin seems horribly unaware of himself and spent the majority of time doing drugs and banging hookers.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Is u rlly a tick?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
SPOON!
yeah, i was having this conversation the other day! they came out with “it’s a hoax” pretty fast after the movie was in theaters. it’d be kind of amazing in 10+ years (i mean, in 2012) if they acknowledge that it was all real.
I still wish Wanted was on this list, but Remember Me is a pretty good consolation prize. Monsters have been nominating that all over and after I investigated, it’s a perfect WMOAT choice. Place your bets now, kids! I’m going with Remember Me to take it!
Based on a Super Hero (Villian?) comic. Sorry capsulekei.
I should have known it was a comic! But I can still wish it was on the list, jawnofthedead. Let me have my dreams.
I’ve been trying to get Wanted considered for WMOAT for about a year. I thought the rule was it couldn’t be a super popular comic book (like a Marvel character) but that comic based movies could still be nominated. Am I wrong? Wertrew?
Possible loophole!!! We will have to investigate and find out. If there’s a way to get Wanted on this list, Polly Jean, you have my sword.
Just saw Monsters this weekend, then saw District the day after.
Comparably, the WMOAT, indeed.
*District 9.
Time to get off videogum and pay attention in class. ADVANCED SPREADSHEETS, you guys!
While we are on the subject of mythology, Videogum chat is a lot like Bacchus in that everyone is drunk and chasing around young boys to sodomize.
I would have started chatting by now had I known that…
or they are tearing their own kin to pieces
Oh man. This is the one guys. Maybe even worse than, dare I say it, FUNNY GAMES!! I can’t wait.
me too. i saw this last week and was like what-the-fuuuuuu….. i feel sorry for Gabe. Good luck getting through it. very excited for Garden State too because LORD do I hate that movie.
On another note, my nomination for the next round is really, really good. I can’t wait.
is it catfish? catfish is REALLY bad!
Lizzing’s Last Theorem: “I have discovered the truly Worst Movie of All Time, but this comments section is too small to contain it.”
Can you really compare yourself to Prometheus? I mean…you watch movies and sit around your apartment all day and get paid for it….so…i mean…
Are you saying he’d be better off comparing himself to Jesus?
yes, thats more fitting
“Prometheus? Worst comparison ever.”
The WMOATs are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have a WMOAT campaign to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
Australia!, the land of sheep
I know it’s settled, but I really want to try and build momentum for Australia! next round.
I’m so excited and so, so sorry Gabe.
What about the Happening?
You guysss, doncha wanna know where all tha honeybees are goin’????
Guys, I saw Gentlemen Broncos yesterday. Ummm…
You know if H.P. Lovecraft novel’s where the protagonist gains awareness of the Great Old Ones and the sheer horror of learning about their insignificance in the grand scheme of the Universe drives them insane. Then consider Gentlemen Broncos to be Shub-Niggurath.
“I take great offense to that, sir; and hope that in the future you wont use my name for such slander.”
“What?”
UGH, Surveillance Does. I hate those.
Yeah. If you could cut together just Jemaine Clement’s parts, it would be a joy.
Okay, that was the funniest thing Gabe has written in a long time, and Gabe writes a lot of good shit!
The Splice review should be pretty hilarious. I actually didn’t think it was terrible, but it’s one goofy ass flick.
I’m with you in that Splice was pretty amusing to watch, but Adrian Brody and Sarah Polly as nerdy scientist types = Nope.
wait, what, really? adrien brody is in one predator movie and suddenly he’s incapable of playing in a nerdy guy? I mean, nerds all he’s ever played otherwise, right? he weighs like 85 pounds.
and actually, can’t just stop there. sorry, but sarah polley is a GREAT candidate to play a nerd.
also, I didn’t see this, and I really don’t care about these 2 people. just seemed inaccurate enough to throw this out there. maybe I’m wrong. maybe the whole movie he’s like “hey, I can’t do math. hey, I wanna fuck that monster.” and she’s like “hey, I broke my nail and farted”
They’re a bit glammier than I imagine your average scientists to be, but a) it’s a movie. And b) they’re supposed to have attained rock star scientist status due to making the cover of Wired or something.
It’s a good, weird-as-they-get movie. Definitely mockable, though.
Splice feels like it was written by two different people, alternating pages with neither able to change what the other had written.
Writer 1: “And then they realize that the splice-thing is a person (kind of) so they can’t just destroy it”
Writer 2: “And then Adrien Brody has SEX WITH IT.”
Writer 1: “Uhh and then umm… ok…. uh…. science stuff”
Yeah, I enjoyed bits of Splice, but I think you need a working appreciation of bestiality/incest sex scenes with half-human, half-animal creatures to really “get” the whole experience.
Okay, my last three comments have been weirdly sexual. I promise I’m not that creepy.
This is my favorite comment ever.
Inexplicably, every time I see this
I think of this
http://pacejmiller.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/remember-me-poster.jpg?w=270&h=400
And now you will to!
Brilliant now everyone knows your password is 9 black dots and can start impersonating you online, brainiac
Whenever I see the “Remember Me” button on a website, it makes me think of the Futurama episode where Bender becomes a pharaoh and has a giant statue of himself built that says “REMEMBER ME” whilst breathing fire.
And now you will too (provided you are really into futurama, and you remember that partic. episode, and then it is a kind of nice thing to remember cos futurama was great!)
Not only did I have to upvote this, but I had to comment so you knew I upvoted this, because that is one swell episode.
Though there are probably 47 different versions to choose from, this is my favorite Prometheus:
Yay, I am excited for new movies. However, I really think you’re doing yourself a disservice by not including the maximum number of Nic Cage films in each round (i.e. 1). One day you’re going to have to do a whole bunch at once, and then you’ll be kicking yourself for not getting some out of fhe way earlier.
8MM, y’all. I don’t know how to make your fancy GIFs yet, but imagine the peekaboo kitty getting repeatedly maced in its adorable eyeballs and you’ll know what that movie did to my mirth.
I thought splice was brill.
First off, I am very sad to not see The Invention of Lying on this list, really mean that too, I sincerely hope it gets done eventually.
On another note, Garden State, really? Like I know people don’t like it, like at all, but it is hardly a failure in its chosen genre of of ‘modern-whiny-MPDG-containing-bilsdungroman’, and I feel a WMOAT should be more than just movies you are too mature to enjoy now because you are an adult. Honestly, I don’t mean to defend the movie as something really amazing and great, I don’t particularly love it myself, but for the crowd it is meant to appeal to, its considered a very good movie for very good reasons, mainly being that its a well done entry into that ‘genre’ (see also: Donnie Darko).
Additionally, as has been said, way too many of these movies have come out this year, and I worry their terrible-ness may not stand the test of time. I know this is in direct violation of the 11th rule of The Hunt (aka, Gabe is boss) but can I suggest a possible limit to the number of current-year nominees? Like, say, 2 per round at most? 5 of 8 of these are from 2009 or later, and that seems kind of absurd.
i too wait patiently for the day when the invention of lying makes the list ben. next year in wmoat.
I’m with you on Garden State. I rewatched it recently and was like UUUGGGHHHH, but in 2004 I was like “Way deep! The period between college and feeling like and adult is HARD, y’all!” My DVD collection stinks of a left-leaner who came of age in the late 90s/early naughts – Garden State, Fight Club, the Matrix, Dogma, Jerry Maguire – all films that subtly or directly suggested there much be so much “more” to life than what we experience in the mundane day-in day-out of our existence. Some of these movies I still at least like (the latter three), but others are pretty insufferable now (the first two, and I ALWAYS hated Donnie Darko).
So even though Garden State is a poster child for the selfish, pre-twee navel-gazing films that came out over that period of time, it’s not nearly as bad as garbage like The Last Kiss or Elizabethtown that grew out of that same genre. Those are SO MUCH WORSE. I will give you a preemptive “case-dismissed,” Garden State!
But what if the crowd it’s meant to appeal to are wankers? I think that makes it eligible, surely.
Slothdrop Story Time.
She was a girl. I was a boy could I
make it any more obvious. Wait sorry.
The mention of Prometheus reminded me
of a girl that I feel head over heels for. I met
her in my college photography class and
thought she looked cute so I tried my darndest
to get to know her. After some time we knew
each other pretty well, we would go out to
eat lunch everyday and have really intense
personal conversations. She probably thought
of us as good friends but I wanted more than
just friends so I decided to have a talk with her,
alone, after class. I won’t recite the speech that
I wrote for her verbatim but it was basically
me saying that I was Prometheus and she was
the eagle, a metaphor that I now realize is a
little overblown. Let’s just say that she did not
appreciate it when I explained who Prometheus
was and stopped talking to me. She did not
get the scarf (some of you monsters know what
I’m talking about). Maybe she wasn’t for me, I
mean she didn’t know who prometheus is. Just
another great/horrible Sloth dating story. Maybe
I’ll find a girl someday that will appreciate my
outrageous metaphors. – “All I’m saying is you
are the necronomicon and everytime I try to learn
more about you and your secrets it drives me
insane but I want to know more.” – This is
something that could be said to you, Ladies. -
I wouln’t say I’m bad at dating or talking to girls
maybe my methods are antiquated or I’ve been
watching to many Romantic Comedies and
want my life to reflect that idealize and
romanticized version of love. That concludes
this oversharing Slothdrop story time!
How did Splice make the cut? I mean, it might have a few absurd plot twists but you can’t say it’s not a well made interesting movie, It seems like the WMOAT has slowly turned into the Hunt For The Movie I Saw And Liked But Didn’t Love A Couple Days Ago.
I have an idea for a new feature-in keeping with the new year/reset button theme, why not start The Hunt for the Best Movie of All Time? Don’t get me wrong, I love sarcasm/snarkasm (what?) as much as the next monster, but it might be a good way to get some positivity flowing around here.
Hi Susie, I put this candle in your window. I was in The Happening, you seen that movie? Say hi to your motha for me.
Two suggestions: The Fast and the Furious, Ben Stein’s Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
Splice?! But I thought Splice was outstanding! Does that make me old? Oh I just don’t understand you guys any more.
I don’t agree with SPLICE, but I do agree with GARDEN STATE.
Can I throw in CLOSER with Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman? It has a stellar cast, a great director (Mike Nichols), and yet it is still a bag of shit.
So are these eight just the first round? If so, for the next round, I nominate two extremely bad movies that I didn’t see mentioned yet:
Firestorm with Howie Long. It’s amazingly bad. But it also falls into the “so bad it’s entertaining” category. Which cannot be said for…
Click with Adam Sandler. Holy crap this is bad. Nothing redeeming about it at all. Just a formulaic turd of a movie that is somehow much less than the sum of its parts. It really was torture to watch. My aunt rented this when we visited and I felt obligated to watch it all the way through. Otherwise, I would have turned it off after like five minutes. It was really unwatchably bad.
Depending on what your definition of bad is, one of these should be in contention.
I just sat through “How Do You Know” in the theater. I know it’s not on Netflix yet, but as soon as it is, PLEASE. I don’t know what happened to the James Brooks I once loved. UGHHHHHBARF that movie.