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OK, “agents.” Your mission is simple and the best part is YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS. You can wear as many pairs of pants as you want. Wear 10 pants. Let’s all befriend Monica Gebruikt on Facebook and help her to stay off of drugs. Why not? It is literally the least we can do. It’s absolutely nothing. “But Gabe, using YouTube to get strangers to click on your Facebook account does not seem like a particularly effective or valuable drug treatment program.” True. But it probably won’t put MORE drugs in her body. “But Gabe, it’s 2011 and we are all so exhausted by the Internet’s incessant duping and manipulations of its users that we all have gotten pretty hardened and skeptical when it comes to being asked to do anything by anyone even if it is as benign as befriending someone on Facebook. Surely, we suspect, there is some other angle at work here and once we click “like” we’re going to have signed ourselves up for a lifetime subscription to the Ortega Tortilla Shell of the Month Club from which it is impossible to unsubscribe.” You guys are pretty cynical for Videogum Everywhere Agents. Maybe you would like her better and be more interested in helping her if she SOUNDED LIKE A RADIO. Now come on, let’s just do this. Or not. The second rule of Videogum Everywhere is not bother anyone with our activities, but the first rule of Videogum Everywhere, of course, is that there are NO RULES. (Thanks for the tip, Gideon.)
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Friend me too. Every new friend I get helps keep me away from Chipotle, Jimmy John’s, cherry Twizzlers, and Dr Pepper and helps me lose weight. http://www.facebook.com/werttrew
Me too! Every friend I get helps me keep away from interacting with my family, real life friends and it’s easier to ignore me in the Internet! Only YOU can stop me from being obnoxious in real life.
I upvoted you, but I do not like where this is going. Real friends are threatening. They want to violently high-five you and take you to dark rooms where a bunch of strangers sit around silently while a stream of images are displayed on a large screen. Monsters, however, promise only Arrested Development references and .gifs of Michelle Obama giving you the thumbs up. Choose happiness. Choose Monsters.
Preach on Teach. Preach on.
first rule of trying to stop doing drugs club: move out of amsterdam
I don’t need to friend her. I already have. That’s my girlfriend.
If I understand drug addiction treatment (and I think I do), the best way to help her is to Just Say No to her friend request. That’s how we got rid of all the drugs here in America.
I was watching a documentary on cocaine on the History Channel [Why? WHO KNOWS] and drug use among kids in a certain age group did go down with the Just Say No thing in the 80′s! Weird! Then crack came along and ruined EVERYTHING. }:-(
I don’t see any flaws with her logic, who do I write the check out to again?
I feel like her logic is that if people are willing to be Facebook friends with a random stranger from the Netherlands because she asks them to help her with drugs, that means they actually do want to help her achieve this goal. It’s a reminder every time she logs onto Facebook, “These people want me to succeed, I can’t let them down.”
Awww, DSN, that’s such a sweet view on things. I want to hug you right now, and protect you from the soul-crushing reality that is the rest of the world.
Oh, trust me GP. I’m best described as an optimistic cynic. I think her intentions are well, and that her logic was a such. But in the end, it remains to be seen whether it works or not. If it does, great! If not, well, we all learned something, didn’t we?
I imagine it’ll be like her posting status updates like “I really want to do drugs right now” and people chiming in going “C’mon, Monica! You don’t need that! You can do it!” etc.
I mean, that’s what I would do.
hasn’t she seen catfish? geez, why can’t she just create a big circle of fake friends on facebook out of pictures you took from real profiles on facebook already? duh!
also, I nominate catfish. fuck those guys.
Every post has “that person”, and for this one that’s me. So, so sad. I only made it to about :15 seconds in.
“the best part is YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS.”
You’re doing it wrong.
Dear Mr. Facebook,
Please sign me up for a lifetime subscription to the Ortega Tortilla Shell of the Month Club. I have enclosed a lifetime of self-addressed stamped envelopes.
I love you!
whatthewhatjunior
Am I doing this right?
I know. Tacos for life! What could possibly be bad about that?
Dear Mr. (or Mrs.) whatthewhatjunior,
I am contacting you today to apologize for having plagiarized your comment (see below). In my haste to make a joke weaker than your own, I hastily posted and, in doing so, brought great shame upon myself. I humbly beseech your pardon and vouch that I will be more conscientious with future posts.
Regrets,
teacherman
No shame, sir– yours was a comment made out of a pure love for tacos, which I think we can all agree is a mighty, unifying force in this world. Maybe THE mighty, unifying force?
Dammit, you people. Now I want tacos. I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA. WE DON’T HAVE TACOS HERE.
I’ve heard Farmville is pretty addicting. Can’t she just trade one addiction for another like regular people?
Can we do this for Duquan too? I’m worried about him.
I was skeptical, but then shit got real at the end of the video.
Dear Internet,
please stop showing the Dutch as just drug addicts. We are so much more than that and the stereotype is getting real annoying real fast. Thanks in advance.
Sincerely,
a normal Dutch guy.
want to go skating on the canals this winter while getting high, eating sausage, and murdering young women?
Only if we split the check!
deal! we also have to partake in the legal prostitution too.
My stereotype of Dutch people is that they speak every language without an accent, and aren’t even assholes about it like the Germans are, so you don’t even feel good resenting them for it. Also, they own so many bikes.
I think of Dutch people as a very nice and bike-loving people whose progressive views I love except for the legal prostitution thing because even as a pro-sex feminist that makes me very uncomfortable.
Weed!
I immediately requested her friendship because I’m a bleeding heart liberal and a naive one at that. It’s very possible I’ll end up with a stolen identity, but joke’s on her–I don’t even have a job! Just try to take advantage of my good will.
I checked to see if we had a mutual friend. I added her because Videogum told me to, and because you did. Is that sad?
I DON’T CARE, I’M HELPING.
Harry Potter Coalition Everywhere! Do you think we can transfer her addiction from drugs to Harry Potter? I mean, I may be biased but that seems totally healthy.
Why wouldn’t I want a lifetime subscription to the Ortega Tortilla Shell of the Month Club?
i thought the same thing but it turns out the first six months just alternates the flavors plain, corn and extra corn. what a waste
I can’t friend her because the whole point of this is to remove bad influences from her life…
F this girl. I want to be GABE’s friend on the internets.
internet stalker hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I cried, for real. I don’t know how my friendship on FB will help her – I don’t speak Dutch!! But maybe all the small gestures of internet strangers can help her to stay distracted enough to get some real help.
Did anyone get “Use somebody”, “Think” and “Try again” as the related videos?
Just thought I’d throw that out there, a nice poetic coincidence.
It took literally 5 seconds for my request to get approved by Monica. How many seconds until I regret my actions?
Gabe’s just trying to figure out how many of us use drugs: If you don’t friend her, it must be because you wouldn’t be a good influence on her because you use drugs yourself. Gabe will find out and catch you! It’s a Videogum drug test! RIOT!
“P.s. Don’t be afraid! If you decide to become my friend you will get an interesting peek into my daily life (with a maximum of two posts a day). I will NEVER ask for money or try to visit you in person. The only thing I will ask from you is your online friendship.”
- on her profile
Wow. This girl is so fucked up on drugs that it’s impossible to understand a word she says!
She belongs in a hospital, not Facebook. (Coming soon: Hospital app on Facebook).
I friended her and then wrote “What’s going on sister? Don’t do anymore drugs”. She liked it. I think this could be the start of something really great.
I checked to make sure you really did this and then promptly “liked” it; I want to make sure she knows I also don’t want her to do anymore drugs.
And I “liked” your post, Colonel.
While I think taking this step to improve her life is important, I do hope she gets more help.
Sorry, I have a rule about friending people who wear self-branded winter coats.
I use the facebook apps “Addicted to the Office” and “Addicted to Arrested Development”.
I think I’ll start doing drugs instead.
I saw Monica today on the streets in Amsterdam. She’s clearly not beaten her addiction. Very sad.