Photos
Red Dawn, of course, is the 1984 movie about a group of high schoolers (GO WOLVERINES!) who fight an invading Russian army to save America (the #1 country on Earth). It was directed by John Milius (Conan The Barbarian, Flight of the Intruder, Red Dawn) and here is a fun fact: it was the first movie to receive a PG-13 rating. (Here’s another fun fact I just learned: John Milius is the reason that cages in the UFC are octagon-shaped? What a world!) Anyway, they’re remaking Red Dawn because of course they are. They would remake YOUR MOM if they could. This is the first image of the new cast! I guess it was taken on a Walkman or something? The Russians probably confiscated all of the cameras and cameraphones and just anything whatsoever that wasn’t made out of rubber bands and cereal boxes. (All of the gang’s clothing seen here is definitely made out of rubber bands and cereal boxes, and also maybe some dental floss, twist ties, and soda can tabs.) OH YOU RUSSIANS, I HATE YOU SO MUCH! Right? We hate them again? I’m simply assuming that we hate them, since that’s kind of the only way that a remake of Red Dawn makes sense. DOWN WITH COMMIES! And other such captions.
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. THESE COMMENTS DON’T RUN! (Image via /Film.)
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shit. we need an a-lister if we’re going to put this movie into the hunt.
Tom Cruise’s son is in it, does that count?
definitely NOPE!
“Merry Christmas from the Palins”
Rats! My bad, the hammer is my penis!
Also, it felt a bit odd typing that
Not a problem! But I’m hoping we both post something similar in another thread someday so I can throw up my hands like Lucille Bluth and scream, “Ahhh! he got me again!”
Oh don’t you fret! I’ll be back.
There’s a black guy there, Palin’s are ruled out.
I just assumed that Bristol was trying to find new ways to shame her mother.
Damn, and just after I used the “one of these things is not like the others” joke on the Florida post.
FLW, you should title these people as southpark characters, a la Kardashian christmas. A lot of them correlate nicely. All my upvotes will belong to you.
Alternately, this could be his first day with the group, and the poor guy can’t figure out why they keep calling him Barry and insist on making him walk in front at all times…
This time the Chinese are invading instead of the Russians, so whites blacks and latinos are all united against the last ethnic group in which racism against is deemed acceptable in Hollywood.
Progress!
Maybe we should have just let the Russians win.
YOU’RE BACK!
Or perhaps I’m just drunk.
Mattie! RPG! Wwwwwwwoooooosh …… BOOM!
Welcome to Alaska!
Finally, some school shooters we can cheer for.
They all have a picture of one of those Lefty Commie Bastards in their pocket.
I enjoyed reading your comment and hearing it in the voice of your avatar. Tee hee!
“Put your interest down and walk away now!”
One Gun. Many Commies
What a weird looking unemployment office.
Never been to Kentucky?
What a weird looking bomb shelter
They came first for the minorities.
“We’re here to avenge some old guy behind a chain link fence.”
Whats the capital of Texas?
Wrong, commie! It’s Houston.
Whoever wins, we wear earth tones.
Fall Flannel by the GAP
Red Dawn will no longer be sponsored by the GAP, but have chosen to go with American Eagle. “WHAAAAAAAAAAAT????????????” -America
The Reality TV adaptation will be called “Dropout Shoot-Em-Up” and it will be a guaranteed hit!
“They would remake YOUR MOM if they could.”
My dad told me not to think of her as a remake, but more as a re-imagining.
Sorry That One. Plagiarist Commenter in da hizzie.
Look at this fucking Russian-fighting love connection
Red Yawn
Red Fawn
The SAG strike of 2011 was a bloody one, indeed.
A group of youths, exercising their 2nd amendment rights in the most normal way possible.
I don’t really have a caption for this. I just have to say that, “They would remake YOUR MOM if they could.” is definitely my front runner for new catch phrase of 2011.
That line makes me want to stare in amazement at the back of my hand as I hold it out in front of me. And a polaroid. Back to the Future is appropriate for everything, I guess.
Urban Outfitters new line “Urban Warfare.”
Not pictured: hygiene.
Red Mourning
Isn’t Red Dawn what my girlfriend’s always complaining about?
I didn’t wanna go there. But then you went there. And now I’m like
“Umm, we’re 12. What the fuck is the Red Scare?”
Elia Kazan is directing and he’s taking names.
“Frog DNA…!!!!”
I hope the entire film takes place in a warehouse with blue sheets for walls. But none of them act like it, they reference settings that they are supposedly blowing up the whole time.
Like the director told them, “We’re going to blue-screen in a whole war, and the Colorado Rockies, and stuff, so it will look awesome,” but then he didn’t bother. He just released it with the curtain hanging there.
My parents grounded me after they caught me in the middle of shooting practice when I should have been writing my book report. MLIRD.
I was scarfing oranges only to find out that they were a trap set by the Chinese and now I’ve been shot in the leg. MLIRD
I was at parade for Georgian independence when all of sudden, Russia attack us and kill my family. I survive. I will revenge. MLIRD
And with this the Cold War Kids were finally chosen to score a film.
My money is on the lone black dude not making it to Act 2.
which lone black dude?
The one fighting for his freedom amid the crushing onslaught of an invading, despotic, non-American war machine. You know, the one on the right.
“Ok, raise your hand if you want to be the next C. Thomas Howell.”
This isn’t for the Soul Man remake?
-guy on right
Stay gold, Ponyboy.
Are those guns in your hands or are you just happy to see me? Nope. Nope, they’re guns alright. ‘Cept maybe for you, red flannel.
“OMFG Commies!”
Looks like the costumes all came out of Leno’s closet. Those Russians must hate denim.
So much flannel, are they setting this in the 90s?
Is Gabe posting this from a JPEG? Motherfucker needs to be using TIFF files
.TIF is a not a web standard. He should save the file optimized for web.
“Let it turn to something else.” – Patrick Swayze
Not available for comment: Communist threat.
No one puts commie fighting bandits in the corner.
With the lights out
Its less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid
and contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
an albino
a mosquito
we’re nirvana
yeah
LOL. You forgot an apostrophe on “It’s”.
COMMUNISM IS EVIL!!!1!
To remain loyal to the original work, all the clothes, props, technology and actors used for the remake were made in 1984.
Look at these fucking hipsters.
Plus they’re not enjoying it nearly as much.
Second Caption: Guns = Penis
Guns are all pointed at the ground, should really be at whoever thought this was a good idea
I am everyone’s fact-checking cuz
the black dude nobody noticed* – tom cruise’s son:
*steve might have noticed him. or that might have just been nirvana lyrics, 18 yrs ahead of their time AGAIN
Shit, I thought that was a Mexican guy. I guess I am turning into my dad.
Let’s go out for ice cream, in case there are no Communist people here
– Connor Cruise.
This is why the birds died.
“In communist Russia, auto-focus sharpens YOU!”
Right, because why is this picture so fuzzy?
When did Glee move to Spike TV?
[Unrelated to the caption contest] The name John Milius elicits such joy in me. For those of you that haven’t had the privilege, the commentary on Conan The Barbarian is one of mankind’s greatest joys. And if you believe that, you also believe there are Richard Simmons juniors running around! Please just watch some highlights, because it will drastically improve the quality of your life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86-vveE9DI4
Arizona Militia to Prevent the Casting of Tyrese in American Film
Burger King Kid’s Meal
“The lost season of Friday Night Lights: Lights OUT” -Adrianne Palicki
After the success of casting Topher Grace and Adrien Brody in Predators, the producers of Red Dawns (2011) wanted to cast B.J Novak in the hopes they could also strike it rich with such ingenuity in their casting. Unfortunately Novak said no, so they got a guy who looks just like B.J. Novak and that is basically just as good.
Another fun fact, not sure anyone noted this already, but the original “Red Dawn” was intended as a conservative response to the made for TV movie “The Day After”.
Also apparently the badguy in this one is China?
And they shot it in Detroit. All kinds of what the fuckery in this one.
America is doomed.
Fun Fact: In a “conspiracy in film” class I took in college (it was my last semester… I needed a credit… it was totally cool and legit), we learned that the NRA funded the 1984 version of this film. Which is why there is so much anti-gun-regulation messaging in it. Like the fact that the list of registered gun owners is found by the Russians, making it easy for them to put the owners in a prison camp… and the fact that the army can’t help forcing citizens (children) with guns to save the day. yay!
Anyways… I bet Sarah Palin is sponsoring this one. Or my uncle…
“We’re Only Doing This Because of Hot Tub Time Machine”
We are we are, the youth of the nation.
Opening soon is NY’s hottest communism themed club “Red Dong”. It’s got everything:
-Children with guns
-The ghost of Patrick Swayze
-DJ Sears Photo Backdrop
-Coked out immigrant children (with guns)
-Asian Americans
-GAP employees moonlighting as waiters to pay for their drug habits
-Twink grizzly bears riding unicycles in a steel cage hung from the ceiling (not pictured)
Yes! Yes! Yes!
[IMG]http://www.memphisflyer.com/images/blogimages/2010/01/08/1262987893-wolverines.jpg[/IMG]
WOLLVVERRRIIIIIIIIIINEEESSSSSS!!!
Leave out the tags! Just post the link!
lets try again
[img]http://www.memphisflyer.com/images/blogimages/2010/01/08/1262987893-wolverines.jpg[/img]
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
The United Colors Of Benettohno
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This is a legitimate cause for anxiety which demands immediate attention.
whoa, weird. I offended the random downvoter community. and they organized for their rights.
i thought that comment would just be sort of popular on a logical principle – there are more people who like to upvote comments than there are people who randomly downvote everyone straight down the page.
whatever
Oh this picture? This is where our careers began and ended.
Alright, everybody! Let’s go fight Dolph Lundgren!
(sidenote: The Russians could still be the enemy if they were remaking the film as an 80′s cold war period piece. If they’re updating it in today’s world though, then granted, the Russians would be a weird choice)
Besides, who wants to fuck with Putin?
every red-blooded American woman who likes to get spanked? I’ve been a very naughty capitalist Mr. President…
Are you sure you didn’t put up a picture from your paintball birthday party?
This is a dirty hello from what looks like a very dirty cast. Its just…dirty. And they gave Josh Hutcherson herpes? The original Red Dawn had ALOT of nasty crap in it, but not herpes.
I followed the Louis CK link under “You Might Also Like,” and allow me to say, commenting at videogum has come a long way since July 7, 2008.
Disregarding the news of drastic budget cuts, the cast of Terminator 5: Cybergasm looked into the camera with hope and quiet anticipation. From here on out, they thought, we’re set for life.
“The Glenn Beck Junior Adventure Society”
These look like some high-caliber candidates.
“Hey, Gabe, what about me?”
- Cuba
Look At These Fucking Hipsters
“something that portrays me not as a complete character but as a caricature crudely drawn by racists” —the black guy.
also…
“daaaaamn!” —the black guy.
Red Rawn II: They’ve come for the hipsters
“You can pry my skinny jeans and vintage assault rifle from my hands when you can name me someone else besides Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, or Charlie Sheen who was in the original movie!!!”