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Um. This news is everywhere this morning? And so now this news is here. Apparently it’s important. God forbid you guys somehow don’t hear about it. I think it’s generation-defining. It goes JFK, Neil Armstrong, Vietnam, grunge, 9/11, this. From the New York Times (THE NEW YORK TIMES!):
THERE are Coke people, and there are Pepsi people. But for Simon Cowell, who is moving from “American Idol” to “The X Factor,“ that allegiance — which quite often lasts a lifetime — is about to take a turn.
Fox will announce Tuesday that Pepsi is the sole season-long sponsor for “The X Factor,” a singing competition that Mr. Cowell is bringing to the United States in the fall. Pepsi will have commercial time and integrations within “X Factor,” and the two brands will support each other on the Web and in stores.
HOLY SHIT CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT MULTI-MILLIONAIRE SIMON COWELL USED TO BE ON A TV SHOW THAT WAS SPONSORED BY COKE BUT NOW HE IS GOING TO BE ON A TV SHOW THAT IS SPONSORED BY PEPSI? HIS HEAD IS PROBABLY FALLING THE FUCK OFF. I BET HIS THERAPIST IS LIKE “COME IN TWICE A WEEK NOW PLEASE, WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.” Obviously, our thoughts and prayers are with Simon Cowell and his family in this difficult time. And of course, America waits with barely contained diarrhetic anticipation to see how these two brands support each other on the Web and in stores. It’s all very exhausting I MEAN EXCITING. (Kill me, please, but don’t forget to save a bullet for yourself. This guy knows what I’m talking about.)
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In other Simon Cowell news, he’s decided to count his millions in a recliner, forsaking the chaise lounge he used throughout his run on Idol.
WhaaaAAAAAA? Goodness, someone please fetch my smelling salts – I feel a swoon coming on!
Live To Dance, on the other hand, will be brought to us by Diet Rite.
The Biggest Loser will be brought to you by:
And all MTV programing by
Don’t forget the fine people of TAB, bring you Lifetime, the network for women
And where would Nickelodeon be without their new sponsor?
It’s 6 feet of bubble gum, for you! Not them!
The Juggalo Call-In Show, Live on Public Access14. Brought to you by:
Also, some other asshole show brought to you by off-brand Faygo.
That’s right. It’s real. An off-brand of an off-brand.
That sounds worrisome.
Forget it, Coke! It’s Pepsi town!
Everyone knows Pepsi is the fanciest of sodas.
“We need a sponsor. How about Coke?”
“Not available. Pepsi, ok?”
“Um, yeah. That’s fine.”
But we all know, it’s never fine.
Ha! Ha! This kid has got something here. Oh, unrelated. I hate Facebook Connect.
I think there’s a way you can disable it in the Facebook preferences. I vaguely remember doing something on Facebook that disabled it on all the websites that use Facebook Connect. Granted, it was somewhere in hour 3 of a heroin binge, so I may be lying.
Everyone knows hour 3 is the most lucid hour.
I hate soda. I mean, I like soda, but the fact that there’s a “Soda Wars” kind of puts me off the whole thing.
I support sodas but not the war.
BRING OUR BUBBLES HOME!
No blood for high-fructose corn syrup!
Soda isn’t free!
I love Pepsi, but I fear PepsiCo.
These colors don’t run.
Slightly related: The other day I was driving and saw one of these ribbons that read “Support Road Head. IRLOL
Great story, I know!
It’s called pop. I don’t know of this soda you speak of.
No, it’s called Coke. No matter what kind of cola based product you get. Yes, this makes incredible sense
Let the fighting begin!
http://www.bloodywellwrite.com/2010/01/20/soda-vs-pop-vs-coke/
I just really found this map fascinating. I’m like a 7-year-old.
“So Mrs. Palin, where do you stand on the pop vs. coke vs. soda issue?”
“Well, let’s see. There’s — of course — in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings.”
I guess I’m in the elitist “soda” minority.
What’s new.
My family, much like the Civil War, is split along pop and soda lines. My mother, a “downstater,” says soda while my father, a “northerner,” says pop.
Our family is torn apart with sibling fight against sibling. I had to shoot my sister yesterday when she asked if I could pick up a 12 pack of soda from the grocery store.
Many people call it “a mineral” in Ireland. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of weird.
This just in: Coca-Cola is updating their marketing strategy to appeal to hip, extreme kids who hate Simon Cowell. Here’s one of their new ads:
I always go to upvote you, but your avatar makes me shit my pants EVERY TIME so that by the time I get back from the bathroom I’ve forgotten what I was doing.
Anyway, cool comment.
My roommate actually made this picture for me a while back, and I’ve been waiting for the right time to unleash it onto the world. Sorry to hear about your pants.
Does this mean he has to stop snorting coke, too?
True story: the other day my friend went to the boardwalk where they shot the beginning and ending of Big. (remember Big?). When he went to the part of the boardwalk where the fortune teller machine was supposed to be, however, it had been replaced by, you guessed it, A PEPSI MACHINE. Jenga!!
Confirmed. Because I am Snopes.
http://www.scoutingny.com/?p=3255
I am going to this boardwalk and DEMANDING that they restore the fortune teller machine because I am a reasonable and level-headed person!
Being from Atlanta, I have this to say: Coke is the One True Soda.
Having gone to Atlanta, I have this to say: The World of Coke is not a reasonable #1 tourist attraction for any large city.
I am drinking a Diet Coke, RIGHT NOW. And it’s delicious.
“Is this the line for the Coke or the the line for the tickets to get the Coke?”
Phenomenal. ThisGuyNotSure, you are a hero.
“I’ll just take a line of coke, please”
These guys know what I’m talking about.
Also, I’m through with FB connect. Back to my real Videogum name.
Israeli sodas are really cool. They come in glass bottles and though they are all in Hebrew, they’re stylized to look like the logos. NEAT!
Don’t know who this guy is but he’s probably a joo SHALOM AKHI
Pepsi must have missed the memo about the world ending on 5/21/2011. Simon will be using his endorsement money to buy a spot aboard one of the A.R.K. ships.
The A.R.K. ships of course being sponsored by Coke.
From the New York Times (a subsidiary of the Yoyodyne Group):
“There are Coke people, and there are Pepsi people. But for the United States, who is moving thousands of American soldiers from Iraq to Afghanistan, that allegiance — which quite often lasts a lifetime — is about to take a turn.
Fox, the parent corporation of the United States, will announce Tuesday that Pepsi is the sole war-long sponsor for “The War in Afghanistan” a fighting competition that the United States is bringing to the World in the fall. Pepsi will have commercial time and integrations within the war and the two brands will support each other on the Web and in stores.
A spokesperson for Pepsi said, ‘While there was resistance initially to the idea of corporate sponsorship for war, some feeling that a war driven by profit and financial return rather than the pursuit of some common good and the defeat of evil, is a bad idea, in reality, this is how it has always been. We see this partnership as a proud extension of the basis for all human conflict.’”
This guy knows what you’re talking about.
This guy also knows what you’re talking about
so does this guy
I liked it best when Pepsi stuck to sponsoring learning.
“Pepsi?”
“Partial credit!”
starfleet in the simpsons?
Is cheryl cole going to be there? I’ve never seen xfactor or idol, but if she’s there I might have to tune in. Unless the sponsor changes to mr. Pibb, then barf. Barf aloud.
Where does Dr. Pepper stand in all of this? I mean he is obviously the king of sodas.
Do you think Mr. Pibb stays up nights, chiding himself for not going back to get his degree?
Stop calling Mr. Pibb, teacherman.
How about we try that again?
Stop calling me Mr. Pibb, teacherman.
Go to bed, FLW. Go to bed.
Forget Mr. Pibb. What about all these guys?
I don’t think people are buying into the online doctorate degree sodas
Oh my God — next time I get really drunk, I want you guys to call me “Dr. Thunder.”
teacherman: A few years ago, some of my cousins were visiting from Louisiana. We went to Tony Roma’s for dinner (classy!) and my cousin ordered a Diet Dr. Thunder. The waiter had no idea what she was talking about until we managed to say, “Dr. Pepper!” in between snorts of laughter. We still make fun of her for that.
What’s with the Cheryl Kerl fascination, Chris? Youuu luuuuv her?
I prefer to call Mr. Pibb by its original name, Senor Brownwater. It serves as a good reminder to keep away from it.
Pepsi sponsoring X Factor? Boring. Wake me when they sponsor The Apprentice. That show would become interesting with the added panache Pepsi brings to “You’re fired”.
When 7-up has got me down
When hi-c gets me low
When my lubbotts blue ain’t blue it’s brown
When my nestles quick just makes me slow
When my sparkling ciders lost it’s shine
My can of sharps is dull
Hawaiin punch has knocked me cold
an impulse hits my skull
And my mind just turns to pepsi
and I couldn’t tell you why
smart drinks lead me to forget
And coke won’t get me high
when constant comment won’t shut up
I’ll Sit right down and fill my cup
with pepsiiiiiiiii
drink it up
Did I ever tell you about the time a bee flew into my one last bottle of Nesbitt’s lime soda and I had to throw it away?
Most of the time, I’m a peaceful man, but I lost my temper that day.
THAT IS SO CHARMINGLY SOUTHERN I CAN’T TAKE IT
it is a year and a half later since this was posted and yes I literally just registered an account so I could comment on this post which i found accidentally by the way….but i will not let a damn good negativland reference go without showing my appreciation….i doubt it but i also hope at least one of your thumbs up on all of these comments was from someone who knew what this was
Im switching from RC Cola to Diet Rite…
When diet rite to me is wrong
my country tome’s expires
my minute maid’s an hour long
my Maxwell house won’t get me wired
my pet milk turns on me
and my five alive is dead
my royal crowns been overthrown
an impulse hits my head
and my mind just turns to pepsi and I think of it a lot
my Swiss miss just wasn’t pure
and koolaid isn’t hot
when a wall of smithies rough me up
I’ll turn to a bigger cup
of pepsiiiiiiiiiiii
drink it up
Damn it “my country times expired” fuck
Fuck “wall of smoothies” for fucks sake
“wall of smithies” is more than appropriate, you should see the rugby team.
I support this, if only so he will record a commercial where he either sets his hair on fire or humps an African American in front of a burning cross.
PEPSI!
When Samuel Adams makes me ail
dr. Pepper’s not around
when sweet success let’s me fail
I crave a flavor most profound
and my mind just turns to pepsi and I look, I see, I buy
My crystal light has just burned out
and canada’s gone dry
my yoohoo will not call to me
I am a loyal endorsee
of pepsiiiiiiii
drink it up
Dr. Pepper for life. They get me mostly with their timely, exactly 10 years behind the zeitgeist, branding.
But none of the water-downed corn syrup kids stuff for me, I like to taste the big daddy sugar cane in my mouth.
damn after reading this comment thread now I’m really thirsty SOME ONE GO BUY ME A SOFT BEVERAGE DRINK PLEASE
What’s that, Bing? “Pepsi OR American Idol”? Let us pray that even in the twenty-first century, Pepsi remains America’s Choice.
4 out of 5 conscientious objectors choose coffee.