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Gwyneth Paltrow provided an EXCLUSIVE performance of “Coming Home” from Country Strong to Yahoo! and also appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night. Also she might actually record a duet with Cee-Lo? Good God, woman, GO TO BED.
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It’s about time Gabe stood up to Gwyneth Paltrow. You go, Gabe.
I wish there was a gif from the movie The Black Dahila that could convey my displeasure about this news.
If by GO TO BED you mean:
then yes, please do that.
She will go to bed — a bed made of money.
Pound notes rather than dollar bills, naturally.
“I dare not lay down to sleep, as my milli-marco-microbiotic diet requires me to stand on one foot atop a wooden block for 10 hours to discourage fatty deposits from settling.
However, if you must recline at night to restore your energy for activities in the day following, might I suggest a bed stuffed with money. Apple and Moses both sleep on beds stuffed with money; Apple’s mattress is stuffed with South Africa Krugerrands and Moses slumbers off on a bed made out of Italian Lira.
There is a place in Soho that will custom make each mattress with a currency of your choosing. Very essential.” -GOOP. January 4, 2011
“There is a place in Soho that will make you feel poor. Five Monocles”- Snide Comment Magazine Feb 20th, 2012
I’d like to pound her notes, if you get what I’m saying*
*i would not**
**i might
Certainly a Franc assessment.
Well, i mean we’d all pound her notes, we just think she’s a terrible person…one has nothing to do with the other.
sadmalandar filling my Tuesday with the concept of punish-f*ing
I like your sunglasses, btw. Do you wear them at night?
I’m gonna refrain from making really bad Cee-Lo puns, but I just want to let you know I could if I really wanted to.
Corrections: The EXCLUSIVE performance Ms. Paltrow performed for Yahoo! does not mean that the song will not be performed for any other media outlet. “Exclusive” in this particular instance means that in this performance of Coming Home Ms. Paltrow was not allowed to hide behind a “one of those woody string box things (sic)” during the performance.
Yahoo apologizes for this error.
No animated gif of a garbage truck doing the weekly Paltrow garbage collection yet?
I mean, Gwyneth is Gwyneth (i.e. the worst), so it’s not like something like this was unexpected. But Cee-Lo? You should know better.
Say it ain’t so, Cee-Lo.
Maybe she’s crazy
Maybe Cee-lo’s crazy
Ah, Ah.
Sorry to be a bad VG nerd, but I don’t really get the Paltrow hate. I read these posts and I just don’t get it. Little help?
I was a little mystified myself, Chris, until I came across this sentence from “My Father’s Daughter,” Gwenyth Paltrow’s forthcoming cookbook.
“When I was growing up, the tomato soup I had was Campbell’s, and how I love it to this day. This is how my mother and I remember it, anyway. Bizarrely, my father and brother always fought us on the validity of this story, as if one would hide serving canned soup for dinner … anyway, I boringly digress.”
Does that help?
She also belongs to the ancient Thuggee cult and is secretly married to Mola Ram.
Kali ma.
Very organized. Very structure.
When Gabe was a young man for Christmas all he wanted was a drink serving robot. He prayed and prayed and begged and begged. Every day as Christmas grew a little closer his desires and anticipation grew as well. Christmas morning finally came, and little Gabe came bursting down the hallway, bounding towards the presents that lay below the tree. He tore through each package in a fervor.
“Where is it?” he thought.
“Where is it?”
Wrapping paper surrounded the boy. Scraps of shiny red and green paper lightly covered the gifts that young Gabe’s parents had worked so hard to get him. They were great presents, spectacular presents, but not one was the Robot his heart had desired. As hints of disappointment began to seep over his face, large smiles began to inch out across the mouths of his parents. Why would they be so happy to see their son so sad?
“Ding Dong” went the doorbell.
Gabe was confused. All the family members had already arrived for Christmas, who could this be? Gabe’s father looked down at Gabe with a grin, “Why don’t you get it?” he said.
This was highly irregular. Gabe was not allowed to answer the door with out the supervision of at least one of his parents. Excitement grew in his heart as he ran down the hallway toward the door, his feet sliding in footy pajamas. Before the bell could ring a third time, Gabe pulled open the door so fast that his tiny body barely had time to get out of its way. Before him stood a stranger. A stranger dressed in brown. On his shirt was a crest with three letters, in his hand was a box.
Gabe’s mind raced. The excitement in his head was so loud that he couldn’t understand anything that was happening. He simply nodded when the man in brown asked if his name was Detective David Mills. He simply scribbled lines when the man asked him to sign his name. Too great was this excitement for one young man to take. As his parents came around the corner of the hallway to watch their son open the secret gift they knew would make his dreams come true, young Gabe shouted with a joy that he had never expressed before or since:
“WHATS IN THE BOX?!!!!!”
“WHATS IN THE BOX?!!!!”
I would like to point out that the bass player in the video is the coolest looking dude ever. That is all.
I feel this is a good time to bring back the Gwyneth dance gif from last year:
‘…but had to make do with Chris Martin’
The More You Know: If you rearrange the letters in “Gwyneth Paltrow” you get “Holy Twang Twerp.”
Well, Gwyneth and Cee-Lo will be hosting/musical guest on SNL next Saturday. This will be the first time I skip the skits for the musical performances. Or maybe I tune in for the GOOP skit. Nah, it’ll be the worst
Gwyneth is usually a pretty good SNL host. I’d find some sketches online to prove this point, but I don’t care that much.
I will never hear the song Country Strong. Isn’t that weird?
Funny, I would have taken her for “City Weak”.