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In the flush of the holiday season, it was almost possible for a moment to forget that the world is an endless and inescapable nightmare. Would an endless and inescapable nightmare have so much EGG NOG? (Go to bed, church. Egg nog is the true opiate of the masses.) Although, anyone who was, for example, trapped in an airplane on a snowy tarmac for five to six hours when all they wanted was to get home and who could see the winking lights of the airport right there right through the window so close and yet so far away, only to spend another two to three hours waiting for luggage in the baggage claim–an event so traumatic that even seeing Alec Baldwin waiting for his bags and talking to him about how he was stuck on his airplane on the snowy tarmac for even longer couldn’t have alleviated the sense of existential suffering–those people, whoever they may be, certainly got a brief reminder of just what was awaiting them on the other end of 2010: MORE OF THE SAME. Now, of course, in the clear light of this day the memories come rushing back to all of us, and we are brought around once more to the inevitable and throbbing conclusion that this world was a trap built to kill us.
So we might as well find happiness in it wherever and whenever we can! For example, if we want to stick 20 quarters into our big fat gaping apparently-bottomless belly buttons in our dorm rooms while our friend giggle and videotape us on their Motorola RAZRs, confirming our place in the World Record Books for most quarters in a human belly button–although we might also realize that we’re kind of opening the floodgates here and there might be a whole slew of bigger fatter gapinger more-bottomless belly buttons that can suck up more change belonging to people who, like most of us, didn’t even realize that was a thing until now, waiting to come after our crown–but if that makes us happy, let’s do it! This guy did:
He seems happy enough, right? Or is that mustard?! (FAT JOKE 2011. HERE WE GOOOOOOO.) (Via Dlisted.)
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God damnit! (puts down sack of quarters).
USA! USA!
Good to see he’s already putting his Economics Degree to good use.
It’s all supply and demand, topknot. Who’s demanding I’m not at all certain, but he’s sure as hell supplying!
I wish I could deploy this guy Pokemon style where ever, whenever Sarah Palin asks “Where’s all that change Obama was promisin’?”
I choose you: Quar-Turtle!
now THAT’S change I can believe in
Pokemon Sidenote: Back in art school, I had a dream where my studio mate— whose daily routine involved coffee and cigarettes— was a Pokemon competitor or whatever they are, and he threw out two Pokeballs. The Pokemon that emerged were an anthropomorphic pack of cigarettes and a cup of coffee. And in case people are unclear what Pokemon say, they can only say their names, or syllables of their names, so the coffee and cigarettes just started shouting at me, “COFFEE! COFFEE!” “CIGARETTE!” “CIGARETTE!”
Needless to say, nicotine patches give you BONKERS dreams.
Its like you dont even need to carry a wallet….how convenient!!
This is all good and whatnot, but it pales in comparison to my armpit fart world record set in the summer of ’04.
Chick-fil-a should really rethink their viral marketing program.
it worked for me.
Also, don’t ask him what he had to do to break the other record. Just know that he’s been banned from every proctologist in Orlando and practically no one ever takes a penny from the take-a-penny/leave-a-penny tray in Southern Florida.
Many are already saying that the movie version of “Atlas Shrugged” is even better than the novel.
Mans…. please stop…. you’re destroying my ability to work…..
FLW, are you trying to scare me to death, you evil man?
I knew I would find a use for this.
I don’t get it, but upvoting this makes me feel really smart.
The entire time I was watching this, I was like, “Please show his friends, cause I know they’re all skinny white dudes.” And then…. YAHTZEE!!
I’m beginning to think I need to change my avatar out of peer pressure…
Oh, but I love yours so much DSN! Where does he come from? He’s like the monopoly man on safari.
Fantastic game. If you have a Nintendo DS you need to own this game.
I sold mine last year. Now I regret it more than ever.
“On second thought, cigarettes DO make me look incredibly cool.” – DSN’s After School Special
Wait, if I smoke, I’ll be cool? I’m uh, asking for a friend…
“Thanks Mr. McClure, and thank YOU, Uncle Tobacky! I always knew those doctors were loons!”
-Little Timmy, DSN’s After School Special
I was ALSO considering an avatar change, but I really like the idea of Baby Bria being in someway notable.
Confession time: sometimes I look at your user name too quick and I think it says Bride4u, and then I feel…. ashamed? Yes, let’s go with ashamed.
I’m reminded of the arcade workers with the quarter dispensers on the belt. He’s a human one of those. I’m horrified at the picture in my head.
Man, I miss college.
What’s the record for most quarters tucked away beneath foreskin? It’s got to be less than 20, but more than four, right? Doesn’t seven sound about right?
Ugh … I think that, if I was Gabe, this would make me take another week off.
I was too hypnotized by the man boobs I didn’t even see the quarters go in.
This exercise in human endurance should require a sports bra.
do you guys think his lonely guy friends ever hump his navel while he’s sleeping? just askin*
*”just askin” is 2011′s “just sayin”
Probably.
Wait, are we changing our catchphrases?
May I suggest:
NOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!
I ain’t give a toot.
Just a joke, chum.
In retrospect Lost was very disjointed & full of itself.
SEXISM IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should have been raised differently.
Trash Humpers.
Beanie babies.
& whatever happened to ATGSTTS & Mans’ earlier suggestions?
I just want to say that I got kind of burned out on the internet before Christmas and stopped reading VG for a while, but now that we have had some time to rest and also now that i am sick and have nothing better to do with my life but sit around and read blogs all afternoon, it’s really good to be back. This video was a really nice welcome home.
I don’t know if this is a case of finding something in this world that makes him happy so much as it’s finding something in this world that his friends find amusing and he’s willing to do in order to fit in, because of his weight-related self esteem issues.
Aspiring shoplifters the world over are at this very moment dialing for pizza.
Where did he get all that money?
Nope. I am eating Tabasco Cheez-Its. There is no way I’m going to watch this and detract from the deliciousness of these crackers.
I like how he wipes the tears away at the end. Really hits it home.
“Hey Gabe, eat my jorts.” -Randon Beasley
I have a story to tell about this that some of you may have read on facebook. I went home to northeast Arkansas for an early Christmas, and on my last day I went over to visit my parents’ neighbors. They tell me about how their grandson claims he has broken the world record for “most quarters fit inside a belly button.” He has videotaped it, sent it to the Guinness world record people and is awaiting confirmation, which could take weeks. Now, this guy on the video here actually fit 30 inside his belly button on a later video, which is also on youtube. Well, guess what. My neighbors’ grandson says he fit 32. THIRTY-TWO.
I will keep you updated.
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
They have dorms at clown college?
Y’know how they say all dollar bills have small traces of cocaine on them from people using them to snort coke? Well apparently quarters are much, much worse
I want to hold a cup under his navel while pulling down his arm and also whilst hoping to see his witch’s teet.
That’s your change purse?
Only 480p?