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Hank Azaria’s body in Along Came Polly is weird, right? Do we all agree on that? At the very least, we can agree that it is unexpected. If I can’t get a flat-out “weird” I will take a mumbled “surprising, for sure.” (Admittedly, there is no way to know if Hank Azaria still has his Along Came Polly body. The technology just isn’t there, yet. One day, of course, we will all carry around tiny computers in our pockets that provide us with instant updates on what Hank Azaria’s body is like at any given time.) Am I bringing up Hank Azaria’s body in Along Came Polly to avoid having to confront the painful image of a whole new year of terrible movies stretching out ahead of us like Cormac McCarthy Blvd. (On that note, have any local governments named any stretches of local highway “Cormac McCarthy Road” because they should. That would be funny. Aren’t there any other pointless digressions we can go on? Please?) Fine. Let’s do this. As is the new method of conducting business, the next round of Hunt movies will be selected from THIS comment thread and announced next week, so if you have a suggestion, make it HERE. But before you do, please consider again the Official Rules:
- It cannot be intentionally horrible.
- It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
- It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
- It has to have had a theatrical release.
- It must be available on Netflix.
- No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
- No musicals.
- No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
- Only one Nicolas Cage movie per “round.”
- No children’s movies.
- Gabe is the boss.
Please also consider the previous nominees. No double up. See you in hell!
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Demolition Man
I hereby nominate 21 Grams. There has to be an Inarritu movie in this mix and 21 Grams is by far the worst. While it doesn’t quite have the annoying “isn’t it hard to be a white person” problems of Babel, 21 Grams more than makes up for it with its completely inane and awful storyline, histrionic performances, and completely useless and stupid out-of-order editing that only serves to hide the fact that if the movie was told linearly it would have been so stupid there wouldn’t be enough cocaine in the world to get a Hollywood exec to greenlight it.
21 grams is AWFUL
Twister.
“Frailty” is the worst. It also has the worst actor: Bill Paxton.
40 Days and 40 Nights
A guy gives up sex and masturbation for Lent, to clear his mind after a bad break-up or something, but then (surprise, surprise) he meets a new girl who is, like, perfect but gets weirded out when they still aren’t screwing after a couple weeks. Somehow, his celibacy plan ends up on the internet and the TV news (“Can he do it? Story at 11!”). Then new girl totally understands, and they have touchless feather sex that allows him to stay technically celibate. But ex-girlfriend also hears about it and (in spite of being engaged to someone else by now) ties him to a bed and rapes him on day 39, then puts the video on the internet to spite him (?). New girl is furious at guy for being raped, but finally forgives him. Then they have real sex, sexily ever after. The End.
For God sakes why hasn’t ‘Juno’ been nominated yet!?
For real.
One of the worst movies I ever saw was that Lost in Space movie with Matthew LaBlank and some other people. I hated it so much I had to force myself to go to sleep in the movie theater so I didn’t have to watch it because the person I was with wouldn’t leave. Then I woke up and the damn thing was still on only there was some googly-eyed Martian bopping around what was once a boringly serious movie.
My worst movies of all time are A Walk in the Clouds and The Man in the Iron Mask (DiCaprio as Louis XIV, with a coming-and-going French accent). Both devolved into shouting matches with the screen.
Please review Love Happens. It has Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhardt and someone needs to hold it accountable for its crimes against love, the grieving process, and both of those actors. Its so, so gross and has so many awkward failed jokes and such an awkward stab at a truly obvious twist ending.
I’ve been trying to get Mona Lisa Smile nominated for the past few rounds, but I’m giving it up for the time being (I lack the dedication of werttrew) because I’ve recently seen a much WORSE movie.
Remember Me (2010) starring Robert Pattinson, Emilie de Ravin, and Pierce Brosnan. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403981/
Not only is the acting, writing, and directing absolutely miserable, the “twist” ending is a disgusting misappropriation of tragedy. And Robert Pattinson’s in it.
what happens in vegas starring ashton kutcher and cameron diaz
I would like to nominate the Mark Wahlberg action film “Shooter.” The main character’s name is Lee Swagger and he is so haunted by his war experiences that he lives by himself in a cabin with a dog that fetches Budweisers, while Swagger reads about government conspiracies on the Internet and maintains a pony tail.
Also Michael Pena and Danny Glover are in this.
Bear.
The worst movie I’ve ever seen.
Available at RedBoxes everywhere.
Bear.
This is all moot.
Hollyweird is creating the worst film of all time right now: Shakespeare in Love 2
(cf http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2011/jan/02/hollywood-remakes-sequels-weinstein?INTCMP=SRCH)
Also, James Franco is directing the dramatisation of Blood Meridian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2011/jan/04/james-franco-directing-faulkner-mccarthy). You know, for people who loved the book but wish it had more naked dudes.
Boys Don’t Cry
[IMG]http://www.impawards.com/2007/posters/there_will_be_blood_ver2.jpg[/IMG]
fuck how do you post images here. I guess I will downvote myself.
Alright I’m too dumb to figure this out so my nominations are:
THERE WILL BE BLOOD – would have walked out of the theater for this one if I wasn’t there with two other people. The most ham-fisted anti-greed tale you will ever see. It features Daniel Day-Lewis, some creepy little kid who hardly talks, and the kid who doesn’t talk from Little Miss Sunshine (and yes, he is completely awful in this movie as well).
THE COOLER – I DID walk out of the theater for this one. But if you like clunky dialog, Maria Bello’s horrific acting, and William H. Macy’s pubes than definitely check it out. Alec Baldwin is a sinister/unintentionally-hilarious casino owner or mob boss or something.
I’m sorry I hit down but meant upvote. I felt like there was blood coming out of my eyes
Running With Scissors? Anyone? Anyone?
Superman Returns is the dumbest movie ever.
I know I’ve seen a bunch of terrible, godawful films…the hard part is remembering them. I tend to repress those experiences from memory.
I’d really like to nominate AI, which truly has the most stupendously terrible and nonsensical third act of any movie ever…but it’s been done a long time ago.
I’ll go with Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Because cars that change into giant robots and beat the shit out of each other is really hard to screw up. To take that premise and make such an utter snoozefest out of it, well that deserves recognition.
I would like to nominate:
Beautiful Girls
The 25th hour
Summer of Sam (Does John Leguizamo count as an A-lister?)
Wicker Man (Nick Cage Version)
Made in Manhattan
Nights in Rodanthe
About Schmidt
It’s Complicated
Now and Then
Mirrors
A perfect list of crap.
I just watched Committed (the one from 2000 with Heather Graham and Luke Wilson) the other night, and it was so unbearable that I could not, in good conscience, NOT suggest it. So there’s my nomination.
How about Return To Me. One of the only movies I ever walked out on.
I would like to nominate Surrogates. Bruce Willis with a silly stylish reddish blonde comb over that looks nothing like he really did when he was younger. Some of the scenes with the robots actually look like video game cutscenes and he did not shoot down one freakin’ helicopter with a taxi, very disappointing.
Also and I about 28-ish days early for Netflix rule but The American with Mr. Clooney. Talk about your less ambitous films. The only good part was when the The End FINALLY came on the screen.
Nominations:
For best singer in a musical: Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia!
For best William Shatner performance in a sequel:
American Psycho 2 or Miss Congeniality 2
Best Jim Carrey Movie:
Fun with Dick and Jane
Sheeeit. Doubt anyone will read this but I was surfing through netflix and was reminded of Formula 51.
View From the Top… sorry if it has been reviewed before. I wouldn’t be surprised.
“Closer” with Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman. It has a stellar cast and a great director (Mike Nichols), and yet it is a huge bag of shit.
I was subjected to this on an airplane last week – the most vapid and shallow and positively dreadful thing I had ever seen. This movie will END the Hunt, because I can’t imagine it gets worse than this.
Nine Months starring Julianne Moore, Hugh Grant, Tom Arnold, and Robin Williams.
Seriously Julianne Moore’s crying alone is the worst.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4uv0eD5Ufg
Management with Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn. One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1082853/
I would like to nominate Valentine’s Day. And can I preemptively nominate New Year’s Eve?