Photos
This guy’s looking for one on Craigslist, and apparently, if your script is good and seems like a real Bruce Willis movie, “everything is a green light.” Seems aboveboard. Just send your finished screenplays to famousbrucewillisproject@hollywoodRAPEBASEMENT.biz.
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 Now You Can Be The Proud Owner Of A Road House Sequel… |  Katherine Chloe Cahoon Needs Our Help Writing Her… |  An Oral History Of Pulp Fiction |  This Week In GIFs! |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
You laugh now, but you’ll be so sorry when I win an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for “Bruce Willis: The Movie” produced by and starring Bruce Willis.
My ‘Reluctant Hero 6: Most Reluctant’ script seems perfect for this opportunity. See you guys on the red carpet! Opportunity is a-knockin’!
Oh drat. Marcela, I will forever be in your shadow.
You’re up for Best *Adapted* Screenplay anyway, so no sweat. See you in LA!
famousbrucewillisproject@hollywoodRAPEBASEMENT.biz? I know that email address…
I finally have a star for Coach: The Craig T. Nelson Story
This sounds like the perfect companion piece to my move Fagerbakke to the Future.**
Winner of the Prix du Jury prize for most obscure reference and or pun at this year’s Cannes Blog Comment Festival
Winwood, did you get a look at this guy’s grammar? It’s horrible, right?!
My screenplay was dead the whole time.
“To cut direct to the chase to avoid drama, conflict or confusion”
Sounds like this guy already has a rough draft in his head!
It also sounds like he has a broken shift key and only the most tenuous grasp on written English.
“Bring out the gimp.”
“Gimp’s writing a screenplay.”
“Well, I guess you’re gonna have to go have him look for a star on Craigslist now, won’t you?”
Good ol’ Quick Draw Lloyd Wrong. Always quick with the jokes, that one.
Fastest co-opter of Pulp Fiction lines in the west.
B R U C E
W I L L I S
……I S
…….A
COP!
“Fuck it. It’s worth a shot.”
- Half of LA’s service industry
INT. NAKATOMI TOWERS NIGHT
Our hero, John McLain, has found himself in a familiar position: shoeless, shirtless, possessing only one gun and few bullets, trapped in an office building that has been taken over by terrorists. He is covered and grime and blood. Who’s blood? Lot’s of dudes’ blood, that’s who’s. He sits on the floor exhausted, his back against the wall. He picks up the walkie-talke next to him.
JOHN MCLAIN (into walkie)
To the asshole terrorists who have taken over this building. I have killed your brothers and I now have a machine gun. Yippee-ki-yi-ya-ho-ho-ho-mother-fuckers!
A voice comes through the walkie-talkie. It is a familiar voice, one that is perhaps somehow reminiscent of childhood birthday parties. It is nevertheless ominous in tone.
TERRORIST
Is this The Cowboy? Very well done, Cowboy. You have my attention and we are prepared to make you a deal. Turn yourself in to us and we will release your wife and let all of our hostages go.
MCCLAIN
Reelly?
TERRORIST
PSYCH!!! Negotiating is evil. We are going to abort your wife or something. Also, you misspelled “really,” idiot.
MCLAIN
??????????
[MCCLANE, broken and bruised takes refuge in an air duct. Looking for inspiration, opens his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife, HOLLY]
MCCLANE: She’s Pretty.
I whipped this one up after your second comment about the wife, FLW. Had to, really.
I love the way the light cascades along his fur. It’s kinda pretty.
You know who else McLane has a picture of in his wallet?
This guy
and this guy
Now I can finally get “Vines of Entrapment: Entrapment Vines” off the ground.
Mr Pibb and Entrapment Vines = Crazy Delicious
- The New York Post
“Vines of Entrapment: Entrapment Vines is the second greatest movie ever made, next to I Am Legend.” — Ben Lyons
Okay. I laughed out loud at work. Good job.
This title never ceases to make me laugh.
Pretty sure that Bruce Willis movies haven’t been using scripts for the past ten years.
what the hell! i wrote a bruce willis screenplay CALLED “Everything is Green Light”. It was about a eastern european cab driver in new york city with a heart of gold. Also, the Fifth Element costume makes a cameo. Well, back to the drawing board I guess.
INT. JEB’S OFFICE – DAY
Jeb stares at his laptop screen.
JEB
Yikes.
FADE TO BLACK
DOUBLE-SPEED CREDITS. RAGTIME MUSIC.
Bruce Willis & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Vodka has a nice ring to it.
Damnit, it’s “Crystal Head” JOKE RUINED!
Bruce has ownership in Sobieski vodka. Dan Aykroyd owns Crystal Head. Get your celebrity endorsements straight!
Double Fail, I retire from Bruce Willis and Vodka jokes.
Finally, an outlet for thousands of pages of Hudson Hawk fan fiction!
And by that I mean my Hudson Hawk fan fiction.
12 Monkeys and a Baby.
Armageddon Deadly Ground.
The Fifth Elementer The Ninja
RoboCop Out.
The Sixth Sense And Sensibility.
Crapsticks. Meant to reply to my previous post.
This seems like a good as time as any to mention that Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie.
Followed unsurprisingly close by Die Hard 2.
“(we all know why…….lol)”
yup. all of us craigslisters and a-listers know why.