Photos
This is a recipe for DISASTER! Get it? Recipes? (The joke is that cookbooks have recipes in them but then “recipe for disaster” is a common expression about disaster. And Gwyneth Paltrow is the worst. So that is the joke, basically. Let me know if you don’t get it.)
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 New Year, New Gwyneth Paltrow Cookbook! |  Gwyneth Paltrow Versus The New York Times Fact-Checking… |  A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook |  How To Make Chili Cheese Nachos |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
I’ll file it between these two…
Can’t forget this one –
http://videogum.com/161761/microwave-cooking-for-one/webjunk/
(Coincidentally, I kept trying to think of a joke for Country Strong as a new font face/text tag to insert but all I kept hearing was Banjos and Saying “Hurr Hurr Hurr Compooder”)
The company I work for has made a few books about the Holocaust and we also make cookbooks. I just had to search our company database to make sure we didn’t create this gem. Phew, we didn’t.
I love when actresses pretend that they eat. “What should I make from this cookbook? Air sandwiches or hot water with lemon in it? Decisions, decisions.”
The secret to her famous mac ‘n’ cheese? A sprinkle of charm with just a hint of platonic elegance.
And it tastes the best on this Royal Copenhagen Floral dancia fine china, retailing at only $6,795 a place setting!
http://www.silverqueen.com/Pictures/Medium/4570193
Is there anything she CAN’T do?
Win Gabe’s love?
She can’t not be the worst.
Is there anything she CUNT do?
I’m glad her good friend Mariocelli Batali was kinda enough to write the forward for her.
WHERE DID YOU JUST SEND ME TO?!?
I came across an axiom in a passage from a comment on a blog called Videogum in which the author, Frank Lloyd Wrong, observes the following: ‘You can divide people into two categories in life: people who want to punch Gwyneth Paltrow and teacherman.”
A real passage from this cookbook which she wrote with what passes for her brain:
When I was growing up, the tomato soup I had was Campbell’s, and how I love it to this day. This is how my mother and I remember it, anyway. Bizarrely, my father and brother always fought us on the validity of this story, as if one would hide serving canned soup for dinner … anyway, I boringly digress.”
“Digress”? She spelled “exist” incorrectly.
That story doesn’t even make any sense. What a dumb thing to fight about. “We used to eat Campbell’s tomato soup.” “No we didn’t.” “Yes we did!” “No we didn’t!”
It just seems like there might be more worthwhile things to fight about.
Maybe what her and her mother remember is that she loves it to this day?
Problem 100. Boring Digressions
Country Strong Ham #gooprecipes
Se7en Layer Dip
Sky Captain and the World of Tortillas
A Perfect Burger
Royal with Cheese Tenenbaums
Great Eggspectations
Shallow Halibut
A Perfect Meatloaf
Stew from the Top
Eggs Over Hard Eight
Sausage, Peppers, and Great Expectationions.
Shakespeare in Facetaco
Shakespears in Love Apple Sauce
Sliding Doritos
Wurst
Forget Stew?
The Talented Marmalade Meatballs
flat iron steak man
Flesh and Bone
“Hush”-puppies. (remember that one? with jessica lange??? come to think of it, has that one been nominated for WMOAT yet??)
Sliding Coors Light Marinated Chicken Fajitas
I bet there’s a recipe for for liverWORST, haha
It’s weird how they let Gabe come up with the title.
Every time I read about Paltrow. I turn into Mrs. White from Clue:
“I hated her… so… much, It–it… the f–, it–flame… flames… flames on the side of my face, breathing, breath… heaving breaths… heaving…”
Didn’t we all love her making guacamole? (Wasn’t it guacamole?) (Was it just me who loved her? Probably. But really she seemed so down-to-earth then, so shouldn’t a cookbook by her be pretty good?)
Just kidding it was tacos. http://videogum.com/188092/gwyenth-paltrow-makes-her-tacos-just-like-the-rest-of-us/instructional-videos/
To Gwyneth:
Sincerely,
The World
I feel uncomfortable with how intense that graphic actually is. I don’t want to kill Gwyneth! I will cook what she cooks!