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Birdie, Videogum’s Mascot, has been on a real tear lately, both literally and figuratively. Literally in the sense that she has literally been destroying things with her teeth. Yesterday, she ruined a pair of gloves and two days ago she chewed up the toggle of a coat (although in her defense, the toggle was VERY similar to a stick, and the rules don’t say anything about sticks). More figuratively speaking, she has been on a tear here and here and now here. (She would like to be on a tear here, too, but that seems to have died out. What’s wrong, Street Team? Were the streets closed?) In any case, this calls for a celebration. But what would a party be without a game?! (NORMAL QUESTION PEOPLE ASK ALL THE TIME AT PARTIES.) Oh, wait, I’ve got one and it is even TOPICALLY RELEVANT. Birdie Movie Quotes.
- “THIS. IS. PETSMARRRT!”
- “Nobody puts Birdie in the kennel.”
- “I love the smell of everything in the morning.”
- “It’s people. Pedigree is made of people.”
- “Follow me if you want to nap.”
Good game. It’s like fetch, but for humans, and with words, and not at all like fetch. Go play. Run.
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The greatest trick the Birdie ever pulled was roll over.
The Boss approves.
What’s in the box? What’s in the box? It’s a ball
Keep your Toys close, but your Sticks closer.
Worst thing about Z-land? No Birdie twitter updates.
Well, here’s another nice mess I’ve gotten you into.
Here’s peeing on you, everything.
“Play it, Sam. Play ‘Fetch.’”
Hey, Birdie’s talking to me! Silly Birdie, you’re not my dog!
Off-topic: My favorite gifs of 2010.
http://mobfd.blogspot.com/2010/12/werttrews-favorite-animated-gifs-of.html
If Birdie is offering, take her up on it! Don’t lose your chance!
“I drink your toilet bowl water. I drink it up!”
All kibble and no walk makes Birdie poo on the floor.
We’re gonna need a bigger bone
TWSSTTS
Cute how? I mean cute like I’m a puppy I amuse you?
You’re the dog now roommate
Your the dog now, man.
“Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. An unknown Shiba Inu, now, about to become the bone finding champion. It looks like a mirac…It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!”
Would you lick my dog nether regions? I’d lick my dog nether regions. I’d lick my dog nether regions so haaaarrrrrdddd…
A stick once tried to lie there on the floor. I ate it with a cigarette butt and a nice ATM receipt.
Woah Baby Friday and I are on the same wavelength for the first time. For the last time. Unfurl thine schwartz and FIGHT!
Pup. Birdie Pup.
I’ll never let go, newspaper.
“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little… umm. I guess just you”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a woof!”
“Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty cat.”
“One morning I caught a stick in my pajamas. Why I was wearing pajamas, I don’t know, because I am a dog.”
“Here’s looking at you, puppy”
Show me the bunny (so I can chase it)!
“I fart in every general direction.”
Plastic toys.
Buzz, your girlfriend, WOOF.
Gabe, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
A dog’s best friend is her roommate.
I want you to lick me as hard as you can
As God is my witness, I will never chase my tail again.
Play with me again, Gabe.
yo meat man buy some dead cat carcasses from me so I can buy more glue to sniff
You barkin’ at me?
You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Who’s talkin’ to me? BIRDIE IS!!!
Can’t teach an old roommate new tricks.
Bones? Where we’re going, we don’t need bones.
I am a plagiarist commentator
No worries! I’ve done it a million times.
We’re gonna need a bigger dog house!
“Look, Gabe … I can see you’re really upset about this … I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly … tweet about it and think things over … I know I’ve chewed up a lot of things recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.”
Baby Friday. Get. Out. Of. My. Brain!
“Look, roommate. I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, give me a biscuit, and think things over.”
Fuck Michael Vick. Not a movie quote, but probably what all dogs are thinking.
dogs dont really think. more like “when will I eat food again” and/or “will humping this thing/human leg/or object produce any satisfaction whatsoever and probably it will”. that is the extent of dog “thought”.
Thanks, dawg.
I thought I nailed it, but you nailed it. Props.
You want the treat? You can’t handle the treat!
Treats are for closers.
You barking at me?
sorry burgy
It happens to the best of us!
We have got to get these motherfucking squirrels off this motherfucking everywhere!
“WAIT FOR THE STICK!”
“WAIT FOR THE LICK!”
“You have part of my attention – you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the food bowl of my apartment.”
Where we’re going, we won’t need leashes.
You never heard of Birdie?… She’s the dog who made the Mailman run in less than twelve doggie-secs.
Bark-secs?
“A.B.C. Always Be Chewing”
Good job.
http://twitter.com/#!/Lysdexic13/status/14703597761601536
Get busy living, or get busy napping.
You hear me talking, table? I ain’t finished with you by a damn sight. I’m gonna get medieval on your leg.
I’m a puppy Dottie, I’m a rebel
I’m gonna make him a dump he can’t refuse to pick up.
“I’m the queen of the kennel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Listen, and understand. Birdie is out there. Birdie can’t be bargained with. Birdie can’t be reasoned with. Birdie doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And Birdie absolutely will not stop, ever, until you feed him and take him for a nice walk.
her, I meant her dammit.
it
Nap, Birdie, Nap
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Hahahahaha good one, Steve! You got ‘em so good!
I was just playin’. Just a little number I like to call “play actin’.”
“I’m just a dog standing in front of a room mate asking him for a walk.”
“Airbud.” – Citizen Kanine
You know what they call kibble in France? La nourriture pour la chien.
Forget it, Birdie. It’s Kenneltown
If you buy it, I will chew.
A million dog treats isn’t cool. You know whats cool? A BILLION dog treats.
“I did not chew it, that’s catshit, I did not chew it, I did naaaaaaht! Oh hi, Gabe.”
“Are you gonna bark, little doggie? Or are you gonna . . . wait a second, I’m the doggie. I guess I’m the one who’s gonna bark then.”
“I wish I could have lived like you, roommate…Do you hear me, blogger? I’m trying to tell you how much I admire you and this pretty little laptop… iMac…It’s disturbing how easily a a little dog can purchase information from the doorman downstairs… I visited your room this morning after you’d left. I tried to play blogger. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. It didn’t work out. So I chewed a souvenir: Its pretty little power cord…Because I envy your normal life, it seems that envy is my sin…it begged for its life, bloggers…It begged for its life and for the life of the blog post inside of it.”
Why does this not have all of the upvotes? I am committing the sin of envy RIGHT NOW.
You had me at — CAR!
You had me at W-A-L-K
damn, i didn’t read any of these before i responded and now my post looks like a plagiarist comment…
before i’m stoned to death for crimes against originality, i submit to the monstership that lawblog has a SECRET TIME MACHINE which he used to go forward in time three minutes, look at my independently arrived upon comment, realize it was super hilarious, then go BACK in time three minutes and make a comment in the same vein before i actually did it. totally what happened, just for the record.
You caught me! You forgot the part about how I went back and killed Hitler, though. Remember the first rule of time travel:
A.B.K.H
Always Be KIlling Hitler
Second rule: A.S.B.L
Always Be Saving Lincoln
naturally, i imagined everyone who read my comment would just assume that that was the first order of business when it comes to time travel, but i totally feel bad for not giving credit where credit’s due. can’t believe i completely overlooked the first rule of commenting on secret time travelers: A.B.G.C.W.C.I.D.W.C.O.T.T.W.K.H.
Always Be Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due When Commenting On Time Travelers Who Killed Hitler
such a stupid mistake, so embarrassed!
Dang, I can’t BELIEVE how embarrassing my 3 comments are in this exchange between me, chris, lawblog, and FLW. I’m going to travel back in time and not say all 3 things.
oh man, after being legitimately confused for SEVERAL minutes (read: stupid), i finally got your post and realized that it was the superbest.
Great pate’, roommate, but I gotta motor if I’m going to be ready for the dog park.
“I’m just a dog… standing in front of a roommate… asking him to walk her.”
That One? More like That Win!
PLAGIARIST COMMENTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s ok though, b/c I like you That One. All is forgiven.
Oh, whoops. Sorry.
Sticks. Why’d it have to be sticks?
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for money, I can tell you I don’t know what that is. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very short life as a dog. Skills that make me adorable to people like you. If you don’t let that ball go now, that will be the end of it. I won’t go look for it, I won’t pursue it. I’ll go over there and mope. But if you do, I will look for it, I will find it, and I will bring it right back here.
franco pie
“How’s the bone?”
“Woof woof”
*doggy wink*
rosebu- SQUIRREL!
BARKING, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!?
This is way down toward the bottom and may not get as much love as it deserves. Because it deserves all the love.
/AGREE with Apartment Tiger
“I’ve barked at things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack bones on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched biscuits glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser dog run gate. All those moments will be lost in time like farts while eating. Time to nap.”
What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every dog park, dog park, dog park, dog park, dog park, dog park and dog park in that area.
I’m the Birdie. So that’s what you call me, you know. That, or His Birdness, or, uh, Birdie-er, or El Birdierino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing
Love it.
“What do you do for recreation?”
“Oh, the usual. Nap. Chase my tail. The occasional kennel flashback.”
Always
Be
Chasing your tail
Sheesh missed the comment thread about this totally. There were no comments on this post by the time I could click submit!
Arg, that was meant to read, “There were no comments on this post but by the time I could click submit, there were a million!” Curse you, keyboard shortcuts, adding to my already typo laden posts!
You had me at “walk”.
Damn. Plagiarist comment. Sorry folks. How about…
Why so serious? Lay in a sunbeam already.
I’d also like to add that I’ve got my roommate’s gun and a *scorching* case of fleas.
This is what happens when you fuck a strange dog in the ass!
You: Birdie, if Gabe comes in here and catches us, we’ll both be in a world of treats.
Birdie: I *am*… in a world… of treats.
Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Gabe.
He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty dog.
I didn’t chew enough… i could’ve chewed more… this car, why didn’t i chew this car, i should have chewed this car!… this pin… perfect to chew… at least two good chews… this pin is gold!… i could’ve chewed this pin…! WHY DIDN’T I CHEW THIS PIN!?…. I COULD’VE CHEWED MORE!!…. *howls*
I grow tired of asking this, so it is the last time: where are the kibbles kibbles and bits?
get it? star wars, grand moff tarkin and princess leah before he blows her fuckin planet up
what is thy bidding my master
“Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty human.”
Dam I plagiarized
“all in the game, gabe. all in the game.”
movie quotes not tv show quotes
You know, we left this kennel place ’cause it was bogus; so if we don’t get some cool rules ourselves – pronto – we’ll just be bogus too!
“I’m not bad. I’m just trained that way.”
“I’ll chew what she’s chewing.”
I’ve seen things you canines wouldn’t believe. Attack kittens on fire off the shoulder of Pluto. I’ve watched squeaky toys glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Dog Run Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like milkbones in the rain. Time to bark.
“We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the heartworm medication began to take hold.”
“You want the stick? You can’t handle the stick!” #WarOnSticks <–always and forever
dude, where’s my kong?
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a turf war in a dog park” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Shiba Inu when treats are on the line”! Bark bark bark bark bark bark!
Get away from her, you bitch!
“I have come here to chew sticks and kick ass. And I’m all out of sticks.”
“I have come here to chew on everything and kick ass. And I’m all out of everything.”
(I apologize, problematique. I hate it when people add on or rewrite to a comment, but I just couldn’t help it. please forgive me my trespasses)
I used to hate that too. Until a couple of weeks ago, and I HAD to do it. Then I understood.
No worries, it’s all for Birdie!
Bark to me, Goose.
“Of all the kennels in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
CAN….YOU…CHEW IT?!
or
Birdie pup….COME OUT AND PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kynette: Time to kill a mountain man. It amazes me, in this day and age, when a man would put money before the personal safety of himself and his bitch. I wanted you to go to your grave knowing that I’m going to treat Birdie… right!
[Gabe suddenly grabs Kynette by the crotch and chest and impales him on a large stalactite]
(This isn’t really a Biride quote, but more of a “What If?” about Birdie and Gabe if they starred in Cliffhanger)
Check it out. Chico, Layla & Forrest, ‘Hachi: A Dog’s Tale,’ look like Birdie, act like Birdie, not Birdie. Chewed on stuff, licked Richard Gere’s face. Cute, sho’. Not Birdie. You know Jed, ‘White Fang.’ Cute, yes. Chews on things, maybe. Wears a harness. But he charmed the pants off Jack and was also in John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing.’ That ain’t Birdie. Fly, Don Juan, Floyd, Speedy, Nando, Buck, Koda & Gloria, “Snow Dogs.” Infantile, yes. Birdie, no. You went full Birdie, man. Never go full Birdie.
(I am not at all doing this right, am I?)
“I’ve got a lap feeling about this”
You licking at me? I don’t sniff anyone else around so you must be licking at me…
oh dog gamnit, fucking ctrl F
now you’re just sad… malandar… ill see myself out