Photos
Oh good grief. From MSNBC:
A Festivus for the rest of us? A convicted drug dealer in California thinks so. He cited his adherence to the holiday celebrated on a famous episode of “Seinfeld” to get better meals at the Orange County jail. The Orange County Register reported Monday that 38-year-old Malcolm Alarmo King disliked the salami meals served at the jail — he’s a bit of a health nut and wanted to maintain his sleek physique. But sheriff’s officials reserve kosher meals for inmates with a religious need.
Judge Derek G. Johnson demanded a religious reason for King to receive the meals. Defense attorney Fred Thiagarajah cited his client’s devotion to Festivus. Keeping kosher is not one of the tenets of Festivus, which was depicted on “Seinfeld” as celebrated with the airing of grievances and the display of an aluminum pole, plus feats of strength, which may be King’s connection. Sheriff’s spokesman Ryan Burris says King got salami-free meals for two months before the county got the order thrown out in court.
“Keeping kosher is not one of the tenets of Festivus”? Really, article? YOU MEAN THE MAKE BELIEVE HOLIDAY FROM A TV SHOW THAT HAS BEEN OFF THE AIR FOR 12 YEARS? I love how that’s the argument for why this is ridiculous. BRING ON THE FLOOD WATERS! (Also LOL: “he’s a bit of a health nut.” Haha. A bit. Sure. He dabbles. FROM PRISON.) Now, if I can digress for just a moment: many years ago, Ben and Jerry’s released a “Limited Edition” flavor called Festivus and it was SO GOOD! They also were NOT kidding with that “Limited Edition” thing, because not only was it seasonal, but I never even saw it again after just crushing the one pint I bought the one time. I guess what I’m saying is that if a man who is in PRISON for committing CRIMES can get special treatment because of his belief in a fake holiday from a seminal ’90s sitcom, at least the rest of us should be able to buy some DELICIOUS ICE CREAM. It’s only fair. Do the right thing, Ben and Jerry’s. FREE FESTIVUS ICE CREAM! (Thanks for the tip, Evan.)
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I can only imagine the airing of grievances at that celebration is going to be AWFUL
And for his last meal he wants muffin tops
Definitely, no soup for him.
Whatever, we all just know that that SALAMI was making him THIRSTY.
Also not kosher:
I can’t even fathom what’s going on in this gif….
its a dog doing stuff
I think he wraps presents better that I do…
Also, if you are on Twitter, please go sign the petition to make thisismynightmare the President of the Videogum Ryan Gosling Fan Club. http://twitition.com/xl6f8
Whilst on the subject of petitions.. here is one to get Festivus back. Do sign.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/bring_back_festivus/
What is the antler-wearing dog eating? A waffle?
Festivus Ben and Jerry’s was amazing.
Also, I can only imagine what they do with the aluminum pole in prison Festivus
Yes! I had a single pint of this too and have looked for it every holiday season since, to no avail. Videogum everywhere? Can we do this??
Wavy Gravy will always be my #1. (Hippie culture not withstanding)
Yes! Festivus came out my freshman year of college, and were it not for being hospitalized with food poisoning and two stomach viruses, I would have certainly gained at least the freshman forty-five due almost entirely to my ingestion of this ice cream. BRING IT BACK!
http://ubereye.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/happy-festivus.png?w=468&h=350
I guess failure to post pictures of Festivus
can happen to the best of us.
Awww, Wert! I’ll try to help you out:
High five?
Nah!
DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIIITTTTTT! One minute ahead of me, Nightmare…
Just Joshin’ ya, DSN! Let’s do hugs instead!
Meanwhile, another inmate’s professed love of ‘The Marriage Ref” only got him a shiv in the back.
To be fair to this guy, telling preposterous lies to the people around you that , and sticking with those lies at all costs, WAS one of the main tenents of Seinfeld.
Also dogs with hands.
As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
When I did hard time I told the guards I was definitely NOT religious for the sole reason of getting only salami sandwiches.
Also, doesn’t the phrase “salami meals” have a different meaning in prison?*
*asking for a friend
You know, I didn’t actually do hard time but I felt the line worked better if told from the first-person. I will however ask a friend for your friend, K friend?
I got your back FLW
More like backSIDE, amirite?
I won’t be satisfied until we get a national Weasel-Stomping Day.
Or at least a Whacking Day!
I was born a snake handler, i’ll die a snake-handler
Why can’t I have a Harvey The Wonder Hamster in my cell? It’s for religious reasons
Also, Gabe, can I take down that 10 best movie post from my FB page now, before I have to explain to my grandmother what videogum is?
I think Gabe might be interested in meeting your grandmother…provided that she is single. (Gabe is old!)
they can share a bowl of werther’s originals
“So while the debate goes on as to whether or not we should make our Seinfeld-devoted inmate eat salami, THIS reporter will be sticking to eating his Snikers bar… with a knife and fork. This is Kent Brockman, signing off.”
Dear California Dept of Corrections:
I also need special meals for the following religious holidays:
Newmannium/Kramennium
Feast of Yadda Yadda Yadda
Art Vanderlaybor Day
Crazy Joe Davalentines Day
St Drakes Day
Black and White Cookie History Month
Also, I’d like my prison earnings to be donated to The Human Fund.
Don’t forget Ovalentines day.
“We really need to get a judge’s ruling on this whole salami issue.” All kinds of important business is counducted in “The” OC (nobody calls it that)!
sem·i·nal/ˈsemənl/Adjective
1. (of a work, event, moment, or figure) Strongly influencing later developments.
2. Of, relating to, or denoting semen.
When referring to Seinfeld as a seminal 90s sitcom, I really hope 2.
I came THIS close to being a plagiarist commentator. Phew!
…but no where in the vicinity of being a plagiarist me namer. Double Phew.
Oh, and of course:
At least he’ll have plenty of ice cream sandwiches to eat/have a love affair with.
Ice cream sandwich is cheating on me? I just looked at choco taco god
Fake Holiday? I celebrate it every year.
Gotta find your katra.
My mother has sent me a Festivus card every year for about 10 years.
It’s a real holiday to me.
Culturally, this raises an Alarmo
I guess he’s not a Silent Alarmo anymore!
Ugh, kill me now.
Because the guy’s name is Alarmo, you guys.
At least they get salami and not meat labeled “Not for Human Consumption” like in South Carolina prisons.
DENIM VEST!!!!
no need to worry about salamis here—am i right? (ba dum ching)
Happy Festivus! We honored the day this morning (http://bit.ly/evoAl5). Then we went out and tried to find a “festivus pole”. Who would’ve thought they’d be difficult to find! Sorry, that was the beginning of our “airing of grievances”.