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It makes sense that someone would make a documentary about Dan Quinn because why wouldn’t someone want to make AN AMAZING DOCUMENTARY? In this preview clip, Dan Quinn makes a mackerel-strawberry-protein smoothie in a Hoarders kitchen before talking about whether or not he showers (he doesn’t) before having sex with Jennifer. Incidentally, I just told you everything that happens in this clip and it doesn’t ruin anything because there is no ruining Dan Quinn. He is like magic.
Finally, a Little Edie for our generation! (Thanks for the tip, @hlebtastic.)
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Me watching this video: Don’t drink that. Please don’t drink that. Nononononono…shit, he drank it.
more like Holy Mackerel he drank it
“I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a Leo, okay?”
Sorry, bro.
If he’s Little Edie, does that make this Whey Gardens?
So many questions… Marijuana muscle? why he thought 13 x 6 was going to be over 100 grams or more before he actually calculated it out. Why he started talking about his ex’s. And why he actually drank that…
I think this is the best protein shake for today
Every generation doesn’t get the protein shake it wants, but the protein shake they deserve.
It’s very difficult to keep the line between the strawberry and the mackerel. You know what I mean? It’s awfully difficult.
I know, right? It’s like the sweetness and tartness of the strawberry has to conflict with the oil and bitterness of the mackerel. It’s just book ingredients. It’s like a bad Iron Chef, except without ice cream.
There’s nothing worse than dealing with a staunch protein shake. S-T-A-U-N-C-H. They don’t weaken.
No? Too obscure?
Their greatest battles will be with Stevia and water. Correct.
i think my days in dan quinn’s kitchen are numbered.
Why do people own electric can openers? It seems like the paragon of lazy. Also, a huge waste of counter space.
Take a look at that kitchen! You’d think with all the protein energy he’ll have after that shake he could clean the place up.
Blechhh, his kitchen gives my OCD a hernia.
It’s amazing he has any room with his TWO BLENDERS (one solely for storing used gum).
Documentary tagline: “You ain’t seen nothing like the mighty Quinn.”
“You’ll NOT SEE nothing like the mighty Quinn”…..that’s what I meant…..
Bob Dylan references always get an upvote from me!
Bob Dylan references get automatic upvotes from me!
At first it didn’t display the reply, so then I wrote the comment again. This is what I get. Sorry for the double post y’all.
The Atkin’s diet? – That’s for pussies dude.
I think he invented Acromegaly in a Cup.
I am fixated on the fact that Dan and I have the same model of Gevalia coffee maker.
“Well that’s fine, because I’d never go out with you either!”
– Melissa Leo
As someone who spent 5 hours in a McAllister’s Deli this weekend, writing and drinking tea, I can only say this: we all do terrible things for our dreams.
i had to google dan quinn to figure out who he was. his wikipedia entry is hilarious:
“Quinn went on hiatus from MMA for four years, during which time he discovered the secret of cold fusion with stevia, methamphetamine and prison, all in that order. Quinn was convicted of drug possession, spousal abuse and 3 counts of being harassed by the nerd table (FYAD). While in prison he managed to avoid gang rape by becoming the wife of a Sureno Mexican gang leader named Grumpy.
In his return fight, Quinn KO’d Muay Thai/X-Arm fighter Bond Lapua, who outweighed him by fifty pounds of doughnut oil and lard.[6] Quinn next fought Harry Gopaul, losing via KO when Gopaul took Quinn’s manhood and warrior spirit.[7] Quinn next fought Aaron Brink who won via TKO to strikes. After the fight Brink, a veteran adult film actor, worked with Dan on an adult film called “Violin: A payback to men” in which Quinn revealed a trademark sexual maneuver for pleasing another man by stimulating the prostate as if playing the violin. Quinn most recently suffered a savage beating from Rick Vardell which left him resembling Sloth from the Goonies.”
LOLOLOLOLOL
I had to google him too, but apparently I looked at the wrong Dan Quinn. The wiki article I read was way too normal to be of this guy. MMA makes much more sense than the 1965 born hockey player (whoops)
If you’ve never seen the video where he describes “the violin” you should. Or shouldn’t depending on how squeamish you are. Also you should definitely google X-Arm because that is just pure lol.
“three counts of being harassed by the nerd table.” ???!?!?!!????
Also, Dan Quinn wouldn’t kick this guy outta bed:
I have such a stomachache now.
He forgot to add the tobacco shavings! It’s gunna be so gross now.
Yeah that’s the Kesha of smoothies.
At least it is blessedly lacking a tongue and vocal cords. And metallic eyegunk.
Oh man I remember when Dan Quinn was last on here, I must have gone down that stevia rabbithole for hours and hours and discovered only the fact that Dan Quinn be ril craaaazy. Still not convinced he isn’t Mickey Rourke putting on the prosthetic again.
New York’s hottest club is “Protein.” They have everything – Mackerel shakes, sex with Jennifer, washed up MMA fighters who make life choices based on astrology…..
Oh wow- excellent to bring Stefon into this…well done!
I don’t… understand… why this has to…
…
exist.
Also food for thought: If your “eyes are the window to the soul,” then wouldn’t logically your mouth be the door? So he just put fish/hemp slurry in his soul-hole?