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“I’ve dated a few hand models in the past, sure, who hasn’t? But those relationships never worked out. I think the main problem with the other hand model girlfriends I’ve known is that they were always too self-aware. Like, they were down to Earth, normal people who simply used their hands as a way to earn a living or supplement their income from a regular day job. When you talked to them, they hardly even brought up their modeling, and if they did it was in a kind of charming, self-effacing way that let you know they didn’t take themselves too seriously and they recognized that it’s a hilarious world in which someone can make a fair amount of money just by letting someone take a picture of their hand holding a toilet brush, or whatever. I mean, who wants that? Who wants a human being who recognizes there’s nothing that special about them in a world of billions of human beings and that they just happened to have lucked out in this one tiny way that is not even particularly impressive. No, when I date a hand model I want her to be a fucking asshole. Big time. I want her voice to just ooze condescension and self-satisfaction, and I want hand modeling to be the only thing she’s capable of talking about. I want her to take pride in her virtual inability to do standard human things, such is her nightmare panic about getting, like, a papercut or some shit. Oh, I want her to just be the worst. That’s why I love Ellen Sirot. She gets it. We date.”
–You
If you like it then you couldn’t put a ring on it. It wouldn’t let you. It’s such a clown! (Thanks for the tip, Kate and admill. Also seen on Dlisted and Urlesque.)
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First?
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
CURSED!!!!11
I’m pretty sure you meant, “She’s pretty.”
I don’t know–it does seem like it might be tough to get a hand job.
A good hand job is hard to come by (!)
Just need some practice.
Don’t… make… hand pun… Let it go… just walk away, DSN…
She seems pretty good at stroking…..her own hands (?).
“Excuse me, Benjamin, but I believe I requested the hand job.” – Wayne Campbell
I’ll show myself out, now.
I can’t put a ring on it, it would mess up her hands and then she’d murder me
What’s she going to do, kick you to death? Use her deadly condescension eye-rays? Go ahead and put that ring on it, Ian!
But is she the master of her domain?
In 35 years, her hands will be wizened and her nails brittle, but she will still be an asshole.
Something something give her the finger. I’ll flesh out this over lunch.
Nailed it!
“Most people are still really amazed that I can make a full time living off about five inches”
TWSS
Isn’t that what HE said?
She’s a little bit special.
Unless she’s a gold digger. ZING!
How’s she gonna dig for the gold, huh? Her feet? come on now
http://s3.amazonaws.com/awesome_screenshot/203881?AWSAccessKeyId=0R7FMW7AXRVCYMAPTPR2&Expires=1291745641&Signature=uzWU9QimiG%2B2RGPXnlHzm9Ehre8%3D
OR? Pretty much one in the same, Bing.
Also, she’s a foot model too! No more walking.
“That is not my girlfriend. She doesn’t cook OR clean.” – Men
Even a 13-year-old boy doesn’t love his hands that much. Yuck!
CBS evening news had a special on a hand model? For reals? Nope, not one single thing else more important in this world at all right now. Too bad FYI isn’t on the air anymore…
“Slow news day?” – Julian Assange
“NO!” – Ellen Sirot
Also, what part of walking through an elevator door requires use of the hands?
Well, and she’s wearing her motherfuckin safety gloves or whatever… I THINK YOU CAN PUSH A BUTTON WITH GLOVES ON YOU ASSHOLE.
i love how she walks around like she’s constantly being held up at gunpoint after exiting a fancy glove party.
Fancy glove parties are the new thing.
Also, if she never uses her hands, does she flush the toilet? I’m surprised Katie Couric met he in her home. It probably smells of mildew and excrement.
I think she’s married, that poor poor man
Think about all the other things he’s got to do that she won’t. Hand-wise.
Hey, she’s got feet.
Also, I like saying the word also and commenting on this thread. #Factsabouttiredandwired
She’s very hand-some. I suck.
Don’t panic–just try to stay palm.
If you panic, you run the wrist of people noticing. Personally, I think you nailed it.
Baby Friday’s suggestions are so handy.
I just know how to knuckle down.
She’s got it totally fingered out.
She’s pretty cuticle, too!
Awethumb advice!
Baby Friday, your punning has reached cuticle mass, I think its time to knuckled down on some real work and leave this digit-al thread behind
Kids, don’t be thumb, always hit refresh when there’s puns about
Ack! I’ve turned pinkie with embarrassment.
Best thread ever, hands down.
Whatever you do, don’t knuckle under pressure.
Maybe she can give some fingertips on how that reporter can model better.
Hand Puns!
SO MANY GREAT PUNS
I think this is the most triumphant gif in existence.
The hardest part about being her boyfriend is having to wipe for her. But you know, she’s so charming I really don’t mind.
Charmin?
Ellen Sirot 4 Thing in the Addams Family reboot!
“She’s an amateur.*”
*trans. from ASL – chameleon_street
ASL? Please. Our girlfriend Ellen Sirot is an SL polyglot. Sometimes her hands learn languages before her brain does.
Does she hire hand models to do her hand modeling so she doesn’t have to use her hands?
I bet I could take her in a fight. Unless she kicks well…
Donna Darko, that is.
I love this gif. I really do.
I have a theory about this gif. I think you can use it for ANY Videogum post and it would be a relevant reaction to whatever the post concerns.
thanks concert_addict of course
GROSS!!!!!!!
You’re gross!!!
I’ve seen better:
It’s Seinfeld Day here at Videogum!
So she’s reached the pinnacle of her field, but that requires her to be paranoid and likely alienate everyone who ever loved her along the way? I feel like I’ve seen this somewhere…
SPOILER ALERT
Would you guys hate me forever if I nominated Citizen Kane for WMOAT?
I mean, c’mon, “ROSEBUD”????? A Sled????? REALLY?!?!
I could not agree more.
I’m worried about Ellen Sirot’s hands. Can they take the attention?
Tomorrow’s news: Ellen Sirot’s hands get caught taking cocaine.
That’s not my girlfriend. My girlfriend is the lovely woman who asked Ellen Sirot to show us how to do a proper pose, and then stuck up both her hands directly in front of her so we could all see how it’s REALLY done. I’m going to ask for her hand.
I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey.
http://bit.ly/bjLz54
I am in love with how after the interviewer asks Ellen Sirot to help her strike a pose, Ellen Sirot just completely forgets what she’s supposed to be doing because she is so mesmerized by her own beauty pose. I think she even forgets that she is even being interviewed at all.
“Something mundane for you would be a disaster for me.”–Ellen Sirot
She’s a disaster for herself.
But she’s really handy with things that aren’t mundane.*
*the only thing’s that is not mundane is holding a product in front of a camera
Boy. For a first post, I really should have read that over.
This is basically what my hands look like
This woman? This woman.
You guys just don’t understand how tough it is being a hand model.
Where can I find some Caressing Your Hands With Your Hand Cream?
Level 69. Good luck!
Oh my god. Thank you for posting this. I watched Bangs and all of my instincts to say something snarky about how terrible a singer he is were overridden by how great a guy he seems to be. Good for him, but then was this tension that I couldn’t shake; the need to unleash on someone. Here she is, a perfect target. You are horrible, lady! Whew.
she does it better
oops. i lose.
I totally thought of Kristin Wiig too while watching Miss. Fancy Hands wave her moneymakers around.
So does she pay people to follow her around to open doors, press buttons, write notes, wave goodbye, etc. for her? That’s really got to add to the hand modeler’s expenses, but it would probably be tax deductible.
I was reminded of the joke where a guy winds up locked up with all the books he could ever want to read, but then his glasses fall off and break. In her case i imagine her making her way into a fallout shelter just before the apocalypse only to find it stocked exclusively with pull-tab cans of soup, twist-off top bottles, and no utensils.
but she couldn’t even get in! SHE DOESN’T OPEN DOORS!!!!
Logically, she probably walks around all intolerable-like and asks people to kindly open doors for her…to which I hope they respond “Please fuck off”
That’s an episode of the Twilight Zone.
I stand corrected
I really gotta hand it to you guys today!
I can’t tell if she’s more or less insane than the woman who did the hand modeling for the first Twilight book and then went around NYC posing with an apple to see if people recognized her.
47 seconds and I could take no more of her hand stroking smugness
Whoa! Then you missed the part where her hands became self aware and destroyed the studio!
there’s hope for her self defense abilities though [IMG]http://i51.tinypic.com/25tbvgx.jpg[/IMG]
I think i fixed it.
and the nobel prize for comment board science goes to…the narrator! hoozah
damn it what am i a comment board scientist???
You may make fun of my girlfriend, but you see this house? Hand model money. The car? Hand model money. My apron? Hand model money.
So how does she spend all her money from hand modeling if she can’t really… do anything? THAT’S NO WAY TO LIVE!
Wouldn’t this aggressive disuse fuck up her dexterity and whatnot?
She is our government’s perfect weapon against baby-tossing gypsy cons.
Around the 2:05 mark….something in me died.
i couldn’t even make it 20 seconds into this clip before closing the screen.
she’s got a laundry list of excuses why she can’t do no woman things.
it would make me happy if someone found a picture of chuck noblet saying to jerri blank, “MY HANDS!” during the violin episode of strangers with candy.
as for me, i have to go practice this thing i was already good at without any practice.
it’s a long week, ok?
True story: one of my best friends from college is getting married to a hand model. She’s the sweetest person in the world though, nothing like this lady.