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WAIT.
WAIT WAIT. HI, CAN YOU WAIT PLEASE?! HOLD ON AND WAIT.
Wait. No. Wait, sorry. Hi. Wait up. Hi. So, wait, what?! WHAT?! Look, I don’t even think we need to talk about how hilarious it is that THIS is supposed to be Mel Gibson’s comeback movie after the string of violent, racist phone conversations that leaked earlier this year (on top of his well documented history of denying the Holocaust, blaming “all the wars” on the Jews, and calling police officers “sugar tits”). Whatever. Sure. I hope it works? Good luck to everyone involved. And also let’s just set aside most of the basic premise of this movie for now because we only have human-sized brains, and their capacity for processing information is ultimately pretty limited, and it’s just going to take awhile for them to sift through what’s happening here. But, I’m sorry, but please, hi, excuse me, HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO KEEP RUNNING A COMPANY IN THIS MANNER, and also, HIS WEIRD ILLNESS DOES NOT BECOME THE BASIS FOR A BEST SELLING PRODUCT, and finally, THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WIN A LONG-SUFFERING WIFE BACK. Like, at the very least, movie trailer, please pretty please oh PUH-LEASE suggest–even just give the faintest hint, just as an advertising hook to make this movie look appealing to potential viewers–that there might be some kind of consequences and/or even the looming threat of failure to a grown man speaking to everyone in his life with a Bob Hoskins beaver puppet. “It turns out right away that the beaver puppet was the best decision he ever made and it not only reunited his family for sure, but he also made billions of dollars off of it.” Oh cool, THEN I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE, so I guess what I am trying to say to you, movie trailer, is THANK YOU.
Also, can I just point out the funniest part of the whole The Beaver trailer, please?
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA. Sure. Barkeep, a round of forehead slaps with a “good grief” chaser for me and my friends here.
P.S. Of course someone has already recut the trailer to include Mel Gibson’s telephone rants no duh get real.
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Paging Dr. Charlie Bartlett. Dr. Charlie Bartlett to the bathroom stall, please.
<3
Aw, that little heart is better than any upvote. Thanks!
He will always be Byrd Huffstodt to me
Totally. That’s why you’re the Professor.
A clever way to cover up that regrettable swastika wrist tattoo, Mel.
Was I the only one sitting around waiting for it to get really funny? Or something?
Also, thanks Bing, for asking me if I wanted to search for The Beaver OR Holocaust Deniers. Why not both!
Ward, I think there are lots of things are wrong with The Beaver.
Boo extra are
I don’t know…. I thought it was pretty artistically self-aware.
I mean, he finds The Beaver in a dumpster AND this movie definitely belongs in a dumpster!
I bet that Beaver smells really bad…
(I’ll show myself out)
I bet he finds Ke$ha’s beaver in that dumpster and it smells bad
HURH HURH VAGINA JOKEZ
So the beaver is supposed to be a euphemism, right?
No? OK I’ll show myself out.
This is Mel. A hopelessly depressing individual. The successful Hollywood star he used to be has gone missing. And no matter what he tries, Mel can’t seem to bring him back. So you can see Mel is a man past all hope. But he’s about to try a Beaver puppet movie.
Was it just me or was that the narrator guy from (500) Days of Summer?
HIS NAME WAS LESLIE NIELSEN.
HIS NAME WAS LESLIE NIELSEN.
HIS NAME WAS LESLIE NIELSEN.
Ohhhhhhh yikes. Yikes to me.
This my be my favorite thing that has ever existed. FLW, you just won the caption contest of MY HEART.
*may/might
whatever.
Your praise is much more warmly received than this cease and desist letter I just got from AMC.
Two things:
1.) Well played
2.) Is the drink for the beaver?
Perfection. I just wish I could see the upvote button. Please know that I am giving you all the upvotes *in my heart*.
Mel, you and your beaver should go to bed… Whoops!
I’m looking forward to the scene where he starts beating his wife because she keeps buying the beaver pine wood chips instead of cedar
“Get him cedar wood chips… But blow me first!” (We could be writing for this movie!)
Beavers aren’t even native to London. How am I supposed to take any of this seriously?
http://www.beaverhotel.co.uk/
Whoa! Hotel for Beavers? I smell a squeakwel Mel!
I have the weirdest boner right now.
Fear boner?
Yes, fear boner…
“It’s hard to stay soft in a frightening world…”
this is gross and wrong. thank you.
gross
http://www.beaversinengland.com/
I am terrified to click on either of those links.
Don’t worry, my mind is much cleaner than Mel Gibson’s. Beavers have been extinct from England for over 400 years, but they are reintroducing them, Mel Gibson is predicting the future!
Can’t he just remake Ransom? People loved Ransom. I think if you’re screaming expletives at a child kidnapper, people will forgive you
Movienerdgum & booknerdgum here, but if you’re clamoring for a remake of Ransom, you should go watch Point Blank (1967 starring Lee Marvin) and Full Contact (1986, starring Chow-Yun Fat). All three movies are based on the same source material, a novel called The Hunter, by Richard Stark (the first in an excellent series of pulp novels.)
Actually, movienerdiergum here, but Payback was the Mel Gibson remake of Point Blank; Ransom was a remake of, um, Ransom (1956).
Totally right. I got my murderous, Mel Gibson, one-word movie titles mixed up. Cheerfully withdrawn.
Give me back my God damn motherfucking son!!!!! (sugartits?)
Having read the screenplay when it was getting all that hype last year(ish), I am hoping they kept the original ending.
Does it turn out that water is his only weakness? That is what I am hoping.
I am honestly not sure if I am channeling Signs or The Wizard of Oz right now.
Turns out, you can’t feed the beaver after midnight.
Does he fall asleep with the beaver over his face and suffocate to death?
As awesome as it would be, I doubt this movie is going to veer into niche porn.
This should at least regain him the respect of Crank Yankers fans.
Mel once asked, What (do) Women Want? I don’t know the answer but I can guess it’s not a talking beaver.
Barf
Damn it, Frightened Rabbit. This is NOT a smart way to get exposure.
that’s the exact thing i took out of this too! Frightened Rabbit you are WAAAAY better than this… noooooo.
why frightened rabbit? why????
I mean, I know FR seems to spend most of their time drunk, but even drunks have limits, right? Right???
Agreed.
JOINING THE THREAD OF PEOPLE WHO LOVE FRIGHTENED RABBIT AND HATE ABUSIVE BEAVER
That sounds like a group I would definitely join (on Facebook?). I’d also like to propose: Society for the Eradication of Featuring Good Bands in Really Horrible Movie Trailers (Which Therefore Trick Us Into Seeing Them).
Co-signed.
I don’t know if anyone will see this but frightened rabbit is actually streaming an acoustic show right now
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/frabbittv
Frabbit is seriously one of the best live acts I have ever seen, up there with Arcade Fire.
Guess it was fun while it lasted. Nothing personal guys, ‘I hate when I feel like this. I never hated you.’
I bet the producers are really regretting passing over Dave Coulier for the lead right about now.
The whole time I was watching this trailer I was thinking how heart-warming and engaging it would be if it starred Steve Carrell.
But Jodie Foster directed it guys!
While watching this trailer, I kept thinking – what did Jodie Foster do to deserve ending up in this movie? And then it came up at the end that she directed it. YIKES.
What becomes of that poor beaver’s career after this movie….
Awww….it seemed to post fine at first. Stupid Mel Gibson strikes again!
I can see it, and it is wonderful!
So this is pretty much “The Wrestler,” except with a man splitting his personality with a bever puppet.
Sign me up!*
*(Please don’t sign me up.)
I’m pretty sure i’m going to get blasted and then see this movie. In fact they should put that in the preview.
Is there some way you can watch it for free, lest some of your admission fee line the pocket of, y’know, everyone involved in causing this to exist?
‘The Beaver: It’s Worth Watching When You’re Drunk!’
Gabe, everything else you said was right on, but that is clearly a Michael Caine beaver puppet, sorry.
Nope, it’s a Ray Winstone puppet.
Not to keep playing Monday Morning Quarterback on the posts, but isn’t the obviously plot of this movie is that the Beaver keeps saying racist and misogynist things that no one can react to because it’s a puppet?
A rare miss, Director Jodie Foster.
Finally, a movie version of the Jeff Dunham Show.
I respect this for its artistic merits*
no i dont
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My dream is to leave an innocuous comment and have Steve Winwood rip me a new one.
I heard for the Beaver 2: Beaver’s Quest, Mel Gibson’s role is going to be played by Jeff Dunham. That movie will be home run, slam dunk!
I can’t believe this post has been up for an hour and NO ONE HAS POINTED OUT THAT MEL GIBSON’S BLONDE SON IS SMUGGY MCBRATTERSON FROM THE “JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A PARENT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE A LOSER” CAR COMMERCIALS. Unless someone has pointed out and I totally missed it, in which case, my apologies.
You beat me to it! Great minds, etc., khrushchev.
“Just because you’re a parent with a stuffed beaver attached to your left hand doesn’t mean you have to be lame.” —the little kid
RIGHT? RIGHT?
RIGHT!
Maybe your friend’s dad is driving a fake-woody station wagon not because he’s lame but because he’s working two jobs, saving for your friend’s college education and paying off a mortgage, and can’t AFFORD a new Toyota Highlander. Didja think about THAT, kid? DIDJA?
If at the end of this movie, the beaver puppet gnaws Highlander Brat’s face off, I will see this movie.
Yes!!! Baby Friday and I totally share your collective enmity for this kid in this commercial. “Sorry my car isn’t cool enough for you and your awesome-guy jacket. Oh, no wait — YOU’RE TEN! FUCK YOU KID! GET A HAIRCUT!”
Oh my god this is like mrs.doubtfire except instead of a cross-dressing woman the shitty-dad returns as a HAND PUPPET? Dear god.
Wait. Jodie Foster directed a movie called The Beaver? Well, she’s an expert.
LOL!!!!
I have to say I was disappointed that Jodie Foster + Beaver equalled a dramadey.
Nice try Mel, but the only way we’ll forgive you is if you make this movie:
I like how Jennifer Lawrence, she of “Winter’s Bone and being an amazing actor” fame, is in this movie, but she’s in the preview for all of two shots: 1) makin’ out with Anton Yelchin and 2) running with Anton Yelchin (young people in love are always running to express joy).
Jennifer Lawrence you are too good for this. And so is Frightened Rabbit. And so is Anton Yelchin. And so is everybody. Everybody is too good for Mel Gibson and his puppet.
Yes. I primarily came in this thread to say what you said. So instead I’ll just concur: This movie looks BARF with a heaping side of BARF, but Anton Yelchin is so cute and endearing and did I mention cute? And Jennifer Lawrence, why are you in this movie? Do something better, you two are too good for this!
Also, look at my festive new avatar that Super! made!
I think this movie looks rad
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Paraphrasist commentator!
MOAR VAGINA JOKEZ
Thank you, person who edited the movie trailer, for cutting the entire movie down to 2:26, knowing that no one actually wanted to sit through the whole thing.
“I’m really looking forward to this movie.” -Jeff Dunham.
Being White Power is Hard
I have a strange attraction to Jodie Foster. Is that f**king weird???
hahah. nice stars.
This reminds me of a specific This American Life story in which a girl is able to get along with her sister primarily through the medium of a puppet.
This reminds me of a nightmare I once had where a rascist, misogynistic holocaust denier revives his career by starring in a movie with a fucking beaver puppet.
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Because he’s cool when he’s only privately hating on Jews and ladies?
Seriously! There is no ‘old Mel Gibson.’ There are many ways to be despicable, and Mel Gibson has aced every one. He is a champion asshole.
Right! Plus he’s made some pretty horrible comments way back in the the day (late ’80′s, early ’90′s).
Aww man, you guys seem to be mistaking me making fun of What Women Want for me defending Mel Gibson. Wrong.
But all joking aside, Mel’s not that bad. I’ve looked into the eye of his island, and what I saw was beautiful. Here’s some science to prove it:
Enhance:
Enhance:
Enhance:
http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d80/vgf0/enhance4.jpg
Case closed.
This guy
would kick that whiny puppet’s ass.
Really weird choices for a Return of Martin Guerre remake.
During my time in college, I would see a lot of fliers for other colleges academic programs, usually of the study abroad variety. There is one I will never forget.
The flier was for Beaver college. It had a girl sitting on a grassy field in front of a university building and in big, bold letters were the words “Study Abroad at Beaver College.”
I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t need to see this film to know that flier was and is infinitely more entertaining to me than The Beaver could ever hope to be.
….but the Gibson/Foster sexual chemistry that made Maverick a classic is finally back on the big screen.
Remember, folks, this was written by the guy who created “Lone Star.” So, yeah.
hey, i liked lone star!
No matter how often I see it, it kind of amazes me every time a horrible person like Mel Gibson (legitimately one of the worst people) has their insanely hateful personality and statements dismissed by the public. Remember Jon Mayer’s racist, misogynist tirade? Probably not, you were too busy jamming to ‘Your Body is a Wonderblah.’ Ugh. Can’t the Anti-Defamation League hire some goons and just, I don’t know, poke Mel Gibson in the eyesockets a few times, for good measure? Instead of giving him a new multi-million dollar Hollywood movie to star in, I mean.
Not defend a guy who tells Playboy magazine that he’s just not attracted to black women, but what John Mayer said once and what Mel Gibson said, did, and threatened to do on multiple occasions really isn’t comparing like to like. A better comparison would be with, say, Andrew Dice Clay, whose career was completely and irrevocably destroyed.
Alas, the Anti-Defamation League has other priorities these days.
I don’t know if the public has really dismissed his statements. We all still hate him.
Can’t speak for Hollywood, who gave him the movie, not us.
UGH. That was supposed to be for banji. Damn you, IE8.
Sorry, I was just preemptively hating on anybody who’d go see this nightmare movie! Carry on, less-terrible members of the public.
I gotcha.
And honestly, I believe this was filmed before the second wave of crap came from Mel, so I think few people expected him to dig that hole deeper like he did. Then you’re left with a kooky movie starring America’s Hitler.
Then again, I don’t know how this movie would have felt any better with someone other than Mel. It seems like a horribly flawed premise. I initially thought it was going to be a sillier comedy originally because, hey, BEAVER PUPPET.
Also, this script was tops on the Black List, which meant it was a script everyone in Hollywood loved. Meaning it’s either changed a lot from the script, or Hollywood likes crap (probably this one).
I don’t understand the tone of this movie. The preview with the horrible cutesy/weird voiceover (please Hollywood, no more voiceovers for anything, ever) leaves me confused. It’s like the disconnect of the College Humor/Salisbury Hill Shining re-cut, EXCEPT THEY MADE THIS WRONG TO BEGIN WITH???
Ahem…”Solsbury Hill.” I’ll grab my things; I’m going to take me home.
I sort of want to see this mostly because I really enjoy seeing Anton Yelchin in front of me saying and doing things attractively and generally looking like himself, which is an activity I encourage. Unfortunately, I’m turned off by the entire rest of the movie. They should cut a Gibson-less version for those of us with weak dispositions…
mel gibson + beaver = …shit?…no, too generous… apocalypse?…no, nobody takes mel gibson seriously anymore…assassination attempt (by myself and hopefully several others commenting) at the LEAST