Photos
[Stephen K has a lifestyle blog and co-authors a fashion advice twitter that never gets updated. In this column, he will tell you how to get the hottest looks of today.]
Without a doubt, Black Swan is the most highly anticipated fashion cinema event of the year (move over, Marmaduke/127 Hours!)! With costumes done by Sister, Sister avant garde design wonder-duo Rodarte and starring Marc Jacobs muse Winona Ryder and style icon Natalie Portman as a prima ballerina with stage fright, Black Swan has set stylistas abuzz with a frenzy of teenage fashion bloggers re-posting the same promotional stills over and over in a Rond de Jerk of excitement that would have Jean Baudrillard himself simulacrumming into the circle. But how are you going to drastically change your look in a short period of time to get in on that excitement? Luckily for you, we fashion-advice-givingistas here at Videogum have the insider tips that will help you co-opt the buzz and Look Like This!
Whether it’s because of their mutual appreciation for the importance of drama and spectacle, their passion for movement and line, or simply their shared reverence for the grace and beauty of long-limbed, underfed, pale white women, fashion and ballet have been dancing side-by-side since the beginning. Pas de Delightful! Generally this beautiful duet has culminated in gorgeously elaborate couture costumes for the stage, such as the ones Rodarte made for this movie.
However, while these costumes are certainly breathtaking, they’re not exactly practical for the average everyday activities of the typical non-prima ballerina, untalented, unspectacular, so-so in the looks department ladies like yourselves! So instead we’ll be giving you undistinguished-anonymous-
corps-de-ballet-istas some advice on how to perfectly embody that standard dancer-off-duty look of Natalie Portman’s character while still attempting to capture some of the reflected brilliance of Rodarte’s decadent designs.
One wardrobe staple of any dancer is a cozy sweater dress. Though you ladies are much too plain and workhorse-like to rock the Rodarte costumes from Black Swan, you can still get in on the Rodarte action! This classic and chic crocheted dress (only $2990!) is the perfect thing to throw on after a long day of grande plies and grande jetes, something to wear when you just feel like saying, “Fuck it. I just want to look like the couch from Roseanne.”
Throw it on over a pair of crotchless leggings (White House, Black Market has a great pair!) and you have the perfect outfit for getting finger-banged by Mila Kunis in the back of a taxi or by your mentor/choreographer while practicing at the barre or anywhere really. Cool outfit? Slammin’; slammin’ outfit!
To capture some of the visual drama of Rodarte’s elaborate stage costumes in your everyday look, try accessories with swan feather themes! We love these hideous one-of-a-kind hand decorated satin pumps that look like they were glitterglued as a craft project of a particularly ambitious future Kathy Griffin loving second-grader. Wear them with a great pair of skinny jeans and you’ll be ready to ruffle something of your own: male attention!
Beauty tip! One of the most striking component’s of Natalie Portman’s look in the movie is her dramatic eyes. Getting this look for yourself is as easy as 1-2-3! (1) Carefully line the outer half of your lower eye lid with black eyeliner, starting from the center of your eyelid and moving out, (2) gently blend some charcoal eyeshadow from the inside of your eyelid to slightly past where your eyelid ends, (3) slowly but carefully start to crumble under the pressure of years and years of extreme self-discipline that helped you reach the top of your career to the point where you are not sure that the free-spirited newcomer threatening your position is actually real or a malevolent manifestation of the self that you have been repressing and keeping locked away for so long that it has taken on a life of its own in a cliched duality that is more-or-less a Fight Club 2010-type situation.
It’s the perfect look for a romantic terrifying night on the town that will have your partner bursting in his dance belt!
So there you have it. These tips should have you ready to blow the socks off that snobby Juilliard dance panel with your patented insanely terrible hip-hop ballet fusion routine and make beautiful, sweet inter-racial love to your boyfriend that you will likely dump after you get to Juilliard in no time! Til next time, ladies, it’s cocktail hour and this dancestyle-tini is on us! Ladies!
 |
 |
She’s not the best actress and her take on mid-east politics are dubious at best, but still…I’m in love with Queen Amidala..err, I mean Natalie Portman
So is this guy:
I’m Seeing this on Friday! So excited! I will try not to spoil it in chat!
No spoil-o.
I actually had to skip over this post b/c I’m on total media blackout in regards to Black Swan.
It’s okay cakeordeath, you just missed Stephen calling all the lady-monsters “so-so in the looks department.”
It’s my friend’s birthday party on Friday, so I can’t chat. I actually have to socialize with people in person instead of the internet. How is this going to work?!
Anyway, feel free to spoil away since I won’t be there!
Me too. I am stoaked. I am seriously thinking about taking a 3 hour lunch to sneak it in. That’s appropriate work behavior, right? RIGHT?
“Yup!” – Michael Scott.
So, I just went and watched the trailer for this flick for the first time and, I don’t mean to be a jagoff, but are we excited about this film? It looks really ridiculous to me. But maybe I just need the hype explained.
natalie portman kisses mila kunis!!1!
everyone: “omg i can’t wait to see this movie you guys”
vagina vampire: “omg i’m so tired of obvious faux lesbian exploitation i’m going to see tangled instead.”
I loved that dress.
Me too. And the egg that fell out of it while she was on the red carpet, which turned out to be her handbag.
It was like a fashion “Fuck You” without the actual “Fuck You.”
I hear she wore this shirt to the after party
I comprehended very little of what I just read… What’s going on?
Black Swan, summed up.
You scared.
Ok, so I scared, too.
Whatevs, that Save the Last Dance hiphop/ballet routine was SLAMMIN’.
Sure, by 2001 standards, but hip-hop ballet fusion has come a LONG way since then, though as Breakin’ and the Step Up series has taught us, it will probably be at least a generation until hip hop is considered a culturally acceptable dance form.
Let’s us also not forget the ground broken by 2004′s monster hit “You Got Served!”
I should not have clicked on the wiki “dance belt” article while at work.
it’s called an easter egg!!
Oh, is that what kids are calling it these days?
Yeah…. I read that whole thing about ‘Dance Belts’ on Wikipedia.
Thanks, STEPHEN K! My life is complete.
I will be sewing my arm back on and pulling my underwear up my butt TOUT SUITE!
That is obviously 4th position!
(I was thinking that too! yay for fellow ballet nerds!)
man, i knew i should have consulted someone for this!
also: i was going to make a gelsey kirkland “dancing on my grave” joke, but didn’t think anyone would get it.
I would have I would have! My best friend growing up is a ballerina and she dropped mad ballet knowledge on me (I too knew that was not first position, but wouldn’t have remembered which one it was). Dancing on my Grave was her favorite book for a while.
and yet, Baudrillard references: fair game.
Well plie-ed.
And thus ends the extent of my ballet knowledge. No further puns to be served.
I’m not sure I can be on board for this movie if there are no Center Stage references. I mean, respect your predecessors, amirite?
I am the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you?
I officially petition for “simulacrumming” to be Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year for 2010.
” With costumes done by Sister, Sister avant garde design wonder-duo Rodarte and starring Marc Jacobs muse Winona Ryder and style icon Natalie Portman as a prima ballerina with stage fright, Black Swan has set stylistas abuzz with a frenzy of teenage fashion bloggers re-posting the same promotional stills over and over in a Rond de Jerk of excitement that would have Jean Baudrillard himself simulacrumming into the circle.”
I will never, ever write a sentence as amazing as this, so I’m just going to stop trying.
I don’t know about you guys but I am NOT watching ANYTHING by the director of Requiem for a Dream.
“rond de jerk.”
i love you so much right now i don’t even.
“Sister, Sister avant garde design wonder-duo Rodarte”
Depositing this into my LOLk first thing tomorrow morning!
make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Balan-chic” might be the best ballet pun-joke thing of all time.