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Do you guys remember the original movie poster for the upcoming 50 Cent & Val Kilmer vehicle, Gun? It was terrible! It featured 50 Cent in front of a white background wearing a puffy vest and a watchcap, holding two guns crisscrossed against his chest. Get it? Guns! DING DONG, NAILED IT. The tagline on that poster was “One Gun. Many Lives Lost.” That is a terrible tagline! For one thing, right in the poster that we are looking at and reading that tagline, 50 Cent is holding TWO GUNS. Also: many lives lost? Oooh. It’s called suspense and drama, look it both up. And yet, somehow, against all odds, they have somehow managed to make an EVEN WORSE POSTER FOR THIS MOVIE. Guys, calm down! No one cares about Gun! You do not need to force your poster design department to pull all-nighters figuring out worse and worse poster concepts. “You know what the problem with the original poster was? The puffy vest. We should DEFINITELY get rid of the puffy vest. I’m still in love with 50 Cent holding two guns crisscrossed against his chest, that’s obviously brilliant. But what if he was doing that in a tank top instead of a puffy vest? Lava? Lava. Also: people want to see how many cheeseburgers Val Kilmer has been eating, so let’s make sure there’s some kind of visual cue that lets audiences know that there aren’t any cheeseburgers left in the world because Val Kilmer ate them all. Now, the tagline: how about something that just screams EXCITEMENT and ACTION. Something like “A city caught in the crossfire.” Shivers. I just got shivers. Anybody else getting shivers?” Total nonsense. It’s so weird that a low budget movie starring 50 Cent and Val Kilmer involves a seemingly endless string of bad decision making just kidding.
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Don’t they mean “A Fiddy Caught in the Crossfire”?
Intervention time, I think our friend Curtis is using steroids and I’m worry about him guys
What about THIS:
…and when does THAT movie finally come out on VHS…?
oh so THIS is the movie where he’s a cancer-having footballman?
ACTING!
STOP SHOWING ME THIS! I CAN’T SLEEP!
I disagree about Val Kilmer re: cheeseburgers. It’s impossible to eat burgers of any kind when you are clearly a Claymation being, intent on climbing the empire state building, or some such busy activity.
one of the things that was unrealistic about the peter jackson king kong movie was how the great ape slid around on the surface of the frozen lake in central park with out it cracking and yet later when he was attacking the audience in the theater the balcony fell apart under his weight. NOT REALISTIC.
plus the image of him gliding along the frozen surface of the lake wasn’t very beastly or masculine but awfully effeminate and emasculated. NOT MANLY.
If only there were two words that could sum this up.
Um…oh boy…oh wait…I know! Fabricated and homosexual! It’s FABRICATED and HOMOSEXUAL!
Flake and Clay?
The Amazing Adventures of Flake and Clay
Steak and Tray?
Blake and Clay?
Rake and Hay:
I dun goofed. My steak was supposed to be down here. Third in a series.
You are assuming that lakes in central park are made of water, and not solid mud and pond scum.
This film seems to have too much in common with MacGruber.
Not even MacGruber could diffuse this bomb.
(This is less clever in retrospect as MacGruber never seems to be able to diffuse any bomb. Carry on.)
MACGRUBER!
Why doesn’t Val Kilmer get “Iceman” in between his names…?
More like “Ice Cream Man.” Amirite?
I used to live in Gun. it was not a nice city. bad public transport, bad utilities… lots of crossfire.
I’m sorry, but as a Canadian, the fact that he is wearing a toonie around his neck is super distracting and hilarious.
With the exchange rate, is he now .507741 CAD Cent?
i guess the city in question is Edmonton?
The Canadian city with the highest crime rate is Saskatoon, so the Val Kilmer role should probably be played by Brent Butt.
#nowyouvemademehungrygum
We could use some hot lava in Edmonton right about now..
Damnit! I was literally right in the middle of photoshoping a toonie into that, making an “enhance” quip, and a joke along the lines of how they spent the poster budget on his necklace!
This looks like the album cover for 50′s new release on No Limit Records (slated for release January 11, 1997).
A whole city caught in the crossfire! That’s a lot of crossfire! (And all from one gun!)
This guy knows what you’re talking about:
Mans, I didn’t know I could love you/your comments anymore, and then you throw out a .jpg of SRV in a fairly obscure song reference. Stop it, I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU SO MANY (one per comment) UPVOTES!
In an effort to maximize their budget, the producers hired a middle school art class learning MS Paint to design the poster.
Unfortunately, based on the quality of their work, the school was forced to close by Court Order.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Dunno, I’m willing to give this film a shot.
Yeah, but I don’t expect it to blow me away.
Don’t expect me to barrel down to the theater on opening day.
to the head, no?
to the head, no?
ARGH, save a bullet for me…
My life revolves around it. I guess you could say my life is a revolver. Around it.
I don’t know. It really triggered a strong emotional reaction for me.
i dunno if i gun see it, but i ammo let you know
I sort of love that on videogum, a bad pun thread is automatic. I mean sure, they’re not all of the same caliber, but at least it’s never a bore.
I prefer when the puns go too far, a la principal skinner
you might say that we’ve shot this film down, and it’s in our stomach’s right now. oh wait, not that last one.
I don’t know guys, if I was in this city, I would probably be more worried about the lava, than about being caught in the crossfire of two dudes standing right next to each other.
Hey guys! Man it’s been a busy day, what’ve you all been up to toda- oh boy…
I’ll see myself out.
so it’s cold enough for val kilmer to wear gloves, but 50 cent is just going to go around in a tank top?
Well, 50 is waist-deep in lava, whereas VK is a disembodied torso adrift in the frigid void of outer space.
Wait, you can’t be a disembodied torso. Delegged torso? Lone torso? Torso? Coffee.
I always wanted this game for Christmas, but my miser parents always bought me fucking C.S. Lewis books instead. A friend got it, but we got so hyped up playing it that we detached the guns, and started firing ball bearings at each other execution style. Needless to say it all ended in tears, and I was banned from playing it at his house (I’m pretty sure he started it). I’m convinced if I had this game I would be a well rounded member of society, but I just looked for it and there’s only one on Amazon for $250. I’m certain could get a real gun for less than that.
It seems in your excitement you failed to heed the warning not to get caught up in the…crossFIRE!
no, wait, it’s all coming back now…the jingle actually asseverated that you would indeed get caught up in it…the crossfire, that is
The jingle should have asseverated that you would have got your ass served to you by ball bearings if you scored against me – I don’t care if it is your house, wait don’t tell on me, stop crying or we won’t be able to play anymore – IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
I got this game for christmas when I was little. it took me and my older brother all of one time playing it to lose most of the ball bearings. you were better off with Mousetrap, believe me.
Not when you get bought second hand Mousetrap and there are pieces missing. You play the crappy game, and when it gets to the exciting part, you have to imagine what it would have been like.
The boot never kicks the bucket,
The man never dives in the pool,
The mouse was never caught.
So it goes.
Am I the only one strangely annoyed at the uneven-ness of his guns? Why couldn’t they give him equally sized guns?!
Also, are we to conclude he is left-handed? Wouldn’t you put the more powerful weapon in your better hand? Or maybe you know you will not bulls-eye with your off-hand so you compensate by using bigger bulllets in that one, so when you hit off-center it’s just as hurty. But then why not upgrade your good hand too? Unless you were short on cash for guns. So, we can conclude 50′s character is impoverished. But then why not hollow points? Filing down regular bullets don’t cost nuthin’! If he’d bought two small guns he could afford lots more bullets to make into hollow points AND have better control. Hollow points would be your best practice, and he can get real close to use them, since Val Kilmer has mounted his expensive assassin’s scope in such a way that its view is blocked by the gun’s own built-in sight (and the sight is blocked by the scope). So, relax, 50! Val might as well be armed with a cheeseburger.
What’s with all the sparks? Is this set in a steel mill?
They do work hard. And play hard.
Am I the only one that likes it? Fiddy’s posture is just screaming “MEET ME SOMEWHERE, BITCH!!!”
He has a gun in both hands so it’s like he’s saying “I ain’t got time for sandwiches!”
MEET ME SOME OTHER FUCKING WHERE. GIMME AN ADDRESS.
The baby prank has escalated way out of proportion
!!! Kop! I commit no transgression!
Damn it,Val, you went to Julliard for fuck’s sake. What the hell are you doing?
It’s not like Val can be Batman forever.
I mean, hell, he couldn’t even pull off being Batman once.
And yes, I got your actual joke; I just also wanted to call attention to how terrible he was in that movie.
Oh man I don’t even care if they are considered terrible; I LOVE THE 80s/90s BATMANS, FOREVER!
Keep in mind he was a Real Genius in that one, y’know, The Real McCoy. Obviously he’s no Saint, though, because this movie At First Sight makes me want to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, put myself under my Tombstone, and be resurrected just so someone can Kill Me Again.
The Ten Commandments: the Musical
There’s a scene where Val simulates giving the gun a blow job.
Is Val Kilmer drooling on him or something? Why is only one half of his body dripping wet?
I also really like the asymmetrical stocking cap. It’s like “Is he a Muslim or a Sikh? What’s going on here? GUNS are going on here.”
Gun are going on here.
Imagine having to show up for your job one day and your boss says “Okay your job will be to lightly dab Curtis on his forearms with a moist sponge. If they start looking too dry, get in there and get them re-hydrated. We’re running a tight ship here.”
I read the next project Val Kilmer is attached to is pie.
Project Pie is one I can get behind. That put a really odd image in my head: pushing a giant cherry pie with Val Kilmer riding on the top of it. ‘Val, get off the pie, you’re slowing us all up!” “nooooo WHEEEEE!’
Actually, you’re wrong. This is a leaked poster for the sequel, Gun 3 with the tagline, 3 guns, 3 too many movies in this saga.
“Well, we can get rid of the vest if you want, but I insist that there must be SOMETHING on the poster that is puffy.”
Remember this Val Kilmer? What happened to him?