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“Could the Internet BE any more boring today?” — Bandler Ching
Boy oh boy, was it just me or was the Internet VERY boring today? It’s almost as if no one even cares about Trampoline Accidents when there is so much SHOPPING and WISHING to be done. Is anybody else having trouble sleeping at night because you’re just lying awake staring at the ceiling imagining all the presents sitting under the menorah?! Just kidding. I don’t do that. I’m an adult! All I want for Christmas is to pay my rent. But what do you guys want for Christmas? AND/OR what do you not want for Christmas? Good God I am bored! (Image via TheDailyWhat.)
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I want this lightsaber.
I want, werttrew to keep posting amazing gifs!
I want this lightsaber to cut the Christmas goose:
For Christmas, I’d like a caption contest.
Alternatively, I will accept a spot in the Monsters’ Ball.
Donna Darko on DVD.
Donna Darko.
I dunno. Maybe Donna Darko.
Donna Darko. (nailed it)
Speaking of female Darkos, S. Darko for the WMOAT!!
I’ll accept love in the form of upvotes, or birds and reptiles to eat, or Call of Duty.
I got 2! Praise Santa!
All I ask for is some good quality time with my monste— FAMILY! Quality time with FAMILY. [collar pull]
Seriously, you guys, we need to have Monster Holidays….I am up for hosting everyone for Thanksgiving next year, so who wants to volunteer to host Christmas?
We can take Arbor Day!
I’ll do Pancake Day! (That is just a day where if everyone comes over, I will make pancakes.)
I’ll be there! For all of them.
I will gladly eat your pancakes, hotspur! [no homo]
I would like to eat your pancakes as well, Hotspur (VERY HOMO!!!)
That’s a Tuesday, right?
Next year, you can all come to mine for the wedding of the Millennium (so far) with our royal Prince William and that woman who will soon be his Royal woman; FOUR DAY WEEKEND BRITISH PARTY STYLE GUYS!
Fish & chips, pork pies and dandelion & burdock all round!!!
can we have a hen party?!
http://www.infdaily.com/2010/06/katie-price-keeps-it-classy-at-bachelorette-party.html
I would totally have Christmas at my house. However, our house is the size of a postage stamp, so only three of you can attend. Also, I live in on a dirt road in Maine, so you’ll have to be skilled in the operation of a skidder in order to get to my house. I’m the perfect candidate for hosting ANYTHING, in other words.
I will take one of these:
I’ll have what she’s having.
That’s one handsome man.
Baby Friday, I will get you that, if you get me this
Spiderman pie.
Oh man… this took me way too long to get. My thought process:
Huh. Spiderman’s suit is red and Joan’s dress is red…. Pie is a really creepy euphemism for vagina which is where this gif leads to believe that I want to be… but Frank Lloyd Wrong has never posted a creepy sexual comme… oh yeah! GODDAMMIT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You’ve already got that, more or less. And by less, I mean less hooters.
Can I just say how confused and troubled I am by Christina Hendricks’ body? She is just proportionately UNFAIR.
Everyone knows ass has always been boobs biggest enemy.
I want this on my tombstone.
I’ll talk to Lawblog and see what he can do.
I am a stonemason?
I want them both. A Jon Hamm Christina Hendricks sandwich. #droooooooooool
I will take one of those also, plus one of these:
I’ll see you one of those and raise you a set of these:
Hope my Secret Santa is taking notes.
And God bless werttrew for sending me these gifs. They have made my life better.
I see your Newsies and I raise you a Ruddsie!
This is even cuter than surprised kitty!!
I will most defintely take a Paul Rudd. That is all.
For Christmas you want a good assassination?
You guys, I’m worried about Baby Friday.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Seriously, though. I’ll never understand the thing where someone says that an actor or actress is only attractive because they’re famous. #1) There’s no accounting for taste/beauty is in the eye of the beholder/etc. and #2) We are humans, we are hard-wired to think that popularity and/or fame are attractive.
For instance, people (mostly hater men) try to tell me Alan Rickman is not hot. These people are LYING. He’s hot to me, and my taste is the only one that matters to me.
Good point, me!
So I am driving home from work and listening to Dead Man’s Bones on my iPhone (Ryan Gosling’s band, DUH!) and I just so happen to get a Twitter notification from my sister wife telling me that someone is hating on my beloved Ryan! So I have to take the phone off the dock to read the Tweet, and the radio comes on and Katy Perry is on! AHHHHH!! So, Zach, you have ruined my day twice! HOW DARE YOU!
Now to get to the matter at hand:
First, off…Sounds like somebody is jealous! Second, that boy is hot! I would totally give him a second look if I saw him on the street and he wasn’t famous. However, he is a talented actor and musician and he seems like a charming guy, and oh yeah….HE’S SO SEXY!!!! I love him so, my message to you is:
(Sorry, I just have strong feelings about Ryan! OBVS)
Airheads gifs always win.
This gif wins on so many levels.
I refuse to believe that we as humans are hard-wired to think that popularity and/or fame is attractive. If that were true, I would think that every popular and/or famous person is attractive. I don’t really care if a person is popular and/or famous.
Whatever, I’m not going to argue neuroscience with you on a pop culture blog in an attempt to make a case for Ryan Gosling vs. Attractive.
I notice you don’t have anything to say about the subjectivity of attractiveness. After all, you probably have, at some point in your life, found someone attractive and another person disagreed with you, right? Does that mean that because you can’t agree that one of you is incorrect? No, it doesn’t. So thisismynightmare can continue right along enjoying Mr. Gosling’s face, regardless of how it makes you feel.
Would you settle for one of these:
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:JAcMZ-bV8fU-QM:http://metspolice.com/wp-
fail……..
it ws a funny pic of Pete Campbell
I give up today is not my day on for commenting.
“Never, never, never give up.” –Steve Winwood
I raise you one Caplan.
As a current student at the man’s alma mater, i’m probably the guy you need to talk to to arrange that.
I want your want.
On a serious note: I saw a blog entry the other day where a blogger had set up an Amazon search engine through her blog: http://althouse.blogspot.com/2010/11/hey-thanks-to-person-who-bought-shun.html
As I understand it, if you search and buy through that dealy, she (the blogger) gets a little fraction of the purchase! I know I order most of my gifts through Amazon, so maybe a link that like for Videogum? As a thank you from us to Videogum?
That would be awesome! I still have 50% of my gifts to buy, and I’d love to know I was sponsoring Monster fun!
“Who the hell is buying all of these VHS tapes of ‘Unsolved Mysteries’?” –Gabe.
I order most of MY gifts from Amazon too.
And by gifts, I mean comic book omnibuses and graphic novels for myself. Though if you REALLY want some sweet kickbacks, get an eBay search box, cause, ACTION FIGURES!
#nerdgum
Yay for reading Ann Althouse! My nicest law school grader to date, and she dresses like an eccentric aunt!
It was Black Friday, then Cyber Monday- can’t we name today, to fill the void in our lives…? Love Actually Tuesday…?
How about “Thought About Calling in Tuesday”? Because I’m guessing that’s what most people were doing.
But then where does it end? Eventually we become like the Catholic Church, but with shopping terms instead of saints.
What’s wrong with that? 2012 is soon
True. Only 396 shopping days left until the end of the world.
I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock!
I hope my Secret Santa Monster wishes for the GREATEST GIFT EVER because that is what my Secret Santa Monster is getting.
All I want for X-Mas is for Gabe to review “Alpha Dogs” for THFTWMOAT.
My wish is for world pea…ah fuck it. I want an iPad!
Seconded. Motion carried.
More like Call of Doodie.
You nailed it, bravo.
All I want for christmas is to be able to
PARTY, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I want for Christmas is a DECENT Adult Reusable Diaper; I could only give the Comfort Concept’s a Three star review, due it being a Cotton/Poly mix.
To be Home Down South.
With regard to the posted request, I found the Amazon reviewer’s complaint to be poignant.
“This was my first venture into All-in-One diapers and it will be the last time I consider cloth adult diapers. . . . Given the positions of the snaps, the fit ranges from way-too-loose on the first set to you’ve-got-to-be kidding me tight on the second set.”
All these problems and still three stars? The generosity and openness of the human spirit burns bright.
Yay for Southern Monsters! Where do you hail from?
Baby Friday, if I didn’t already know you were a Southern Monster, the “where do you hail from” would give it away.
I am the Southernest.
I second this emotion. It’s always nice to a “y’all” around here.
Argh… I seem to have left out a “see” above.
I didn’t know you are a Southern monster, kittensmash! What part?
From Fern Creek, Kentucky–the next holler over. You’re from the South too? Are we kin?
Maybe I saw you at a Sunspring show.
There WAS once a time when my fingers got stuck in a revolving door.
I’m from Spartanburg, South Carolina. We might be cuzzins though.
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE WITH YOUR FOLKSY TALK! SO QUAINT!
You guys are nice. Monsters be nice. “Always be niceing” — Monsters.
I’m making cheese grits for EVERYONE!
Teacherman: you guys? What are you, from Jersey? Get it together.
Just in case we are cousins, here’s a gif(t) for you.
Hey! My sister goes to college in Spartanburg!
I’d like some of these, please:
Thank you!
I’d like to eat those without regretting it in January when I’m trying to wear my skinny jeans…
#hipstergum
Oh wait…
Is there a boston creme pie in there? If so, I’d like a boston creme pie. If there’s no boston creme pie I guess I’ll accept any of the others, but all I’m really trying to say is I love my favorite donut flavors when they’re festive. It’s true though. Dunkin’ Donuts every morning during my favorite holidays is tricky, yet dangerous?
I’m a simple man with simple needs, and I want this
You’ll have to fight Winwood for it.
And they say Winwood’s small penis grew three sizes that day!
I don’t know if it’s due to the high levels of Winwood today, but I literally can’t stop laughing at this.
I tried ta similar joke in the Matt Lauer post earlier today, but Winwood is a much better target. My hat goes off to you, good sir.
When i read this, apple cidar shot out my nose. Now I’m laughing and also in horrible pain. Well done, sir.
Holiday drink for a holiday topic! Good on ya.
LITUV
(logged in to upvote – ALL the cool kids abbreviate these days.)
I’m cracking up in response to this and in response to people’s response to this. Endless circle of hilarity.
I read somewhere A-Rod gave her herpes.
A Husqvarna chainsaw, a bag of lime, some 10 gallon garbage bags, and my upstairs neighbor — who decided it would be a good idea to play Owl City’s ‘Fireflies” SEVEN TIMES very loudly at FOUR A.M this morning — to accidentally leave their apartment door open.
No jury would convict you.
The woodchipper from Fargo would do the trick pretty handily
My senior year of college, I lived in a suite with two roommates. There were two rooms, a kitchenette and our own bathroom.
We were on the first floor of the dorm, and the only other room was right next to ours, backing up to our bathroom. There was an air vent in there that basically give direct communication between their room and our bathroom.
One day, after my early class, I came back to the suite and took a shower. My bad fortune would be that while I was in the bathroom, the doorknob broke and I was locked in. My further bad fortune was this was the day that our next door neighbors loaded their six disc changer up with Dave Matthews Band live CDs and went to class with it playing, loudly.
I sat for hours, alone in a bathroom in my boxer shorts, listening to endless jamming with nothing to even read. It was essentially “No Exit” but with fewer girls.
I went mad that day. Just a little.
For revenge, some nights, really late, I would go into the bathroom, stand on the toilet, and to my roommates’ glee, give rousing Churchill-style orations about winning the Big War in a terrible 1940′s British accent.
Will you be my suitemate?
Oh you are too cool. My roommate comes home everyday and plays the same playlist of early 2000′s popular rock, about 4 or 5 songs and whistles along with it. I’ve been here about two months now.
Mans, that exact same thing happened to me this summer. Only the three girls I lived with were high out of their minds watching “Forrest Gump” in the other room, dissecting every moment that was “soooo true” and “sooo sweet”. I sat, endlessly knocking, listening to the girls’ stoned philosophy on film. Torturous.
I should also mention that this happened the morning after one of their friends stole my laptop (and years of work with it) during a party they threw when I wasn’t home. INSULT TO INJURY.
No wonder you’re disgruntled. That sounds like just about the worst day ever.
that happened to me as well, except I was sleeping over my friends house in 5th grade. We played Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey until he fell asleep, and his sister had fallen asleep in the next room with Backstreet Boys’ album Millenium on repeat. Needless to say I didn’t sleep that night and now involuntarily scream every time I hear the song “Larger Than Life,” because that was my indication that after the album had finally reached the final track, it was starting up again.
Hey Gabe some of us don’t celebrate Christmas! (Nevermind Hanukkah is no fun)
Always seemed like a good holiday for pyromaniacs.
Fourth of July is our Christmas
All I’m asking for this year is an end to the War on Christmas. It’s gone on far too long, guys.
Did the Secret Santa stuff get set up already? I sent an email expressing my interest in participating but I did not receive an elf invite or whatever I’m supposed to be expecting. I am a new monster, but I was looking forward to participating!
Damnit, I’ve been working too much lately and neglecting VG business. I’ll add my voice to say that if there is a secret santa thing, I would be a happy participant. If it’s too late, no harm. I wish awesome gifts upon all monsters.
You guys, we already drew names! I am so sorry! It would have been fun to have you guys participate!
I want nothing more than the joy of opening a ton of fucking expensive presents.
Tons of fucking sequins?
WITH TAGS.
As a Jew who loves Christmas songs all I have this time of year is confusion
As a Christian who loves Jewish songs all I have this time of year are violent arguments while caroling.
“NO MORE DAYEYNU GODDAMN IT”
Today wasn’t boring, because Birdie’s Twitter feed made NYMag’s Approval Matrix!
(She is very brilliant and relatively low-brow)
http://nymag.com/arts/all/approvalmatrix/69774/
I’m glad that Ralph Nader’s book and condoms got a graphic but there is no picture of Birdie.
For Christmas (and birthday… and future graduation) I already got a trip to England this summer with my parents. What I really want is for them to uphold this deal and get me nothing else. Last year my mom gave me a huge poster with cartoon cats on it. I kept it as a joke to prove to my friends how clueless my parents are.
My mom attributes everything I want to buy from September-December to my Hannukah gifts.
“I will pay for those books, but you have to wait till Hannukah.”
“UGHHHH MOOOMMMMM WHYYYYYYYY UGHHHHH”
I need some loppers and a car charger for my iPhone, also the complete series of the Wire, who’s feeling generous?
I want a red wig, some lawn darts, the complete works of Celine Dion, seven stuffed penguins and an entire drum of Smucker’s Goober Grape…… it’s for research.
I hope you mean penguin plushes and not taxidermied penguins
Potato, potahto…
All I want, Christmas or otherwise, is a round trip ticket to Austin…
it’s because of the monster karaoke party, right?
I have a question: Can we send suggestions to Gabe? I always see (thanks for the tip Mary), or others of the like, on the bottom of some of his posts. If so, I just thought this was pretty funny:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid35214809001?bctid=692352692001
Moral of the story: “Life is not a sandwich”
Oh and I should probably mention that I found this on CNET. Wouldn’t want to pull a Jay Leno/thatcomedianthatstolePattonOswalt’sjokes (I’m ashamed of myself for not remembering the reference and subsequently of my lack of commitment to sparkleVIDEOGUMmotion)
http://videogum.com/about/
there you go
also this intrigued me
All I want for Christmas is an invitation to the Monster’s Ball… A PS3 would also be acceptable.
For Christmas, I would like to be excused from the wicked awkward Secret Santa where I work. One year my Santa just asked me what she could get for me (thereby blowing her cover) and I said, “Uh, the new Wilco CD?” and then later she was angry at me: “I went to four stores before I found it. It took forever.” Another year the boss made us write down 5 things we wanted so I listed some cheapo DVDs, so naturally my Santa got me a gift card for a downloadable audio book. Another year I drew a high-level honcho in the Secret Santa and let me say, giving her a gift was a weird level of pressure. I guess I want a little less Christmas!
I love Christmas, though. Christmas is the best. Eat it, Other Holidays! (Except Halloween. You can stay.)
That sucks for you but it makes for a funny post. Monsters win (we always do).
My Christmas wish is for someone to come and clean my apartment for me. Because apparently my brain thinks spending two days in my pjs on the internet is more productive. Being unemployed is awesome y’all.
Or Sherlock on DVD. That would be great too.
I had a Thanksgiving dinner’s worth of dishes in my sink that I was intending to do on my day off on Sunday but instead I laid around in bed all day smoking pot and playing Final Fantasy Tactics on my Gameboy. For a minute I was disappointed in myself, but then I realized that playing FF and smoking pot is a way better way to spend a day off than doing dishes.
. . .are we living the same life? are we twins separated at birth?
Did you also take a break from playing Final Fantasy to eat Taco Bell, drink alcoholic pear cider and watch an episode of Angel? If so, then yes.
I want A’s for christmas.
Clearly I will get them because I am spending my study time on here saying that I want A’s for christmas but will not get them because I am on here saying that I want them (holy shit you guys I’m stuck in a fractal)
If I was a teacher I would give you an A, hell I would give all my students A, this is why I did not pursue education as a career path
Oh, Amazon’s Frequently Bought Together, how you tease.
I actually bought a vibrator and Buffy Season 8 from Amazon together recently, and I paused before clicking through. I was worried that my purchase would whir away into their computational matrix and somewhere down the line someone buying “Once More With Feeling” would get a terribly insulting Recommendation.
I guess what I’m saying is what I’d like for Christmas is someone to bang, or at least more comic books.
BTVS RELATED UPVOTES FOR YOU!
I want a joooooob for Christmas. A real one this year, not “part-time” or “contractual” or any of those lies.
Barring that, I would like a OnePiece. If tall, good-looking, athletic Norwegians are wearing them, then why not a smallish, shortish, unemployed Californian? WHY NOT?
My favorite part is her little penis.
twems
(eddie murphy)
Speaking as another smallish, shortish, unemployed Californian who wants a OnePiece – STRENGTH IN NUMBERS
I just got a OnePiece for my birthday and it’s absolute fucking heaven. I’m wearing it right now, I wore it out to the store yesterday, and I am seriously considering wearing it to the office tomorrow, which might be awkward because I’ll be giving rapid-HIV tests to teens all day. OnePiece forever (and good luck with the job hunt)!
I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU RIGHT NOW. And I bet those teens will feel much more comfortable getting an HIV test from someone in adorable hooded pajamas than someone in whatever regular clothes. Basically it’s public service, wearing it.
Murphy Brown seasons 2-10 on dvd. It’ll never happen
I am really afraid someone is going to buy me a kindle/e reader for Christmas. It makes sense; I love to read, I am technologically “with-it”, they’re trendy. And it would be a moderately expensive gift so I would have to pretend to love it.
But I hate those things so much.
/usingvideogumasmydiary
I have this same fear. I have already decided if I get one, I will use it to read all the free public domain books that I sometimes wish I had read like a good student in school, like Great Expectations and Return of the Native and so on.
i got it for christmas last year and it is my MOST prized possession.
Well, it is the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment. #bookgum
For Christmas, I would like a Videogum convention, held in a location equidistant from where each of us live. I don’t think that’s too much too ask.
MonsterCon 2011, in other words.