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Um. So. Videogum reader (and former programmer) Jim sent in a link to a Tumblr posting that reads the following:
In 2005, David Arquette had a passion project that he (inexplicably) made into a Fox pilot called Dirt Squirrel, where he starred as a Squirrel-man hybrid crime fighter (only sort of, though), and it was completely insane. It didn’t get picked up because it made absolutely no sense and was unfunny in every way, unless you count ironically. Here is the precursor to that pilot, a short presentation mixing live action with animation that contains almost no jokes.
Sure. Normal enough. David Arquette’s passion project DIRT SQUIRREL. Why not? Jim did some more digging and found the official Dirt Squirrel IMDB page and also a press release that includes this pretty hilarious description of the origins of Dirt Squirrel:
Dirt Squirrel, written by Arquette and Ben Joseph, was inspired by a game that Arquette used to play as a boy with his father called “Animal Transformation,”‘ in which participants take on the characteristics of a particular animal but maintain their human form and act out scenarios in random settings like a bus station.
Haha. I don’t think “bus station” is that random of a setting. I’m pretty sure bus station is literally the PERFECT PLACE to play “Animal Transformation” with your dad. I would have loved to have been in the development meeting where David Arquette explained the very weird game that he used to play with his father and how that is where he got the brainstorm for the new hit show: Dirt Squirrel.
All of this is very amusing until you see an actual clip. Then, ah-not-ah-so-much:
“If at all possible, I’d love to just get the green light from you guys based on a verbal pitch. Obviously, I’ll definitely shoot a pilot that will knock your socks off, but if we can just get things into production as quickly as possible, I’ve already told you about “Animal Transformation,” and as I mentioned, the titular character Dirt Squirrel WILL be joined by two teenagers in his battles against cartoons, so as you can see, the timing is absolutely perfect and we have to strike while the iron is HUH?”
WHAT IS THIS?!
David Arquette should seriously take some of his Scream 2 money and get the wing of a hospital named after him, and then he should CHECK HIMSELF INTO THAT HOSPITAL. This is nuts. HAHA GET IT? Let me know if you get it.
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That guy is nuts.
You caught me. I pulled a Winwood and didn’t read all the way to the end where Gabe makes the same joke only better.
FML.
MLIVG.
FVG?
“pulled a winwood”
I really don’t appreciate that, friend. We have all had our off days and to try to make a “meme” out of someone making an honest mistake is about as vile as, say, constantly reminding a certain blogger that he once photo-shopped sad don draper in the background of a heartbreaking photo of a vietnamese girl burned alive by american bombs as if that’s funny. Don’t troll, bro.
Sorry, Steve.
Am I really your friend?
Gabe, I’m still not sure I get your joke, but it seems that cakeordeath maybe is one person that gets your joke. so, at LEAST one person gets your joke Gabe.
????????????????????????
It seems it’s actually D.I.R.T. Squirrel. What could it stand for????
Dis Is Really Terrible
Iz u relly a dirt skwerl?
David Is Really Trying
David Is Really Terrible
credit: Ian, Topknot
David Isn’t Rabies Tested
Drug Intervention Requested Today
Directly Insert Rectal Thermometer (gross sorry)
I played “animal transformation” with someone in a bus station once, but it wasn’t anything like that clip and when we were done the guy gave me $20 and told me to keep my mouth shut.
And yet here you are on the internet blabbing to everybody! Back in my day when someone played animal transformation on you in a bus station, you took your $20 and then maybe wrote a troll-themed musical or squirrel-themed cartoon about it, like an adult.
“Groundbreaking and brilliant.”
- Crispin Glover
Iz u relly a skwirel?
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!!! Sorry, Ian.
my first thought when i read “animal transformation” was “night crawlers!” anyone else?
Dennis: “it’s when they crawl around on the ground and act like worms.”
Charlie: “I never said that.”
Frank: “Well, that’s what it is.”
You know what would make Nightcrawlers better? Use blankets as the dirt!
Someone say Nightcrawler?
*BAMF*
snikt!
this is based on a game where “human participants take on the particular characteristics of an animal but maintain their human form.” so you just mean, it’s based on the concept of pretending to be an animal (while not actually being able to become an animal which is impossible). which every child, ever, has done. great “game.”
His father also invented cutting the crusts off of PB&J. That is where the Arquette Dynasty’s fortune came from originally.
Yes! That was also my favorite part! Thank you, IMDB description, for specifying that Mister and Master Arquette were not ANIMORPHS. Otherwise I would have gotten confused, and that would have been soooo embarrassing.
Everything’s different in the world of me!
If he wasn’t so into “dirt squirrels” he wouldn’t be getting a divorce right now.
totally nailed it!
You just really understand me, kelburrows.
Nice try, David. Better luck next time.
And after:
How was more than one person involved in making this? I can see one crazy person setting up a camera in their basement and letting their crazy out in the form of Dirt Squirrel, but how do other people decide, “Yes, this is a perfectly good idea and will do wonders for my acting career”?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_hysteria
“…dirt and squirrels, living together…”
I lasted longer watching the Juggalo video. I couldn’t even make it to 1:00.
In addition to Dirt Squirre,l I think David Arquette IS real life Charlie Kelly.
I look forward to the DIRT Squirrel musical.
I refuse to believe that he was unable to fully transform into a squirrel as a child. God knows I spent most of my time literally on Eternia palling around with Orko and Man-At-Arms.
I never knew you were my long-lost twin brother!
I feel like I’m being set up for the I’m Still Here sequel.
Is there such a thing as a “thought jinx”?
At first my mind read that as I’m Not There, so I was thinking of Bob Dylan as played by a Dirt Squirrel.
On the other hand, producing and directing this pilot was incredibly formative for the life and career of Tim Heidecker
Must. Get. This. OUT OF MY HEAD.
Ahh there we go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqltIamw_CQ
PLAGERIST WIFE!!!
And I thought I knew too much about their marital woes before…
HOLY SHIT LITTLE GIRL, GET OUT OF THERE. RUN AWAY FROM THE STRANGE MAN
- me at 2:52
Squirrels, as I’ve learned, live in perpetual chambers of immediate and distracting reverb.
Paul Reubens was in this? What the crap? Was he playing the little girl?
“…and act out scenarios* in random settings like a bus station.”
*e.g., scavenging for food and refuse while waiting for Dad, who is in the bathroom for a really long time; keeping a look out for bad guys while Dad is in the bathroom for a really long time, like forever; looking for Dad, who has apparently been kidnapped by bad guys and has definitely not left on the 5:30 bus to Philly and forgotten he was looking after you for the weekend.
I have to comment just to have my avatar represented.
(oh, and doesn’t David Arquette remind you of the acquaintance who wants to show you the hilarious video he and his friends made and you have to sit through Dirt Squirrel)
This blog post reminds me of my good friend Mike Snow who once sang, “I change shapes but I’m still I’m still an animal something something still an animal” etc. See videogum’s sister site stereogum for more information.
Are you guys actually friends? That’s very cool, good for your friend getting indie famous
Two words: Michael Bolton.
I always pronounce your friend’s name Miiiiiiiiiiiiiike Snow.
Oh, that’s “Colin Reynolds, Shapeshifter” from ‘High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman’, by the way…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5twcyp1mNbw
Why are they suddenly in the backyard now?!
WHY?!
My favorite part was the last 58 seconds.
Is this a ploy to get us to watch more than the first 58 seconds? If so, not working!! That was all I could take.
I find the intended audience unclear to the extreme.
This kind of reminds me of Zoobilee Zoo, did anyone else watch that? I wasn’t allowed to watch Care Bears or The Smurfs or Rainbow Brite because they had magic and magic is a gateway to satanism or something, but I was allowed to watch this nonsense
Oh yeah….. This shit was on at like 6 AM ’round my parts and I would get up well before I had to (BEFORE I HAD TO!!!!) to watch before school. I was 7 and Zoobilee Zoo was awesome.
Yoy! I really thought Isabella Rosselini’s pet project would be the weirdest dream I’d ever see fulfilled. I really wish it had been. (Green Porno is here http://www.sundancechannel.com/greenporno/)
I would totally watch this. and no, I don’t smoke marijuana.
Given the first sentence, there is no way that anyone will ever believe the second sentence.
I am so high right now and still totally do not get this.
Beyond all of it–the incredibly poor production values, the total lack of narrative cohesion, and even the tainting of innocent children–the thing that maybe disturbs me most about this video are the contact’s he’s wearing. His pupils are fucking huge!
All I could think watching that is, this guy is an adult parent of a human child??
#oldgum
This doesn’t bode well for my character “Filth Chipmunk”. Back to the drawing board.
I scrolled down to read some comments and when I scrolled back up a “D.S Dance Party” had broken out.
“Your move, Dan Deacon”
- David Arquette, 2005